May Secrets!

“The person who has the paranoia about their friends: I had that too! I’d also think that they were just putting up with me because they had to.

If you give it some time, you’ll find that there are some really special people who aren’t just putting up with you, and that do truly like, you because you are someone special.

What it all comes down to is trust. It’s big and scary, but once you realise they are really your friends, you won’t think they’re saying bad things about you behind your back.”

——-

“Every time I get into a dangerous situation (like a close encounter with a car accident), I think about whose lives would actually be affected if I were to be killed or hospitalized. But then I think that I must have survived for a reason, and so I must belong on this Earth. I guess that means I’m not done here, and I think that’s a good thing.”

——-

“I have this crazy paranoia that all of my friends actually hate me and talk behind my back every time I leave the room.”

April Secrets!

“Dammit! I screwed up on my chances to meet the Goo Goo Dolls at the Preakness. They’re my songwriting inspiration.”

——-

“I don’t want to be here…at my home in Baltimore. I’m suppose to celebrate my dad’s wedding. My other friend lost his father and I want to support him.  For once I can say I do trust somebody. Sometimes I feel he has more ears and a brain than my dad will ever have.

I don’t care about his wedding. He threatened me to come. He said if I didn’t he won’t through me an Eagle ceremony. I have to look at all the stuff he’s done to me; called me fat, feel asleep every time I asked him to order Senior Portraits, told me to get lost, and made me throw my own graduation party.

I wish he’d appreciate some of the things I did after my mom died. I made him dinner and got the Eagle Scout Award HE WANTED!

I hate being unappreciated.”

——-

“I’ve had a sense of impending doom for weeks now. The truth is, I’m a fraud and finals are going to expose me.”

——-

“I hate it when people say “welcome to the real world”

Fuck off. You don’t know anything about me or my life.”

——-

“It pisses me off when I’m told to “lighten up” or “relax”

especially about something that I don’t find funny, or that genuinely bothers me.

Fuck off alright?

This shit is real to me, don’t tell me to just smile and take it, and I’m not going to laugh at something that isn’t funny to me.”

——-

“So I just found out I have public lice (crabs) and its freaking me out/disgusting. I’ve been reading up on it and I can’t just shave all my hair down there, I’ll probably actually have to go to a doctor to get a prescription for treatment. I blame this on my hairy boyfriend and his lack of hygiene. Is this a breakup worthy offense? I haven’t slept with anyone but him for the past two months….”

——-

“Ever since we first talked on the first day of second semester, i had a feeling that we’d end up together, i dont know why. At first it was interesting, how you toyed with me, making me confused, and being different from all the other girls at school. And ever since, its been extremely difficult to even have a remote idea of whats on your mind, and its even worse now that we dont necessarily talk anymore…

I cant bring my self to talk to you, have lunch with you, stay after school with you, walk home with you. Whenever i try to text you, you ignore me half the time, and yet, somehow, i still like you. im too chickenshit to make a move, and i get butterflies just by seeing you. This hasnt only happened with you, i actually find it ridiculuously difficult to talk to girls i like. all this time, i’ve been sure that you like me too, even through al the confusion. but recently, over the past few days, you seem pissed off or bothered by something, even though you might not be, im afraid of approaching you when you are like this in the morning. hopefully when i overcome my difficulty with talking to girls i like ( i seriously hope its soon, we’re growing too far apart now) that you still like me. until then, I want to still be able to talk with you. If you do like me too, try to show me somehow, because I’m truly clueless…

AO”

——-

“I feel like my heart is literally broken. Like it will never be whole again. Everyone keeps saying I’ll be okay and move on, but I don’t want to. You’re the only one I want and need, but you keep ignoring me. I feel so lonely sometimes that it feels as though my world is slowly falling apart. I just keep this little tiny bit of hope inside that soon you’ll reach out to me and realize you need me too, and we can figure out what we could do…instead of this silence. It’s literally killing me.”

——-

“I still miss you sometimes, but I deserve SO much better and I love that I have finally realized it. Bottoms up to LETTING GO! “

——-

“You are amazing and considerate, and I know I take that for granted. I know you just want to help, but I feel like an idiot for needing someone’s help, like I’m not able to handle something on my own. I was completely in the wrong for shitting on your concern, and I’ve never felt so stupid and shitty in my entire life because you’ve never been more right.”

——-

“My entire life I’ve felt depressed but its gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. I feel uncomfortable in my skin and I feel anxious around others. There are days when I feel perfectly fine but then there are other days where I feel absolutely terrible. I feel it in the pit of my stomach and I just feel like crying. I am not hopeful about my future and I often think of dying. I don’t want to be alive anymore. I feel so angry and frustrated with everything. I pretend around people and I always smile. I just want to feel normal but I’ll never be normal. I’m useless and broken. I don’t know what’s wrong with me I just don’t know who I am anymore.”

——-

“You are amazing and considerate, and I know I take that for granted. I know you just want to help, but I feel like an idiot for needing someone’s help, like I’m not able to handle something on my own. I was completely in the wrong for shitting on your concern, and I’ve never felt so stupid and shitty in my entire life because you’ve never been more right.”

——-

“I cheated on my boyfriend and dumped him in between Christmas and New Years and went off with the other guy.

3 months later I break it off with the new guy, because I think I only liked him because I was cheating.

I sleep with my ex a couple of weeks later because I’m bored… but then he tells me to shout out the other guy’s name. It turns out he had a fantasy about me cheating on him, and me pretending he’s someone else really turned him on.

The sex was Great.”

——-

“I hate my boyfriend so freaking much, you don’t even understand.”

