hate

January-March Secrets!

Editor’s note:

I’m sorry it has taken me so long to post these (they were submitted in January and February)! I don’t have a good excuse, I’ve just been a little overwhelmed for the past few months for a few reasons and got behind. But as always, I have no intentions of abandoning TerpSecret. As long as one person in the world has a secret to share, I’ll be here.

Also, both of these make me wish I could respond to the people who submitted them. As crazy as my life gets sometimes, I always want to help people who reach out to me. If you don’t have a secret but need advice, I’m here to help.

❤ Sarah


“My ex-girlfriend and I broke up, but we decided to have sex one last time and my condom broke. I didn’t cum and she took plan B. She began bleeding a week later which is 2 weeks before her normal period. I’ve been freaking out every day and have had extreme anxiety. I tried to be there for her, but she abruptly stopped talking to me and won’t return any of my calls.

After this experience, I have come to the conclusion that I never want to have sex again or ever involve myself in a relationship. There is way too much pain and stress associated with it.”


“Every once in a while I’ll do this thing, where I lay in bed all day pretending I’m dead just to see if anyone would notice if I killed myself overnight. I’ve come to the conclusion that my body would have to start to smell before anyone even tried knocking on my door. The longest time was 42 hours. Two days I laid in bed and didn’t make a single sound, didn’t eat or watch TV. Nobody even texted to see where I was. I stayed away from home to see how long it would take someone to notice I was gone. Two weeks until someone tried to get a hold of me. If I died, it would take my family days to realize it.”

May Secrets!

We all have secrets, so unleash yours.

We all have secrets, so unleash yours.

“I have an eating disorder. I thought I was over it, I used to be bulimic to the point that I’d be nauseous if I ate, and then it transformed to Anorexia when it came to much to handle. My friend had me start smoking weed, it made me hungry and not give a fuck. I’ve been smoking since I was 16, and I thought I was over my disorder. The past few days I have not smoked, I can not eat and when I try to I feel like I’m going to throw up until I finally just made myself. I realize today that I never got over it, I masked the symptoms, but I never got to the root of the issue. The real problem is I hate myself.”

——-

“I drink at work. On the job. My coffee always has Jamison. My coke always has rum. And the saddest part, is I’m so functional no one notices.”

——-

“I never feel like I’m good enough in anything I do. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t try so I have an excuse afterwards. It makes me settle and I am tired of settling, but I’m stuck with this habit of self-sabotage.”

——-

“I keep myself awake at night envisioning what it would be like to get in fights with people I don’t like.”

——-

“I resent my parents for not doing things right the first time. They love me and I love them, but they screwed up my life.”

——-

“I have an eating disorder.
Finally realizing this after the third doctor has told me to see someone.
I fight it though sometimes I find myself having gone a day or two having eaten nothing but a cup of coffee I don’t need help.
I’ve figured it out so far and I’m working on it.
I can be strong.
sometimes…”

——-

“I hate the way I act when I drink because I know everyone else hates it to, so when my friends ask me to go out I make excuses just to avoid being talked about behind my back.”

October Secrets!

“I’ve read just about all the secrets since they first came out. I’ve seen some interesting admissions. I don’t really care to judge cause quite frankly I’m sick of being judged by people too. I just want to be friends with you all. Have a nice day.”

——-

“I feel like all of my relationships I have with people are toxic. Full of either really great times or really awful times. Nothing in the middle. I think it’s time for a change, the only question is will I be able to let go?”

——-

Ever since I hit 21 everyone seems to have forgotten that I had bulimia and now everyone chalks up my eating habits and throwing up to being hungover all the time. Now everyone just thinks I’m an alcoholic, which is much more acceptable apparently.”

——-

“I messed everything up. Almost 4 years has passed.  But I can’t let you go in my heart, my mind.  I miss you more every day even though I talk to you every day. But you have moved on & I pretend I am ok with it.  But it hurts & I cry a little bit every day hoping eventually the pain will subside & no more tears will fall.

I love you and Im sorry.”

——-

“As much as I hate you, I still think about you and wonder what things would be like if we were still together.”

——-

“Sometimes, I secretly wish while I’m driving that I’ll get in an accident just to see who actually comes to visit me at the hospital.”

——-

“I cheated on you and I’ve never forgiven myself for that. I broke up with you because I couldn’t stand the guilt, and I still can’t. It’s been three years, and I still wonder if we would still be together if I hadn’t fucked it all up.”

——-

“I keep telling everyone that I’m better, but I contemplate suicide all the time.”

——-

“I miss the guy of my dreams <3”

——-

“I move a lot from state to state unfortunately and recently I moved away from someone I really care about and now I can’t stop thinking about her. Every night I have nightmares of her dyeing and it being my fault. It’s overwhelming and I don’t want to tell her because I’m scared she will forget our promise.”

——-

“I cancelled a meeting today so I could tan on the mall. I probably should feel bad, but I really don’t!”

March Secrets!

“I fantasize constantly about having a threesome with 2 guys and I have no idea why.  I love my boyfriend with all my heart, but there I go fantasizing about it anyway! What is wrong with me??”

