December Secrets!

“I don’t have many friends, but they are kind, supportive and say I sell myself short — and yes, I used to. But now that I am stronger and often think I deserve happiness, the same people think I should move on, should settle for someone else, even though you’re my favorite human being, my truest friend, my everything. Do they not realize they’re contradicting themselves? One, ONE person saying “he’d be lucky to have you” would mean the world to me. Instead, they all like to see you with your new girlfriend. Now, every time those people say something good about me it sounds so hollow; there’s an implied “…but you still don’t deserve the love of your life, HA HA.””

——-

“Closure is all I want. A reflection of our time together. No one has made such an impact on my self esteem, outlooks, and life as you. I want one night to relive it all, I would do anything for that chance. You have NO IDEA how hard it is to move on knowing I’ll never have a legit shot with you.”

——-

“I think I dislike the holidays, not because of my family, but because it reminds me of the past, and I’m forced to realize nothing has changed.”

——-

“She’s using you. I wish you could see, because I don’t have the heart to tell you. I also wish you could see that I love you more than she ever will.”

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“I am always second place to someone else in every situation in my life.”

——-

“I am absolutely terrified that I won’t ever get over you, so I will never be able to accept the love that I really deserve.”

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“I get depressed frequently, mainly because I’m still struggling with something that happened to me a few months ago. I can’t bring up my problems with my friends, though. I want to be the person who is always strong, and always there to help other people. I want to be the shoulder to cry on. I don’t want to be the one who needs help. I can’t bring myself to ask for help. I hate complaining about my problems. I know my life isn’t that hard compared to most people. I’m too afraid and embarrassed to reveal my issues. It’s as if I don’t want to let my friends see the true me – the emotional and sensitive me who’s hurting and struggling. So I keep my issues to myself. And it feels very lonely. I tell myself I should be able to get through this, but it’s extremely difficult at times. I’ve cried myself to sleep too often.”

——-

“Everything I look at and everywhere I go reminds me of you. I don’t know why I can’t stop thinking about you. There are two guys who have recently told me that they want to date me, but I feel so apathetic. I feel nothing. I miss you.
Come back. I am sorry.”

——-

“I would be so much happier without money.”

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“I had a huge crush on this girl this semester. I used to secretly look forward to seeing her every week. I was able to fortuitously speak to her in depth once, but I was so nervous that I’m sure I gave a great impression. I learned a lot about her and I became more attracted to her. I added her on FB, but I saw she was in a relationship. I was kind of bummed, but I’m not surprised that she was in a relationship. I still occasionally stole glances her way and would light up any time she spoke to me, but ultimately I knew it was a waste. I doubt she would read this, but I genuinely think you’re beautiful. If you ever expressed mutual interest, it would be my pleasure to take you out on a date.”

——-

“I don’t like being alone. I don’t know who actually does. I can’t seem to keep a relationship either though. Even if breaking up was for the best, I know I broke your heart, I am wickedly sorry, but… Was breaking up actually worth it? I don’t know. My thoughts are racing 1,000,000 miles per hour. And I’m afraid them and me are goin to hit a wall top speed in 4th gear.”

——-

“You’re completely taking advantage of me. You don’t feel the same way for me as I do for you, and I know that. I have done so much just to keep whatever this is alive, and I don’t think you realize that no one else would go through what you put me through.”

——-

“I can’t tell if I’m more afraid of being alone or falling in love again.  I don’t feel like I deserve to be loved back, so I’m afraid I’ll ruin everything like I did last time.”

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“I have SO many secrets. It makes me feel broken.”

——-

“I’m in love with the guy I fucked for 7 months. I can’t stand that I never see him, but I realize it’s for the best. He’s really weird, and abusive, mentally. I wish I could free myself of him.

I want to be able to play fight with him and not have it end with me missing him.”

——-

“I think I’m starting to like that guy I’m fucking. Then I turn around and think of all of the reasons that I don’t like him. It’s all so confusing and I wish it was clear cut.

I’m still looking for other guys, and we could never “be together”

I just wish it would work out for the better. He literally knows me so well.

Last night we sat at my kitchen table at 2am, and talked about nothing, and then he recited off everything that I liked. My fave animal, flavor, pet, and things that I don’t even remember. I’m going with him to his great grandmothers house soon, and we’re not even together. We’re just going to go.

I don’t know what all of this means.”

——-

“I am so dead inside, I don’t know how I’ve hidden it so well for so long. Everyone thinks I’ve got it all under control. I’m two steps from the edge and I don’t know how to tell anyone, I don’t think they’d take it seriously. I’m going to kill myself.”

——-

“To the owner of this blog,

I am going to be blunt, and only because you’ll never know who I am. We have never met in person and we probably never will, but I have had the BIGGEST crush on you for I’d say about a year now. I think that you’re a strong-willed, goal oriented girl who is going places in the world and I think that’s what made me like you. That, and you’re extremely beautiful. I have never had trouble talking to girls I like before, but I am so terrified of screwing up that I just can’t bring myself to do it. Maybe I will be able to someday, but for right now can you please try not to find out who I am? I have to get up the courage to talk to you lol. Anyways I’ll see you around hopefully.”

Well, I guess the downside to running an anonymous blog is not knowing who you’re interacting with. Thank you, though! I really appreciate the compliment 🙂

——-

“Who honestly likes waking up alone every morning…”

——-

“I smoked crack.”

——-

“I’m still talking shit about my roommate. She’s still sleeping with all of my friends. I don’t even want to sleep with them. I’m just floored at how she’s worse than any boy I’ve ever met. She has a guy she sleeps with regularly, and side guys. At least 3.

I love her, but how can you be that dick hungry?”

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