——-

“The world is broken, and all I want is a hug.”

——-

“After caring so much about school for my entire life, I realize it was just an escape. I finally feel happy and I could care less. Who would have thought?”

——-

“I would kill to have the diet and appetite of a normal person, to not constantly have this stupid obsession with every calorie I consume. I can’t stop it. I know it’s stupid and shallow, but my sanity revolves around it. I fucking hate it, and it won’t go away”

——-

“I need to sleep.

I haven’t been able to.

I just want a hug.

and someone to cry to.”

March Secrets!

“I want to abandon my fraternity. I won’t be punished, but it sounds ignorant. I pledged one-year ago. I had different opinions about what I want to do with my life and how I felt about the other brothers. It means nothing to me now. I see it as a deterrent to my progress with school.”

——-

“It kills me everyday knowing we aren’t together.  Maybe it will work out at some point, but you’re impossible to reach.”

——-

“I masturbate almost every single day, sometimes multiple times a day, usually without even watching porn. I’m just so damn horny all the time. Oh, and I’m a girl.”

——-

“I fucking hate that I miss you.

Is that even what this is? Missing you?

I know, and you know, we’d just piss each other off again.

We’re not even friends now.

I fucking hate this.”

——-

“I wish you would talk to me.”

——-

“It breaks my heart that I can’t tell my mother about my eating disorder.”

——-

“I love you and I want to be with you, but I need you here with me because I’m too afraid of failure to try this again.”

——-

“Please don’t re-enlist in the army. I see a future with you and I don’t want you to keep leaving…”

——-

“I’m afraid that my friend is using alcohol and drugs as a way to escape.

Like they don’t care about anything because they don’t believe they’re worth it, or there is a point.

They had so much shit to put up with growing up, and now it’s manifested itself into something that I don’t think they’ll ever be rid of it, and no matter how hard I try I can’t get them to see how truly wonderful, brilliant, special, and worthwhile they really are.

They don’t believe anything good.

Good grade = fluke.

Person likes them = body/crazyness.

They’re also phasing me out.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I worry about them all the time.

I just want them to believe that they are important, and deserve better than they give themselves.”

——-

“I really need to study, but all I’m doing is randomly checking my facebook and looking in the fridge every five minutes.

This is normal, right?”

——-

“He broke up with me after having sex with me on valentines day —  after dating for almost 12 months you’d think I would’ve figured out he was an asshole… yet I still miss him.”

——-

“It freaks me out when people say they’re praying for me.

Am I dying?”

——-

“I need an attitude adjustment. I just got fired from a job I semi enjoyed because I stole from them and got caught. Let alone the fact it was stupid, it’s something I’d never even consider myself dumb enough to do. Proved myself wrong on that one. The hell is my problem?! I have one job, but it’s not enough to pay bills while I’m at school. FUCK! I have one semester left and probably just blew it because o f no way to pay for it. My parents are going to kick my ass. I’m freaking out.

Get yourself together man! Plan of attack:
1) Find another job ASAP
2) Get my Shit Together
3) Graduate

Go”

——-

“I’m doing an internship right now and I’m super stressed out. I get panic attacks daily. I’m always feeling tired, I get frequent headaches, and my stomach is frequently in pain. I feel so overwhelmed and like I don’t fit in. I find hard to get up out of bed each day. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I quit my last internship for the same reasons and I feel like if I do it again then I’m a failure. I feel weak and I hate it. I just wish I didn’t feel this way.”

——-

“Have you ever noticed how people tend to forget you as soon as you leave?
They do me.
I mean literally.
They say they care, and I think they genuinely might. Maybe. So when I’m standing in front of them they do actually give a shit, but as soon as I leave I’m gone from their thoughts.
The problem is, I rarely see the people who might actually mean anything. They don’t have time for me.
So they’ve forgotten about me.
I’m easily forgotten.”

——-

“Why the fuck did I just do that?”

——-

“I wish people would just tell me that they don’t want to be friends anymore.
It would save me so much waiting, and hoping.”

——-

“I was watching Breaking Dawn Part II earlier today and when one of the main character dies, I freaked out, screamed, “I DON’T REMEMBER THIS IN THE BOOK!!” and started crying.

It’s never a good idea to watch Twilight when you’re on your period.”

——-

“She doesn’t want to see me.”

——-

“We missed out on each other. … Again.”

——-

“You treated me like shit, used me as a safety net… and we weren’t ever together, but you still cross my mind sometimes. I know I will never find a girl I like as much as I liked you. I felt like if I can’t have you, then I don’t want any other girl. And perhaps that’s why I’m dating guys. But I’m just happy I finally know what I deserve, thanks to you.”

——-

“It kills me inside to think that you have your heart set on someone else and no idea how I feel, and it’s all my fault.”

——-

“I’m a girl. I’m 20 years old. I’ve had sex with over 20 guys in the last 2 years (I don’t know the exact number because I refuse to count them all because I’m so ashamed of myself), but no one knows this. Every time someone asks or it comes up in conversation, I say 5 or 6. No one would suspect it either. Not my best friends, my boyfriend, no one. I’ve hidden it all for so long and so well that no one would have any idea. I’m such a good liar; so good, I’ve almost convinced myself on more than one occasion.”

——-

“I’m tired of being taken for granted.”