——-

“All right so here is the deal. Freshman year in college I met a girl and dated her for six months. She is a sophomore, so she has hooked up with this guy in the past, and I have caught her texting this guy once, sexual texting in fact… Heartbreaking, it hurt me so bad. I’m a nice guy, I bring her flowers, take her out, listen… I caught her again and she was going to. Now I’m told she wants to hook up with him, I don’t know what to do, I really love this girl I do… I do”

——-

“I am sleeping with a guy my friend was seeing and she still likes him but I don’t feel guilty because I deserve him more and I appreciate him more than she does. She only wants to use him for material things.  I want her to disappear because she is getting in the way of us being together.”

——-

“To the girl who has a boyfriend but may be attracted to girls: I feel the same way. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years but have recently been becoming more and more curious about trying things with a girl, to see how I really feel. I think my boyfriend secretly knows, and is okay with it, which I find strangely comforting.

——-

“To my girlfriend of 4+ years, I’m sorry. I love you Miss.”

——-

” I have been severely depressed for about 8 years now. I’ve never told anyone and now looking back I should have. I was afraid to and now it has ruined my life. Anyone out there who is struggling shouldn’t be afraid to look for help because you will regret it when it becomes too late.”

——-

“We became the best of friends. You have been the only guy that has known every single thing that has happened to me in my life. You told ne you were in love with me. You wanted to be my bf so bad. You wished that one day it would happen. And then 2 weeks after your feelings went away I realized I loved you more than a bff. We only use each other for sex now. I still wish we could have tried. I miss boo… :'(”

——-

“Let’s see, I’m male and the first time I had sex was when I was 25. A few years later I got herpes. I’ve dated little in my life, I’ve not had much sex, and have never been in love where it was reciprocated back. And now I’m middle aged. In time I ended up using the services of escorts on several occasions, though I never wanted to, was always left unfulfilled and always ended up hating that I had done such a thing. I’ve looked at so much porn during the course of my life. I have anxiety, and possibly depression. I am a loner. I think I’m a loser and pathetic more often than I’d like. I’ve always wanted to find someone special and with my track record, it seems that will likely never happen. On top of that, I wonder who will ever accept me, my past, as well as some other things about myself. At times I can’t help but want to cry. What is the purpose of my life?”

——-

“I’ve been hooking up with a closeted football player for about a year now. I’m kinda starting to like him but I know he’s too scared to actually date a guy. So I’ll just keep hooking up and not say anything.”

——-

“I have to say…I’m so happy that you picked me over all the other girls”

——-

“We were the best of friends. Our relationship was so intimate. Never, ever in a physical way, but in an emotional way I miss so much. I miss having someone know and understand me so well. We were best friends since 5th Grade. She was my childhood. It’s been a year and it still kills me to think we’ve lost all that. I have only gotten this far because I remind myself of why we’re no longer friends. You changed so much. I changed so much. I still miss you and I’m still hurting. But it will get better.”

——-

“I married the girl I had sex with because we had sex. Not because I loved her.”

——-

“You took my virginity. I wasn’t into you. I broke up with you because your intellect is quite limited. You have no self esteem, no structure, no organization for your life. You call your life hectic so people will leave you alone. You call yourself dumb and because of it, you are. Go figure yourself out and please don’t get back to me. Oh, and we are definitely not friends. And tonight, I’m having sex with the hot girl next door, the one you hate.”

——-

“I’ve been trying to find love and happiness for a while now, and I think I may have found it. It’s one-sided right now, but he has made me realize that I should love myself and be happy regardless of what other people around me think. He is such a great person, and I hope that whoever I end up with will be the same way.”

——-

“I’m a virgin for religious reasons and even though obviously no one is pointing a gun to my head, I like that I’m waiting, and it’s part of who I am and who I chose to be. And all these people writing here like, I’m 19 and a virgin am I weird? I’m 21 and a virgin etc. You’re not “weird” and you shouldn’t do ANYTHING because your friends are and it makes you feel bad.
It’s OK to be different and to know what you want. This world is filled with billions of unique people and you don’t have to be like everyone else.
You have EVERY right to make your own damn decisions.”

——-

“At risk of sounding conceited… I’m an extremely knowledgeable, analytical, emotionally aware and caring person. I’m not petty or stingy, I’m always chivalrous, and I usually manage to make people laugh. I have one physical “flaw,” sure, but it’s not like its unnatural, grotesque, or even weird or unusual (and it’s not ‘down there’). I’m told I’m not unattractive despite it… so why does it seem like no girls are ever even remotely interested?
Granted, I’m no Adonis, but I’m a far call from out-and-out ugly. Why does it seem like everything is so much harder? I really just want someone to love.”

——-

“We weren’t really in love, even if we said we were. And now I know what love feels like with someone else. And everyone though I’m happier than I ever thought I could be, I still think about you. And I wonder if we could have had a real shot.”

——-

“This site saved my life. I learned that other people shared my problems. I learned that there was help out there for me. I just wanted to say thank you.”

This brought tears to my eyes. I never get tired of hearing feedback like this. <;3

——-

“I get too attached to people and then I don’t know how to get away, even when they begin hurting me. I convince myself that it will all be worth it and I stay through abuse for the small instances of positive. I’m scared to let go because then what will I have?”

