relationships

January-March Secrets!

Editor’s note:

I’m sorry it has taken me so long to post these (they were submitted in January and February)! I don’t have a good excuse, I’ve just been a little overwhelmed for the past few months for a few reasons and got behind. But as always, I have no intentions of abandoning TerpSecret. As long as one person in the world has a secret to share, I’ll be here.

Also, both of these make me wish I could respond to the people who submitted them. As crazy as my life gets sometimes, I always want to help people who reach out to me. If you don’t have a secret but need advice, I’m here to help.

❤ Sarah


“My ex-girlfriend and I broke up, but we decided to have sex one last time and my condom broke. I didn’t cum and she took plan B. She began bleeding a week later which is 2 weeks before her normal period. I’ve been freaking out every day and have had extreme anxiety. I tried to be there for her, but she abruptly stopped talking to me and won’t return any of my calls.

After this experience, I have come to the conclusion that I never want to have sex again or ever involve myself in a relationship. There is way too much pain and stress associated with it.”


“Every once in a while I’ll do this thing, where I lay in bed all day pretending I’m dead just to see if anyone would notice if I killed myself overnight. I’ve come to the conclusion that my body would have to start to smell before anyone even tried knocking on my door. The longest time was 42 hours. Two days I laid in bed and didn’t make a single sound, didn’t eat or watch TV. Nobody even texted to see where I was. I stayed away from home to see how long it would take someone to notice I was gone. Two weeks until someone tried to get a hold of me. If I died, it would take my family days to realize it.”

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December Secrets!

“I make up excuses to get out of things all the time, and I feel terrible about it. I’m trying to stop, but I’m a perpetual liar and it’s been so difficult for me to break the habit. I don’t know how to help myself get past this.”

——-

“We both know I’ve had more experience than you sexually. Me being the girlfriend, I know that probably bugs you. I wish I could tell you that when you and I are together intimately it’s the only time I’ve ever felt that loved, that appreciated. You just look at me like … I’m the only one you’d ever want to be with, and nobody had ever looked at me like that.”

——-

“My friend is completely settling.  She’s afraid of being alone so she settled with someone she didn’t think would hurt her.  He is definitely below her league.  She could do so much better.  Deep down I don’t think she’s really happy.  I just don’t have the heart to tell her what everyone is thinking.”

——-

“I gave a guy head for money before. I was a drug addict and single at the time. Now I’m clean and dating the man of my dreams and life is going so well. I’m just afraid you are going to realize I used to be a whore and leave me.”

November Secrets!

“‘I’m slowly losing my friends. I don’t have time to be there for them even though they are always there for me. I don’t deserve them. I’m pushing them away and I hate it. Some days I just want to quit all my extracurriculars so I can be normal and have friends but I can’t ever bring myself to because I don’t want to be a quitter.’

I know this is an old secret but I know who wrote this one. It’s been almost 2 years since she sent this secret in. And nothing is any different. She used to be my best friend, but now she’s pushing me away and I feel like I don’t even know her anymore.I’m going through a really hard time right now and she doesn’t even know about it. I need my best friend back, I miss her terribly.”

October Secrets!

“I’ve read just about all the secrets since they first came out. I’ve seen some interesting admissions. I don’t really care to judge cause quite frankly I’m sick of being judged by people too. I just want to be friends with you all. Have a nice day.”

——-

“I feel like all of my relationships I have with people are toxic. Full of either really great times or really awful times. Nothing in the middle. I think it’s time for a change, the only question is will I be able to let go?”

——-

Ever since I hit 21 everyone seems to have forgotten that I had bulimia and now everyone chalks up my eating habits and throwing up to being hungover all the time. Now everyone just thinks I’m an alcoholic, which is much more acceptable apparently.”

——-

“I messed everything up. Almost 4 years has passed.  But I can’t let you go in my heart, my mind.  I miss you more every day even though I talk to you every day. But you have moved on & I pretend I am ok with it.  But it hurts & I cry a little bit every day hoping eventually the pain will subside & no more tears will fall.

I love you and Im sorry.”

——-

“As much as I hate you, I still think about you and wonder what things would be like if we were still together.”

——-

“Sometimes, I secretly wish while I’m driving that I’ll get in an accident just to see who actually comes to visit me at the hospital.”

——-

“I cheated on you and I’ve never forgiven myself for that. I broke up with you because I couldn’t stand the guilt, and I still can’t. It’s been three years, and I still wonder if we would still be together if I hadn’t fucked it all up.”

——-

“I keep telling everyone that I’m better, but I contemplate suicide all the time.”

——-

“I miss the guy of my dreams <3”

——-

“I move a lot from state to state unfortunately and recently I moved away from someone I really care about and now I can’t stop thinking about her. Every night I have nightmares of her dyeing and it being my fault. It’s overwhelming and I don’t want to tell her because I’m scared she will forget our promise.”

——-

“I cancelled a meeting today so I could tan on the mall. I probably should feel bad, but I really don’t!”

September Secrets!

“I wish I could fall in love.”

