February Secrets!

“I’m sad.”

——-

“So I’ve become rather flexible thanks to all the times I’ve bent over backwards for you. And yet you shutdown when I try to get closer to you. Then you claim that I treat you more like a friend than my girlfriend? Are you kidding me?  No. I’m 50 shades of go fuck yourself and done with this! I’m not going to lie to myself any longer to try to fix things with you for the 10th + time. “Oh I’m too busy…” BULLSHIT. You’re taking 18 credits. Cool. I’m taking 16 on top of 2 jobs. Come talk to me and I’ll lay out all my cards on the table. I’m through.

PS if your mother tries to intervene and talk to me about this situation, I will flip out.”

——-

“I wish I had something that was truly mine. I feel like I have very little in my life that truly belongs to me and that I have control over. I wish that would change because I have such a longing to be independent, and I know I would be so happy if I could break free of others’ control.”

——-

“I love where my life is right now, I love having the freedom that I have and not having responsibility to anyone. But I’m afraid that this attitude won’t change until it’s too late and that I’m going to miss out on a good person. I’m afraid I’ll never want to be in a relationship with someone, both because I don’t want to lose my freedom and because I’m too scared to go through the pain of losing someone again.”

——-

“I was really glad when I saw that someone posted something upbeat and positive like “Don’t let the frustration get you down.” It reminded me one of my favorite quotes – “the more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.”  I’m pretty sure it’s from the movie Lost in Translation.  That’s all I wanted to share.  As always, keep up the great work!”

🙂

——-

“I miss him.
But I’m trying not to.”

——-

“I have an iron deficiency. This doesn’t sound like much, and seems like something pretty easily rectified, but when you’ve been off your meds for about a week because they have to check your blood work and ask you some follow up questions, it’s pretty shit.
I am so tired. I can barely stay awake.
I can’t study properly because I’m falling asleep in the middle. I’m zoning out during class, or resting my head down and just staring aimlessly. I can’t focus.
I don’t even know what day it is half the time.
I just want to sleep, but at the same time I just want to be awake.
My sleep pattern is so contradictory, when I want to sleep my body won’t let me and I’m lying awake screaming in silence. When I need to be awake, I’m barely there.
I can’t explain this to anyone because every time I try no one understands. They just look at me like they know my story, all I need is to get to sleep at a better time, get more sleep, don’t sleep as much, wake up earlier, do more stuff. Like they KNOW!
They DON’T!
They have NO IDEA how difficult it is.
But I don’t want to complain, either. Since I know that so many people have it so much worse.
I’m just so tired.”

——-

“I feel worthless.
Like I annoy everyone.
That they just put up with me until they either end up yelling at me or just cut me out.
No one wants me.
I don’t mean anything.”

——-

“Don’t let the frustration get you down.”

——-

“I tell everyone I’m unemployed, because I’m too scared to call myself a writer.”

——-

“I wish I could share my new life with you. I miss you every single day.”

——-

“So, I haven’t told anyone that I was diagnosed a few months ago with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, so that means I don’t talk to anyone about it. I accept it pretty well, but some days I just want to scream, so I’ll scream here. I’m about to sound like a total self-absorbed asshole. I know I should be grateful for what I do have, because it could be so much worse, but I just need to let it out. Okay people. CFS really fucking sucks so fucking bad. It’s so hard! It is. SO. HARD. I don’t even want to talk to anyone about it cause I feel like they’ll just say “oh yeah dude I’m tired too” and that will provoke unimaginable amounts of anger in me. Yeah, okay we all get tired. Nobody enjoys getting out of bed. But unless you have CFS, YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND. You don’t know what it’s like to have to nap for two hours twice a day. You do not know. You don’t know what it’s like to not remember how it feels to be alert and awake. You do not know! How am I supposed to make it through school? Do you know how much class I have to skip? Nobody fucking gets it. It is so hard.”

——-

“Don’t think for one second, one single FUCKING second, that I love you more than him. He’s been with me for less than a year, but I already love him more than the semblance of love I ever felt for you all my life. I would choose him over you in a second.”