——-

“‘I don’t want your body if I can’t also have your heart.’ It’s honestly a major turn off from one guy’s point of view to meet a woman who doesn’t respect her own body. If you won’t trust me with your heart, what are you doing throwing your body at me? I’m not bashing anyone’s lifestyle; you do what you have to do. Personally though, I want a strong woman who respects herself and knows what she wants.”

——-

“I hate myself, and what’s worse is that I’m so aware of how stupid my reasons for self-loathing are that I hate myself even more.”

——-

“I loved you from the moment I saw you in 4th grade. I finally got you in 12th. Then I had to do what was best for me and go to college. You no longer knew my friends or what my every action was. That wasn’t good enough for you. You promised nothing would change but you did. You didnt trust me. You lead me on and let me trust and believe you. I just want someone to love me and trust me like you did before college. Now we no longer even talk. There goes all friendship we ever had. You couldn’t even do it well. I wish I had never been with you because now I dont trust men and can’t move on. So thank you for screwing me up.”

——-

“I have ADHD without the hyperactivity. I didn’t have any accommodations throughout K-12, so I worked my butt off to get to where I am today as a freshman in college. My family is proud of me, and I’m proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished, because it was not at all easy. I was told by my university that the campus is very accepting and open to students with both learning and physical disabilities. I was able to get some accommodations this year, and so far it has helped tons.

When the year started I told my now ex roommate that I have ADD, as well as my suitemate, they were fine with it. Little later in the semester my roommate is talking to someone on skype, she says “college is just an excuse for people that have ADD” – referring to procrastinating/getting distracted. At that point I’m like WTH is wrong with you, I didn’t say anything. How could you say something like that, I’m sitting right here… Its one thing for me, as a person that has been diagnosed to have ADD to make a joke like “OH SQUIRREL!!!!” What she said is uncalled for. People that don’t have it will never know what its like, I hate that they pretend that they do. With comments like “Oh I’m so ADD today haha”. Well try feeling like that all the time… I take meds and I manage just fine, but it doesn’t mean it makes it all go away. What everyone that doesn’t have ADD doesn’t understand is that, we are trying to keep up to par with the rest of you, who don’t have ADD. That’s why we take what help we can get, that’s why we can get extended time on tests sometimes, or help with note-taking, or priority registration. We aren’t trying to take the easy way out, to get ahead or take advantage of the resources we’re offered. We are trying to stay up to par, to be up at your level. If you don’t have ADD you won’t know what its like, so stop pretending, maybe you do understand somewhat if you have a sibling that has it. But you will never truly understand. To those of you out there that have been diagnosed with ADD and are struggling, I understand, just know that you are not alone.

Thank you Sarah, for giving everyone a place to tell their story and for sharing your story with us. And thank you for inspiring people in the ADHD world like me, to tell the world that its okay to say “OH SQUIRREL!!!””

——-

“I cheated on my Chem 202 report today.”

——-

“I get hit on by a lot of old men, it kind of comes with my job serving food. Most people get annoyed or creeped out, but I’m genuinely flattered. I never felt pretty before this job, but (not to sound stuck up) I have come to realize I’m really fucking attractive. Now I’m reminded everyday, and I don’t think I’ve smiled this much in a long time.”

——-

“Out of all of our friends, I am the only one who truly believes that your death wasn’t an accident. I heard you talk about overdosing before and did nothing. Every day of my life I will try to find a way to forgive myself for not stopping you.”

——-

“I have been with my boyfriend for two years. At the beginning of our relationship, I was getting high with some guy I knew and his friend. They raped me but I’m too afraid to tell my boyfriend (or anyone else for that matter) because it feels like I cheated on him, even though I know I didn’t ask for this to happen to me. I truly hate those two guys for doing this to me and making me feel like this was my fault.”

——-

“I don’t buy groceries anymore because I’m afraid I won’t have enough money for drugs. Without them, I have no confidence. Sometimes I wish you wouldn’t be so proud of me.”

——-

“I’ve been taking adavtange of the guise of mental health for awhile letting me do what I want. I purposely rushed last this semester to find out who not to fuck with, I was setting up my own greek life, but to a lot of people created obstacles and I’m currently taking a semester off by force. I might now even go back to UMD but if I do, I don’t know whether to start my own underground one or just be normal. My mind is a maze, a jungle free that NO ONE can tame.”

——-

“We dated for months, but now you’re dating a girl. I don’t care that you’re lesbian or bi now, but for some reason I miss you all the time. Maybe it’s because you were the only girlfriend who wasn’t obsessed with me, maybe it’s because I wanted you to like me so bad and I never thought you did. Oh well.”

——-

“I’m glad we’re friends again. I really am, but a part of me still misses you and how we used to be. I know we never dated, and I blame that partially on the fact that we knew we would have to part ways for college. I still miss you sometimes though. I haven’t been emotionally as close with any other guy as I was with you. We lost it you know, we lost time.”

——-

“I’ve never said this aloud and I don’t mean to sound conceited but I think I’ve gotten more attractive over the years. I used to be the nerdy looking girl in the back. I wasn’t the most attractive but I was always smart. Only thing is, now that I’ve become attractive, I feel like my intelligence somehow has dwindled.”

——-

“My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me. She is now smoking pot again and has just announced she is with the guy she lost her virginity to. She broke up with me 12 days ago and I have only eaten about 5 meals since because I have been so depressed. I know I can’t ever be with her again but I am so lonely and depressed without her. I was always good to her, probably too good and that’s why she left me.”