——-

“There’s this guy in one of my classes that seems to have attached himself to me.
I don’t know why, maybe it was just because I was nice to him or something, but now I’m getting a little wary.
I don’t know if I’m just overreacting, but he’s seems to be too attached.
He gets upset when I don’t talk to him in class, he’s said “I miss you” when I was sitting in a different place, far away from him, once. He’s told me he was “a little sad” when I didn’t say goodbye.
I can’t tell what he’s doing.
I don’t see him any other time, I don’t let him know anything about me.
He has my phone number but thinks my phone is broken because that is what I told him so I wouldn’t have to reply to him.
He also has my email (my student email, I wouldn’t give him my actual one), and he uses it.
I can’t tell if he’s just a really young guy with a crush, if he’s deep in grief (his grandmother died), or if I should be worried.
I’m afraid to tell anyone else because they’ve never met him and don’t understand everything what is going on.
I just really want this class to be over so I don’t have see him again.”

——-

“I still think about you.
I know you don’t want me, and I’m not even sure how I feel.
But I still think about you.
But we’re toxic.
We weren’t even together, it’s insane.
I don’t understand this.
I know you don’t care.
But I still think about you.”

——-

“For all of those people who have fallen for their friends, but are worried about ruining their friendships.
Just ask them.
Yeah, they may not feel the same way, but you’ll know.
Hey, they may feel the same way.
If they’re truly your friend, you won’t lose them if they don’t feel the same.
It will only get awkward if you let it.
Don’t let it.
Trust me. It’s better to know than to wonder.”

——-

“I’m always there for everyone else and yet there is only one person ever there for me.  It’s been a rough year or so and in the process I’ve fallen for her.  Now I’m scared to death that telling her how I feel could ruin our current relationship.”

——-

“I miss my best friend.”

——-

“I’ll always be there for you. For everyone.
That will never, ever change.

I just wish someone was there for me sometimes.”

——-

“I consider myself bisexual. I’ve had sex with both genders and have enjoyed it. But I’ve only dated guys..and I wonder what it’d be like dating a girl (even though I really can’t see myself doing it). I find that when it comes to socializing with guys I find attractive, I can be pretty outgoing and tease a lot. But with girls, I become more shy and Im not sure why. I definitely like guys emotionally, but I just react differently when I’m attracted to a guy vs. a girl. Im pretty sure I’m mostly physically attracted to girls, but I wouldn’t mind experiencing something more if it came to that.”

——-

“I don’t know if the words were audible, as they seemed to come both from and to my mind, but they came with an authority far greater than my own mind could muster. Just six words. Six words that stopped me cold. Life is not yours to take. Then another voice came to me. A softer voice. The voice of love. LIVE.”

——-

“I have problems with the words ‘I love you.’”

——-

“I don’t think I’m made out for this.”

——-

“My friends tell me how inspiring I’ve been the past couple of months, but they don’t realize how empty I feel.”

——-

“I have issues recognizing people. I’m worried that one day I won’t be able to recognize anyone.”

——-

“He’s been gone over 10 years. I still miss him every single day. I feel like my life was not supposed to be this way, without him. True, his death has made me who I am today, but I don’t like who I am. I don’t feel like this is the person I’m supposed to be.”

——-

“I’ve never met someone who cares about me as much as you do. This should be so easy for me to commit to, but it’s actually been so hard. I just have the hardest time trusting people and letting down my walls, but I’m trying. I want to give you a chance because I know I’d be a complete idiot to fuck this up.”

Stay strong, Terps.

University of Maryland community,

The news of a murder-suicide in our home away from home between our own peers really shocked us all this morning; at least, I know it shocked me. Today is the day to come together as a student body to support those affected by this tragedy. Keep the victims and their loved ones in your thoughts and prayers.

President Wallace Loh released a statement this morning, which included the following:

“During times of loss, community and support are essential components for understanding and healing.  I ask that the entire University of Maryland family come together during this time of grief.  On campus, our places of worship and the Counseling Center are open for those who need support and comfort.  Ours is a university of great resolve.  Together, we will emerge from our collective sadness.”

The Help Center opened early today at 12:30 p.m. and will remain open until 2 a.m. Tomorrow, the office will be open from 9 a.m. to 2 a.m.

UMD Help Center Contact: 301-314-4357

Don’t hesitate to seek help and support if you need it — whether it be from the university or simply from your friends and family; and as always, I’m here if you need me.

With the tenacity that this university has, I know we can get through this.

Stay strong, Terps.

Love, Sarah.

February Secrets!

“I’m sad.”

——-

“So I’ve become rather flexible thanks to all the times I’ve bent over backwards for you. And yet you shutdown when I try to get closer to you. Then you claim that I treat you more like a friend than my girlfriend? Are you kidding me?  No. I’m 50 shades of go fuck yourself and done with this! I’m not going to lie to myself any longer to try to fix things with you for the 10th + time. “Oh I’m too busy…” BULLSHIT. You’re taking 18 credits. Cool. I’m taking 16 on top of 2 jobs. Come talk to me and I’ll lay out all my cards on the table. I’m through.

PS if your mother tries to intervene and talk to me about this situation, I will flip out.”

——-

“I wish I had something that was truly mine. I feel like I have very little in my life that truly belongs to me and that I have control over. I wish that would change because I have such a longing to be independent, and I know I would be so happy if I could break free of others’ control.”

——-

“I love where my life is right now, I love having the freedom that I have and not having responsibility to anyone. But I’m afraid that this attitude won’t change until it’s too late and that I’m going to miss out on a good person. I’m afraid I’ll never want to be in a relationship with someone, both because I don’t want to lose my freedom and because I’m too scared to go through the pain of losing someone again.”

