college park

October Secrets!

“I’ve read just about all the secrets since they first came out. I’ve seen some interesting admissions. I don’t really care to judge cause quite frankly I’m sick of being judged by people too. I just want to be friends with you all. Have a nice day.”

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“I feel like all of my relationships I have with people are toxic. Full of either really great times or really awful times. Nothing in the middle. I think it’s time for a change, the only question is will I be able to let go?”

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Ever since I hit 21 everyone seems to have forgotten that I had bulimia and now everyone chalks up my eating habits and throwing up to being hungover all the time. Now everyone just thinks I’m an alcoholic, which is much more acceptable apparently.”

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“I messed everything up. Almost 4 years has passed.  But I can’t let you go in my heart, my mind.  I miss you more every day even though I talk to you every day. But you have moved on & I pretend I am ok with it.  But it hurts & I cry a little bit every day hoping eventually the pain will subside & no more tears will fall.

I love you and Im sorry.”

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“As much as I hate you, I still think about you and wonder what things would be like if we were still together.”

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“Sometimes, I secretly wish while I’m driving that I’ll get in an accident just to see who actually comes to visit me at the hospital.”

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“I cheated on you and I’ve never forgiven myself for that. I broke up with you because I couldn’t stand the guilt, and I still can’t. It’s been three years, and I still wonder if we would still be together if I hadn’t fucked it all up.”

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“I keep telling everyone that I’m better, but I contemplate suicide all the time.”

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“I miss the guy of my dreams <3”

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“I move a lot from state to state unfortunately and recently I moved away from someone I really care about and now I can’t stop thinking about her. Every night I have nightmares of her dyeing and it being my fault. It’s overwhelming and I don’t want to tell her because I’m scared she will forget our promise.”

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“I cancelled a meeting today so I could tan on the mall. I probably should feel bad, but I really don’t!”

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February Secrets!

“I’m sad.”

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“So I’ve become rather flexible thanks to all the times I’ve bent over backwards for you. And yet you shutdown when I try to get closer to you. Then you claim that I treat you more like a friend than my girlfriend? Are you kidding me?  No. I’m 50 shades of go fuck yourself and done with this! I’m not going to lie to myself any longer to try to fix things with you for the 10th + time. “Oh I’m too busy…” BULLSHIT. You’re taking 18 credits. Cool. I’m taking 16 on top of 2 jobs. Come talk to me and I’ll lay out all my cards on the table. I’m through.

PS if your mother tries to intervene and talk to me about this situation, I will flip out.”

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“I wish I had something that was truly mine. I feel like I have very little in my life that truly belongs to me and that I have control over. I wish that would change because I have such a longing to be independent, and I know I would be so happy if I could break free of others’ control.”

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“I love where my life is right now, I love having the freedom that I have and not having responsibility to anyone. But I’m afraid that this attitude won’t change until it’s too late and that I’m going to miss out on a good person. I’m afraid I’ll never want to be in a relationship with someone, both because I don’t want to lose my freedom and because I’m too scared to go through the pain of losing someone again.”

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“I was really glad when I saw that someone posted something upbeat and positive like “Don’t let the frustration get you down.” It reminded me one of my favorite quotes – “the more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.”  I’m pretty sure it’s from the movie Lost in Translation.  That’s all I wanted to share.  As always, keep up the great work!”

🙂

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“I miss him.
But I’m trying not to.”

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“I have an iron deficiency. This doesn’t sound like much, and seems like something pretty easily rectified, but when you’ve been off your meds for about a week because they have to check your blood work and ask you some follow up questions, it’s pretty shit.
I am so tired. I can barely stay awake.
I can’t study properly because I’m falling asleep in the middle. I’m zoning out during class, or resting my head down and just staring aimlessly. I can’t focus.
I don’t even know what day it is half the time.
I just want to sleep, but at the same time I just want to be awake.
My sleep pattern is so contradictory, when I want to sleep my body won’t let me and I’m lying awake screaming in silence. When I need to be awake, I’m barely there.
I can’t explain this to anyone because every time I try no one understands. They just look at me like they know my story, all I need is to get to sleep at a better time, get more sleep, don’t sleep as much, wake up earlier, do more stuff. Like they KNOW!
They DON’T!
They have NO IDEA how difficult it is.
But I don’t want to complain, either. Since I know that so many people have it so much worse.
I’m just so tired.”

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“I feel worthless.
Like I annoy everyone.
That they just put up with me until they either end up yelling at me or just cut me out.
No one wants me.
I don’t mean anything.”

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“Don’t let the frustration get you down.”

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“I tell everyone I’m unemployed, because I’m too scared to call myself a writer.”

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“I wish I could share my new life with you. I miss you every single day.”

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“So, I haven’t told anyone that I was diagnosed a few months ago with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, so that means I don’t talk to anyone about it. I accept it pretty well, but some days I just want to scream, so I’ll scream here. I’m about to sound like a total self-absorbed asshole. I know I should be grateful for what I do have, because it could be so much worse, but I just need to let it out. Okay people. CFS really fucking sucks so fucking bad. It’s so hard! It is. SO. HARD. I don’t even want to talk to anyone about it cause I feel like they’ll just say “oh yeah dude I’m tired too” and that will provoke unimaginable amounts of anger in me. Yeah, okay we all get tired. Nobody enjoys getting out of bed. But unless you have CFS, YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND. You don’t know what it’s like to have to nap for two hours twice a day. You do not know. You don’t know what it’s like to not remember how it feels to be alert and awake. You do not know! How am I supposed to make it through school? Do you know how much class I have to skip? Nobody fucking gets it. It is so hard.”

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“Don’t think for one second, one single FUCKING second, that I love you more than him. He’s been with me for less than a year, but I already love him more than the semblance of love I ever felt for you all my life. I would choose him over you in a second.”

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“My roommate is ridiculous. <3”

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“I want to move out, but I can’t bring myself to tell you. On one hand, it’ll be so much better for my sanity and I know I’ll be happier. But if I move out, I know I’ll lose you. :(”

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“I get so sad at the fact that everyone hurts.
I know everyone hurts. I hurt, too.
I just wish that everyone could see how truly beautiful, wonderful and smart they all are.
That they’re all important.
They’re all so special.
If I could I would hug away all their tears, and all their pain. That sounds weird, but I mean it with only the kindest of intentions.
You are loved.
You may not know it, but you are loved.
Your heartache, and your pain won’t last.
and there is someone who believes in you.
Smile. You’re okay.”

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“I literally hate it when people give me advice. For some reason it really just pisses me off.”

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“I met a girl my senior year of high school who I fell in love with. She wasn’t my first girlfriend or my first love, but she was unlike anything before. We had a really rocky first year and a half but my freshman year I proposed and she said yes. I uprooted my life and moved back home for her. Since I moved back she’s broken up with me twice and slept with 3 other guys and had two other boyfriends, whereas she is still the last person I kissed or held hands with. I know I was not the perfect boyfriend, and that I’m flawed as all hell, but I still love her and hope slightly that things work out one day. In the meantime I want to move on so badly. Yet I no longer have friends or know how to even talk to women. I just want to get my life back on track and have no idea where to even start picking up the pieces.”

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“You want to change your whole life to make things work with me, and for some reason that terrifies me. I never end up being what people think I am, and I hope I don’t ruin your life.”

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“As much as I want him to care, I know that he shouldn’t and that he probably doesn’t.”

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“To all those feeling down, please read this and know that you are all special 🙂

‘It’s so dark right now, I can’t see any light around me. That’s because the light is coming from you. You can’t see it but everyone else can.'”

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“I wish I could start over in a new place. I feel the place I’m in right now will only end in unhappiness. I feel like such a coward and a fucking idiot for not doing anything to change it.”

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“I have a good friend of mine who reminds me of Beethoven. Dark, mysterious on the inside, musically talented. I hope she finds someone soon. She’s ready to quit on life, and her music reflects that. Someone to support and encourage her and we music, it’d be a crime for that talent and beauty to be wasted.”

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“I honestly believe that seeing Silver Linings Playbook is a huge reason why I don’t feel depressed and anxious as often anymore. It really does get better as long as you stay positive.”

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“I know we’re over, you cheated and left me, moving out without a word. I hear you got her pregnant, due in July, I also hear your keeping it. You have no idea how much I wish that it was me who was having you’re baby, or to just have the baby you and I were supposed to have all those years ago the one you were happy to see me miscarry. You didn’t want kids remember. I don’t want it because I want you back, lets face it you’re a piece of shit, I want it because I just want something to love.I want someone to love me. You left me alone, after we were together for so long, and now I have no-one. It’s not fair that you get to have what I desperately wanted and lost. We were together for years, her just months and some of those months we were still together. Why couldn’t you be this excited for our baby instead of being excited when it died.”

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“I miss you more than ever, but breaking up with me was the biggest favor that you could have done for me. I’m slowly but surely figuring out who I really am and I absolutely love the person that I’m becoming.”

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“I feel like I can see my breaking point coming. I’ve noticed that I’m slowly becoming a punching bag for people, and I’m getting really sick of it. People keep saying the same shit to me over and over again. I’m starting to believe them. Somebody is going to say something someday soon and I’m going to lose it. If I lose it I’m scared of the results; physically lashing out, verbally ripping someone apart who either does or does not deserve it, straight up breaking down and crying, or something potentially worse… I’m a male, but I’m human. There is no one here to help me! “oh things will get better soon” is what they say. I hope its soon because I literally see my breaking point and my heart beginning to shatter in front of me.”

February Secrets!

“It’s not fair. I see these heavier girls that are so happy with themselves and the way that they look, and here I am, skinny and upset that I’m not skinnier. While I would be terrified to wake up with an extra fifty pounds on my frame, I would give anything to wake up and be satisfied with how I look.”

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“You’re so confusing. You say one thing and do another. Stop messing with my head and just be honest for once. That’s all I want.”

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“When I was at my lowest point in life, you were there for me. I never expected it to be you, but it was. I’ve known you for awhile, and we’ve grown so close. I will never be able to thank you enough for how much you helped me. Now you’re going through a rough spot, and all I want to do is be there for you. We’ve expressed that we have some feelings for each other, but I’m scared to death to ruin our friendship. I still have a lot of figuring out to do. Everything happens for a reason, so there was a reason I met you.”

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“I live to make my grandparents proud. They have been there for me my whole entire life and I owe it to them. I recently told my grandma that I’m transferring out of state for school and you could just see her heart break. Her eyes watered up, and all I wanted to do was take back what I said. I’m so afraid something is going to happen to them. If they died or became ill while I was in a different state, I would blame myself forever. All I want to do though is make a new name for myself. I just want to run and not stop, and never look back… I love you grandma, don’t hate me for leaving you..”

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“I was so sure that we have something, but your one line made me question it all…what did you mean? Please don’t let it be me. And if you meant what I dread, what was today?
I wonder if I mean to you what you mean to me..

I know there’s a possibility, and my heart feels seared, stifled, and wants to be liberated, set free.”

——-

“You broke up with me 3 days before Valentine’s Day. You said I wouldn’t understand why you were leaving, why you were ending it. But I do. I told you, the night we first kissed–you chose someone who understands. I know the reason you left me is because you’re terrified of relationships, terrified of letting someone care and of caring about someone else.

I just want you to come back. I miss you. I don’t feel like we’re done yet, you and me, and I wish you would face your fear instead of running from it. Please come back to me while there’s still time.

I won’t wait forever.”

——-

“To the gentleman who randomly approached me today as I was lying in the grass listening to my iPod:
Good for you! I never would have had the guts to just walk up to someone and randomly make friends. I was perfectly happy just being by myself, but talking with you for an hour made me realize how nice it feels to connect with people instead of always being caught up in my own world. I’m inspired by your bravery. I hope we randomly cross paths again!”

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“At first I thought he was a pretentious asshole who tried too hard to seem interesting and otherworldy. I never expected him to be one of the most attractive and laid back guy I’ve ever known. I just want to watch him all day.”

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“My boyfriend told me that he loves me about a month ago but I couldn’t bring myself to. I thought I was falling for him but I’ve recently realized that I never will love him. I’m not sure what to do yet.”

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“I recently told my best friend I like her, knowing at the time she would not want to date me. I felt that I needed to let her know how I feel. I know she needs time before she’ll date again after breaking up with her boyfriend last year, and I understand that. However, I did not tell her that I love her. I love her for the way she smiles, the way we talk everyday, how she is so determined in life, and for just being her. No matter what happens, I will continue to love her whether it just be as best friends or something more.
Hopefully one day she will read this and understand how I feel.
To her: I’m sorry if I sometimes get jealous when I see you talking to other guys, it is just my emotion, but please know I trust you more than anyone else. I’m sorry for whatever sorrow I may have brought you, I only want you to be happy. Never let yourself get down, you are one the most amazing and beautiful people I have ever met, and never let anyone tell you otherwise. And I know you are worried about after graduation growing apart from me and our other friends, but no matter how far you go away for school, I will always talk to you everyday, and even video chat everyday if you would allow me, just to make sure that you are happy, and to comfort you in hard times. You are the only person I have ever let get this close to me, and you are my best friend for life. I am willing to wait for you, no matter how long it takes, if you are willing, cause I feel that we have something more special than even most marriages have. Hopefully you will read this one day, or I will show it to you someday. Just know, no matter what I will be there for you. I love you”

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“It’s awhile since you broke my heart, and even longer since i’ve been myself. It’s 3:21 in the morning and i’m still up because I can’t stop thinking. It’s when there’s nothing else going on that you come to mind, and everything, good or bad, just overwhelms me. I shouldn’t feel anything with all the pills, but I always find myself lying in bed crying over some memory while everyone else is asleep. How quiet it is is the worst part, because all I can hear is your voice.”

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“This past Saturday night I made out with one of my friends. I’ve had such a crush on her but since she’s in a relationship and I’m gay I thought we’d never do anything. It was awesome to say the least. I told her I’d never tell anyone but I needed for someone to hear it otherwise I’d spill it to someone we both know. She’s such an awesome person that I wish I could be more sexually attracted to her, but what can I do? I can’t change who my body/mind are attracted to.”

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“I am sleeping with my ex-boyfriend’s roommate. Sometimes I wish my ex would catch us just so he would feel as hurt as I did when he broke my heart.”