——-

“We haven’t been dating long, but I know right now that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

——-

“YOU are my ex. YOU told me what to wear, how to be, and made me feel guilty for being anything close to attractive. I’m with someone else now, who actually treats me right. But today, I was nice to a guy and he got the wrong message and grabbed at me, tried to feel me up. I told him I loved the man I was with now and he accepted that and left. After he did, I cried so hard. I felt so guilty. I called my boyfriend, no answer. I texted him EVERY detail about what happened. And I’m still waiting for him to call back (he’s most likely asleep).

After such a long relationship with YOU I don’t know how to have a healthy one. I LOVE THIS MAN I AM WITH NOW, but still your rules and judgments haunt me every day. I don’t want him to leave me, so I still find myself following your rules, even if I know that HE is way less judgmental, and so much more loving than you. I escaped you physically, how do I escape you mentally?”

——-

“Have you ever thought about ending it all? Because things aren’t going your way? Me too.  Ending it all is just a permanent solution to a temporary problem! Don’t do it! Someone somewhere would never be the same if you did!

Shit had been incredibly rough for me lately, had those same thoughts. Take a breath, relax, knock out or of those problems at a time, and you’ll be ok. Doesn’t hurt to pray about it either.

-Sincerely,

A guy who has even down quite the hellacious road lately-BUT- is surviving and overcoming to Succeed!”

July Secrets!

“All I can say is I was just trying to keep the peace. And all you wanted to do was blame me for everything instead of actually confronting the right people about how you felt. And now here we are… with you telling me we can no longer be friends because I was trying to include you. So now I am here… feeling hurt and confused.”

——-

“Dear Mom,

I hate you. I know we are like “BFF’s 4-Eva” or whatever you want to call it, but I think you are the most immature and selfish middle-aged woman I have ever met. You weren’t supposed to be my friend, you were supposed to be my mother. Now that I’m in my 20s you want to try to have a say in what I do? You want to talk to me about how “you’re my mother and you worry”? You think I believe that you’re on the straight and narrow now? You’re a horrible liar, you always have been, but I’m not. That’s why I can smile and laugh when I see your face. That’s why I can tell you I love you. But I’ll lie till the day you die, make you feel like you have that daughter you always thought you had. But sorry mom, you killed that girl a long time ago.”

——-

“I’ve tried to kill myself multiple times. It kills me that my family doesn’t know. It kills me that my sorority sisters don’t know. But probably more than anything, it kills me that of the couple of people that know, only one is someone who hasn’t broken my heart.”

——-

“I know I harp on this subject every year, but 7 years ago today, I sliced my Achilles tendon on my right ankle- straight up in 2. Cast for 2 months, walking boot for 1, physical therapy for 3, and I still occasionally/rarely walk funny because of it (mini limp/gimp). It just makes me wonder what I could have done in life if it weren’t for that major setback. Truly thankful for the small things in life.”

——-

“I really like the way things are going between us, you seem to be perfect and your so sweet. However, when you finally hear my story, my history….I doubt you’ll stick around.”

June Secrets!

“You say the ship set sail on us… I’ve accepted it. If you’re happy, I’m happy. But, if that ship starts to sink, I will swim to you and save you. But don’t wait till you’re almost drowning to ask for help.”

——-

“One of my really good friends had committed suicide 2 years ago this July.

My really good friend was also my ex boyfriend. Me & him had a huge fight a few months before he ended his life over me & my current boyfriend.

To be honest, I still love him and everyday I wish I told him what I should have so long ago. Rest in the sweetest peace my love.”

——-

“One of my friends died of a heroin overdose and i feel bad that i wasn’t there for her. But that’s not the secret, the secret is that i heard about if from my abusive, cheating ex and all i wanted to do was tell him that he deserved to die that way, scared and alone.

I quit my job because i was constantly being harassed and decided that quitting was the better way than getting other people fired.

I wish my sister was dead… she had a cancer scare a couple of months ago and recently I told my mom I wish it had been true. She asked if it was because I believed it would teach her humility. No, it is because she is an evil person who since the day she turned 14, she is 23 now she has never done anything kind for someone unless there was some self-serving purpose behind it. In all honesty I just wanted to watch her suffer like I have for years. She tortured me for years all the way through my adolescence including telling me to kill myself. When I eventually, years later tried to talk to her about the multiple times I did try. Her response: I don’t want all that drama… I honestly wish that she would die horrifically. I now have to move because her and her family just moved in with us. It’s a small house and in the last two days I’ve been medicated out of my mind just so I can deal with her. She is constantly threatening me and accusing me of things I don’t do. Calling me worthless and lazy because I quit my job. Today she even pulled the “what bills do you pay” card… Let’s see…. the electric my car payment the heating deposit. The only bills I don’t pay are divided up between my parents who asked me to live with them, and those are just the rent, food and car insurance. I’ve made it through a course in college I only took to make my abusive ex happy and now that I want to go back for real all she has to say is be realistic. She cheated on the father of her daughter and only had the baby to keep him around. She is a sociopath. She needs to be hit by a meteor or struck by lightning. I was in a horrific car accident two years ago that left me with ptsd. It was not my fault and whenever she feels like it she’s all… don’t let her borrow your car… you know what happened last time.

That is all.”

——-

“I want to break up with you because our relationship is flat, I’m bored and want to date other girls. No matter what I say you’re going to make me feel like an asshole, but keep trying to bring me back. Sure, maybe it is all my fault, but I accept that. Why can’t you just let me go?”