——-

“I was really glad when I saw that someone posted something upbeat and positive like “Don’t let the frustration get you down.” It reminded me one of my favorite quotes – “the more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.”  I’m pretty sure it’s from the movie Lost in Translation.  That’s all I wanted to share.  As always, keep up the great work!”

——-

“I miss him.
But I’m trying not to.”

——-

“I have an iron deficiency. This doesn’t sound like much, and seems like something pretty easily rectified, but when you’ve been off your meds for about a week because they have to check your blood work and ask you some follow up questions, it’s pretty shit.
I am so tired. I can barely stay awake.
I can’t study properly because I’m falling asleep in the middle. I’m zoning out during class, or resting my head down and just staring aimlessly. I can’t focus.
I don’t even know what day it is half the time.
I just want to sleep, but at the same time I just want to be awake.
My sleep pattern is so contradictory, when I want to sleep my body won’t let me and I’m lying awake screaming in silence. When I need to be awake, I’m barely there.
I can’t explain this to anyone because every time I try no one understands. They just look at me like they know my story, all I need is to get to sleep at a better time, get more sleep, don’t sleep as much, wake up earlier, do more stuff. Like they KNOW!
They DON’T!
They have NO IDEA how difficult it is.
But I don’t want to complain, either. Since I know that so many people have it so much worse.
I’m just so tired.”

——-

“I feel worthless.
Like I annoy everyone.
That they just put up with me until they either end up yelling at me or just cut me out.
No one wants me.
I don’t mean anything.”

——-

“Don’t let the frustration get you down.”

——-

“I tell everyone I’m unemployed, because I’m too scared to call myself a writer.”

——-

“I wish I could share my new life with you. I miss you every single day.”

——-

“So, I haven’t told anyone that I was diagnosed a few months ago with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, so that means I don’t talk to anyone about it. I accept it pretty well, but some days I just want to scream, so I’ll scream here. I’m about to sound like a total self-absorbed asshole. I know I should be grateful for what I do have, because it could be so much worse, but I just need to let it out. Okay people. CFS really fucking sucks so fucking bad. It’s so hard! It is. SO. HARD. I don’t even want to talk to anyone about it cause I feel like they’ll just say “oh yeah dude I’m tired too” and that will provoke unimaginable amounts of anger in me. Yeah, okay we all get tired. Nobody enjoys getting out of bed. But unless you have CFS, YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND. You don’t know what it’s like to have to nap for two hours twice a day. You do not know. You don’t know what it’s like to not remember how it feels to be alert and awake. You do not know! How am I supposed to make it through school? Do you know how much class I have to skip? Nobody fucking gets it. It is so hard.”

——-

“Don’t think for one second, one single FUCKING second, that I love you more than him. He’s been with me for less than a year, but I already love him more than the semblance of love I ever felt for you all my life. I would choose him over you in a second.”

——-

“My roommate is ridiculous. <3″

——-

“I want to move out, but I can’t bring myself to tell you. On one hand, it’ll be so much better for my sanity and I know I’ll be happier. But if I move out, I know I’ll lose you. “

——-

“I get so sad at the fact that everyone hurts.
I know everyone hurts. I hurt, too.
I just wish that everyone could see how truly beautiful, wonderful and smart they all are.
That they’re all important.
They’re all so special.
If I could I would hug away all their tears, and all their pain. That sounds weird, but I mean it with only the kindest of intentions.
You are loved.
You may not know it, but you are loved.
Your heartache, and your pain won’t last.
and there is someone who believes in you.
Smile. You’re okay.”

——-

“I literally hate it when people give me advice. For some reason it really just pisses me off.”

——-

“I met a girl my senior year of high school who I fell in love with. She wasn’t my first girlfriend or my first love, but she was unlike anything before. We had a really rocky first year and a half but my freshman year I proposed and she said yes. I uprooted my life and moved back home for her. Since I moved back she’s broken up with me twice and slept with 3 other guys and had two other boyfriends, whereas she is still the last person I kissed or held hands with. I know I was not the perfect boyfriend, and that I’m flawed as all hell, but I still love her and hope slightly that things work out one day. In the meantime I want to move on so badly. Yet I no longer have friends or know how to even talk to women. I just want to get my life back on track and have no idea where to even start picking up the pieces.”

——-

“You want to change your whole life to make things work with me, and for some reason that terrifies me. I never end up being what people think I am, and I hope I don’t ruin your life.”

——-

“As much as I want him to care, I know that he shouldn’t and that he probably doesn’t.”

——-

“To all those feeling down, please read this and know that you are all special

‘It’s so dark right now, I can’t see any light around me. That’s because the light is coming from you. You can’t see it but everyone else can.’”

——-

“I wish I could start over in a new place. I feel the place I’m in right now will only end in unhappiness. I feel like such a coward and a fucking idiot for not doing anything to change it.”

——-

“I have a good friend of mine who reminds me of Beethoven. Dark, mysterious on the inside, musically talented. I hope she finds someone soon. She’s ready to quit on life, and her music reflects that. Someone to support and encourage her and we music, it’d be a crime for that talent and beauty to be wasted.”

——-

“I honestly believe that seeing Silver Linings Playbook is a huge reason why I don’t feel depressed and anxious as often anymore. It really does get better as long as you stay positive.”

——-

“I know we’re over, you cheated and left me, moving out without a word. I hear you got her pregnant, due in July, I also hear your keeping it. You have no idea how much I wish that it was me who was having you’re baby, or to just have the baby you and I were supposed to have all those years ago the one you were happy to see me miscarry. You didn’t want kids remember. I don’t want it because I want you back, lets face it you’re a piece of shit, I want it because I just want something to love.I want someone to love me. You left me alone, after we were together for so long, and now I have no-one. It’s not fair that you get to have what I desperately wanted and lost. We were together for years, her just months and some of those months we were still together. Why couldn’t you be this excited for our baby instead of being excited when it died.”