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“Being a commuter absolutely sucks. I feel so deprived of the social closeness I could feel with others if I was on campus. I don’t feel like I’m in college, it just feels like high school. It makes me sick to the point I just want to kill myself. I just feel so alone in UMD. I don’t even think anyone even understands…”

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“I have had a girlfriend for 3 years now. Everything is great except for one thing. One night while we were in the bedroom she used a strap on on me. I liked it-a lot. Now I have start seeing guys and have done everything and really enjoy giving bjs in mckeldin. I dont know how to break up with her so I can just focus on guys.”

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“I have trouble opening up to people and talking about things that are important and affect my life. This becomes an issue when I have no way to release the pain and sadness. I have this incredible fear of the future. I am so afraid that things aren’t going to work out the way I want them to and sometimes I just don’t want to witness the failure. Sometimes I just feel so alone in the world and I just wish I could find my place. But I can’t bring myself to share this with anyone close to me.”

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“I can’t stand being around my parents. Any time I spend with them just hurts me and makes me cry. My dad is very outspoken with his conservative religious beliefs and my mom just follows his lead. He yells about how gay people are sexual deviants and that they need to be “cured,” but what they don’t know is that I’m gay. I wish my parents could love me regardless of who I’m sexually attracted to, but I know that once I move out and finally tell them, they’ll disown me. I’m so glad that all my friends are accepting of my sexual orientation because without them I would have no one.”

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“I am completely in love with my boyfriend, he loves and supports me in ways that I’ve always wanted to be loved and supported. But I’m afraid that being with him from now until forever will hold me back and keep me from becoming who I’m meant to be. Or that I won’t do everything that I want in life if I’m tied to someone from this young age long-term.”

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“I don’t love my mom, I pity her. I am grateful for all she does for me but I don’t love her. And I don’t care that I don’t love her. And I don’t care that I don’t care. If I did not pity her and stick around, I would have left home long ago and never looked back.”

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“I am not doing the major that I love. I have been harassed by students, unnoticed by other students, and I have no friends. I see people each and everyday doing what I love and I cried and cried because I cannot do it. I feel unhappy, alone, lonely, sad, and depressed. I cant tell anyone my pain. Not my family. They don’t really understand. They blamed me for my faults. I have roommates who do not want to get to know me at all and treat me differently. They never talk to me. I am hurting and crying on the inside. I want to die.”

——-

“I did it. I talked to a stranger today. Not for a very long time, just for a few minutes. And I didn’t even do it for myself. I did it for you guys, who wish this campus was a nicer place. It’s not a total upheaval of society. It was a tiny act. But it’s a start.”

——-

“My boyfriend keeps asking me why I never want to hook up. I have to make up excuses because I don’t want to tell him it’s because I’m attracted to girls.”

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“My biggest fear is that I’m not actually in love with you, because that would mean that I’m not in love with anyone, and that would mean that I’m alone.”

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“I am in love with my best friend and its killing me. We dated and I fucked up which resulted in us breaking up. We have gone through so much that we have become really close and we tell each other everything. Now she has another boyfriend and she asked for my opinion so I said that I liked him and that hes good for her. It hasnt bothered me too much before that she has dated other guys but havent visiting her this weekend its been a nightmare. Trying not to talk to her and give her space is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do because I don’t want her to forget me…”

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“I got a boyfriend back home (in NJ) this winter and hes amazing. However I am here now and I’ve twice cheated on him, but I dont feel guilty about it. I still have immense feelings for my boyfriend back home, but hooking up with this guy just feels so right.”

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“I am a honest, loving and simple 19 year old guy. Virgin. I had a girl friend, and we decided not to get physical due to our family backgrounds. Now, I am far away from home and we broke up a while back. I want to experience something real with someone. I am tired of watching porn and still behaving as if I don’t know anything. I don’t have much friends as I am new to this country. I also pray that I am able to hook up with at least some girl more easily and quickly. I feel very desperate sometimes.
Is it rare and weird to be virgin at age of 19?”

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“It’s my 21st birthday, and no one cared enough to share it with me at midnight besides my own brother, who had his friends celebrate with him at midnight. Shows what kind of person I am. The only people who bother enough? My parents, and everyone else I asked to help me celebrate cant make it. At least I have someone…. right?”

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“On the real, I’m so sick of being alone. I’m a friendly person, everybody always tells me that I’m a pretty good friend, but I miss having that special connection to share a life with someone. It kills me inside, I hate to see everyone else around me settling into relationships and me being stuck here at square one. Go out and meet new people, try this, try that, I’ve done it all. And the only thing I ask for is a chance. I can’t even get that. Shit sucks.”

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“So im not a UMD student let alone a college student
Just a 21yr old trying to figure wat to do wit my life. i came across this website awhile back through The washington Post n been stuck ever since. Ive related with so many you guys on here n helps to know im not the only one. Like the guy going to the military i myself am looking to join to just get me a step ahead n life. Guys dont giv up on life i myself am struggling wit so much but lifes greatest tragic mistake is giving up n not knowing how close u were to ur freedom. I thank the owner of these website for making it, for its a place where we can securly let out our secrets when we have no one else to go.”

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“Why do I always end up datings women who go crazy or cheat on me? I’m starting to think its me. Fuck relationships.”

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“I’ve come to the unfortunate conclusion that I’m stuck in friend zone…with my girlfriend. I’m her first boyfriend and she doesn’t wanna rush anything. Understandable and I agree. But I am no where closer now to the relationship I want with her (I said relationship not fuck buddies) compared to when we started dating almost 4 months ago. I would break up with her but I don’t wanna kill her spirit and/or break her heart. Also don’t want to make it super awkward between us. I’ve talked to her about it and she’s like ok, we’ll work it out. That was a month and a half ago. Ugh. What do I do?”

——-

“To the girl who looks like Amber Rose:

I don’t know what it is about you, but I want you. Everytime I see you around campus, I can’t help but imagine myself kissing you….
If anything, you look better than Amber Rose in my opinion. I wish I knew your name. The outfit you wore today (navy sweater, white collared shirt, plaid skirt, tights, flats) looked incredible on you.
I don’t want to sound creepy (I know I do), but there’s just something about you. I hope you see this.

-A Female Admirer”

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“I’ve been depressed for about 3 years and haven’t told anyone. I started cutting this year. I hid it from my mom because I don’t want her to take me out of school.”

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“I understand why you don’t want me to be your girlfriend again. I wouldn’t want to date me either. I’m sorry I’m so fucking crazy, but remember those meds you said I shouldn’t take since there’s nothing wrong with me… I think you were wrong. The sad thing is I love you so much, but I can see you liking me less and less every day.”

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“My best friend has, in my opinion, the worst life possible. One parent attempted suicide when she was young, neither of her parents is currently working, and her family is broke. She is bipolar, and starting to display signs of schizophrenia. I love her so much, but I don’t know what to do to help anymore.”

——-

“I only met you last month and you’re always on my mind. What sucks is I’m pretty sure you’re not into me. The only reason you talk to me is cause you’re too damn nice. I shouldn’t care but I do. Wish I knew what you were thinking.”

——-

“I’m glad you think I’m a bitch. It saves me the trouble of having to be fake every time I see you.”

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“To the one person that wants to talk to random people sitting alone…DO IT!
I posted a secret on here a couple of weeks ago about how desperately lonely I am and how much I’d kill to have someone that’s not my mom really give a shit about what I did on any given day. A real friend. Maybe a best friend? (Still haven’t had one, I want one more than anything).
Anyway, I try this all the time and…well…I fail every time, but it could be a whole movement of people bothering to take their headphones out of their ears in Stamp or Mckeldin for two freaking seconds and meet someone new! Come on…everyone at this school has to like the idea of being around so many people to stay here. Let’s take advantage of it and not seal ourselves in with our iPods and Facebooking in public.”

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“I actually think that we were meant for each other, and it breaks my heart that I think you know it too, but you’re too afraid to commit. Just take a chance on me.”

——-

“The most romantic thing you ever did had nothing to do with flowers, money, or I love yous. It was when we weren’t together and you took my face in your hands and looked me straight in the eye and said, “I know you’re dying inside, and it kills me.” You are the only person who ever knew that something was wrong, when I was in a bad headspace. You’re the only reason I haven’t killed myself already.”

——-

“How do you expect me to stay clean, when you make it so clear that you don’t think I can. It’s been 7 months, how much more proof do you need before you stop assuming I’m going to relapse the moment I go out.”

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“I wanted you while you were with someone else, and I hated how jealous I was of her. I just wanted you to be happy. When then that ended and you wanted me, but I was too much of a coward to say yes. I said no because I thought you weren’t good-looking. I love you and I think you are a wonderful person, and that should be all I care about, but it’s not. I don’t know why you would want someone as pathetically shallow as me. I’m sorry.”

——-

“I need to focus, but I haven’t been able to, for the past week and three days…
You’re constantly on my mind

I’ve never lacked so much focus before, or been so not in control

I wasn’t sure but I’ve been getting the vibe that maybe you feel the same way…But I don’t know how strongly you feel, and I’m scared of potential expectations. Sometimes I’m amazed that you would like me, but maybe you see the best in me that I’ve overlooked for a long time. Do you know that I’ve never actually been in a relationship? I don’t know.
I think I’ve fallen for you and you’re bringing out the me that’s been self-caged and making me want to stride forward instead of falling back on bummery.

I’ve never smiled as much as I have reflecting on the moments I get to steal with you.
I hope we will be together; I want you to be with me.”

——-

“I see so many secrets about people feeling alone, or not having friends, and I feel awful…because at the beginning of the year that was me. Now I have a group of three best friends, lots of friends on my floor and in my classes, and I know tons of people on campus…I’m so glad that college has made me a friendlier, more outgoing, knowledgeable and social person. I’m still not SUPER social or anything, but I’m happy. I realize now that I was trying to make friends with the wrong people. I didn’t fit in with them. They can drink and party and have random hookups as much as they want. That’s not me, and I don’t judge, but I couldn’t be happier about it.”

——-

“Today i almost ran into a mini van with 3 kids in a parking lot, not because i was under the influence of anything but because i was in a hurry. Then i just drove away like nothing happened. After i came out of the store, the mother in the mini van yelled at me and tore me a new one, telling me to be more careful. I deserved every word she threw at me and even threatened to call the police. I apologized profusely and begged her not to. I can tell you i have never felt like more like shit in my entire life, not when i got drunk, not even when i was at my father’s, cousin’s or grandfather’s funerals. To know that i put children’s lives in danger makes me feel like horrible person. To the mother who yelled at me, I am sorry, I deserve it, and I hope that if this ever happens to me as mom, I will protect my children like you protected yours.”

——-

“I wish my heart thought as logically as yours does.”

——-

“I fib a little just make people feel better. I hate seeing pain, and would rather live with my lie than their sadness.”

——-

” I wasted my entire high school life on devoting myself to you, and I still can’t understand why I did it. I think about it every day, and the more I think about it, the worse I feel about it. Over this past break, I was FINALLY able to get you out of my system. My body finally accepted that I just don’t need you.
But then soon afterwards, you came back around as if nothing were different…why do you do that?
I hate you for making me become who I am. You insulted me so much, and I hate you so much for it. JUST GO AWAY. Stop coming back when no one else will give you attention. It’s so upsetting.
And yet…I love you for making me hate you so much that now I’ve pushed myself into better opportunities just to get rid of you.”

——-

“I didn’t want to do it with you. I only did it to get it over with. Afterwards, I showered and cried so much. I don’t tell anyone at all that THAT’S why I stopped contacting you, but I’m sure you know the truth. All I can ever remember are your insults, and that one phrase: “This is an adult relationship.” If that’s what adults do, I don’t think I’ll like being an adult very much. Taking something that wasn’t really offered to you. Yeah, okay…we’ll see about that.
Just because you’re older, you think you’re smarter and cooler…I was actually into you, but then I realized you’re just ANOTHER ASSHOLE who takes advantage of people in disadvantaged positions. Hope you go far, far away one day.”

——-

“I know cutting is wrong. I know that eventually it will in fact kill me if I let it, but I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop. The pain is the only way that I feel human. Everyone else has taken everything from me but they can’t take this. The cold knife is the only thing I have control over, and they will have to pry it from my cold bloody dead hand.”

——-

“The only man I’ve ever fallen in love with just so happens to be my English professor.”

——-

“I can’t stand the fact that you are lying to me and yourself. I wish you would just let yourself feel how we both know you feel. I made one mistake before we were anything and you need to forgive me about it. There are things in your past that I am overlooking because I have such strong feelings for you already. I really think we could be something great if only you’d give us a chance.”

——-

“I say that I want to save the world and criticize people for not dreaming or yearning for something bigger and yet when it comes down to it I am just as afraid to do something big enough to matter. I cannot leave my comfort and security to do what needs to be done despite blaming others for being lazy. I feel like a hypocrite.”

——-

“These last couple of months have consisted of nothing but drugs, parties, raves and sex. In the heat of things, I’m having the time of my life. But once I’m by myself all I can do is cry. My parents have no idea and I refuse to crush them by telling them their daughter is destroying herself. But I’m so lost, I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

——-

“I was 15 years old, I was drunk and I should have known better. But I trusted you and you took advantadge of my naivety. You stole more than just my virginity just that day; you also stole my innocence.”

——-

“I have no idea what I want to do with my life, and for a while that terrified me. But that’s what college is about-discovering yourself and who you want to become 5, 10, even 20 years down the road. So when people ask me what I want to do with my two seemingly unrelated majors, I’m going to smile and say “I don’t know, but I’ll have fun doing it.”

——-

“I went out with a guy who asked me what my favorite thing to do was. I said bake because I couldn’t think of anything besides my real favorite activity: trying on all my clothes and checking myself out in the mirror.”

——-

“Sometimes I wonder if I’m at the right school… and I want to cry. A lot. But guys aren’t supposed to cry.”

——-

“My dad died when I was young. Each time I think about him, I remember less and less, and I feel like I’m losing a part of myself. Now, there isn’t a day that goes by that I wish he was alive instead of my mom because the truth is I would rather have the worst parts of him than the best parts of her.”

——-

“I just realized the other night that the only reason I still want to be with you is not because I’m in love with you…

You broke my heart, you ripped my insides out, spread them all around and laughed as you walked away. You came back.