——-

“My eating disorder and self-injury have scared off all of my friends. I know they all talk about me behind my back.The more I try to hide my problems, the more they show. I’m working so hard to get better, but the stigma of my illnesses have completely isolated me and convinced me that I’m insane and going to be alone forever. Don’t give up on your friends suffering with mental illness. They need your love and your sunshine.”

——-

“I really hate the fact I introduced you guys. You were my closest friends, now you guys are best friends and never bother to think of me. The one, has been with me since 1st grade. She is my sister in all sense of the word but blood. The other since 6th grade. They didn’t start hanging out until 11th or 12th, and now they live together and neither one has time for me. Maybe I’m selfish, jealous, whatever. But I went from loving you to gradually disliking the both of you.”

——-

“Should I just have sex with him? It won’t make him stay, I know. I don’t really need him to either. But he’s a nice guy, we have fun together and I’m a virgin. I would only be doing it to get it out of the way. I always wanted to wait until I fall in love for my first time but at 18 when all my friends have been in love and had sex, I feel like I’m behind. Like there’s something wrong with me.”

——-

“I always thought I would be a doctor but recently, I’ve realized I’m not as smart as I thought I was. I graduated high school in the top 2% of my class. School used to be so easy yet here in college somehow I’ve become a C student. Before college I didn’t know what a C was! I feel lost. My parents tell me I can do it and they still brag about me to their friends. I just want them to stop! Stop putting so much hope and confidence in me. I don’t deserve it. I’ve become lazy. I get drunk too much. But even when I do study, it feels like nothing sticks anymore. I’ve peaked. I’ve peaked before I even entered the real world. The future looks so dark now.”

——-

“I had an abortion in February. I was 17. All I can think about is how I would be a mother in September.”

——-

“I was going back to my dorm from the Bio Psych building last semester when I was handed one of the first Terp Secret postcards. I held it as I trekked back, thinking of how I wanted to say what I felt, and what I needed to say to clear my head and start fresh as a new Maryland student. Just holding that card was powerful; I was able to eliminate the anger I carried from before I came to Maryland just thinking about clearing out my secrets. Just holding that card gave me a new start and the strength to be a better person.
I keep that card on my desk still. Maybe I’ll send it one day, or give it to someone else who needs to clear their mind, too.”

——-

“I didn’t just lie about being pregnant to get him to stay, I lied about the miscarriage, too.
I don’t know how I became that person. I’m sorry to all of the women out there who have lost pregnancies. I’m sorry for making it harder for women who aren’t lying.”

——-

“We made out a few times, then he told me he’s not interested. He lives hundreds of miles away but I’m still hopelessly in love. This fucking sucks.”

——-

“I was very much in love with you until you started hitting me. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and now you have driven me away. There’s someone new now, but I am too afraid to tell you. I’m afraid of what you will do to me if you knew.”

——-

“I am madly in love with my boyfriend who is currently serving the Peace Corps. So much so that I truly believe I have found the one I want to marry. I can’t believe how absolutely incredible it feels to just say that. I have found the one I want to marry. I have found the one I am going to marry. Yeah, that’s nice.”

——-

“I was so head over heels at 14. But you never noticed me. Now, 9 years later we somehow find each other and I couldn’t have been happier that you finally knew my name and wanted to be with me. Until you told me you just got divorced and have an STD. seriously, wtf..!”

——-

“I hate that everyone I meet now, I still compare to you. If they don’t make me feel how you made me feel, they aren’t worth dating in my opinion. And this comparison constantly makes me miserable but i just can’t help it. But why would I want someone like you… you broke my heart.”

——-

“I was in a year and half relationship then I was single for three months and then another year long relationship. I am currently single and I don’t have the confidence to approach girls or even know how to attempt to.”

——-

“Being gay on this campus is pretty close to a fucking nightmare. And it’s BECAUSE of the other gay guys. The cliques. I can’t try to date anyone without them thinking I’m a slut or a player (pretty contradictory) … all without knowing me”

——-

“I am terrified of the future. I just keep skipping class and gaining more and more weight and getting more and more depressed. Help.”

——-

“I get a high from cheating on my girlfriend.”

——-

“I am depressed. I am doing badly at school even though I work so hard. I have a 30 hours a week job to pay my bills. I am overwight, but not by choice. I want to just be successful so I can take care of my parents, but that reality is slowly fading away as I enter my final semesters here. I am secretly hoping 2012 is actually the last year on earth, since sometimes I see no point in moving on.”

——-

“I’m 24. I’ll be graduating in May with a Masters degree. I put myself through school, I’m graduating at the top of my class… I even volunteer once a week, working with disabled adults, which I love to do. I’m driven, I’m smart, I’m compassionate. I already have a job lined up for next September. I’m a bit more than chubby, but I know I’m pretty. And I’m a virgin. I’m not a prude, and I’m not waiting for marriage, I just haven’t found a guy yet.

Last Christmas, my Dad made a sex joke in front of me, and my Mom was so embarrassed – she said it was inappropriate because not everyone present was an adult. It hurt to think that my Mom considers me a child because I’m still a virgin. At 24, I support myself in every way with a stable job and great friends. I’ve earned the respect of my peers and colleagues. Why does being a virgin make me less worthy of the title “adult”?”

