August Secrets!

“I don’t believe that you or anyone else understand that now that school has started, I wont have any time for anyone. I’ll be working during breaks. Graduation in May. Then I go into the US armed forces with my degree. It looks like basic training is in Chicago and then i’ll be stationed in either Germany or California. At this rate it might even be in the Persian Gulf. My time is up. I tried to be with and see everyone, I tried.”

——-

“I’ve dated this girl for four years and fell completely in love with her, she is my best friend and someone I could live with the rest of my life. Only problem…she went away to college. Doesn’t sound like a big deal, but after two years of being in a relationship where you see the person only four times a month (days) that relationship starts to dissolve away just because of lack of physical contact with the person. Not intimate, of course that matters, but just being with the person. The relationship has turned into a relationship over the phone rather than with the person. I didn’t fall in love with a voice.
But anyways…now we took a break because I could not figure my shit out, and now I am scared more than anything that she will leave me and move on. We have a 1 1/2 years left and promise to stay in contact, but I feel like eventually it will fizzle away…I hope she doesn’t forget about all the good times we had because I really miss holding her and waking up next to my other half.”

——-

“Sometimes I can’t stand my friends.

I’m afraid I’m going to end up alone.”

——-

“My family does not invite  me to any family events. I get Christmas and Easter, but anything else, birthdays, dinners, and any get-together, it’s like I don’t exist. It’s not because I embarrass them, or I’m a bad person. They honestly just forget about me.”

——-

“I’m in love with a married man, and according to everyone who knows his wife (since I’ve never met her), she’s ‘just the sweetest girl you’d ever meet’.  Which he deserves because he’s compassionate and funny and just a nice guy all around.  I’m happy for him that he’s in a great marriage, but it doesn’t change the fact that I love him.
The terrible thing is that I have to come to terms with the fact that he’ll never just come up to me one day and kiss me during his coffee break like we’re in some cheesy romantic comedy.

And if he ever actually were to, he wouldn’t be the kind of man I’d want to love.

I suppose I’ll just look from afar, and wonder if I’ll ever find someone like him.”

——-

“Hey… I love you. It’s nice to hear it every now and again, even if you don’t believe me.”

——-

“I wish my mother would have died instead of my father. I know I would not in a  million years wish the opposite if my father were alive. Even though he would be working all the time, even though he’d be absent, I would have been able to have him sometimes instead of never ever again. He was just so much better and happier, and he would let me make my own decision, to do what makes me happy instead forcing my life every which way.

But I really don’t care about that, I just want him back so badly and I fucking hate that he’s not here any more.”

——-

“I’m terrified of becoming an alcoholic. Both of my parents are, and when I drink, I have to monitor everything I do extremely closely.

Even more, I hate that I thought trying vicodin when I busted my ankle would be a good idea. I feel like I’m addicted, and I don’t know what to do. I love the high and the nonchalant mood it gives me. Its beautiful; it makes everything around me beautiful.”

I took my last four pills the other week, and now I think I’m feeling withdrawal. What do I do? None of my friends know about it and when I say something about it they all shrug it off like its nothing to worry about and I’m just kidding around. I’m scared, but I don’t want people to hate me like I hated my dad when I found out about his addiction. I’m so lost.”

——-

“Sometimes I look through these and wonder if any are about me…”

——-

“You stole my best friend and I will never ever ever forgive you for that. I’ll never forgive my best friend for leaving me in a time when I needed it the absolute most, either. Now I’m lost and alone and all I want is a hug from that person I used to be so incredibly close with.”

——-

“I love you and have the hardest time expressing it. You constantly tell me I’m so negative and look at the glass half empty, but you neglect to attribute that to my depression. I wish you would just try to see the happier me I used to be, instead of picking away at this shell I’ve become. I don’t know how to get back to that.”

——-

“I know I tell everyone how much I hate you, but honestly I just want you to be my best friend again. This past year has totally sucked without someone to actually talk to that cares.”

——-

“I just started a relationship. He’s so good but I have a bad feeling. I know that when and if this relationship ends, it will be because of me, because I am scared and insecure. I fear this truth because I know it will break him, and hurting him is the last thing on Earth that I want to do.”

——-

“I’m pretty sure ill never see you again. My heart is shredding because of this. School < break = work < school < school trip < GONE.  I have one year of my current life left and then its on to accomplish goals. You’re my best friend. You’re the one who has touched my heart and my well-being unlike anyone else. Countless efforts to be with you one last time. I’m done trying to rekindle that old flame. BUT, I know it can still burn one last time. If you want to see, be with, hang, chill, lax, drink, relax, with me one more time, let me know. I made it a point to try to stay in contact with you from grade school till now almost on a day to day basis. I know you’re the bomb where you are and you have a new life. And I know I’m part of the old life.   You’re still a big part of my life, it seems like you don’t want to be, and if you do its not on my same level of enthusiasm.”

Don’t forget me, or us, or what we had. Please?

All I ask is one more try… one last time…

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