No, the reason you’re still here in my life is not because I’m still deeply in love with you. It’s because I’m really hoping you’ll just finish me off.”

——-

“So, I spend every summer holiday at the same place, since I was born. This place is a part of me, I was raised there. And I also have very special friends there whom I´ve known from birth onwards, they are like brothers and sister and they dont jugde you by appearances and so on. We all live in different cities and we only see each other once a year in the summer hollidays. Which is okay ,because these few weeks give me so much love and energy and trust in myself for a whole year. its a magical thing^^ Its like a bubble, whitout reality.
Thats the prehistory…. Soo
There is one very special guy whom I can´t call my brother ,because im in love with him for maybe … always… He dosn´t know, I pretend, that we are just friends. I think of him every day, always, whatever happens. We have total different lives. Anyway i know every side of him. If you ask me about his favorite movie, i can´t answer, but I can tell you in detail what face and gesture he would make by talking about it and how he would react to everything. Well not to everything. I´m 22 now and im not pretty ,actually im fat ,im shy and kind of antisocial and i never had a boyfriend, i compare every guy with him ,im not his type of girl, and im so scared to tell him that i like him, because he would reject me anyway and not to mention that this keeps me from moving on. and sometimes crying myself to sleep. Oh yeah, He´s the opposide of me, very social ,outgoing ,had a few girlfriends and so on.
so any suggestions? Is there a way out of my miserey? why cant i break free?should i tell him
I don’t want to lose him, or bring bad/awkward memories to that special place.

And sorry about the bad english im not a native.”

——-

“So I’m pledging a fraternity at my school (not UM) along with 7 other ‘brothers’ from my department. We get these notebooks that hold the information we receive on a weekly basis to study and get quizzed on tho be part of this little “club.” Each book we have is identical right down to the punctuation. Which means if something happens to one book, it happens to all 8. So needless to say I would be pissed if I was the one who would be responsible for shit hitting the fan. I took the pledge book to work to study it. My asshole coworker thought it would be a good idea to attempt to write “I like men” on the front of my book with red sharpie. I walked in while he was writing “like.” Giant food now has an opening in seafood due to someone on medical leave due to a broken nose courtesy of yours truley =). Don’t get mad… get even.”

——-

“I would give absolutely anything to have you back in my life. I have never been happier than I was when I was with you. We weren’t together long, but long enough for me to still not want to let go. I so badly want to tell you I miss you and I want to be with you every time we speak, but I don’t want to ruin the close friendship that we have. I still cry over you, and I still think about you every single day. I miss you so much.”

——-

“We talked, fell for each other, and then you banged my best friend, in my house, on my bed, while I was out getting you a Valentine’s Day engagement ring. Thank you for wasting 4 years of my life.”

——-

“A boy sent me this today. It made my day. GUYS, THIS is how to properly approach a girl:

“You intrigue me- You strike me as a wonderful combination of beauty and intelligence. I would very much prize the opportunity to become more then just “facebook friends” with you.
Which is why I would love to take you out…”

Ok, so, this isn’t a secret, but I had to post it! I couldn’t agree more! Even if the circumstances are different, be a gentleman about it! Atta boy.

——-

I am a straight girl who happens to recently be curious about maybe hooking up with a girl just once. Weird? Not sure. I mean, not just any girl either… I am super picky and am actually sort of into someone. I feel like it is way to risky though, and could just make things super awkward if I were to ever say anything.

——-

I am a huge worrier. It drives me crazy when people close to me (sister, boyfriend) go out and don’t contact me. I think of it as common courtesy to stay in touch if someone’s worried about you and your safety. It makes me feel like they are being selfish because I am the one staying up worrying.

——-

“Every time I walk past an elderly gentleman on campus, I truly believe it’s my grandfather coming to check on me from Heaven.
I miss you everyday Pop and I hope that you’re proud of me.
I think that’s the reason why most of the time I think you’re checking up on me, I’m walking out of Mckeldin from a long study session.
I love you.”

——-

“You were my gymnastics coach. You meant the world to me… beyond that, I told you everything; About my past, the abuse I endured, all my secrets. Even things I couldn’t admit to myself at times. With all my abandoment issues, it was really hard for me to trust anyone… but I trusted you. Now you say that our relationship was nothing special?! My heart it breaking over you. I can’t stand it anymore. I miss you so much… and all you can do is ignore me… 😥 Why me? Everyone has left me. You promised you’d never leave. Now I’m alone. All I have is anger… but yet I still feel sad. I just want you to hug me and tell me everything’s going to be okay again. You were my rock. I don’t know what to do without you. I’m only 15. :(”

——-

“It’s Valentine’s Day and I got drunk during the day by myself because I don’t want to be alone this year.”

——-

“My suicide attempt changed my life – for the better. I spent Christmas in a mental hospital. As horrible as that sounds, it was an experience that I wouldn’t give up for anything. While inside, I got to know some of the most amazing people, escaped from the outside world, and finally learned to just let go. It forever altered the way I experience life.
That was two years ago. I’m proud to say that I am now medication-free and happy. Depression is still a part of me, but I am now able to cope. THERE IS HOPE”

——-

“You told me you would be there for me, but you never were. A complete stranger has helped me more than you ever did. I trusted you. Now I know I shouldn’t have.”

——-

“You won’t admit it, but I know it’s my fault that you left. I let my anxiety take over and it drove you away. I would do anything to redo all of that time over again.”

——-

“You’re probably the weirdest person I’ve ever met, but I can’t help but feel attracted to you. I’m sorry for hooking up with your friend. And I’m sorry I’m too scared to tell you the truth.”

——-

“We met one time in NYC. You showed me the best night I have ever had in my entire life. What I would give to go back to that night and just press replay. I’ll probably never see you again, but I promise that I’ll never forget you. I think if we met one more time, I might just fall in love.”

——-

“I have a tendency to fall in love with almost every girl I get close to. I think it’s because I’ve never had a successful relationship, never had a girl who loves and appreciates me… That’s all I’ve ever wanted”

——-

“One of my best friends is a complete conservative and I am in love with him. I won’t ever tell him because I don’t want him to think like it is a common thing for gay people to fall in love with a straight guy, making him uncomfortable with gay people forever. The only reason why I get angry at him and don’t want to be his friend is because I want to stop being in love with him. He has all the qualities I look for in a guy, but the only problem is that he’s straight. I would rather not care for him than to love him and never get love in return.”

——-

“I hate you because I am still in love with you. I hate you because I can’t get over you. I hate you because I am never fully happy with any boyfriend I’ve had since you…because I gave you my whole heart and you never gave it back to me. I hate you because you stare at me from across the room and the only reason why I notice is because I am staring back. I hate you because I know you feel the same way about me and I hate you because we both know that we can never be together.

I want to break up with him to be with you.”

——-

“I’ve known you for more than 2 years and all along I knew you were gay. We were good friends. We’d joke that we’d marry if neither of us never found anyone. Well, recently you’ve gotten your first boyfriend – one twice your ago that also lives in the next state over. You tell me everything and I know you really care about him and vice versa.

Up until now I never gave it a thought, but I actually do have feelings for you. When you touch me I get chills down my spine. Sometimes I go to bed and hope that you’re in my dreams. I secretly do want to marry you.”

——-

“My mom made me sign up for a dating site and so far 9 people have rejected me and none have accepted. Cool thanks mom! Best birthday gift ever!”

——-

“I have been here for a year now and I still feel like I don’t fit in, like everything I do is wrong and now I have to live with the actual scars of my pain. I just for once want to be 5 years old again and be happy. I wouldn’t wish how fucked up my mind is on anyone.”

——-

“We both know you secretly want me. You’re just afraid to admit it.”

——-

“I don’t know why you are so afraid. I’m not scary. So why do you always run away and hide?

——-

“My best friend hates me. All I can remember is the ten years that she didn’t. Why can’t she?”

——-

“I got really drunk with my mother, my sister, and my friend, and I got alcohol poisoning. I started to die on her living room floor, and seize, and froth at the mouth. My mother wasn’t going to call the ambulance because she had cocaine in the house. She thinks I don’t remember or know. But my mother wanted to leave me there. My sister finally called 911, and they almost lost me in the ER, the doctor told me I should have been dead. If I had been alone with my mother she would have left me there and watched me die on her living room floor. My mother would have let me die, just to save herself. And my entire family does not get why I HATE her.”

——-

“At first I loved this site because reading about everyone’s MUCH worse problems than mine made me feel better about my stupid shallow problems. But after reading about how so many people feel alone in this school of 40,000 people, it really makes me want to finally walk up to strangers sitting alone and start to talking to them. I could possibly come off like a total freakshow, but if it even makes one person feel better… I wanna do it.”

——-

“This year I’m a senior and over the last four years I’m been so focused on preparing to graduate that I not sure what type of job I want once I do. I’m having lots of pressure from family about starting my career by honestly I’m hellishly nervous.”

——-

“I feel lonely. Like I have no friends at all. Like I’m alone. Why can’t I have friends? I’m not a bad person, or a bad friend. I don’t know, maybe I am.”

——-

“I cheated on you with three different guys. I nearly fell in love with one of them. You will never know what I did and how sorry I am, but I love you so much. I know if I told you that you would definitely leave me. If you ever left me, that would actually kill me. I’ve been wanting to tell you, but my fear of you leaving me outweighs the guilt of my actions. I’m so sorry.”

——-

“I’m scared for this boy I like to graduate, I’m scared to never see him again, and even more scared that I’ll NEVER get over him because I know he’s a terrible person. I just love him anyway, he just has no idea.

——-

“I’ve had a boyfriend for over a year now and my mom still thinks I’m a virgin because she gets so mad and hysterical that I can’t manage to tell her anything, not even that I’m planning on marrying him.”

——-

“We have been together for 6 years, we’ve loved each for a long time. Then you went away for a 4 months for a new job and came back a different person. I hate you for changing. I want the girl that I fell in love with back. Not the girl who talks to other guys constantly and thinks its alright. You’re take advantage of me always being here because I love you so much, sometimes I just want to leave to prove to you that I don’t need you but truth is I do. And I’ve let you walk all over me the past couple months and get away with it. I want you back and am afraid to tell you the truth.”

——-

“I wish I knew why my relationships don’t make it past three months. It sucks and I’m so tired of being the single one who is happy for her friends who are in relationships. Maybe I’ve been looking for the wrong guys and going for the ones that aren’t worth it but it hurts because every time I feel like I’m the problem. I can’t take it.”

——-

“Some days I wish I weren’t gay.

Otherwise I could have kept my girl by getting pregnant. I’ve seen girls do it. And even if everything ends in divorce, those girls are stuck with those guys one way or another.

Even if everything had been shitty, it would have been better than being alone. I just want you to come back. Answer my texts. Please.”

——-

“I feel like an idiot. I’m sitting alone on a Friday night listening to other people laugh and have a good time while I’m in the dark in my room crying because I’ve never felt so isolated in my life. I feel alone during class. I feel alone in the diner. I feel alone walking in a crowd.

But most of all, I feel alone when you’re screaming my name and I’m staring at the ceiling wondering how many times I’ll have to have sex with you until I can feel something again. Maybe companionship. Maybe love. Maybe just something other than this emptiness.”

——-

“I’m a straight girl but I am so turned on by lesbian porn its ridiculous.”

——-

“I am 20 years grown and I have never been in a relationship. I was always the drunk girl at parties who had random hookups. For all this time I’ve pretended not to care and pretended that it didn’t bother me one bit. Truth is its the worst feeling ever to know that not a single guy has ever seen me worthy enough to date not a single guy has seen anything more than just a drunk hookup. I just want to feel special. Maybe im not the typical classy lady but I still feel like I deserve love. But im starting to doubt that ill ever be good enough.”

——-

“I don’t know what it is about him. I tell him things I don’t tell anyone else when weve kissed its like this world of passion and emotion i have never known.. at least for me but I know he doesn’t feel the same. When im with him its like my worlds perfect for a while and whenever he texts me I can’t keep myself from smiling. Im in love with my best friend and I know he will never feel the same and it’s kills me. I’ll never be good enough.”

——-

“By the time I was 14 I was paying my own way, and taking care of myself. Before that I raised my little brother, because my mom was drugged out and my dad worked. However, they got my sister 2 cars, paid for her beauty school, and now help her pay her rent. My mother is given child support for a kid I raised, who doesn’t live with her, and her parents pay her rent. I’ve never asked for anything. I bought my own car, I went to community college here and there on my own dime, I took care of myself. Due to medical reasons, I can’t drive, I can’t get a job, I can’t pay my medical bills, I can’t afford to go to school, and I’m supposed to start paying rent because I moved back home. I NEED HELP. I’m 21 years old, and I’ve never asked for anything. Why won’t you help me?”

——-

“I don’t have any friends at college. Not a single one. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone in my life. At least before, I had fake friends. But now, no matter how hard I try, I’m always alone. For the most part, that’s okay, but the thing I hate most is sitting alone in the cafeteria every day listening to the laughter of everyone around me.”

——

“I secretly dated you in high school when your parents forbid you to see anyone. I was so happy with you, but near the end of the year we fell apart. The last time we spoke was when I gradated. You went on to be a total hypocrite of everything you believed in and I hate so much of what you’ve become, yet I still think constantly about the times we had. I miss them so much and I don’t think I’ll ever feel that again.”

——-

“Sometimes I rub my fingers through my butt and then smell them. Just for fun.”

——-

“I told everyone that I’ve stopped cutting. I haven’t. I still hate myself, still cope with stress the same way. I thought college would change that. It didn’t.”

——-

“When I first came to the UMD in ’05 I tried to commit suicide 5 times within the first 2 weeks, so I withdrew from school. I saw several doctors and went to hospitals for 2 years. I learned that besides that I had major depression and social anxiety. I enrolled in community college two years later because there were less people and I was embarrassed that people might find out about my suicide attempts. I re-enrolled at UMD in ’10 and will graduate this spring, but I still frequently get depressed and have trouble talking to people. I know might sound corny, but I just want to find some companionship and make friends.”

——-

“You made me care… you made me care a lot, and then you walked away. You told me you want to be with me, but you just don’t “feel the connection.” That’s fine. But now you’re talking to someone else. It’s only been a couple of weeks. That was fast. I’m getting sick and tired of this happening to me. I’m really beginning to think that there’s something wrong with me, and I hate that I can’t figure out what. This just kills me.”