——-

“I miss you more than ever, but breaking up with me was the biggest favor that you could have done for me. I’m slowly but surely figuring out who I really am and I absolutely love the person that I’m becoming.”

——-

“I feel like I can see my breaking point coming. I’ve noticed that I’m slowly becoming a punching bag for people, and I’m getting really sick of it. People keep saying the same shit to me over and over again. I’m starting to believe them. Somebody is going to say something someday soon and I’m going to lose it. If I lose it I’m scared of the results; physically lashing out, verbally ripping someone apart who either does or does not deserve it, straight up breaking down and crying, or something potentially worse… I’m a male, but I’m human. There is no one here to help me! “oh things will get better soon” is what they say. I hope its soon because I literally see my breaking point and my heart beginning to shatter in front of me.”

January Secrets!

“A friend of mine stayed with me at my parents recently while he was working on a project. Everyone thought he was my boyfriend–even the cashier at the service station. I have had a little crush on him–a very little. But now I can’t stop thinking about him being my boyfriend. Impossible, stupid situation. It will never happen. Why do I get this way about guys who would never get this way about me?”

——-

“I’m disabled. I stopped going to college when it started, never was able to learn to drive, and now I live and work at home. I never leave my house. Half my time is spent in bed. My friends have dwindled down to a few and I feel like I’m losing everything. I don’t want to be alone forever. I don’t want to live like this. The rest of my family is perfectly fine and healthy, why the hell did I pull the short straw. I would rather be dead, but unfortunately this disability won’t kill me, it’s just going to ruin my life to the point I want to kill myself.”

——-

“Silver linings playbook made me cry because tiffany reminded me of myself.”

——-

“I push away the people who care about me the most because I’m afraid of hurting them. Instead, I try so hard to be close with people who don’t want me back, and end up getting hurt myself. I hate that I do this to both others and myself. I can never trust myself to do the right thing.”

——-

“I have never felt like Eponine from Les Miserables, or been in a situation like hers, but every time I hear the song “On My Own,” something stirs in my heart and I’m moved to tears.

Every.

Damn.

Time.”

——-

“I been sick for so long, but you always bring me through it. You don’t know how much you’ve helped me. I’m getting my life back together slowly, and I can finally be happy again. Thank you.

But I know we can’t do this forever. Something is going to have to change soon. I don’t want to have to say goodbye, but it seems like you are forcing me to.”

——-

“I might be two years younger than all of you but you’re completely undervaluing the importance of acting your age. I haven’t seen such cattiness since middle school, and I really wish that were an exaggeration. At least thanks to you I’ve learned the importance of relying on myself. If I’ve learned anything since I got here it’s that this is every man for himself. You may have your crowd of followers now, but we’re not in high school anymore and that shit won’t fly for long. Once they realize what a shitty person you are they’ll turn on you like you did on me. Enjoy your 15 minutes, bitch.”

——-

“Does anyone else feel this way?

http://lionking91.wordpress.com/“

Happy New Year!

For NYE 2012, I wrote 12 resolutions. I’ve had them posted on my wall since Jan. 1, and they remind me every day of who I strive to be, and have made me such a better person this past year.

Of those, I was most successful in helping a few people change themselves, learning to always be my true self, trying new things, loving with my whole heart with every opportunity I had, never overanalyzing nor letting fear ruin a single opportunity for me, and most importantly, beating my overbearing anxiety and depression.

It’s been a crazy year, and I still have a lot to improve on, but I’ve learned so much and come a very long way, and for that I am very proud of myself.

To growing up and learning something new every day; to moving on and looking forward; to friends, family, and all of those I love. To 2013–May it be the best yet.

Thanks to every single one of you who has supported me in hosting this site. I love you all so much, and I wouldn’t be where I am today without your support.

Happy New Year, everyone.

Love, Sarah

December Secrets!

“I don’t have many friends, but they are kind, supportive and say I sell myself short — and yes, I used to. But now that I am stronger and often think I deserve happiness, the same people think I should move on, should settle for someone else, even though you’re my favorite human being, my truest friend, my everything. Do they not realize they’re contradicting themselves? One, ONE person saying “he’d be lucky to have you” would mean the world to me. Instead, they all like to see you with your new girlfriend. Now, every time those people say something good about me it sounds so hollow; there’s an implied “…but you still don’t deserve the love of your life, HA HA.”"

——-

“Closure is all I want. A reflection of our time together. No one has made such an impact on my self esteem, outlooks, and life as you. I want one night to relive it all, I would do anything for that chance. You have NO IDEA how hard it is to move on knowing I’ll never have a legit shot with you.”

——-

“I think I dislike the holidays, not because of my family, but because it reminds me of the past, and I’m forced to realize nothing has changed.”

——-

“She’s using you. I wish you could see, because I don’t have the heart to tell you. I also wish you could see that I love you more than she ever will.”

——-

“I am always second place to someone else in every situation in my life.”

——-

“I am absolutely terrified that I won’t ever get over you, so I will never be able to accept the love that I really deserve.”