——-

“My roommate is ridiculous. <3”

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“I want to move out, but I can’t bring myself to tell you. On one hand, it’ll be so much better for my sanity and I know I’ll be happier. But if I move out, I know I’ll lose you. :(”

——-

“I get so sad at the fact that everyone hurts.
I know everyone hurts. I hurt, too.
I just wish that everyone could see how truly beautiful, wonderful and smart they all are.
That they’re all important.
They’re all so special.
If I could I would hug away all their tears, and all their pain. That sounds weird, but I mean it with only the kindest of intentions.
You are loved.
You may not know it, but you are loved.
Your heartache, and your pain won’t last.
and there is someone who believes in you.
Smile. You’re okay.”

——-

“I literally hate it when people give me advice. For some reason it really just pisses me off.”

——-

“I met a girl my senior year of high school who I fell in love with. She wasn’t my first girlfriend or my first love, but she was unlike anything before. We had a really rocky first year and a half but my freshman year I proposed and she said yes. I uprooted my life and moved back home for her. Since I moved back she’s broken up with me twice and slept with 3 other guys and had two other boyfriends, whereas she is still the last person I kissed or held hands with. I know I was not the perfect boyfriend, and that I’m flawed as all hell, but I still love her and hope slightly that things work out one day. In the meantime I want to move on so badly. Yet I no longer have friends or know how to even talk to women. I just want to get my life back on track and have no idea where to even start picking up the pieces.”

——-

“You want to change your whole life to make things work with me, and for some reason that terrifies me. I never end up being what people think I am, and I hope I don’t ruin your life.”

——-

“As much as I want him to care, I know that he shouldn’t and that he probably doesn’t.”

——-

“To all those feeling down, please read this and know that you are all special 🙂

‘It’s so dark right now, I can’t see any light around me. That’s because the light is coming from you. You can’t see it but everyone else can.'”

——-

“I wish I could start over in a new place. I feel the place I’m in right now will only end in unhappiness. I feel like such a coward and a fucking idiot for not doing anything to change it.”

——-

“I have a good friend of mine who reminds me of Beethoven. Dark, mysterious on the inside, musically talented. I hope she finds someone soon. She’s ready to quit on life, and her music reflects that. Someone to support and encourage her and we music, it’d be a crime for that talent and beauty to be wasted.”

——-

“I honestly believe that seeing Silver Linings Playbook is a huge reason why I don’t feel depressed and anxious as often anymore. It really does get better as long as you stay positive.”

——-

“I know we’re over, you cheated and left me, moving out without a word. I hear you got her pregnant, due in July, I also hear your keeping it. You have no idea how much I wish that it was me who was having you’re baby, or to just have the baby you and I were supposed to have all those years ago the one you were happy to see me miscarry. You didn’t want kids remember. I don’t want it because I want you back, lets face it you’re a piece of shit, I want it because I just want something to love.I want someone to love me. You left me alone, after we were together for so long, and now I have no-one. It’s not fair that you get to have what I desperately wanted and lost. We were together for years, her just months and some of those months we were still together. Why couldn’t you be this excited for our baby instead of being excited when it died.”

——-

“I miss you more than ever, but breaking up with me was the biggest favor that you could have done for me. I’m slowly but surely figuring out who I really am and I absolutely love the person that I’m becoming.”

——-

“I feel like I can see my breaking point coming. I’ve noticed that I’m slowly becoming a punching bag for people, and I’m getting really sick of it. People keep saying the same shit to me over and over again. I’m starting to believe them. Somebody is going to say something someday soon and I’m going to lose it. If I lose it I’m scared of the results; physically lashing out, verbally ripping someone apart who either does or does not deserve it, straight up breaking down and crying, or something potentially worse… I’m a male, but I’m human. There is no one here to help me! “oh things will get better soon” is what they say. I hope its soon because I literally see my breaking point and my heart beginning to shatter in front of me.”

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