——-

“I work so many jobs so that I can get ahead in my career. She just doesn’t seem to understand. I feel bad when I have to move plans, or cancel them but I just want her to understand and accept me for who I am and what I’m doing. I’m trying to be the best boyfriend I know how to be but it doesn’t seem to be working. After 8 months her interest in me seems to be going downhill quick. I hope it lasts. I really do love her and I hope she knows it. I tell her but I don’t know if she really listens.”

——-

“I’m hooking up with my best friend’s ex-girlfriend. It’s been going on for weeks now. I haven’t told him and I don’t know how to. I don’t think he would care but I’m scared to tell him. I’ve thought about cutting it off with her but I really enjoy hanging out with her and not to mention the sex is incredible. I wish I knew what to do in this situation because I feel like sooner or later it might just explode and I could lose both of them as friends.”

——-

“I have no friends. I thought transferring to CP would make things better, but it’s my senior year and I have no one. I thought I made friends with the people I’m living with but recently I’ve begun to doubt that. Besides them, the only people I’m friends with in CP are graduating. I’m afraid I won’t have anyone to live with next year. I’m terrified because I don’t want to admit to my parents that I have no friends. I have no one to tell how terrified I am. Even if I did have someone to tell, I wouldn’t tell them because it’s too painful. Fuck.”

——-

“I’m sorry I ruined everything just before things got serious, but we all have gotten drunk and done something stupid. Can I get a little understanding? Btw I did not sleep with anyone else, it was just punching your ex in the face.”

——-

“You never liked me. You used me and convinced me how much I meant to you. Bullshit. Now I dream about you every night. What it would be like to be your girl. Well sucks I was only the other woman. I wish I had the balls to message your girl and tell her everything because no one deserves to be treated like I was.”

——-

“I know you told all your friends I used you for money, I got you into drugs, and I’m the biggest slut ever. I’d like to point out that you were unemployed when we met and only had a job for the last week we were together. We emptied out my bank account of 3000 for drugs you wanted, which you knew was my tuition. I also would like to point out the you are a heroin addict, and I don’t know how I started you in that when I’ve never done it. You introduced me to pills and I got shipped off to rehab to kick it, but you’re still an addict, you never stopped. One thing you fail to tell people is that we broke up because you put me in the hospital. You broke my foot and then TOOK the painpills that were supposed to help. You also promised to help me pay for the hospital bill if I didn’t report you and you bailed leaving me with a debt of over a thousand dollars. Lastly, you had sex with my UNCONCIOUS body multiple times and I had only had sex with one other person before. I’m not a gold digging, drug weilding, whore. You’re an abusive manipulative rapist, and I hope you rot in hell.”

——-

“You passed out and left me stranded in a drug addicts house alone. He got me drunk, drugged me, raped me, told me that I was his now, and abused me after that. I’m clean now, he moved far away, and you and I are back to being best friends. I still blame you for all of it. How could you stand there and watch him do this to me. Even when he put me in the hospital, you still wanted me to hang out with him so you could get concert tickets. I know you’ve apologized, but part of me will never forgive you. Part of me will never forgive myself.”

——-

“I told you I only slept with one guy while we were broken up. I lied. I only told you about the one because it wasn’t consensual so you couldn’t get mad. I had sex willingly with two other men, both one night stands and one was a threesome. The fact is, the only reason I can’t tell you now is because you’ll leave me for being a liar and a whore. Even though, I lost my virginity to you and you don’t know the three other guys I’ve slept with. I know 5 of the girls(out of the 20 something girls you’ve been with), and you haven’t been a virgin in almost 10 years. Why am I the one that feels guilty, because I know you’ve been far from honest on the subject as well.”

——-

“I found this out a couple months ago, but I think I might be related to a European Duchess. People have been telling me that I look like I could be a princess or something, but I didn’t think it would be true. I saw this person who kind of looked like me in my family’s album so I asked my parents who it was. They told me that it was the Duchess. I don’t know what to do. It feels like I’m in a movie. I’m not sure if I can tell anyone about this, but what does this mean for me? Does this mean that I can inherit money from the royalty?”

——-

“I used to wish something horrible would happen to me, so YOU would save me and whisk me away. Then I met HIM, and he hurt me. He hurt me so bad and I told YOU. YOU KNEW! Why didn’t you try to save me?”

——-

“I ruin things that are good in my life on purpose, because I know it won’t stay that way. Murphy’s law: Everything that can go wrong will go wrong. It’s just easier for me to ruin it than wait for it to go wrong.”

——-

“I have a rare medical disorder called Trichotillomania. It causes me to obessively pull out my own hair and it absolutely destroys my confidence. I wear makeup every single day to hide what I do to myself, how I keep destroying myself. Every single day, for 7 years. Just fighting for control over my OCD behaviors and over my life. Please stop judging me and cut me some slack. Everyone has their shit, don’t ever just write people off as “weird.” I feel like I can’t truly live until I get this, but what if I never get that chance?”

——-

“I FB chat with people totally naked and I’m always paranoid that they’ll find out.”

——-

“I’m starting to fall for this friend who just got out of a long-term relationship. I’m in my own relationship, but I’m having all these mixed feelings. I wish I knew what to do.”

——-

“Every month when my girlfriend gets her period, I seriously wish I could go away. She throws fucking temper tantrums every time and just tells me to fuck myself, even if I didn’t do anything.
I know that as a guy, I should be delicate during this time of the month for her, but after a while, it wears on me and she doesn’t get it.
Now that I go to UMD part-time, sometimes, I just want to fuck another woman behind her back but I just don’t do it cause I care and love her.
Hopefully, she can change because if not, I don’t think I can last anymore longer in this relationship dealing with her shit.”

——-

“I am in love with three different people. One lives far away, one doesn’t really know who I am, and the third is my friend and will never have feelings for me. I need to get over them, but I can’t.”

——-

“This girl is after my boyfriend and I want her to just go away, get your own man you slut.”

——-

“I know my boyfriend has herpes but he won’t tell me. I try not to hook up with him, but the way I found out I can’t tell him I know, so I’m stuck hoping every time I don’t get infected.”

——-

“I am 24 and I am still an undergrad. THATS NOT THAT OLD ASSHOLES. To you pimply-faced little bitches I heard talking in the ERC about someone who was 24 and still in school-Blow Me! you dont know what circumstances cause some people to stay in school. No we havent failed all of classes, no were not stupid. Next time you run your mouth about things you know nothing about- think twice. Maybe Im still in school because I havent had the money to pay for consecutive semesters, maybe because my mom abandoned our family, maybe I have medical issues or maybe because my stepdad killed himself.

Next time….think before you say stupid things. At least were still in school getting our education. Oh and guess what??? Employers dont care that were a couple years older than other graduates.”

——-

“I think I’m pretty. Is that bad?”

——-

“When I’m bored in class I try to picture what my TA will look like with different haircuts. I really wanna tell him to cut it, but I feel like that would be a little weird.”

——-

“I know who I wanna be with,
The distance between us only strains.
Can’t there be a rational decision
that we can make for each other
Somehow either to make time fly
or our few times together longer
I am afraid of a break
because I don’t want to lose you.
I am afraid of losing you
because I don’t see anything in me
Anymore.

Forget the feelings
Time will pass
Soon the light will be reached
At the end of the tunnel
And Masking these confused feelings will be
No More
**Spark, Sip, Puff**
The blunt is inhaled with the intentions of high feelings chased with Vodka’s flavor of forgetfulness”

——-

“So I’ve been under the impression that my first love is my only true love, and if she breaks up with me (esp after I found out that cheated and screwed my best friend at the time), my heart will be smashed for a long time. Even after all the BS that I was put through with her, 6 years later I still wish I could go back and make things right. That is, until you fall for a friend you can never have because she may love me like she claims, she more than likely will never be mine. I feel like she’ll always be an inch or 2 out of reach, and all I can do is be there for her if her world falls apart.”

——-

“You broke my heart and it still hurts when I see you. And even though it’s been a year, you still keep me from finally loving a man who loves me back.”

——-

“I live with a guy that I’ve wanted to punch in the face for about 5 months now. Healthy living situation? Oh, he doesn’t like me either. But he’s the one who failed his classes over drama while I maintained my GPA and kept my cool with ease. You deserve it. Thanks for stealing the girl I liked, asshole. Especially talking to me face to face about my feelings. Oh, and she failed a class also because of you. I’m so glad I’m over her because she’d choose to be with someone as shady and gross as you. Oh, and thanks for telling her not to talk to me because you’re insecure. It made it easier to get over her, especially because she’d listen to you. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t rational and could get into fists fights with people like you. I wanted to so badly, but I was raised so much better than that. It is REALLY hard to become my enemy by the way. You’ve succeeded.”

——-

“So I’ve decided I’m joining the military in either May or June and I have like 5% of my friends support. I’m doing because it will set me up with retirement, insurance, healthcare, a job and other stuff that I’ll need for providing my family in the future (especially seeing how the economy is). I consider TerpSecret my friend depending on what category you put her in. Why I cant get support from the people closest to me? My girlfriend even hates the idea because she doesnt want to be a part of it. I’m like alone on this =(.”

——-

“My best relationship was a fling. It ended before it could start. I pity people who stay in relationships with one other person, yet know that they aren’t going to marry that person down the road. Why be pressured into a societal norm?”

——-

“I honestly believe that the reason I’m not in a relationship right now is because I’m so freaking awesome and I love myself too much to share myself with anyone. (Not the kind of thing my mother wants to hear when she asks if I’m dating anyone…)”

——-

“I only recently found out how much money my parents make… and I think I’m part of the 1%. Awkward.”

——-

“I’m gay but I’m afraid of telling some of my closest friends because of any possible awkward moments that might follow. And even though I want to be out and have a boyfriend, I like being single and pretending to be straight even though I realize how alone I am. And telling my parents who I am scares the shit out of me more than anything else.”

——-

Look, everyone! We have a true comedian among us!:

“You may think I steal cell phone to get money. But really I’m sexually attracted to them. I love them all shapes and sizes. mmm can’t get enough of them. I will not stop until I get every cell on campus. I will strike again.”

Good one, pal. Very original. You might be the next Aziz Ansari.

——-

“I’m close to no longer having an eating disorder. It’s not easy, but I’m doing it. I’m taking control of my life back.”

——-

“I love him, but I won’t watch my youth disappear while I wait for him to come back. I sleep around because I can. I don’t tell him because he wouldn’t understand. Sorry, I’m not sorry.”

——-

“Okay, I get that you really enjoy making a lot of yelping, screaming, shrieking sounds in your room next door while listening to extremely loud music with your friends, but really, can you cut it out already? I’m trying to sleep or relax or do homework in my room, and I’m afraid to go ask you to stop because I know you could beat me up really easily. But if for some reason you see this, just be quieter, okay? Thanks.”

——-

“We’re trying this relationship for the second time, and I know we’re not that far into it, but I can already feel how much better it is. And when you tell me you feel it too, you don’t know how happy that makes me. It’s like the first time I got butterflies. Thank you babe.”

——-

“I know how I’m going to die. I don’t know when, or what exactly will break me, but my death will come from my own hand. And I can’t wait.”

——-

“I’m so damn tired of letting things that might be crumble into debris and scatter; it hasn’t mattered so much yet, I wager, but if I continue to bet, I think I’m going to regret this. Worth the risk. Now, to get past timidity and disbelief, and not paint myself with facades.

I’m taking steps, but will I be able to leap? God, please.

How fucking hard can it be to take the jump and land in green?

I know, but I’m setting up for it.”

——-

“You were supposed to be my valentine. Now what?”

——-

“I’m the College Park cuddler. Some may not understand why I like to get in bed with girls, but I think it’s the sexiest thing ever. To be in a bed with a girl who has no idea I’m there turns me on more than anything. I will strike again.”

Don’t worry, this is a joke. I later received, “I was the one who made up the College Park cuddler secret. It was a joke. I’m a stupid college kid. Get over it.” What an ordeal that turned out to be.

——-

“I’m in love with my best friend, but he doesn’t know I’m gay.”

——-

“I cheated on you and hour after we had sex. I don’t love you. I am an awful girlfriend, and I don’t really feel that bad about it.”

——-

“I let you break my heart. I sat around waiting for your calls and messages for years like an idiot… and you have the nerve to tell me that I don’t deserve you and that you can do better? Get over yourself. It is time for me to move on.”

——-

“It doesn’t make sense how I still think about you. It’s been a year. No, well more than that. I know I fucked up. I’m the one who called shit off, and I’m the one who should’t be complaining, but I can’t stop thinking about what could have been. It just doesn’t make sense. I’ve seen other girls, but they’re not like you. Not even close. What was wrong with you that made you so special… or rather, what’s wrong with me? I fall for every girl now; making them seem as if they’re better, as if they just genuinely will care the same way I once did about you. I just don’t know what to think anymore. I feel like it’s gonna be a good couple of years here. I’m sure of it, but if I keep thinking, I’m going to have to get something else.”

——-

“I’ve been depressed a long time, and more recently have had problems with anxiety. Even though my mind blanks, I have chronic chest pain, worry about everything, and feel like I can’t function or breathe at least a few times a week, I’m afraid to get help. I don’t want to be on medication, or have people know that I’m not okay. It took me years to accept that I have a problem, but going to a doctor? that’s something you can’t take back.

This affects every part of my life, from my friends to my grades to my relationships, but I just want to drown it all out and sleep, forget about it. No matter how hard I try to move on from what’s bothering me, It stays in my head, squeezing my ability to function.

Grades are even worse, I know I’m smart, but I blank on exams. HW takes me hours and hours because I can’t focus on one thing. Studying? forget about it. I’m just barely scraping by, but it just makes it worse since I want to go to grad school, and can’t get in because of my grades.”

——-

“I still really like you. I don’t give a shit who the hell this other guy is, but he’s a waste of your time and you should know it. The thing is, you don’t have the balls to make a move, and you’re the only one who can’t see that… When it comes right down to it, you’re chasing after something that you’ll ruin for yourself, just like I did by chasing you.”

——-

“Sometimes I feel used because of my adderall prescription and how nice I am.”

