friends

January-March Secrets!

Editor’s note:

I’m sorry it has taken me so long to post these (they were submitted in January and February)! I don’t have a good excuse, I’ve just been a little overwhelmed for the past few months for a few reasons and got behind. But as always, I have no intentions of abandoning TerpSecret. As long as one person in the world has a secret to share, I’ll be here.

Also, both of these make me wish I could respond to the people who submitted them. As crazy as my life gets sometimes, I always want to help people who reach out to me. If you don’t have a secret but need advice, I’m here to help.

❤ Sarah


“My ex-girlfriend and I broke up, but we decided to have sex one last time and my condom broke. I didn’t cum and she took plan B. She began bleeding a week later which is 2 weeks before her normal period. I’ve been freaking out every day and have had extreme anxiety. I tried to be there for her, but she abruptly stopped talking to me and won’t return any of my calls.

After this experience, I have come to the conclusion that I never want to have sex again or ever involve myself in a relationship. There is way too much pain and stress associated with it.”


“Every once in a while I’ll do this thing, where I lay in bed all day pretending I’m dead just to see if anyone would notice if I killed myself overnight. I’ve come to the conclusion that my body would have to start to smell before anyone even tried knocking on my door. The longest time was 42 hours. Two days I laid in bed and didn’t make a single sound, didn’t eat or watch TV. Nobody even texted to see where I was. I stayed away from home to see how long it would take someone to notice I was gone. Two weeks until someone tried to get a hold of me. If I died, it would take my family days to realize it.”

May Secrets!

We all have secrets, so unleash yours.

We all have secrets, so unleash yours.

“I have an eating disorder. I thought I was over it, I used to be bulimic to the point that I’d be nauseous if I ate, and then it transformed to Anorexia when it came to much to handle. My friend had me start smoking weed, it made me hungry and not give a fuck. I’ve been smoking since I was 16, and I thought I was over my disorder. The past few days I have not smoked, I can not eat and when I try to I feel like I’m going to throw up until I finally just made myself. I realize today that I never got over it, I masked the symptoms, but I never got to the root of the issue. The real problem is I hate myself.”

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“I drink at work. On the job. My coffee always has Jamison. My coke always has rum. And the saddest part, is I’m so functional no one notices.”

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“I never feel like I’m good enough in anything I do. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t try so I have an excuse afterwards. It makes me settle and I am tired of settling, but I’m stuck with this habit of self-sabotage.”

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“I keep myself awake at night envisioning what it would be like to get in fights with people I don’t like.”

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“I resent my parents for not doing things right the first time. They love me and I love them, but they screwed up my life.”

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“I have an eating disorder.
Finally realizing this after the third doctor has told me to see someone.
I fight it though sometimes I find myself having gone a day or two having eaten nothing but a cup of coffee I don’t need help.
I’ve figured it out so far and I’m working on it.
I can be strong.
sometimes…”

——-

“I hate the way I act when I drink because I know everyone else hates it to, so when my friends ask me to go out I make excuses just to avoid being talked about behind my back.”

March Secrets!

“I might take a job on the other side of the country just to be close to a girl I’m falling in love with. Oh, and she has a boyfriend. Am I being stupid?”

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“I’m pretty sure all of my friends actually hate me.”

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“I think I’m borderline eating disorder, but I don’t know I could ever admit that to anyone I care about.”

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“I’ve been home for over 24 hours and my family just noticed I was here. And then when they noticed they asked me why I was even there in the first place. Last I checked I lived here too.”

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“My bf gets weird whenever I mention my rehab visit. It was way before we even met, and he’s never even met the drug addict me. But still he gets all quiet. I AM NOT ASHAMED THAT I SOUGHT HELP FOR MY PROBLEM.”

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“My two roommates are so immature. But I don’t mean silly or goofy, I mean the way they handle situations and what their life goals are is so below their age, it’s ridiculous. As much as I love being friends with them, they’re hard to put up with. I feel like they think I’m not fun or interesting, but I think I’m just acting my age.”

November Secrets!

“‘I’m slowly losing my friends. I don’t have time to be there for them even though they are always there for me. I don’t deserve them. I’m pushing them away and I hate it. Some days I just want to quit all my extracurriculars so I can be normal and have friends but I can’t ever bring myself to because I don’t want to be a quitter.’

I know this is an old secret but I know who wrote this one. It’s been almost 2 years since she sent this secret in. And nothing is any different. She used to be my best friend, but now she’s pushing me away and I feel like I don’t even know her anymore.I’m going through a really hard time right now and she doesn’t even know about it. I need my best friend back, I miss her terribly.”

October Secrets!

“I’ve read just about all the secrets since they first came out. I’ve seen some interesting admissions. I don’t really care to judge cause quite frankly I’m sick of being judged by people too. I just want to be friends with you all. Have a nice day.”

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“I feel like all of my relationships I have with people are toxic. Full of either really great times or really awful times. Nothing in the middle. I think it’s time for a change, the only question is will I be able to let go?”

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Ever since I hit 21 everyone seems to have forgotten that I had bulimia and now everyone chalks up my eating habits and throwing up to being hungover all the time. Now everyone just thinks I’m an alcoholic, which is much more acceptable apparently.”

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“I messed everything up. Almost 4 years has passed.  But I can’t let you go in my heart, my mind.  I miss you more every day even though I talk to you every day. But you have moved on & I pretend I am ok with it.  But it hurts & I cry a little bit every day hoping eventually the pain will subside & no more tears will fall.

I love you and Im sorry.”

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“As much as I hate you, I still think about you and wonder what things would be like if we were still together.”

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“Sometimes, I secretly wish while I’m driving that I’ll get in an accident just to see who actually comes to visit me at the hospital.”