——-

“I get depressed frequently, mainly because I’m still struggling with something that happened to me a few months ago. I can’t bring up my problems with my friends, though. I want to be the person who is always strong, and always there to help other people. I want to be the shoulder to cry on. I don’t want to be the one who needs help. I can’t bring myself to ask for help. I hate complaining about my problems. I know my life isn’t that hard compared to most people. I’m too afraid and embarrassed to reveal my issues. It’s as if I don’t want to let my friends see the true me – the emotional and sensitive me who’s hurting and struggling. So I keep my issues to myself. And it feels very lonely. I tell myself I should be able to get through this, but it’s extremely difficult at times. I’ve cried myself to sleep too often.”

——-

“Everything I look at and everywhere I go reminds me of you. I don’t know why I can’t stop thinking about you. There are two guys who have recently told me that they want to date me, but I feel so apathetic. I feel nothing. I miss you.
Come back. I am sorry.”

——-

“I would be so much happier without money.”

——-

“I had a huge crush on this girl this semester. I used to secretly look forward to seeing her every week. I was able to fortuitously speak to her in depth once, but I was so nervous that I’m sure I gave a great impression. I learned a lot about her and I became more attracted to her. I added her on FB, but I saw she was in a relationship. I was kind of bummed, but I’m not surprised that she was in a relationship. I still occasionally stole glances her way and would light up any time she spoke to me, but ultimately I knew it was a waste. I doubt she would read this, but I genuinely think you’re beautiful. If you ever expressed mutual interest, it would be my pleasure to take you out on a date.”

——-

“I don’t like being alone. I don’t know who actually does. I can’t seem to keep a relationship either though. Even if breaking up was for the best, I know I broke your heart, I am wickedly sorry, but… Was breaking up actually worth it? I don’t know. My thoughts are racing 1,000,000 miles per hour. And I’m afraid them and me are goin to hit a wall top speed in 4th gear.”

——-

“You’re completely taking advantage of me. You don’t feel the same way for me as I do for you, and I know that. I have done so much just to keep whatever this is alive, and I don’t think you realize that no one else would go through what you put me through.”

——-

“I can’t tell if I’m more afraid of being alone or falling in love again.  I don’t feel like I deserve to be loved back, so I’m afraid I’ll ruin everything like I did last time.”

——-

“I have SO many secrets. It makes me feel broken.”

——-

“I’m in love with the guy I fucked for 7 months. I can’t stand that I never see him, but I realize it’s for the best. He’s really weird, and abusive, mentally. I wish I could free myself of him.

I want to be able to play fight with him and not have it end with me missing him.”

——-

“I think I’m starting to like that guy I’m fucking. Then I turn around and think of all of the reasons that I don’t like him. It’s all so confusing and I wish it was clear cut.

I’m still looking for other guys, and we could never “be together”

I just wish it would work out for the better. He literally knows me so well.

Last night we sat at my kitchen table at 2am, and talked about nothing, and then he recited off everything that I liked. My fave animal, flavor, pet, and things that I don’t even remember. I’m going with him to his great grandmothers house soon, and we’re not even together. We’re just going to go.

I don’t know what all of this means.”

——-

“I am so dead inside, I don’t know how I’ve hidden it so well for so long. Everyone thinks I’ve got it all under control. I’m two steps from the edge and I don’t know how to tell anyone, I don’t think they’d take it seriously. I’m going to kill myself.”

——-

“To the owner of this blog,

I am going to be blunt, and only because you’ll never know who I am. We have never met in person and we probably never will, but I have had the BIGGEST crush on you for I’d say about a year now. I think that you’re a strong-willed, goal oriented girl who is going places in the world and I think that’s what made me like you. That, and you’re extremely beautiful. I have never had trouble talking to girls I like before, but I am so terrified of screwing up that I just can’t bring myself to do it. Maybe I will be able to someday, but for right now can you please try not to find out who I am? I have to get up the courage to talk to you lol. Anyways I’ll see you around hopefully.”

Well, I guess the downside to running an anonymous blog is not knowing who you’re interacting with. Thank you, though! I really appreciate the compliment

——-

“Who honestly likes waking up alone every morning…”

——-

“I smoked crack.”

——-

“I’m still talking shit about my roommate. She’s still sleeping with all of my friends. I don’t even want to sleep with them. I’m just floored at how she’s worse than any boy I’ve ever met. She has a guy she sleeps with regularly, and side guys. At least 3.

I love her, but how can you be that dick hungry?”

November Secrets!

“I’m starting my modeling career, the only down side is I have to stop cutting, and I don’t know if I can.”

——-

“Under the covers where I feel safest/ dreams inside my head between the sheets/ movies and music under the covers/ deep sleep with comforter warmth/ warm expresso and whole milk/ his lips and hands all up my legs/ happiness within these four bedposts

Why can’t life be this good?”

——-

“I feel pretty when im not eating but I feel happy when I am eating. I feel stupid and shallow for worrying about this.”

——-

“I am attracted to my best friend’s younger brother.

He is sweet, classy, smart and we have the most interesting, enlightening conversations. He makes me laugh, think, and feel in a way that nobody has in a long time. Every time I see him, I get butterflies. I become shy. This is not like me at all.
There’s just one problem.

He’s 15 years old. I’m 19.

I know it’s not ok. I’m not going to do anything. But it’s just… why.
Why can’t he be my age.”

——-

“I’m a huge bitch. I talk so much shit about my roommate because she sleeps with everyone. I warn all of my friends not to sleep with her, even though they do. Then I come home and hangout with her. I feel like a mega cunt and I need to stop.

I just wish she would stop having casual sex with guys I want to hook up with. It sucks that she’s half my size.”

——-

“I really like you and am excited to see where things go but you should know that I’m still in love with him… and I don’t think that will ever change.”

——-

“You’re the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. I wish we could be together but because of this stupid age difference it’ll never happen. The girl that gets you is gonna be the luckiest girl in the world. I just wish it could be me.”