——-

“We are all excited about getting older, and turning 21 or whatever the next age milestone is. But every night when I fall asleep I get afraid to think that this life is all I have, and that when it is over I will just be wiped from existence. It gives me chills and makes me close my eyes and hope that there is something more after this life.”

——-

“I wet the bed until I was 12.”

——-

“I’m thin and am not generally attracted to bigger people, but for some reason I’m most turned on by fat people porn.”

——-

“I wake up every morning with the debilitating knowledge that, if I weren’t gay, I would most likely be homophobic.”

——-

“My ex-gf through college was the biggest douche EVER. She literally destroyed all confidence I had (post-college) in talking to women. I became the most anti-social, social person ever! Everyone who knows me thinks of me as outgoing and fun, yet I am shy as can be around women.

It took me a while to recover and I am finally I am doing well for myself; however, there are times when I still think of her…

I wish she could see me with this cutie I am dating :-P

——-

“I sometimes forget what it’s like to be happy. And in those moments I just cry and cry. I can’t figure out where I’ll be happiest right now.”

——-

“There must be something wrong with me. I don’t feel any sort of attraction to men or women so it leaves me feeling empty and alone. I am very successful in school and I will be graduating and going to grad school soon. While so many people admire my goals and ambitions, they do not see the how truly lonely I am. I wish someone would like me and allow me to feel wanted. Is there really someone out there for a person like me?”

——-

“I cry when I’m sad, but that’s not why i’m going to do it. I know he may hurt me again, but that’s not why I’m going to do it. I hate myself for being lazy, fat, ugly, worthless, but that’s not why I’m going to do it. Talking to people I know doesn’t help because they only want to tell me what they think i should do. And I’ve tried paying someone and that doesn’t work either. Yes, I was abused more than once before i even turned eight, and yes it happened after that too. I’ve simply decided that we wake up, die, and then it’s over. If there is a god or higher power he obviously doesn’t give a rats ass about the pains we go through. I haven’t turned to alcohol or drugs, mostly because if i’m gonna be completely out of it, i might as well be dead. I’m going to die because I choose it, and well you really know you want to when the doctor says IT’S NOT CANCER and that provides you with no comfort, you actually cry because you’re upset… I may not go today or tomorrow but I know that when I do, it will be me who does it because death is the only thing in life that can’t be taken from me. Innocence, happiness, safety, love, trust… all these things can be taken or destroyed and they have time and time again… I’ll never tell my parents that i’ve tried to kill myself over and over, I’m just waiting to move out so they can’t possibly believe they could have stopped me. Whats messed up is i can’t even bring on a full blown cry right now because the love of my life is sleeping in the same room… oh well, i’ve shed enough tears for many lifetimes and they’re wasteful and painful for those around me….”

——-

“Finally I realized that it’s time to move on. So I’m gonna enjoy my senior year and graduation and realize that there’s more to happiness than you.

I know you weren’t ready to give up everything for me. And that’s okay. At the end of the day you have yourself and that’s it.

I want you to know that even though I don’t know where I’ll be in my life the next few months, if your life ever leads you back to my door, well, I’ll be around :) I’ve finally accepted that if you and I are meant to be, one day we will be. But if not, I hope you’re happy. And I sure as hell will be too. Thanks for everything you’ve given me…all the memories, the moments, my first everythings. You mean the world to me.”

——-

“You hurt me… twice. You weren’t that great of a boyfriend, but when we were spending time together, those were the happiest moments of my life. It’s only been a few months, and I know that on paper I should be happier now, but I still miss you. I miss you a lot.”

——-

“I pretend to love you because we were each other’s firsts and I am scared to lose you. You destroyed me though. You made me depressed. I am so confused. You have broken up with me more than 10 times and you have cheated on me. You accuse me of cheating all the time so I have just started going out to the bars so that I can cheat on you.”

——-

“I am not in love with my boyfriend but I don’t want to lose him either. I am so confused. I have cheated a few times.”

——-

“It’s been over a year and I’m still not over you most days I’m fine, but then others I would do anything to be with you. I need to just move on because I know its not going to happen.”

——-

“And I used ADHD meds to keep myself all here.
I tried them for the first time in September, and knew I needed more.
And so I got a psychiatrist. He prescribes me pills for anxiety, depression, and ADHD. I only take the ADHD pills.
Because really, who has the time to spend doing hours of homework? who can honestly say that they wake up ready to go every morning? who doesn’t like the side effect of weight loss?
I am getting up every morning and making time to look cute, my sleep schedule is more normal, and I have time to get everything done now.
I may have lied to get the drugs, and by no means am I an addict, but they make me be who I want to be. Its not just a facade anymore.”

——-

“So many people hate me right now it’s unbelievable, and honestly, deep down, I don’t mind… Because I just wanted them to go away to begin with.”

——-

“Four straight relationships, one going for one year and another going for over two years, have ended with the girl cheating on me. It is to the point that it is all I know in a relationship. But I still hold strong and maintain the gentleman “good guy” attitude because it is how I was raised. I know that there is nothing wrong with me, I was easily the jock high school and have modeled for small time companies for pocket change before. I was voted best dressed and one of the most likely to succeed in high school, yet my self confidence is struggling. I trade the market, do what I love, and run companies (among so much more), and I still have no one to talk to. My best friends from childhood have all but faded, leaving an empty shell of a relationship we once had. If it weren’t for my fraternity brothers I would be alone. Starting my path back out of depression and into my successful future because awesome people like you who don’t let it get you down, it inspires me. So I will keep dressing nicely every day, keeping my smile, working toward an iron man, and doing everything else that makes me happy because of the small group of people in this world, like you, who inspire me to run my fraternity and eventually my world.”

——-

“I’ve always started relationships in Aprils of even numbered years. I know it’s a silly coincidence but April 2012 is coming up and I really believe it’ll happen again. Hopefully for the last time.”

——-

“I had a friends with benefits type situation with this guy my freshman year of college and I really started to like him. I wanted to be exclusive and he wouldn’t. I really thought he cared about me at least a little bit, but he didn’t. He lied about a lot of things that I’ve never told anyone. It’s been 3 years, and everyday I think about him. Not in a loving or a spiteful kind of way. I just want him to tell me what’s wrong with me. I want someone in my life to tell me the truth. I hate him so much, because he reminds me of all the things I hate about myself. He reminds me of every insecurity I’ve ever had, and he makes me feel like I could never be good enough for him. I hate that guys never think or even care about the lasting effect that they have on women. I have tried to talk about these things with people, but I don’t think anybody could ever understand how truly tortured I am. It just seems a little ridiculous to care this much about some guy you were fucking with 3 years ago. But try as I might, I just can’t forget.”

——-

“That the closer I get to graduating, the more unhappy I feel. I used to be so happy. Now I’m only ever extremely happy or extremely sad. There is never an in-between. I drink so much when I go out, because I love how free I feel. None of my friends can understand that, and they tell me I should stop drinking so much. But I hate not being completely trashed. The last time I got drunk I had sex with this guy who I thought was my friend. This guy’s best friend has been in love with me for 3 years, and he never would have had sex with me while I was that drunk. I hate that I ruin things because I’m scared. Why can’t I just say I’m scared? He was just such a good person. And I can never be that good. I’m always going to get drunk and fuck someone at a party. I’m always going to cheat. I’m always going to be selfish, and get bored and hurt someone that’s so good. And you know what the worst part is? I’m never really sorry.”

——-

“I have been going out with this boy for over 2 years, since my freshman year. We have been through a lot together. He has cheated on me and lied to me but he has changed and has been good for over 6 months treating me so well. We are on and off because of so much going on. Last semester he fucked one of his friends ex girlfriends. We were not together but were supposedly “working on each other”. This girl was also a mutual friend who knew about us. I found out after winter break and i do not know what to do. I really love him and care so much about him but he has lied so much and has hurt me so much. I know i cannot trust him. He says he has changed and when i got back from break he has acted so much better than before. I don’t know what to do!”

——-

“I chased after a girl for 2+ years, waiting for my chance to finally be with her. I wanted nothing else. It consumed my life, tore my soul apart. I couldn’t stand it. She only saw me as a friend… her best friend in fact. Nevertheless she led me on. “Just keep waiting,” she would tell me. I knew that one day she would see me as more.

Then the other day I tricked her into fucking me. I don’t even fully understand how it happened. I fucked her, and now have no intention of ever talking to her again. Joke’s on you bitchhhhhh.

Am I a terrible person? Yes. That’s my secret.”

——-

“You’re really cute and I’d love to get to know you better. Too bad that the most we’ve done is sing together. But the way I think I can sense you stealing glances at me makes my heart skip a beat. The way you go out of your way to talk to me makes me get butterflies. And when you asked to sing with me before anyone else, it got my hopes up. Please don’t send them crashing down.”

——-

“I’ve never had a relationship with a girl last longer than 6 months.

I have never cheated on any of them. I never would. I just have lots of personal secrets and fears I don’t want people knowing about. I’m afraid to let them get to close and know the truth about me. And by about 6 months is usually the point where they want to know these kinds of things, or start to see the inconsistencies. This extends to anyone who is a ‘friend’ as well. I’m afraid to basically let anyone close enough to see my inner self.

My life is a juggle of keeping people close enough to talk to, but pushing them far enough away where they don’t ask questions.”

——-

“All my life, I’ve been a winner. Not because I always win, I don’t. But I keep my head up no matter what the situation is. I’ve lived in 6 different states and a bunch of different homes. My dad barely supports me and my mom is a single immigrant mother with no stable income. I’ve lived in poverty my entire life, and I’ll tell you: its hell. It makes you depressed, emotionally unstable and a bit pessimistic. But that’s only if you don’t keep your head up. Be happy that you’re alive and don’t take your assets for granted. I sure wish I lived in a stable home, but at least I’m happy. In the end, that’s all that really matters”

——-

“I’m from Maryland, but I went out of state for college…if it weren’t for our ridiculous football team, I’d regret going to school 700 miles away. Other than that, there’s not much here that I enjoy…”

——-

“While in college, I’ve been pressed by my family to get my “Mrs. Degree”. But school, was not a place for boys in my eyes. And to my surprise, I met the most prefect guy I ever could imagine. Then out of the blue we broke up because “I made him realize that he didn’t know who he was or what he wanted in life”, so I sighed up for a 26 month program to help villages in Africa to run away from everything. I only told my best friend and left a note behind for my family. I’ll never go back, but I think of him every day.”

——-

“I got my wife pregnant on purpose, so she wouldn’t going into Peace Corps and leave me back in college. I’ve never told anyone but I wouldn’t change my selfish act, for it brought me the loving family I have now.”

——-

“We’re in love, how could you not see that? I know you feel it the way I do. How could you have walked away from me to go back to her? Now we’ll never get the chance to find out how amazing we could be.

I tell you to never live your life with regrets. But I hope you regret giving me away.

And the worst part of it all… at the bottom of my heart, I still have that hope…that’d you come back and tell me you’d rather be alone than without me. Like you said, I do hope our paths cross again. One day, I want to love you again.”

——-

“I feel like the outcast among all of my friends. They can all relate to all kinds of things, like art and music and other things that I just can’t relate to at all. I just always feel like I’m on the outside, invisible. I never felt this way until I got to college. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me.”

——-

“I have been applying to graduate schools both near and far, and hope I get in most places. I’ve been seriously dating this guy for almost 3 years now. We’ve been talking about moving in together wherever I end up at school since he just plans on getting a job. But I’m terrified at that level of commitment. I love him so much, but he’s my first boyfriend and I worry that there’s more out there for me. I feel like moving in together would tie me down. I feel so lost and don’t know how to tell him.”

——-

“He only considers me a close friend. Nothing more. But then again, that’s nothing out of the ordinary; he’s friends with a lot of girls who all fall for him. He’s oblivious to the way they react to him; how could anyone in their right mind possibly fall for him, he says. But I see it all the time, and I understand it; there aren’t many out there like him, who will take the time to listen when you talk, sympathize, and be there with a shoulder to cry on. A true loyal friend. But I fell for him hard, and I still can’t get over him, even though there isn’t any way anything would ever work out between us. We’ve discussed it; we’re simply heading in directions in life that are too different. So I’ll let my eyes run rivers when he’s not looking, but put on a brave face for him.”

——-

“I am really embarrassed because I love poop. Every time I have to poop I get so excited! The feeling right after I push it out and it plops into the toilet is almost as good as sex. Sometimes I take pictures of my dumps so I could carry the memory with me forever. I love poop so much that I give blumpkins all the time. The combination of his joystick in my mouth and the smell of his feces turns me on so much. Please don’t laugh at me. This is so embarrassing. I just wish there were other people out there like me that I could talk to.”

——-

“It took someone asking me and me denying it to realize that I love you. You’re the one.”

——-

“My junior year of high school we were in an amazing relationship built to last. But I gave that all up to pursue an impossible relationship with a boy who lived 3,000 miles away and it was one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made in my life. I just want you to know that you changed my life that day when you told me you believed in me, that I was smart enough to be a STEM major. I am still amazed that you ever found it in your heart to forgive me. You gave me the courage to break off my music major and pursue something I never thought I could do. Today, I’m one semester into my Astrophysics major and in the honors program, and I never could have done it if you hadn’t believed in me. You never had to do that. You never had to forgive me, or even speak to me again.

I think about you a lot. You go to UMD, and perhaps you will browse through this site and read a story that sounds uncannily like yours. I know we make great friends and nothing would make me happier now. Maybe you won’t see this, or maybe you just want to forget about me… but either way, I’ll be waiting.”

——-

“I got involved with people who seemed normal with warm, loving, open arms. However normal and ALWAYS HAPPY they seemed, my mother and my life coach did their best to support me and get me out- because they were if not a cult, certainly as sick (mentally) as one can be. Sadly. What sucks is that I seem to miss one of them a lot whom I was really close to. We were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together, and I promised I couldn’t hurt him like his past girlfriends. But I wish I could just tell him- it’s okay, it will be okay. But I can’t, because he didn’t wish me well. I know this is true, but still I have a hard time believing it!! My conscious just doesn’t want to accept it! The people and some of their beliefs were always what I wanted: a family, devoted friends, support, etc. I wish things could be as perfect as they seemed… But don’t we all…?”