——-

“I loved you. I loved you so much I did horrible things to make you stay, but they were all useless. Three years later I love him, but he doesn’t know. I love him so much I’m now doing unecessary things like paying for his plane ticket home; but it’ll never work, will it? Love. That’s all I want.”

——-

“I was never the ‘pretty one,’ I was always the ‘smart one’ between my sister and me. This year, I’ve slowly taken both titles and it scares me to see how conceited I’m becoming.
I hate the way I act now that I know I’m attractive. It disgusts me and I hope to never turn into someone so self-absorbed.”

——-

“I’m tired of being the guy that falls too hard for girls. I am tired of falling too hard and too fast. I am tired of giving my everything in a relationship and having them walk away and replace me like I was nothing. Everyone asks where the nice guys are, well there is a reason that you can’t find us anymore. It’s not fun being the nice guy that always finishes last.”

——-

“I am a lesbian and my parents don’t know.”

——-

“I fight anorexia every day. I used to be full-fleged, but things have gotten better. I force myself to eat food because I’m scared that I’ll end up back in therapy, or God forbid in a hospital again.

But every day I struggle with the fact that I hate the way that I look. I wish I had a friend who knew what I was going through. I’m not scared I’ll start starving again, but I just wish I had someone other than a doctor to confide in.”

——-

“I hate summer. I hate it when people get nostalgic for the summer, breaking out pictures of bikinis, sunglasses, and their neighborhood pool. For me it is all loneliness. I work 9-5 5 days a week inside without vacation because I can’t afford it. My friends travel and work at the pool and my parents always complain if I’m not around our miserable house. I feel trapped and forgotten at a time when everyone around me is having so much fun. I spent last summer cutting, and started again over winter break. I am so afraid it’ll get worse this time.”

——-

“Two months ago I gave a guy head in the backseat of my car. Tonight I had sex with a competely different guy. I don’t have feelings for either of them. I just told my best friend, since we were being honest about this type of stuff, and well she told me I was a disappointment and a whore. Thanks to her I feel like total shit.”

——-

“I found out my dad is cheating and I’m the only one who knows. It is killing me. I have so much trouble trusting men now. I love my boyfriend, but even the tiniest white lie scares me so much. He gives me everything, I’ve never been treated this well in my life, but I can’t give it all back. I’m terrified I’ll never be able to love and trust him completely. I don’t deserve him at all.”

——-

“I think I’m the best boyfriend in the world.”

——-

“I’ve known one of my best friends for most of my life, and I love her. We’ve never really had an opportunity to be together, including now that we go to different schools and are so busy. I also don’t even know how she truly feels about me and I’ve never had the balls to be honest with her when it comes to my feelings. But recently I’ve really had the motivation to give it a shot, and at least let her know that I want to be with her.

I still see her at least once a month, and I sometimes go to parties with her.

Here’s my secret: I hooked up with her roommate.

I can’t imagine that she won’t find out and I’m worried that not only does this complicate things for me, but it might have utterly destroyed any chance I had at being with her. I kinda hate myself right now, and I just wish it had been with her and not her roommate.”

——-

“I can’t have orgasms when I’m in bed with a guy. I’ve been faking since I’ve started having sex because I don’t want the guy to feel bad. It’s not like I don’t enjoy having sex, I do – who doesn’t? – and it feels great, but I just can’t get all the way there.
I don’t know why this is because I can easily make myself come. :/”

——-

“He screwed me over in every possible way. He betrayed my trust over and over again, even after he ‘begged’ for my forgiveness. He lied to me. He cheated on me. He used me. He took my virginity saying he loves me and that we are something special, but three months later slept with another girl like it was nothing.

I’m too good for him, too loyal, too trusting, too honest. He deserves a slut that doesn’t care. Not me.”

——-

“To the girl who has never been on a date, call your best friend.”

——-

“I was never going to sleep with you, or date you. I let you believe what you wanted because you sold me the drugs I needed back then. I don’t need them anymore, I don’t need you anymore. Please stop calling my friends crying about how your life sucks and how I’m not your friend anymore. It’s called Rehab, you should try it, I did and my life (without you) is so much better.”

——-

“I think you are hypocritical asshole, who just does this crap to hurt me, or piss me off. In your eyes I do everything wrong, I’ll never be good enough for you. But if you do something, so incredibley fucked up I better not get upset, because any dissagreement you will twist until it’s all my fault again. I cry over you every night, everyone tells me to move on, even your own family. So why do I love you so much? Why do I tell you that I love you, that I’ll wait for you forever? I don’t think I’m going to make it that long. This love (or whatever we have now) is going to kill me, or make me kill myself. One or the other will happen before you decide I’m worthy, that much I know.”

——-

“I hate working with food, because it smells so good, and I get so hungry. We throw out so much and I just want to be like “No let me have it.” I’m starving, I just want to eat. People always comment that I don’t eat, or I’m so skinny, or am I anorexic. The truth: I can’t afford that luxury, but I’m way too proud to admit it.”

——-

“8 months ago you told me that we’d try to work things out, and when you thought we were ready you’d ask me back out. It’s too the point that I doubt we will ever be together again, I’m just your fuck buddy. I love you, I planned on marrying you, now you’ve made it clear that we have no future past whatever this is.”