——-

“I don’t know if it’s just a silly crush or if something is really starting to happen between us. And oh do I hope something is actually going to happen this time.”

——-

“I am ashamed of my eating disorder.”

——-

“The nicer you are to me, the more I hate you. I can’t bear to hear you say I deserve to be happy when you don’t believe the same for yourself.”

——-

“Today marks the day that I gave up on humanity. I used to believe that everyone had some good in them, but today you proved me wrong. Congrats.”

——-

“Today you texted me that we should stop whatever we are doing because we have no future together and we both need to think about our future/marriage. You have been hot and cold for years and today was the first time that I didn’t bawl my eyes out. I think that I gave up on us a long time ago. I just feel empty. I wasted too many years trying to make you happy. I deserve better. Good luck.”

——-

“I’m so tired of people telling me I have “such a big heart” and that I’m “beautiful on the inside”. All I’ve wanted since I was in middle school was a nose job, and I know I can’t be happy without one.”

——-

“I tried to kill myself, and failed. Now I feel even more pathetic. No one even noticed. It wouldn’t matter if I was gone.”

——-

“I feel it coming back. That feeling I got rid of so long ago–the crave for external stimulation that I internally lack. I have to keep control of myself, but it’s getting harder every day.”

——-

“I think about you all of the time. No matter what I’m doing, you’re at the very least in the back of my mind. I’ve hardly heard from you in days, and it makes me wonder if you think about me the same way. I try to leave it alone so as to not embarrass myself in yet another one-sided relationship, but it just kills me to think that you might want to walk away. No, you’re not perfect; yes, we fight; and you live almost 1,000 miles away; but I know that when we’re together, everything in my fucked up life feels right for once. I’m not letting fear ruin this one for me this time. I’m taking a chance and sacrificing it all because if I’m given the opportunity to feel at peace, even if it’s only every once in awhile, I’m going to take it.”

——-

“We’ve been friends for years and you go to school out of state. Whenever your home we have always flirted and act like we are together but we never  saw it as serious, it was just a crush from both ends. How is it that my feelings for you have always been the same, and now unexpectedly I want so much more? I think I’m in love with you and I hate that because to you, I’m still just a crush. Now when you leave for school I hurt so much. The only thing that gives me hope is that you move back after graduation. Please come home to me.”

——-

“So my roommate is in the Army, he asked me “is it bad that next time I get deployed I’d want to be killed in combat so I can take all these secrets and bad things I’ve done over the years to the grave so no one will know?”

——-

“I’m still not over you. I still cry about us, and dream it’s all better. I don’t understand what I did to make you hate me so much. And I don’t know how to stop loving you the way I do.”

——-

“I’m a freshman. I’ve gotten to know some great friends in these few months but I feel like I’m keeping this big secret. My sister died four years ago when she was 20. It hasn’t come up and when people ask about siblings I only mention the living one to avoid awkwardness. Going through that is a part of who I am today so it feels a little weird that the people closest to me don’t know.”

——-

“I wish I could be close with people, but I’m just not comfortable around anyone.”

October Secrets!

“This is my last semester and im a transfer student. I feel real lonely on campus, like I’m new to this area and I don’t really know anyone. I’ve been letting myself go because I’m depressed. I haven’t been running or working out like I would if i was back home. I thought coming to a new place would make me feel different about myself but it hasn’t. I don’t feel like i fit in here. Im lost.”

——-

“I only had sex with you because it was your birthday and I thought it would help me get over my ex. You kept telling me how great I was and how many times you came, but I just felt disgusted with myself.”

——-

“I was raped.”

——-

“I actually don’t like not having school tomorrow…I was looking forward to getting tutoring before a midterm, and work is the reason why I wake up in the morning. I’m worried I’ll sleep the day away and not work like I’m supposed to.”

——-

“I’ve never been more alone than I am right now. I have nobody and I’m losing hope.”

——-

“Sometimes when I pose for pictures at parties, and am laughing and know I look good, I wonder if you will see them on facebook and miss me just a little.”

——-

“I’m scared that I’m making the wrong decision with my degree.  What if I fail?  I’ll disappoint everyone around me, but more importantly, I’ll disappoint myself.”

——-

“One day I hope you realize, I am in love with you.”

——-

“I don’t get this. Why is this happening? Its been more than an year and its just not getting better. I am a guy who any girl will be lucky to be with but things are just bot getting started in college. I don’t even have friends! I am tired of people telling me to wait for the right one. BS! Don’t know how to get the first step now. There are so many people who get disappointed by someone everyday, wish something could bring all together. Struggling badly to come up from this. And strangely I’m sure, I’m not the only one going through all this. Wish something could bring all together.”

——-

“I seriously feel they are so many students on this enormous campus who feel they are lonely and surely deserve better.
But I still can’t figure out how to bring this to an end. There has to be some way, so that all these people at least get in touch with each other.
Some one has to step up! But how?
People can do wonders, once they know they can~

P.S. I am one of them!”

——-

“I’m not as strong as everyone thinks I am. I wish I could tell you.”

——-

“I’m hot and I know it. I get a lot of attention from the female engineering population, but I don’t want to hook up with the people I’m going to be working with for the next year and a half. Why don’t other girls pay attention to engineering guys? We’re much better than the fratstars.”