——-

“I think I’m in love with my boyfriend. But since he is terrible at talking about his feelings, I refuse to tell him. But I’m also afraid that he’ll never be able to say it. And I don’t want to scare him away.”

——-

“I regret every day the day I got married. I wish I were single. I wish I were free. Free to make my own choices without asking for his opinion. I say that I love him, but I know I don’t. We just got married because I need a safe place for a little while. I needed someone to take care of me. Now I feel suffocated, and I know there is nothing I can do. I do not want to hurt him, so I rather hurt myself.”

——-

“I really like this guy, but he has this girlfriend, yet I can’t stop myself from wanting to pursue him, or that he breaks it of for me. I don’t know why I’m being such a selfish bitch.”

——-

“When I was young about 10 or 11, I was sexually assaulted by a friend’s sibling. I was so young that I didn’t understand what happened and didn’t think much of it till I got older. I’ve never had the courage to tell anyone about it and especially not my parents because I never wanted them to worry. I never told my friend because I was afraid it was gonna ruin our friendship. I’m so ashamed of it that I just keep hoping that it was only my imagination. I’m hoping to carry this secret with me forever and that it will only make me stronger. Thank you for having this site for people like me who never had the courage to tell the truth.”

——-

“I’ve made horrible mistakes the past couple of months. I’ve been keeping the biggest secret from close friends and family, heroin. I use heroin about 2-3 time daily and idk what to do! Getting clean is not a problem, but how to tell friends and family I’ve been using is…”

——-

“I started college at 15 and that’s about the biggest mistake I have ever made, now a sophomore I’m about the most inexperience person I know in college. I can’t get a job, I don’t get awesome grades, I can’t even pay my school fees on my own.”

——-

“My whole life I’ve competed with people. Competed for my my grand parents love and to be better than everyone else. My whole reason I compete is to make my grand parents proud. I’m either the best or I’m nothing according to them. But there’s a problem.. everytime I fail, they make me feel terrible and it eats me alive. Well I’ve been hiding some things from pretty much everyone.. I’m gay. I know if I told my grand parents they would see me as a failure. And I’m afraid to tell my friends because I know I would be treated differently or they would stop being friends with me. So now I will swallow my pride and what I really want, and marry a successful man to please everyone else around me…. but me.”

——-

“I work long hours, and I voluntarily go into work on my days off. I eat my meals by myself go home, listen to some music, and get some sleep for the next day’s shift. I prefer it this way, because the lack of free time means I don’t get lonely knowing I have nobody to spend it with.”

——-

“I was in a fraternity in college, but I was never close with any of my “brothers”. I feel like they only gave me a bid because they knew I’d be loyal to them and do the grunt work to get the chapter to where it needed to be. Three years later I’ve graduated and almost all but one has turned his back on me. But I still go back to campus almost every weekend despite living two hours away to help them with their activities. I know it’s denial, but pretending that I actually have friends makes me feel better than facing the truth.”

——-

“You know what my secret is? It’s that I am a liar. And I know that I am in too deep to turn my life around. So now I am forced to live this fake life where everyone thinks I am someone that I am not. And there’s nothing I can do to change it.”

——-

“I go to one of the best universities in the nation. I have a 4.0. All I really want to do is get married and have babies.”

——-

“I hate the fact that one of my best friend’s is dating a loser. Her father hates him, and he’s afraid of the father. He doesn’t stand up for himself, and he does these disgusting thinks like he licks her. It’s gross and yet when she flirts with other guys he wants to get “upset” and put on an act. I hate the guy, she can do so much better than him.”

——-

“I think I’m not supposed to, but I am falling fast. I hope it doesn’t end up hurting anyone. Is everything as fragile as it is in my mind? I hope its okay with you.”

——-

“I know I messed up, but I thought we were friends? So why did you have to remind the whole world of what I did last summer? Even if you apologized each time you mentioned it, that didn’t make it all better. I don’t think I’ll be visiting or making any effort to hang out with you, again.”

——-

“I never really had parents there for me, and so I really hate it when girls say how their parents didn’t pay attention to them for a day. Because mine were never there to hear me.

I have also been sexually abused by two guys I trusted the most.

I cut myself by scraping my wrist with a dull knife.

I also lied that I’ve had a lot of experience with guys, when it was really all on the internet.”

——

“I masturbate. I’m not even 15.”

——-

“When I was four, I was sexually abused by two brothers that lived in my neighborhood. When I was seven, the same two brothers taught me to ride a bike.
When I was four, my own brother stood in the same room and watched. When I was seven, he walked away.”

——-

“Reading all of the things about how these girls decisions to get an abortion really makes me feel better about my choice not to get one. My fiancee’s mother would text me every day for 3 weeks about how i need an abortion and how having a baby would ruin both my life and her son’s life. Being a sophomore in college I can’t imagine having a child right now, but I can’t imagine the pain I would feel if I aborted it. I’m scared to death about what will happen in the future. It feels like I just found out and I’m already in my second trimester. Thank God everyone is being supportive here. I’m pretty sure my relationship would have fallen apart if I would have gotten an abortion.”

——-

“Sometimes I feel happiest when I’m staring at my dinner floating in the great white porcelain bowl. And then I just feel sick and ashamed.”

——-

“Sometimes when I get drunk and/or high, I feel guilty for doing this to my mom, and think of all the money and time she spent for me to have a proper education.

But then I remember all the times my dad hit me and she looked away. And I buy another beer, and I buy another pill. Cheers to that, mom.”

——-

“I thought I was getting over her, but I guess I’m not. I’ve been trying to find someone to replace her, but apparently it’s even harder to find someone to be in a relationship with when you’re actually looking. So my plan is to sign up for a free ‘dating’ website and let them ‘take me to town,’ so to speak.
I think I just found the perfect girl. And I’m scared. Shows what kind of woman I am.”

——-

“I am gay, and most of the time I hate it. When I came out I thought there was going to be a nice and supportive community for me. Truth is it wasn’t true at all, it is just a bunch of shallow and superficial people. I don’t have many… Well almost no gay friends. It frustrates me. But the fact that frustrates me the most is that I can’t find someone I could love. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t gay… life would be easier.”

——-

“Well, I’m not exactly a college student anymore. I finished it in 2010 after almost 8 years of graduating high school. I’ve never been a very “social” guy, I have more things in common with computers than with people apparently and I didn’t mind much about it until I started feeling very, and I mean VERY lonely. I met a lot of people in my school years but never really made good friends with anyone until very recently. I have two best friends, one guy and one girl, and I think I get along with them pretty good. Even though I live with the girl’s family (long story short, they own a huge house and I wanted out of mine because my mom was driving me insane, so they rent me a room), I’m closer to this dude. We play videogames and talk about movies all the time and we even like almost the same music (I honestly don’t like my other friend’s taste, lol). I really enjoy spending time with him and I wish it would last forever, not in a sexual way (I’m not gay) but I really appreciate this guy. I appreciate him so much that I think I’m starting to drown him and sometimes I can tell he’s just tired. I even get mad (inside, I might add) when he has to do other things or can’t come over to play or do something else. I know he has a life (and other friends) and I shouldn’t be so selfish, but I just can’t help it. He’s the best dude I’ve ever met in my life and a breath of fresh air from all the “phonies” I’ve known through the years. I don’t intend to push him or be so clingy but I don’t know how to handle this situation, I just haven’t been here before. I think I should just let him go and go back to my computers and general anti-social attitude so I can stop feeling this way, but I really don’t want to and also don’t know what to do.”

——-

“Things ended between us in September. whether it was mutual or not I still can’t figure out, but at the time it needed to be done. You’ve hurt me more than any amount of words can say. You don’t deserve me. …I still think about you more than any normal, sane, person should think about someone. My heart still stops when I hear your name come up in conversation. I try and learn how you’re doing…WHAT you’re doing.
I pretend not to care around my friends. I sleep with other people to prove to everyone I have no connection to you. I feel like shit the morning after those random hook ups and bathe in self loathing for days to come.

But after all you’ve put me through, I know that if you ever came back to me, I would not have the strength to say no. My heart has been duct taped together, and I still cry to myself some nights.

Is this love? Or just stupidity?”

——-

“Our little girl should have been born any day now. She isn’t here, and now you aren’t either. My heart breaks every day. I should have been stronger. I don’t blame you for being scared, I was scared too. I blame myself. I didn’t have to do this.

You were supposed to protect me. You were supposed to protect US. How could you not love our baby? How could you tell me having her was going to ruin everyone’s life? I didn’t want her to hurt, the way you hurt me. And now, I get to carry everyone’s hurt. Even yours, because you refuse to feel it for yourself.

I would give anything to hear her say “Mommy”. People think I’m upset because of you. I can’t tell them that it’s really because I’m mourning someone I love so much, that I never got to meet. A part of me died with her.”

——-

“I just fell in love with my best friend’s older brother but it fucking sucks because he’s 4 years older than me and thinks of me as his baby sister.”

——-

“Sometimes when I close at my job, and i’m by myself…. I walk around naked. There I said it.”

——-

“I’ve known for 3 years that my dad has been cheating on my mom. I’ve only told two people in my life and neither has helped me at all. Now, I just keep pretending I never found out because I’m scared of what will happen. I thought going to college would get me to stop thinking about it, but it only makes things worse”

——-

“You never think it’d happen to you, but just recently when we came back to school I was raped. I still sometimes think about it and whenever I start to tell my friends about it they get so angry just that someone practically kidnapped me away from my friends I leave out what happened.”

——-

“I often wonder why I stopped shooting heroin and got clean… even though I have a million reason right in front of me.”

——-

“So I have never been attracted to males like me and have never thought of myself as a homosexual. My best friend and I met in 2009 when I was an incoming freshman at CP. We were both roommates and we became really close. We were very different, but I guess that was a factor in why we clicked so much. Now it’s 2012 and I have a gf and so does he. But for the past 7 months, I have developed feelings for him. Like romantic feelings and occasionally sexual feelings. At first I was in utter denial and didn’t want to even consider myself being a physically attracted to guys. But now, I am finding myself falling in love with him and I want nothing more than to be able to kiss him and call it a day. But on the other hand, I feel like crap. I am caught in a dilemma, and I just have no clue what I should do.”

——-

“‘You don’t call me back
But you kiss me when you’re drunk
I don’t know your friends
Don’t know where you’ve been’
I know you’re not my boyfriend. I know I should be content that you even like me a little, that someone as perfect as you would even want to just sleep wth me. I know I have no right to be jealous. You probably have a different girl every night.
But I can’t help it, I’m in love with you.
‘Why are you the one I want’”

——-

“The last time I tried to kill myself was because I felt stuck in a relationship that I hated and didn’t agree with. Now that we’ve been apart for a few months, I feel like a complete idiot for thinking you were worth ending my life over. Thanks for leaving me because you couldn’t handle my outbursts. That’s what I was going for.”

——-

“I sleep with guys and create friends with benefits situations because I’m convinced one day one of them will love me back.”

——-

“We started dating Freshman year, and we were each other’s true love. But then we broke up after sophomore year, a decision I know we both regret. I told you if we never got back together again you weren’t the man I thought you were. You weren’t ready for that, so I left. That scared you and made you want me back. We both started dating others, but you told me that you would give up everything for me. I came back for you… it’s been almost a year now and you’re still with her. We’re seniors now and I know my time to win you back is running out. I think about what we both messed up, the best love of our lives, every day. So much so that I even dream about it.
We both know the connection is still there. That’s why you kissed me given the chance. I just don’t know how to get you to realize she is not the person you are supposed to be with, I am, and you know it.”

——-

“I’m a single mom. I work my butt of everyday to get through college full time and work and take care of my son. But, when I think about the life I gave up, all the things I had going for me, and all the people who left me because I had him. I resent him.
I hate myself for it. I lay him down for a nap and I go stare into the mirror and remind myself what a horrible mother I am. I feel so guilty.”

——-

“I know you’re using me for a place to live, I know you have no intention on dating me again, but I’m never going to say anything to your face because I love you so much”

——-

“I doubt myself because of you. You sit next to me in class, and the small interactions are wonderful. I want to ask you out, but I don’t even know if you’re single or not. Then I ask myself, “Do I really like you, or do you just satisfy my crippling need for companionship?” Your beautiful, smart funny, and overall awesome, but I’m just a coward.”

——-

“The only reason I pretend not to mind that you still talk to him is because your mom’s dying. If she wasn’t, I’d punch you in the face. He’s mine, get over it.”

——–

“My obsession and insecurity with my looks consumes my life. I hate when people stare at me or call me beautiful because I don’t get what is so spectacular about my face. To me, there’s always someone who is so much better looking than me, and the people I want to say I’m beautiful never do. The fact that I’m 21 and never had a real boyfriend fucks with me. Like I’m not worth the commitment, it makes me feel so worthless. It makes me eternally sad, and depressed and I wonder if I’ll ever be happy again. I always act happy, and like everything’s okay. But there are so many times I just want to die. I just want to wake up one day and be able to say it doesn’t matter how I look. But I can’t it always matters.”

——–

“I’m from Maryland and I got into UMD, but I didn’t go because I wanted to go out of state and get as far away from home as possible. Now though, I look back and think I made the wrong decision. I’m not exactly in love with the school I picked and I think I would’ve been happier, not to mention in less debt, if I hadn’t followed someone I could never have to a school I have ended up hating. I could transfer, of course, but then I would have to admit that I’ve been lying about how much I love school.”

——-

“I just got into the honors college for the class of 2016 last Tuesday. I always told myself I’d be the only person in my family who DIDN’T go to UMD. But watching every single one of my friends get so excited about getting into maryland and knowing the guy I’ve grown to love will probably end up there as well makes me seriously reconsider.”

——-

“I spent years being physically and verbally abused by my ex. When I finally had the courage to kick him out, I was the happiest I’ve ever been.

Now, I miss him every day.

I hurt myself since he’s not there to do it anymore.”

——-

“I get plenty of black girls just not so many white girls. I wonder if it’s because I’m just not white girl material.”

——-

“I hate eveything. Everything is just a perfectly driven machine wired to make me go insane. I want to end it. This world has nothing for me.”