——-

“To the brown-haired blue-eyed girl who liked my blonde haired blue eyed post, I don’t go to College Park, I go to Shepherd University, terp secret has stretched to me out here in lame ass West Virginia.”

——-

“Flakey people piss me off! “Let’s make plans!”… “Ok!”…Never happens. IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KEEP OUR FRIENDSHIP … just say it … don’t prolong/string me out dammit. I’d much rather be told straight up that you either A) you don’t like me or B) I don’t want to hang with you (even though we were great friends up until now). These fake bitches need head and shoulders for their flakey-ness.”

——-

“My best friend thinks I’m a virgin whose never had a date because I’m too shy. I’ve never had a date because a one-night stand proved that I’m in love with my best friend.”

——-

“My friends are all good looking, while I’m just plain. Sometimes I wish they were unlikable people so that I’d have an excuse to stop being around them.”

——-

“I am still madly in love with my ex. I’ve been trying to fill this void with other men… But I know they’re not for me. It’s been over a year, and I still miss him everyday. Last week, I took almost a week off classes and lay in bed depressed. should I go seek counseling?”

It couldn’t hurt, honestly.

——-

“Everyone’s really proud of me right now, but I think I’m going to disappoint everyone. It’s only a matter of time before I fuck up again.”

——-

“I tend to become obsessed with my crushes. They’re all I think about. I Google them, Facebook search them, you name it. Not that I’d show up at their house or anything, but I just like knowing everything I can about them. I mean, the information up for anyone to see, so is it really that bad if I track it down?”

——-

“I’m a 20 year old, brown-haired, blue-eyed girl who wants to let the 21 year old blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy that his secret made my day. Knowing that there is a boy on this campus not just looking for a drunken hook up makes me suddenly so much more hopeful. And don’t worry, there are girls out there who value someone’s personality over looks. I’m glad to know there is a guy out there who does too.”

——-

“I usually wonder how others see or perceive me because I want to people to like me. But I woke up today and thought, ‘Have you ever considered that no one really gives a fuck?'”

——-

“I’ve known you for almost two years now. I’ve been interested in you since the very beginning, but I was too busy chasing someone else to act on it. I’ve been hurt my so many guys since we met, and you were there for me every single time. You are the best friend I have ever had. Recently you expressed to me that you had feelings for me, and I really hope we can be together one day. I really think we’re perfect for each other, I’ve always just been too afraid to say something.”

——-

“You stood me up on the most important night of my life at the time. We haven’t talked in 3 years and haven’t been friends since before that. Because of you I still have trouble putting myself out there.”

——-

“So I’ve never had an orgasm and I’m too lazy to make myself come. I’m hoping that whoever I’m with can just give me one and then it’ll automatically happen after that…”

——-

“I see my ex-girlfriend more than I want to, and I always feel angry. But if I’m honest I miss her more than I should. I’ll never admit it, but being with her for those couple of months was the most loved I felt. She did everything right…except smother me. But that’s not the point. I miss her, I miss the attention, and I miss her goofiness. But, she claims she’s in love and she’s SO happy. Sometimes I dream about showing back up and making her prove it to me. I know she wouldn’t tell me no. But I’m not that kind of girl. Even though people would claim otherwise.”

——-

“I don’t know where I earned my party girl reputation. Honestly. I’m not saying I don’t deserve it, I just don’t know how it began.”

——-

“Sometimes I feel so close to you, so in love and involved … and other days I could just walk away from everything. I don’t know if you’re not doing enough, or I’m just emotionally screwed. I want to fall in love with you again.”

——-

“When I was in high school I had a girlfriend who was beautiful, smart, funny, and crazy about me. I eventually left her for the person I thought to be the girl of my dreams. After over a year of cheating, lying, and disappointment we broke up. Now both myself and my original girlfriend are single again, I’d do anything to have her back, and she rightfully wants nothing to do with me. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.”

——-

“I need to get a grip; what’s happening to me??
I’m so unfocused and 80% of it’s because of you.
I don’t know what you’re thinking, and it’s frustrating and even corrosive.
Sometimes I think, do you even care? But then you do something and I’m sure you do… only to turn around and think, ‘Who the hell am I kidding?’
If you’re mildly interested, please stop, because if we keep going like this and you decide to wrap it up and call it quits, recuperating is going to be so rough.
What do I mean to you? Do I even mean half of what you mean to me.”

——-

“You are the first person I’ve met that I feel a connection with. I’ve had best friends that I wouldn’t trade for the world, but somehow, I still felt empty, alone. Then I met you. You think just like me. It’s like we share a mind. It’s nice to finally be understood.”

——-

“I can’t believe we narrowly avoided a Virginia Tech-like nightmare. What if we hadn’t? What if you died? You would die never knowing that I love you.”

——-

“I remember you handing me pills to wash down with booze. I remember puking, I remember crawling to the bathroom, and lying on the floor to sleep. I don’t remember how my dress got ripped open, or how I managed to end up in your bed. I don’t remember how I got the bruises and scratches. I don’t remember us having sex, or me ‘liking it rough’ as you said. I think you raped me, but I can’t remember, so there’s nothing I can do about it, but I know I would have never slept with you willingly.”

