April-June Secrets!

“I injured my foot 2 years ago which eventually caused a knee injury that hasn’t gone away. I’ve seen several doctors and tried physical therapy. Nothing seems to work. I’m falling more and more into a deep depression. Exercising helped me combat my depression and anxiety for years. It’s always been my shield. But now, I can’t to run or do anything aerobic without being pain. I just got laid off, physical ailments, and a dramatic experience with an ex. This year hasn’t produced anything positive thus far. I haven’t felt this low in a long time. My mind is going into dark places.”

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“I’ve accomplished a lot in life, but I don’t think I’ll ever beat my scalp picking addiction.”

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“I think most people who say they’re my friends just feel sorry for me because they think I’m weird.”

January-March Secrets!

Editor’s note:

I’m sorry it has taken me so long to post these (they were submitted in January and February)! I don’t have a good excuse, I’ve just been a little overwhelmed for the past few months for a few reasons and got behind. But as always, I have no intentions of abandoning TerpSecret. As long as one person in the world has a secret to share, I’ll be here.

Also, both of these make me wish I could respond to the people who submitted them. As crazy as my life gets sometimes, I always want to help people who reach out to me. If you don’t have a secret but need advice, I’m here to help.

❤ Sarah

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“My ex-girlfriend and I broke up, but we decided to have sex one last time and my condom broke. I didn’t cum and she took plan B. She began bleeding a week later which is 2 weeks before her normal period. I’ve been freaking out every day and have had extreme anxiety. I tried to be there for her, but she abruptly stopped talking to me and won’t return any of my calls.

After this experience, I have come to the conclusion that I never want to have sex again or ever involve myself in a relationship. There is way too much pain and stress associated with it.”

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“Every once in a while I’ll do this thing, where I lay in bed all day pretending I’m dead just to see if anyone would notice if I killed myself overnight. I’ve come to the conclusion that my body would have to start to smell before anyone even tried knocking on my door. The longest time was 42 hours. Two days I laid in bed and didn’t make a single sound, didn’t eat or watch TV. Nobody even texted to see where I was. I stayed away from home to see how long it would take someone to notice I was gone. Two weeks until someone tried to get a hold of me. If I died, it would take my family days to realize it.”

May Secrets!

We all have secrets, so unleash yours.

“I have an eating disorder. I thought I was over it, I used to be bulimic to the point that I’d be nauseous if I ate, and then it transformed to Anorexia when it came to much to handle. My friend had me start smoking weed, it made me hungry and not give a fuck. I’ve been smoking since I was 16, and I thought I was over my disorder. The past few days I have not smoked, I can not eat and when I try to I feel like I’m going to throw up until I finally just made myself. I realize today that I never got over it, I masked the symptoms, but I never got to the root of the issue. The real problem is I hate myself.”

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“I drink at work. On the job. My coffee always has Jamison. My coke always has rum. And the saddest part, is I’m so functional no one notices.”

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“I never feel like I’m good enough in anything I do. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t try so I have an excuse afterwards. It makes me settle and I am tired of settling, but I’m stuck with this habit of self-sabotage.”

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“I keep myself awake at night envisioning what it would be like to get in fights with people I don’t like.”

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“I resent my parents for not doing things right the first time. They love me and I love them, but they screwed up my life.”

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“I have an eating disorder.
Finally realizing this after the third doctor has told me to see someone.
I fight it though sometimes I find myself having gone a day or two having eaten nothing but a cup of coffee I don’t need help.
I’ve figured it out so far and I’m working on it.
I can be strong.
sometimes…”

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“I hate the way I act when I drink because I know everyone else hates it to, so when my friends ask me to go out I make excuses just to avoid being talked about behind my back.”

April Secrets!

“Anyone ever get the feeling of:

‘Hey mom and dad I wanna do these great things!’
-me

‘Well that’s great, we support you. But you shouldnt do that, you should do this.’
-parents

Apparently I can’t live my dreams, I have to live the dreams they want me to dream. I also think it’s horse-shit.

#forevertheblacksheep”

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“I pretend that I love what I’m doing but I really just do it all to prove a point.”

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“My biological dad pretty much made it apparent that he didn’t think I would amount to anything and was a complete failure because I smoked weed. (Which is only because he smokes weed and never did anything). He kicked me out a longtime ago, and he doesn’t even know this but I’m in college again. I’m an anthropology major. I plan to get my masters. I have STRAIGHT A’S. And before every test I get as high as possible. In 3 out of 4 of my classes I have the best grade. Am I a failure still, daddy?”

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“I don’t greet people first because I don’t want to exist.”

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“After three months of applying and getting rejected, I finally got a job offer. Now, I don’t feel like I deserve it.”

March Secrets!

“I might take a job on the other side of the country just to be close to a girl I’m falling in love with. Oh, and she has a boyfriend. Am I being stupid?”

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“I’m pretty sure all of my friends actually hate me.”

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“I think I’m borderline eating disorder, but I don’t know I could ever admit that to anyone I care about.”

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“I’ve been home for over 24 hours and my family just noticed I was here. And then when they noticed they asked me why I was even there in the first place. Last I checked I lived here too.”

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“My bf gets weird whenever I mention my rehab visit. It was way before we even met, and he’s never even met the drug addict me. But still he gets all quiet. I AM NOT ASHAMED THAT I SOUGHT HELP FOR MY PROBLEM.”

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“My two roommates are so immature. But I don’t mean silly or goofy, I mean the way they handle situations and what their life goals are is so below their age, it’s ridiculous. As much as I love being friends with them, they’re hard to put up with. I feel like they think I’m not fun or interesting, but I think I’m just acting my age.”