——-

“I always thought I was the more rational one in our relationship and that if ever that test read (+) there would be no question as to what I would do about it. But when the time came and that actually happened, I found myself saying and doing what needed to be said and done but not fully committed having an abortion. I did what needed to be done, but every day I wake up, I am reminded of how I felt as though a weight had lifted from my chest after canceling the appointment and then making it again with a heavy heart. I ended a life that had yet been given the chance to live and I couldn’t even bring myself to tell you how I truly felt. I constantly ask myself, what if? What if I had told you how I didn’t think I could go through with it? If I was honest and told you the real reason I was scared? Would things have been different? It didn’t have to be this way. Now, I neither have you nor our child and, as cliched as this sounds, I feel that a small part of me withered away that day and I’ll never be the same. I hope you know that I’ve always loved you, not because you’re all I’ve ever known, but because as long as I had you, the rest of the world didn’t matter and I’m sorry that that wasn’t enough for you. I know that you would have done right by me, but I would have ruined your life and I didn’t want that for you–I’ve always wanted the best for you. I just want you to know that our child would have come into this world next month, and I shall mourn, and remind myself that rushing into things is what caused me to rob my child the chance to live and experience the world.”

——-

“I honestly dont know what to do about my relationship. We’ve been together for 2 years now and it’s starting to scare me when the question “should I leave him?” pops into my head every day. I’m so confused because I love him so much an I don’t want to leave, I don’t want to end what we have, bu I’m scared, lonely, depressed and confused because I know if I leave I’ll never find anyone like him. I really don’t know what to do.”

——-

“I’m so in love with you that I do extreme things for you because I don’t want you to find someone else who will do them for you. I’m scared you’re going to leave.”

——-

“I will always wonder what I would have become if I had chosen UMD instead of Penn State…”

——-

“I accidentally made eye contact with you at barking dog. At first I looked away quickly, but I decided to look at you again. You were still looking at me, and I wish I had had the guts to walk over and somehow introduce myself. But I think it would have been really awkward, at least for you. Still, why didn’t you have the balls to come over and say hi?”

——-

“Seriously, you really piss me off… but for some reason, it really attracts me. It’s sickening.”

——-

“I recently graduated from umd in May. I’ve come to the realization that I wasn’t a good friend in college. I wasn’t there for them when they needed it. I didn’t treat them right and made bs excuses for not visiting them(“I’m tired”). I don’t see them too often anymore and when I do, I feel they have still have some lingering coldness towards me. And I deserve it. I’m having a massive guilt feeling right now.”

——-

“I am a former fat-girl. I’ve lost 80 pounds over the last two years. I’ve used sarcasm and bitterness my entire life to keep people away. Finally at 22, I’m healthy and happy. But I hate the fact that my crippling self confidence issues have prevented me from getting close to anyone.”

——-

“I’m a sophomore in college, and I’m about to change my major for a second time. I think I know what I want to do with my life, but then something keeps me away. I’m scared of growing up….”

——-

“I played two varsity sports in High School, play football now, graduated in the top 5% of my class, and I slept with a security blanket till I was 19. Hope you guys get a laugh out of this one :)

——-

“I tried killing myself over a guy I liked for one month. I got up the nerve to ask the teacher if I could sit next to him and then he got a schedule change. Even though it had nothing to do with me I was still devastated.”

——-

“I cry at least once a day, but I never let anyone see it. I cry because my family makes me feel worthless (but I don’t hate them, I love them). I cry because I don’t have friends in the dorm (I feel like people like me enough to put up with me). I cry because I feel alone and unloved. I cry because when people call me useless,stupid,irresponsible, overdramatic etc. I believe it. Funny thing is all I want most of the time when I cry, is a hug. hug without questions, a hug without judgement, just a tight hug that makes me believe “I will be okay”. Instead, I make myself stop crying, put on some make up and a smile and continue with my day.”

——-

“I was in love with my best friend. He knew. And he kept the friendship going and going. Finally, I told him I couldn’t do it anymore. He said he would be brutally honest: He wasn’t attracted to me at all. Ouch. Still hurts every time I see him.”

——

“Being told, ‘you’re smart, beautiful, confident, and any guy would be lucky to have you,’ and then watching him walk away from me was the worst I have ever felt about myself. I would have much preferred to hear that there was something wrong with me that made him walk away. This has happened to me more than once, and I’m going insane trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong.”

——-

“I’m leading you on. I don’t love you, but I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t know what to do.”

——-

“I’m gay. And I’ve put myself down time and time again because of it. I never played sports in High School because I was afraid of making guys uncomfortable. I don’t have any guy friends because I don’t want any of them to freak out either. I can’t even have any gay friends because I’m afraid they’ll just think I’m trying to get in their pants. When all I really want is to just get close and relate to somebody on a platonic friendship.”

——-

“I hate my “best friend” but I don’t say anything and pretend she great because shes the only friend I have.”

——-

“All my friends wonder where I found you and how we even get along, but the past 5 months of sharing our very different lives have been the best of my life. Thank you so much, I love you.”

——-

“I spent all summer imagining us here together. Now, when I pass you on campus, I’m so glad you ended it before that happened.”

——-

“I was so happy to see that negative sign, even though I know i would have aborted. At least now I’m not a selfish hypocrite.”

——-

“I’ve been in love with you since 11th grade and I always tried to hide it. Senior year, I knew you were the love of my life but I was too scared to say it. At graduation, the hug you gave me made me feel amazing, but I knew it was goodbye for ever. I still think about you everyday. You’re the reason I can’t take any other guys seriously because they don’t amount to you.

I love you… I wish you knew. Now I’ll never see you again.”

——-

“I hate being judged and judging people but then I realize that I can’t help but judge either. It’s hard to open yourself to all types of people but I’m going to try. It’s my new years resolution.”

——-

“My biggest fear is that my friends have become bored with me, but that they just keep hanging out with me because they feel sorry for me. I am not close to my biological family, so my friends are my everything. I just want to make them happy. I’d do anything to make them happy. I just hope they don’t find me annoying — I’m sorry if I’m ever clingy, but you all have saved me and I just love you.”

——-

“I think about this guy everyday. He is the guy I have always dreamed of being with. But I am afraid that if I told him how I feel it would change our friendship. But I badly want to tell you I LOVE YOU!”

——-

“I’ve been dating this guy that I have liked for years and things are going great. But sometimes he just acts like too much of a little kid and it drives me crazy, but when I picture my self without him I can’t. Do I stick around and see if he grows out of it, or do I leave and be sad. I feel like every time I talk to him he just doesn’t listen.”

——-

“I wish I could “eternal sunshine” (for lack of a better word) our entire relationship from my mind.”

——-

“I moved to D.C. after college for a job and left my entire family behind. The trouble is, I hate what I do. My boss may actually be the Devil. My hours are terrible. What I am doing is nothing like I studied for and nothing like the job description when I interviewed. People say I’m still young so it’s ok to work in a job I hate for a while to gain experience, even if I’m not actually making any money once rent and bills are paid (and the people in charge do not respect me). Others say it’s my own fault for seeking a career in a dying industry, and now I have to do what I have to do.

The truth is, I just want to go home, back to my family and my old friends and my old life. But if I did that, I would go back with no job prospects. I can’t help but think it would be better to be miserable in D.C. than to be “the one who couldn’t cut it” or “the one who chickened out” back home.”

——-

“My friends all know I have an eating disorder. They have NO idea how bad it is. I told them I’m trying to recover, but I’m not. I wish I could tell them, but I’m scared they’ll make me stop. I don’t want to heal. I just want to be perfect.”

——-

“Even after everything… if I had the choice of hanging out with anyone in the entire world or sitting at home eating pizza and watching a crappy tv show with you, I’d choose you every time…”

——-

“It’s beginning to seem like no matter how successful I am or what I do to better myself, no one will want to be with me, and I can’t figure out why.”

——-

“When I worked at the ERC with you, I thought you were awesome, I looked forward to coming to work every day just to see you and have a 5-10 minute conversation with you after you ended your shift. When I talked to you, we got along so well, and time would fly when we talked cause we just had “it.” But I had a girlfriend. A serious girlfriend that I thought I would marry, so I never followed my impulses to pursue you. 6 years later, my gf broke up with me, and I recently found out that you have a boyfriend now too. This is the one time I feel as if I should have followed my impulses…. to ask you a simple question during one of our 5-10 minute conversations: “Wanna grab a bite to eat?” Your boyfriend is a lucky man. I just wish I was him.”

——-

“I drink so much I vomit on purpose. People wont see it as bulimia… just 1 too many shots. When I found out I was pregnant, all I could think was ‘thank god I’ll lose some weight.’

I think about what could have been my child every single day. And everyday I feel worse and worse about my decision. It’s easy to think “oh if I was pregnant, I’d totally have an abortion.” That’s what I always thought. But sitting in the waiting room with my boyfriend, all I wanted when the doctors took me back was for him to tell me “you dont have to go through with this.” It’s a silly fantasy. But that day haunts me every single day.”

——-

“I am paralyzingly in love with my best friend and he has no idea. And I’m pretty sure that he never will because I am too cowardly to tell him. It is my biggest regret and biggest fear.”

——-

“I’m 20 years old, considered to be decently good looking, and I’m still a virgin. The fact that I haven’t found a girl eats at me, totally makes me loose a ton of self confidence in my looks or personality. I want so bad to have a deep relationship with someone, but it just hasn’t happened. It’s not that I just want a hook up, but at this point I don’t feel like I’m attractive enough to have one either.”

——-

“I texted my ex last night while I was drunk. We broke up two months ago, and I was doing a very good job of not contacting him.

After several attempts to plead with him to talk to me, he told me he was shutting off his phone.

I feel like a total idiot. I need to let go.”

——-

“I visited UMD to see a friend a few years back. During what was a rowdy night at the bars I lied to girls about my name the entire time. One took me home, we had great sex, and I left in the middle of the night. I’ve never felt so guilty at 5AM. Hopefully she doesn’t care at all.”

——-

“A girl told me she got an abortion of what would have been my child. I feel as though I should be sad or upset over it but I’m not. My personal goals and the life of said child would both be less fulfilling then what I’m willing to accept.”

——-

“Since being home from my deployment three years ago I still find it difficult to socialize with people, and I am very timid when I go to my classes or when I go out. I just want things to be like they were before my deployment I want my confidence back but every time I think I have it it slips away very quickly.”

——-

“In class there’s a girl I want to approach but I’m afraid of being rejected which will kill my confidence and self esteem because rejection is demoralizing to socialize with the opposite sex.”

——-

“Sometimes I feel really depressed. I dont say anything because I dont feel like I have the right to complain about anything in my life. So many people are worse off. So i just keep quiet.”

——-

“I have a really poor GPA and I know that I should be doing better in school. I try and I try to get my grades up, but I can never do it. The worst part is that I try hard. I don’t go out on weekends and I study all the time. It makes me feel like I am not good enough for this school, myself, and worst of all my parents. I’ve lied to my family about my grades hoping that I can improve. I always feel like this is my semester, but the outcome never works out for me. Sometimes I have bad thoughts cause of it.”

——-

“I have dated my girlfriend for 2 years now and everything is going perfect. I really want to go out and have sex with random girls but I can’t. Should I leave the best thing that ever happened to me just to have so awesome drunken nights with hot sluts?”

——-

“I went out with this guy a couple times, and we had fun together. I’m so confused as to whether he just sees me as a friend or a potential relationship. He’s not out to his friends and family which makes it difficult. And on top of all of that, he goes to school 2 hours away. I just wish he was as interested in me as I am in him.”

——-

“I’ve been out of school a few years now. You and I were in an astronomy class together a few years ago and our first names start with the same letter. If you ever read this, I thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world and I’ll always regret that I was too scared to talk to you.”

——-

“I’m so deeply and crazily in love with my boyfriend, and none of my friends understand. I feel like no one understands. You don’t understand this feeling until it happens to you.”

——-

“Everyday I’m here I can’t stand being around annoying ass loud materialistic girls. I hate girls who lie, who have no respect for others, and who cheat. I hate girls who think having sex with random dudes is okay. I hate girls who can’t talk about anything else other than Facebook. And they surround me 24/7. Seriously, there’s more to life.”

——-

“In college, I had a few late night rendezvous with my roommate’s ex… while she was sleeping across the unit in her bedroom. Such guilt!

——-

“I’m in love with my best friend. His girlfriend has no idea. I feel guilty all the time.”

——-

“If you were hit by a loaf of wheat bread on north campus on February 2nd, I apologize.”

——-

“My depression makes me so tired sometimes I don’t move or do schoolwork for hours, I know it is the reason I am a 21 year old virgin, have 0 friends; but I also know it is the only thing I have left.”

——-

“I am number 1 in my class, and I have been for the past three years of school. Everyone says I have a high IQ, and that labels me as an idiot on the social level, according to many of them. They don’t know that the only reason I studied hard is that I am truly, deeply, madly, in love with a Professor, who thinks I am the best student she has ever had. I have been in love with her for three years, and I still remember the day, date, time and clothes that she wore when I first saw her. I love her so much that I am thankful she’s in a happy marriage, and it makes my day when I know she’s home, warm, comfortable and safe with a man I cannot help but admire.”

——-

“I gave up everything for my husband. And I secretly hate him for it.”

——-

“I’m not just on medication for my anxiety. It’s also because suicide seemed so beautiful and exhilarating.”

——-

“I pissed on the turtle outside McKeldin Library, and I am not talking about a spritz. It was a full bladder void.”

——-

“I felt like cutting when that turd from Miami hit that 35 foot 3 in OT. I couldn’t find a sharp enough razor blade, though.”

——-

“I’m 26, Catholic, still a virgin, and don’t know how long I will last. However, I secretly wish I’d find someone who shares my same values, and who will wait for me too.”

——-

“I just wanted to say that you seem so great that if I had a choice between you and Ryan Gosling, I’d choose you in a heartbeat.Too bad the only thing you’ve ever said to me is “excuse me” when you accidentally bumped my chair in government. It was the most beautiful excuse me I’ve ever heard.”

——-

“I pretty sure I will never have a serious relationship because my dad told me I talk to much and it would drive someone insane. I really hope he is wrong (but deep down, I know he is right).”

——-

“I know I broke your heart, but trust me when I say I broke my own heart too. But I had to do it. It was only fair. Believe me, I’m more miserable than you.”

