November Secrets!

“I’m starting my modeling career, the only down side is I have to stop cutting, and I don’t know if I can.”

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“Under the covers where I feel safest/ dreams inside my head between the sheets/ movies and music under the covers/ deep sleep with comforter warmth/ warm expresso and whole milk/ his lips and hands all up my legs/ happiness within these four bedposts

Why can’t life be this good?”

——-

“I feel pretty when im not eating but I feel happy when I am eating. I feel stupid and shallow for worrying about this.”

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“I am attracted to my best friend’s younger brother.

He is sweet, classy, smart and we have the most interesting, enlightening conversations. He makes me laugh, think, and feel in a way that nobody has in a long time. Every time I see him, I get butterflies. I become shy. This is not like me at all.
There’s just one problem.

He’s 15 years old. I’m 19.

I know it’s not ok. I’m not going to do anything. But it’s just… why.
Why can’t he be my age.”

——-

“I’m a huge bitch. I talk so much shit about my roommate because she sleeps with everyone. I warn all of my friends not to sleep with her, even though they do. Then I come home and hangout with her. I feel like a mega cunt and I need to stop.

I just wish she would stop having casual sex with guys I want to hook up with. It sucks that she’s half my size.”

——-

“I really like you and am excited to see where things go but you should know that I’m still in love with him… and I don’t think that will ever change.”

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“You’re the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. I wish we could be together but because of this stupid age difference it’ll never happen. The girl that gets you is gonna be the luckiest girl in the world. I just wish it could be me.”

——-

“I don’t know if it’s just a silly crush or if something is really starting to happen between us. And oh do I hope something is actually going to happen this time.”

——-

“I am ashamed of my eating disorder.”

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“The nicer you are to me, the more I hate you. I can’t bear to hear you say I deserve to be happy when you don’t believe the same for yourself.”

——-

“Today marks the day that I gave up on humanity. I used to believe that everyone had some good in them, but today you proved me wrong. Congrats.”

——-

“Today you texted me that we should stop whatever we are doing because we have no future together and we both need to think about our future/marriage. You have been hot and cold for years and today was the first time that I didn’t bawl my eyes out. I think that I gave up on us a long time ago. I just feel empty. I wasted too many years trying to make you happy. I deserve better. Good luck.”

——-

“I’m so tired of people telling me I have “such a big heart” and that I’m “beautiful on the inside”. All I’ve wanted since I was in middle school was a nose job, and I know I can’t be happy without one.”

——-

“I tried to kill myself, and failed. Now I feel even more pathetic. No one even noticed. It wouldn’t matter if I was gone.”

——-

“I feel it coming back. That feeling I got rid of so long ago–the crave for external stimulation that I internally lack. I have to keep control of myself, but it’s getting harder every day.”

——-

“I think about you all of the time. No matter what I’m doing, you’re at the very least in the back of my mind. I’ve hardly heard from you in days, and it makes me wonder if you think about me the same way. I try to leave it alone so as to not embarrass myself in yet another one-sided relationship, but it just kills me to think that you might want to walk away. No, you’re not perfect; yes, we fight; and you live almost 1,000 miles away; but I know that when we’re together, everything in my fucked up life feels right for once. I’m not letting fear ruin this one for me this time. I’m taking a chance and sacrificing it all because if I’m given the opportunity to feel at peace, even if it’s only every once in awhile, I’m going to take it.”

——-

“We’ve been friends for years and you go to school out of state. Whenever your home we have always flirted and act like we are together but we never  saw it as serious, it was just a crush from both ends. How is it that my feelings for you have always been the same, and now unexpectedly I want so much more? I think I’m in love with you and I hate that because to you, I’m still just a crush. Now when you leave for school I hurt so much. The only thing that gives me hope is that you move back after graduation. Please come home to me.”

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“So my roommate is in the Army, he asked me “is it bad that next time I get deployed I’d want to be killed in combat so I can take all these secrets and bad things I’ve done over the years to the grave so no one will know?”

——-

“I’m still not over you. I still cry about us, and dream it’s all better. I don’t understand what I did to make you hate me so much. And I don’t know how to stop loving you the way I do.”

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“I’m a freshman. I’ve gotten to know some great friends in these few months but I feel like I’m keeping this big secret. My sister died four years ago when she was 20. It hasn’t come up and when people ask about siblings I only mention the living one to avoid awkwardness. Going through that is a part of who I am today so it feels a little weird that the people closest to me don’t know.”

——-

“I wish I could be close with people, but I’m just not comfortable around anyone.”

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