——-

“I never pressed charges against you, and it was the biggest mistake of my life. The only reason I didn’t was because everyone swore that you being violent was a one time thing, completely out of the ordinary. Now there’s a warrant out for your arrest for two counts of assualt. I guess you being violent was pretty in character after all. Now I know there is karma, and you will get yours. If I find out where you live now, I will report you, I’m against narcs and snitches, but I should have had you arrested when I had the chance.”

——-

“The worst feeling in the world is being someone’s safety net, especially when you loved that person like no one ever before.”

——-

“This is to the man I loved with all my heart. You graduated last spring with your two degrees and your straight A’s. I wish you were here with me in College Park, just like the weekends when i would visit and we would talk about getting married at the Memorial Chapel; I wish you were here to hold my hand, walk me to class and eat with me at the dining hall so I’m not alone everyday.
You pushed me in community college so i could be a terrapin, and now where are you? Your at Harvard Law School. I miss you very much, I hope that when I walk by Wicomico Hall or your fraternity house that I might see you there stuying, but then i realize you moved away. I wanted to be happy for you when you received your acceptance letter, I knew you were going to move away, with or without me… but I wanted to be a Terrapin! Am I selfish in saying what about my dream? Would you blame me for holding you back? I did not want that, but when i was 20 how did you expect me to completely uproot myself and move to Cambridge?
I miss you soo much! I burned some bridges with you. When you were definitely going to move i knew right away it was over,and I did cheat on you. I am sorry I know you will never trust me completely again, and it pains me inside. It hurts me when I see how much you love your life now, and I could have been the one who kept you from that. I am sorry from the bottom of my heart, you have no idea how much you meant to me. Maybe one day we might find ourselves again, I hope that one day is sometime soon. I Will Always Love you! ”

——-

“I love my boyfriend, but the thought of giving him head makes me nauseous. Am I secretly a lesbian? I’m terrified.”

——-

“I’ve only been dating my girlfriend for 2 1/2 months. We’ve seen each other every day, met each other’s families and we’re going on vacation together over spring break. Everything is going so fast, and I love it because she is perfect. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her. I want to tell her, but I’m afraid it will scare her away.”

——-

“Long distance sucks. I mean, we’ve been together three years, I should be used to this thing by now. The fact is that I’d rather see you a couple times a year than anyone else every day. But still, sometimes I feel like crying as I watch my friends go out to dinner every night with their boyfriends who live a street away; I haven’t been able to hold your hand in months. I just want to fall asleep next to you someday, the way normal couples can. But I worry that sooner than that day you’ll get tired of being like this, and I’ll never get the chance to.”

——-

“I’m too good for you.”

——-

“Sometimes when I’m walking down the mall I pretend I’m on a runway and I’m super fierce.”

——-

“So I’m a 21 year old, straight, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, red-blooded, American-male, and still a virgin. I try to work out. I’m not your jersey shore type muscle d-bag. I’ve been called fat. I can financially support you fully after college. I know how to treat a women correctly. I will cuddle till you fall asleep, call you beautiful and mean everyword I say to you. I have no reason to lie to you. Long walks on the beach etc etc. Find me a girl who actually appreciates qualities like that deep down and not just on the surface because I will marry her one day.”

——-

“There are men and women laying down their lives everyday, I’ve got no right to do any less than them. Im a lover not a fighter. However… Go ahead…make jokes about our troops from any branch in front of me again, next time ill break more than your nose. You do something meaningful with your life other than drink and drugs and maybe we’ll talk again. Watch your mouth, and show some respect. Especially since the guy who just hit you is joining as well.”

——-

“My roommate is my best friend in the whole world. And her boyfriend is the sweetest guy. But when they’re together, they’re so disgustingly cute and annoying it makes me want to poison them.”

——-

“I’m still crazy about my ex and I think about her all the time. Meanwhile, she’s moved on and I’m almost positive she doesn’t think or care about me at all anymore. I haven’t told anyone I still care about her and when people ask I act like I don’t give a shit about her because I’m embarrassed to still care while she doesn’t. It makes me feel weak and pathetic. I wish I could just get completely over her and move on. Why do I care so much? Why can’t I just move on like her?”

——-

“I am more fearful of turning into my mother than I am of dying.”

——-

“He changed single thing about me and I love him so much for that, then I went and screwed everything up. We got to a good place, he told me to come back to him but I couldn’t. When he found out I was with someone else he stopped talking to me. I tried and tried but he wouldn’t answer. Then, this summer, he died. Now I can’t tell him all the things I needed to, that I still loved him and I just needed time and I didn’t move on. I can’t be with anyone else completely, or love anyone else like I love him. I’m broken and I don’t know what to do. A part of me died with him that summer.”

——-

“We are supposed to have a four year old. I know you always say your glad you don’t have kids, when all our friends do, but everytime you say it, it kills me. I wanted that baby, and it died inside of me. You didn’t want to talk about it, you still wont to this day, and you wonder why I changed. I killed our child, it was a miscarriage but I still feel like a murderer. How can you be happy about that? I wish I had him, our son. He would have been the best baby ever, he would have been….god I’m crying as I write this, but you never let me cry to you about it. Now all my friends have one or two year olds, and they gush and say, wait til you have kids their such a blessing, you’ll understand when you get pregnant. I just want to scream “I know, I’ve been there, please stop rubbing it in my face”. I loved our baby, even if you didn’t. I was going to keep him. God, why did you not let me keep him? When will I get over this.”