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“I cheated on you and I’ve never forgiven myself for that. I broke up with you because I couldn’t stand the guilt, and I still can’t. It’s been three years, and I still wonder if we would still be together if I hadn’t fucked it all up.”

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“I keep telling everyone that I’m better, but I contemplate suicide all the time.”

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“I miss the guy of my dreams <3”

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“I move a lot from state to state unfortunately and recently I moved away from someone I really care about and now I can’t stop thinking about her. Every night I have nightmares of her dyeing and it being my fault. It’s overwhelming and I don’t want to tell her because I’m scared she will forget our promise.”

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“I cancelled a meeting today so I could tan on the mall. I probably should feel bad, but I really don’t!”

July Secrets!

“All I can say is I was just trying to keep the peace. And all you wanted to do was blame me for everything instead of actually confronting the right people about how you felt. And now here we are… with you telling me we can no longer be friends because I was trying to include you. So now I am here… feeling hurt and confused.”

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“Dear Mom,

I hate you. I know we are like “BFF’s 4-Eva” or whatever you want to call it, but I think you are the most immature and selfish middle-aged woman I have ever met. You weren’t supposed to be my friend, you were supposed to be my mother. Now that I’m in my 20s you want to try to have a say in what I do? You want to talk to me about how “you’re my mother and you worry”? You think I believe that you’re on the straight and narrow now? You’re a horrible liar, you always have been, but I’m not. That’s why I can smile and laugh when I see your face. That’s why I can tell you I love you. But I’ll lie till the day you die, make you feel like you have that daughter you always thought you had. But sorry mom, you killed that girl a long time ago.”

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“I’ve tried to kill myself multiple times. It kills me that my family doesn’t know. It kills me that my sorority sisters don’t know. But probably more than anything, it kills me that of the couple of people that know, only one is someone who hasn’t broken my heart.”

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“I know I harp on this subject every year, but 7 years ago today, I sliced my Achilles tendon on my right ankle- straight up in 2. Cast for 2 months, walking boot for 1, physical therapy for 3, and I still occasionally/rarely walk funny because of it (mini limp/gimp). It just makes me wonder what I could have done in life if it weren’t for that major setback. Truly thankful for the small things in life.”

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“I really like the way things are going between us, you seem to be perfect and your so sweet. However, when you finally hear my story, my history….I doubt you’ll stick around.”

May Secrets!

“This semester was surely the worst time of my life. It just got worse with time
1. It started with me dropping one of my courses as I thought I dint grasp the material well
2. I would have to retake another class in fall’13 cause I almost fail in one final
3. Now Im in jeopardy of being kicked out of the major, even as a senior, if I don’t do well in both of them next sem
4. Got fired from my job for no legit reason
5. Got nothing for the summer! No internships! Would have to take a summer class
6. I hardly have any friends in College. Really cant talk to any of these acquaintances
7. Have to lie or dodge around these questions in front of my family or friend(s)
8. Financially broke. I will be forced to drop out of college if I’d need one more sem to graduate

Worst : I don’t even think I gave my everything. It kills me from inside. More than anything, I am dissapointed with myself.”

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“my whole life i have had this disgusting desire to please everyone, and i don’t know how to stop. i feel it’s stopping me from being the person i’m supposed to be, probably a worse person than i am now. i’m just so fucking sick of trying to be what someone else expects or living up to anything that resembles perfection, even in the smallest, most insignificant way. i’m sick of believing martyring myself in any way in order to please someone makes me better than someone else, when, in reality, it really fucking doesn’t. I hate it, i loathe it, and i wish i never gave a fuck.”

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“A couple weeks ago, a couple of my friends decided to go out to Rehoboth beach at night. The four of us drove out at 2 in the morning and made it just in time to watch the sun rise.

I sat there on the beach with my three friends and for some reason, I couldn’t help but think of you. I hadn’t seen you in over a year. We hadn’t been together since two years ago. But you still pop up in my mind every now and then.

And I hate it. I hate remembering you.

That night, on that beach, I decided to finally let you go. It’s done. I’m done thinking about you and everything we went through.

I found out you’d already started dating someone.
I’m genuinely happy for you, I wish you all the best in your relationship – and I sincerely hope this is the one for you.

But it was like reopening a wound. It shouldn’t have been, but it was.
I have to keep telling myself that I’m done thinking about you.”

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“I wrote this last year “We are supposed to have a four year old. I know you always say your glad you don’t have kids, when all our friends do, but everytime you say it, it kills me. I wanted that baby, and it died inside of me. You didn’t want to talk about it, you still wont to this day, and you wonder why I changed. I killed our child, it was a miscarriage but I still feel like a murderer. How can you be happy about that?….. ”

Since then you cheated and left me for someone else and she’s due in two months. I keep talking about how happy I am, and I lucked out, and talk so much shit about how karma kicked your ass. I’ve also found out I most likely can’t even carry a baby to term ever. I also hear your think about naming it that name we talked about.

What did I ever do in life to deserve this? I don’t think I can handle much more.”

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“The person who has the paranoia about their friends: I had that too! I’d also think that they were just putting up with me because they had to.

If you give it some time, you’ll find that there are some really special people who aren’t just putting up with you, and that do truly like, you because you are someone special.

What it all comes down to is trust. It’s big and scary, but once you realise they are really your friends, you won’t think they’re saying bad things about you behind your back.”

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“Every time I get into a dangerous situation (like a close encounter with a car accident), I think about whose lives would actually be affected if I were to be killed or hospitalized. But then I think that I must have survived for a reason, and so I must belong on this Earth. I guess that means I’m not done here, and I think that’s a good thing.”

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“I have this crazy paranoia that all of my friends actually hate me and talk behind my back every time I leave the room.”