October Secrets!

“I’ve read just about all the secrets since they first came out. I’ve seen some interesting admissions. I don’t really care to judge cause quite frankly I’m sick of being judged by people too. I just want to be friends with you all. Have a nice day.”

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“I feel like all of my relationships I have with people are toxic. Full of either really great times or really awful times. Nothing in the middle. I think it’s time for a change, the only question is will I be able to let go?”

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Ever since I hit 21 everyone seems to have forgotten that I had bulimia and now everyone chalks up my eating habits and throwing up to being hungover all the time. Now everyone just thinks I’m an alcoholic, which is much more acceptable apparently.”

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“I messed everything up. Almost 4 years has passed.  But I can’t let you go in my heart, my mind.  I miss you more every day even though I talk to you every day. But you have moved on & I pretend I am ok with it.  But it hurts & I cry a little bit every day hoping eventually the pain will subside & no more tears will fall.

I love you and Im sorry.”

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“As much as I hate you, I still think about you and wonder what things would be like if we were still together.”

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“Sometimes, I secretly wish while I’m driving that I’ll get in an accident just to see who actually comes to visit me at the hospital.”

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“I cheated on you and I’ve never forgiven myself for that. I broke up with you because I couldn’t stand the guilt, and I still can’t. It’s been three years, and I still wonder if we would still be together if I hadn’t fucked it all up.”

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“I keep telling everyone that I’m better, but I contemplate suicide all the time.”

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“I miss the guy of my dreams <3”

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“I move a lot from state to state unfortunately and recently I moved away from someone I really care about and now I can’t stop thinking about her. Every night I have nightmares of her dyeing and it being my fault. It’s overwhelming and I don’t want to tell her because I’m scared she will forget our promise.”

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“I cancelled a meeting today so I could tan on the mall. I probably should feel bad, but I really don’t!”

August Secrets!

“I am a female.

I have a significant other.

We have sex often… most people think too often.

He doesn’t know that I run a sex blog on tumblr… I feel guilty, but I need somewhere for me to be me without judgment. I do not think he would judge me poorly… but I don’t want him to get upset with anonymous submissions I receive from other guys… and girls too. I don’t enjoy the random submissions, but its nice to know that people out there are comfortable with their bodies and willing to share it with the rest of the world… also that they are just as guilty as me for looking at the scandalous photos I reblog. I wouldn’t ever post photos of myself. I couldn’t do that to my boyfriend… but I still like to run the blog. It’s ok in my eyes to be a little naughty behind closed doors.”

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“If you consider me your own daughter, why don’t you treat me like one of your REAL kids? Even your wife has pointed out that I don’t get the same ‘preferential’ treatment. Your kids get cars paid for them, I’m told I have to pay for it myself. You can pay for my sister’s apartment, but you talk to me about how much you want to charge me for living in you basement? When do I get to be your daughter, dad? When did you decide I wasn’t?”

July Secrets!

“All I can say is I was just trying to keep the peace. And all you wanted to do was blame me for everything instead of actually confronting the right people about how you felt. And now here we are… with you telling me we can no longer be friends because I was trying to include you. So now I am here… feeling hurt and confused.”

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“Dear Mom,

I hate you. I know we are like “BFF’s 4-Eva” or whatever you want to call it, but I think you are the most immature and selfish middle-aged woman I have ever met. You weren’t supposed to be my friend, you were supposed to be my mother. Now that I’m in my 20s you want to try to have a say in what I do? You want to talk to me about how “you’re my mother and you worry”? You think I believe that you’re on the straight and narrow now? You’re a horrible liar, you always have been, but I’m not. That’s why I can smile and laugh when I see your face. That’s why I can tell you I love you. But I’ll lie till the day you die, make you feel like you have that daughter you always thought you had. But sorry mom, you killed that girl a long time ago.”

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“I’ve tried to kill myself multiple times. It kills me that my family doesn’t know. It kills me that my sorority sisters don’t know. But probably more than anything, it kills me that of the couple of people that know, only one is someone who hasn’t broken my heart.”

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“I know I harp on this subject every year, but 7 years ago today, I sliced my Achilles tendon on my right ankle- straight up in 2. Cast for 2 months, walking boot for 1, physical therapy for 3, and I still occasionally/rarely walk funny because of it (mini limp/gimp). It just makes me wonder what I could have done in life if it weren’t for that major setback. Truly thankful for the small things in life.”

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“I really like the way things are going between us, you seem to be perfect and your so sweet. However, when you finally hear my story, my history….I doubt you’ll stick around.”

Stay strong, Terps.

University of Maryland community,

The news of a murder-suicide in our home away from home between our own peers really shocked us all this morning; at least, I know it shocked me. Today is the day to come together as a student body to support those affected by this tragedy. Keep the victims and their loved ones in your thoughts and prayers.

President Wallace Loh released a statement this morning, which included the following:

“During times of loss, community and support are essential components for understanding and healing.  I ask that the entire University of Maryland family come together during this time of grief.  On campus, our places of worship and the Counseling Center are open for those who need support and comfort.  Ours is a university of great resolve.  Together, we will emerge from our collective sadness.”

The Help Center opened early today at 12:30 p.m. and will remain open until 2 a.m. Tomorrow, the office will be open from 9 a.m. to 2 a.m.

UMD Help Center Contact: 301-314-4357

Don’t hesitate to seek help and support if you need it — whether it be from the university or simply from your friends and family; and as always, I’m here if you need me.

With the tenacity that this university has, I know we can get through this.

Stay strong, Terps.

Love, Sarah.