——-

“I have never told anyone this so here goes. I’m 22 and I have never been kissed, or asked out on a date. People that I hang around think I am this confident, sarcastic, funny girl, but this part of me hurts… I am told by guys that I have an amazing personality and I have been asked “You’re beautiful, why are you single?” several times. When I am asked that it hurts more because I start to think even more, “What the hell is wrong with me??!”

My friends come to me for all of their relationship advice the use it and it works. I still have no clue why I have not been able to have one on my own and its hard for me to accept that.
I like a guy now, and how we look at each other its instant sparks every time. But will those sparks still be there when (hopefully) he finds out that the “amazing, witty” girl I am is inexperienced in everything?!”

——-

“It’s only been two short months but I’m pretty sure I love you. You’re so amazing and sweet and have been the most supportive man I’ve ever had in my life. I want you to be the one but I’m afraid, in the long run, we don’t want the same things in life. Hoping you tell me you love me soon.”

——-

“I like myself a lot. I just wish other people could respect that. I don’t want to be alone, I want to be left alone.”

——-

“We aren’t allowed to have turtles in our rooms. I have a live turtle living in my dorm room.”

——-

“Since I became legal I would have anonymous sex with men online. I have had it more than 20 times easily. All different people. I haven’t gotten myself checked out because I am scared to learn the truth.” -WVU Student

——-

“My secret is that I set up a “secrets” site that allows fake names & email addresses, but I know the IP address of everyone who fills out the form.”

For the record, this isn’t mine, guys. Haha

——-

“We had sex. It wasn’t good. For some reason-desperation, fear of being alone, fuckedupness-I still want you. Now were friends and I pretend really really well. But I constantly think of you, wanting almost anything you’re willing to give me. And, for that, I hate myself.”

——-

“All I’ve ever wanted was to get married and have children. It’s all I want now and it’s all I think I will ever want.”

——-

“I attempted suicide and spent a week in a mental hospital last fall. My parents, sister, roommate and best friend are the only ones who know about it and none of us ever bring it up and if that time period is brought up we pretend nothing happened.

I’ve grown up learning to push serious desires and feelings to the side, to essentially hide and suppress the person I really am in favor who I should be to appease the world.

All I want is someone to hold my hand. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. My parents love me with everything they have, but the day I realized they couldn’t hold my hand in my lowest hour pushed me to swallow a handful of pills. I’ve been doing better since then, but I still fear the day I’ll be in desperate need of a hand to hold and reach out to empty space.”

——-

“You’re a big reason for my anxiety, so I don’t miss you, but I do miss our sex. You’re so attractive, but such an asshole.”

——-

“While at Maryland, I fell in love with a friend’s girlfriend. She knew it, we talked about it, and after some time ended up together for my last few months of school. It was the only time in my life I felt truly happy. We ended up parting ways after a job she was supposed to have in DC did not come through, saying maybe if it was meant to be it would happen. I was miserable after she moved home, and made a point to basically go tell her I love her and needed her in my life. We went out, she got drunk, and kissed another guy while I was across the room. I woke up the next day and drove the 4 hours home. She called me about an hour into my drive bawling her eyes out begging me to come back and talk to her. It told her I had nothing to say and never wanted to talk to her again. It was the biggest mistake of my life, because I think about her everyday.”

——-

“Walking out of my life was the biggest mistake you have ever made. I just hope you realize that.”

——-

“It’s not fair. This should have been one of the best days of my life, but the fact that I don’t have you around anymore to share it with absolutely kills me.”

——-

“I’m terrified of ending up alone. It’s pretty much all I think about. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’m starting to wonder if there’s something wrong with me. I just have to keep reminding myself that God will take care of everything.”

——-

“To the boy I met in class during summer session: sometimes I still close my eyes and remember standing on the porch of the Plant Sciences building with you during that thunderstorm. I can remember the electricity in the air. You think that I’ve moved on and forgotten about you, but I haven’t. I still ache for what I cannot have.”

——-

“I fucking hate Webassign AND ITS FUCKING CREATORS. FUCK YOU NC STATE.”

——-

“Every time I got involved with a guy, he always ends up not wanting what I want in the relationship. Then we end things, and we stop talking. Eventually, I always find out that he starts dating someone literally right after ending things with me. This has happened to me multiple times, and it makes me feel like I’m nothing and just an “inbetween” waste of time. It makes me feel like I am worth nothing, and I hate that more than anything.”

——-

“Keeping emotions to yourself is the safest approach to hide the pain and yet the fastest way to die insane.

It’s so logical. It makes so much sense. But, I don’t know. I just can’t. I’m scared. I need your help. I need you to tell me I can do this.

I am not ‘fine’. I am stuck. Too scared to shoot the basketball with my left hand. Just tell me I can do this. Tell me that you will be there for me when I cry. Remind me that I am not alone. I will let you in. Don’t be afraid to push back. It shows me that you care. Please, I need your help. You are the only person that can help me.”

——-

“A lot of the time I feel like my friends throw me under the bus in order to strengthen their relationship. I’ve always thought of myself as a pretty good friend to those around me but I’m beginning to think… What’s the point if when I turn my back my closest best friends can’t even manage to say something nice?”

——-

“I go to class and work. I walk all around campus every day for some reason or another. Even at a school of 35,000 I feel entirely alone. I have no friends. I interact with dozens of students per day at my job and every single time I just wish they’d care to hang out with me or at least add me on Facebook because I try to be generous with how I help them. Envy builds and builds all day seeing people talking to one another…I’d give anything for a real friend.

People in my classes won’t bother to reach out because they assume that since I’m never around anyone else before or after class that I have friends elsewhere — but I don’t. It kills me inside when I’m cool and collected eating lunch alone but my inner voice screams for someone to sit next to me or get the courage to start a conversation randomly. I’ve tried doing that and failed miserably more times than I can remember. I’ve never had a real friend and I want one more than anything else in the world.”

——-

“Sometimes I feel like the choices I’ve made ruined the life I was supposed to have. I know my path has led me here, but I wish I could change it all.”

——-

“It’s been three years since I broke up with my only boyfriend of five years. I’m still madly in love with him while he moved on, but I tell him that I moved on as well because he wouldn’t want to be friends with me if I hadn’t.”

——-

“I’m so selfish and desperate for attention that I make myself seem sadder than I am just so I can get sympathy from my girlfriend.”

——-

“I was a grad student at Maryland from 1998-2000, and was going through sort of a low point in life, when I met an absolutely incredible woman in a class. She was funny, well-liked, smart and beautiful – all the things I felt like I was not. We had an instant attraction and spent every day and night together. Like quickly turned to love on my part, but when she didn’t love me back, my love turned to obsession. I ended up basically stalking her, scaring her and her friends, and I think ruining her life for a couple of years. I could not believe the awful person I had become, but I did not know how to stop. My behavior was unforgivable and haunts me to this day….

Flash forward 11 years. She has a great life now, is married with kids, and I would like to hope never thinks about her shitty ex-boyfriend, but she probably does. After getting scared straight by a court restraining order, getting some much needed counseling, and just getting my shit together in the rest of my life, I was finally able to move on, and things have turned out pretty great for me. too, with a successful career and a happy marriage. I can’t change or fix the way I treated “D”, but I just wish I could tell her I am sorry. Sorry for humiliating her, frightening her, disappointing her, and spoiling her memories of Maryland. She deserved a lot better.”

——-

“I wish I was 12 years old again. My best friend always wanted to play “sex games” with me but I was always too scared. But now, seven years later, I am really sorry I didn’t do it. Back then it would have just been two boys experimenting which is normal. Now I want to try sex with another guy which means I’m gay, and that scares me even more.”

——-

“When I was a UM student, one night while walking through the Chem building, I got so sick of all those SGA candidate flyers, so I tore them all down. The Diamondback had a story a few days later accusing a rival party of tearing them down, but it was me!! Then they changed the policy: no flyers except on the kiosks. You’re welcome.”

——-

“Even though I should have taken the hint to come get you, I sure as hell didn’t want to put a damper on the smile by putting you through what I was going through. But now that everything straight and I’m ready, distance kind of erased any possibility. But some day, somewhere, I hope we meet again. (No, not Facebook.)”

——-

“I want to be beautiful. I hate myself.”

——-

“I hope my boyfriend knows how much I really do love him.”

——-

“My friends don’t really care about me, so I turn to sex to make me feel close to people, but even that isn’t helping. I put up a guard and a front by smiling all day, but I’ve never felt this alone or lonely. I don’t want to give up.”

——-

“You thought my lies were over, but they never were. It felt better knowing you were going to walk away from someone that wasn’t actually me.”

——-

“I think we were soul mates. We were perfect for each other, if perfection meant knowing every single button to push. If perfection meant staying together just for the sake of winning the next argument.

The funny thing is, when we were together, I hated it most of the time. I was angry at you, and sex almost felt like another way we could push each other around. And yet, I found comfort in knowing that you gave me reality. I liked that you weren’t Prince Charming by any stretch of the imagination.

But now that you’re gone, things have been great. I’ve been on dates with all kinds of guys that will actually treat me right, I’ve got a 4.0, and everything is perfect. Almost too perfect. Which is why I’m desperate to get you back. I need to be knocked down a few pegs and back into reality.”

——-

“I cheated on you. It wasn’t sex, but it was still cheating. I try to forget that it ever happened, like that will make it have never happened. I feel so horribly dirty about it. I want to tell you, but I also never want you to find out.”

——-

“I took a job as a leader of young men, but the young men don’t like me at all. I just want the young men to work hard, get good grades, and learn punctuality. But the young men resent me for it.”

——-

“I slept with my ex-boyfriend last weekend. He cheated on his new girlfriend with me. I felt so guilty for hurting the girl I wish I still was.”

——-

“I am in love with my plants! I love them more than my wife and two children.”

——-

“I took an on-campus job about a year and a half ago. But I’m afraid to tell anyone that I am completely unqualified. Part of my job involves hiring people, and one of the guys I hired is just as incompetent as me! A lot of people told me not to hire him, because there was a MUCH more qualified candidate who was interested, but the guy I chose talked a good game, and seemed like a safe, “don’t make any waves” hire.

Boy, was I wrong. He just keeps running his mouth, acting like a slave driver, but still doing his job HORRIBLY! Because of my dumb decisions, though, if we fire him we have to pay $10,000,000.

I’m in way over my head, but I can’t admit it to anyone. Same thing for the guy I hired. I’m lost. I have no idea what to do. I guess I’ll just keep smiling and tell everybody that we’re moving towards greatness, when I realize I just keep shooting holes into the sinking ship I’m standing on”

——-

“I know I was supposed to keep this fun and light and simple. It didn’t work. I love you. And I don’t know how to tell you because I’m afraid it will scare you away, and I don’t want you to leave.”

——-

“To the guy I met at the South Campus dining hall yesterday afternoon, we were both ordering quesadilias and you were were wearing a fraternity hoodie and talking about greek life …Well you had the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen!! You can invite me to your frat house anytime!”

——-

“My boyfriend has a low libido due to long time use of antidepressants. Nonetheless, I obsessively think that he is gay. It’s ruining our relationship.”

——-

“I want to live in Courtyards next year. It’s the best apartment that I can afford. But I need 3 female roommates, and no one has approached me about rooming together. Everyone else seems to have their own plans. I’m doing my best but it isn’t working. It seems like it doesn’t matter but it does to me… I haven’t felt this alone and friendless in years.”

——-

“I’m so involved with someone that I can’t even enjoy a semester abroad for more than a few hours. I can’t even bring myself to tell him that I love him either, because I’m terrified it’ll drive him away and I’ll be even worse off.”

COLLEGE PARK CUDDLER UPDATE

ALERT THE PRESS: False alarm.

Have no fear, the College Park Cuddler is a phony. (I mean, not the real one. Just the one who sent me a secret.)

I JUST received a message from the same name and e-mail saying, “I was the one who made up the College Park cuddler secret. It was a joke. I’m a stupid college kid. Get over it.”

Phew, glad that’s over. I had no idea that was going to cause such a scene.

I was pretty certain that it was not a serious threat to begin with, however over 68% of people who voted in the poll wanted me to report it to authorities. Initially, I took it as a joke and was planning to take it lightly, but I was almost immediately contacted by someone saying that it was something that needed to be reported.

I was getting really mixed responses on what people thought that I should do, which is why I added the poll. If a majority of people were honestly that concerned about it, I really would not have been left with much of a choice but to report it to officials.

Let this be a lesson: DON’T BE STUPID, GUYS. Things like this can really frighten people and cause a lot of controversy.

Thanks for coming forward and not wasting more of my and everyone else’s time.

CP Cuddler Secret: To report, to not to report? POLL

So, the CP Cuddler secret I just received is stirring up a lot of attention already.

(The Diamondback’s blog has already caught wind of it.)

If you didn’t see the secret, it said, “I’m the College Park cuddler. Some may not understand why I like to get in bed with girls, but I think it’s the sexiest thing ever. To be in a bed with a girl who has no idea I’m there turns me on more than anything. I will strike again.”

**NOTE: If you sent me this secret or know who did, I suggest coming forward right now; particularly if you weren’t serious. It will save you, me, and everyone else A LOT of trouble in the long-run. 

I have a tough call to make as far as whether or not I need to report it to officials. Some are saying that I need to report it, while others are saying that it’s probably just a joke. Either way, should this person be reprimanded?

KEEP ALL OF THIS IN MIND BEFORE YOU VOTE: 

There was no valid name or e-mail address attached, and I don’t know that they would be able to do anything about it as far as figuring out who it was. And beyond that, would they be able to prove anything just from the post? Would the UMCP police even do anything about it?

From a “secret keeper” perspective, I feel as though I need to keep this under wraps. I want to keep my promise of not releasing names of secret-senders to the public.

From a journalistic perspective, I feel as though I need to get the word out there. I can’t help it, I think like a journalist. I always have, and I always will.

From a moral perspective, I feel as though I need to respect the safety of the students and the public interest. If you all really feel threatened by this, I might need to make the moral decision to protect everyone.

From a student’s perspective, I feel as though this is likely a joke, and this will cause me a lot of hassle, possibly for no reason. I know both how stupid students can be and how difficult dealing with the police can be.

I, of course, have the final say, but just out of curiosity, I want to hear what you think as UMD students.

Do you feel threatened? Is it worth the trouble? Could we actually catch the CP Cuddler?

Vote now and tell me what you think!