——-

“You wondered why I thought the sex this time was so much better than anytime in our 4 year relationship….this was the first time I didn’t fake it. Sorry I don’t have the heart to tell you.”

——-

“This secret: ‘I want to marry the girl who plays Skyrim.’ made me feel worthy of love for the first time in a long time, thank you stranger, you just saved my life.”

——-

“I love you with my whole heart, but you’re so selfish and manipulative and I know I shouldn’t bother with you anymore, but I keep thinking that maybe you’ll change. But if the old adage about how a leopard can’t change his spots is true, then maybe I’m just fighting a hopeless battle. But still, all I want in the world is for you to love me like I love you and I’ll never stop hoping that you will.”

——-

“So I did it. I did what I said I’d never do because I didn’t want to put someone through what I have been through. I cheated. Here’s my problem… where’s the guilt? Shouldn’t I feel bad? Shouldn’t I not wanna do it again? If the offer to do things with this young lady again I’m probably going to do whatever I want again. I get zero emotion/ reaction/ interaction from my girlfriend on a regular basis. So if I hit the floor (or the wall) going full speed, bring it on. Why do I not feel wrong for saying that? Why am I cursed to like the attention from the females so much? Bonus points for being a completely horrible person =(.”

——-

“I want to marry the girl who plays Skyrim.”

——-

“I knew what kind of guy you were in my mind from the moment I met you. Too bad my heart doesn’t think logically. It only thinks about the way you smile and about the hours we spent sitting on the roof looking down at the campus lights. But today I realized how stupid I was to listen to my heart. It hurts to know that our feelings for one another are torn apart by your rule. Remember, rules are meant to be broken… If I could I would… that keeps me up at night.”

——-

“I can’t help but really feel like there’s something between us- this can’t all be in my head. I know that you’re five years older than me, but I really like you, and I really think that you like me too. Are you ever going to make a move?”

——-

“After 2 years of hell and depression at this University, I never envisioned I would make two life long friends. You both have my hearts and I never would have been able to find myself without your laughter and support. I love you both so much, thank you for saving my life.”

——-

“I’m a girl. I wear dresses and skirts, love cooking and sewing. I don’t feel right without make up and I always check myself in the mirror. My secret: I play Skyrim, and I love it.”

——-

“People ask me why I would never date a black person. Or why I’m ‘racist’. I have nothing against black people. I was molested by a black man when I was younger. I tried to move past it, and not blame the race but then I went on a date with another black man only to be sexually assualted and then gossiped about for months. The black girl I dated, dumped me over Myspace for someone else. Then another black guy I tried to date, showed up to our first date only to realize he had asked out the wrong girl and dumped me in a confrence call with my old bestfriend. Then my white boyfriend chose a black girlfriend over me. I’m not racist, the secret is I have a lot of bad history with a select few, and they’ve ruined my opinion.”

——-

“I’ve been to rehabs and psych wards. I’ve gone to tons of therapists and counsellors. The only thing I’ve learned so far in my years of psychological help is how to lie better. You guys have trained me well, now I can get away with anything, and most likely it will kill me.”

——-

“I’m still cutting. Everyone thinks I stopped almost 8 years ago, but I never did. How do you guys not notice the scars?”

——-

“So comparing this semester to last semester a week before spring break. Last – barely a C average, insane amounts of work, crappy health, terrible relationship(s), no fun, on the verge of giving everything up. This semester – almost an A average, solid future commitments, great relationships, working almost 30 hours a week = paycheck, more social, playing football, and a big ass smile on my face. You can turn life around, you don’t have to throw in the towel.”

——-

“I’m on a swinging rope hanging from the sky. Sometimes the wind pushes me right into a large rock. Other times it pushes me into a hard place. If I fall off the rope I’ll die. It’ll be a long climb up, but if I’m lucky enough to make it to the top then damn, I must be pretty strong.”

——-

“I want to fall in love with you and only you!! Every moment I’ve ever spent with you I’ve treasured and kept in my heart, for they’re memories that one can feel so close to heaven I would give it all even for just a second to be with you, for a second with you is a lifetime of love.”

——-

“I also feel lonely in this campus, a lot actually. So I think when is a nice day outside we all should just sit down near the library, on the grass, turn off iPods, computer, stop texting, and just talk to each other. We do not need to say if we posted a secret or not. We should just be there for each other. What do you think?”

——-

“I keep telling myself I’m not an alcoholic, but then it’s times like these, where I’m siting alone on a friday night drinking beer that I don’t even like insead of going out that I realize… maybe I am.”

——-

“When I was six, I was sexually harassed in class by a boy on my first day of school. I had recently transferred from another school.No punishment was meted out,and he continued to harass me till I took matters into my own hands. At age nine to eleven, I was sexually abused by my cousin, who was a girl. Now that I’m 21, I haven’t been able to feel any sort of emotion when someone kisses, hugs or express themselves about their love for me. I feel indifferent and cold towards them. Now I’m being forced to attend a seminar about dating by my mother who was absent through out my turmoil. I feel like screaming and crying, but I’m just so tired of everything.”