——-

“Today I binged. I ate a bunch a food after i told myself i wouldn’t and i was so mad at myself because I was finally gaining control. I almost binged a few hours before that but stopped myself so I was especially mad that i actually did later. I did something I never thought i would do: I forced myself to throw up most of the food i ate only 20 min after. This was my first time doing this, and I’m scared at how easy it was. I’m afraid that now that i’ve done this that I will use it as a safety net for when i binge in the future, so to speak. At the same time though, i feel that this is a turning point. I never EVER thought I’d become one of those people who’d do that to themselves. So now that this has happened, I pray that it will somehow affect my self-control because i’m so sick of being without it.”

——-

“I thought when I saw you, I would’ve broken down and lost it. I cannot begin to say how relieved and speechless I am that all I feel is happy for you, and complete that I have now closed this door. Now I can attest to the fact that for the very first time in my life, I am in love with someone. Not just infatuated or in love with the idea of them, but actually in love to the point where I see this future I didn’t quite make out with you. It might be the scariest feeling I’ve experienced, but it is also the most thrilling and exhilarating as well. I just want you to know that I’m genuinely glad that you’re getting your life together, and I hope that you feel the way about her like I do about him. I can only wish you the best and good luck, and this is absolutely the best feeling ever. I’m happy. I’m in love. And I wouldn’t change this moment for the world.”

——-

“How can you be with someone for so long and not be comfortable or trust them? What did you do this past year? You have my heart, don’t break it please, one more break and it won’t be repairable.”

——-

“If I could trade the whole of my earthly existence to be a ghost and follow you around, hearing your lovely voice and seeing your beautiful smile for the rest of your life, I would do it. I hope heaven is a clip reel of everything you’ve ever done on loop for all of eternity. I hate that the thoughtless and unfeeling world is full of people who assume you’re as confident as you act, I hate that they’ve scarred you so and left you thinking you’re worth hating, hate that I can’t throw myself into the path of their harsh words. Your dreams and your flaws are perfect, perfect. Your friendship has cost me more than you’ll ever know but I can’t hold it against you for a second. And…I’m happy you have had a chance to fall into real love, after all these years, and pray she’ll treat you as well as I would have. You deserve an amazing life, with someone better than this broken creature. But if it’s not too much to ask, please, don’t forget me :’)”

——-

“It’s barely been 3 days, but I miss you so much. I don’t know how we can fix this. But if you really say you can’t imagine things without me, we should be able to, right? I was so happy with you, and I find it so incredibly frustrating that that one thing was our Achilles heel. That one thing. I tried to compromise, I really did. But I feel like instead of meeting in the middle, I walked further than I thought I would have to and even then, you didn’t budge. I tried so hard. You said you did too. Did we give it our best? I still feel like there’s something there for us. But you’re so stubborn. I want you to realize that. I have my faults too, I’ll tell you that now. We lack so much communication. For now, everyone tells me to maybe move on. But I think you’re worth it. I really hope you are. I want to talk to you so badly, but of course I need to give it time. I sincerely hope we can work this out, because I love you. I’ve never met anyone so much like me, and I can’t imagine not seeing or talking to you anymore. I’m so frustrated. Get your priorities straight.”

——-

“I guess since I didn’t freak out, everyone assumed I already knew, or didn’t care. You really blindsided me on this one. I thought we were finally doing good. We spent a year picking up the pieces of our relationship trying to fix things. Then when we seem to be doing great you just what? Gave up? Moved on? Wanted something new? I’ve wasted half a decade on you. I thought we would get married, I was supposed to have your baby. And I still want to. Even after you leaving me for her. Without a note, without a call. How do you just forget about someone like that? How did you stop caring so quickly? I could really use the pointers, because I can’t stop thinking of you. I’d let you hurt me again in a heartbeat, just to have you back for a moment.”

——-

“My heart breaks every day for those who do not know that they are beautiful, that they are worthy of respect and honor, and that they are enough.  I wish each person would know what it is to love and be loved unconditionally.  I strive each day to show love, and I cannot bear the thought that my life may not reflect this.”

——-

“The meanest thing you ever did was come around, and now I’m ruined.”

——-

“This is to the boy who is in my English class every other afternoon: Would I be out of line if I told you you are the most handsome frat guy I ever met? I love your scruffy beard, and your golden blonde hair. You are the complete package (pun intended), You can invite me to your frat house anytime!”

——-

“Dear Whoever You Are,

I’m sorry. I’m sorry I ever said anything. I don’t know if it was my place or not. But we were taking a test, one that I’d stayed up half the night studying for, and there you were using your phone. I don’t know if you were cheating, and I never said you were, but you were using your phone on a test that I had spent hours studying for and I saw you several times and you made me so mad! I worked so hard preparing for that test. It didn’t seem like you were just checking the time, like you told the professor when he came and talked to you. I’m sorry I told the TA about what I saw. I had even left the room, and I came back to tell on you. Who am I to do something like that? Not a good person, or so it feels. I can’t believe myself. I hate the idea that I was That Person. I hate myself. You know what’s pathetic, though? The main reason I came back and said something was to alleviate my own guilt in seeing you do something wrong. Why do I feel the need to fix things that aren’t even my business? Why didn’t anyone else see it? Why me? The funny part—or I guess the somewhat tragic part—is that I felt even more guilt after saying something than I did before. It didn’t do any good. And now I’m scared you hate me. I don’t want you to hate me. I don’t hate you—just myself. But you know what? Part of me doesn’t care what you think. Part of me is furious towards you, that you did something wrong and I’m the one feeling guilty. Please forgive me and my terrible guilt complex.

Sincerely,
Anonymous”

——-

“Why do people always look to me for answers and expect me to be a leader? Sometimes I want talk about my problems. I never asked for any of this.”

——-

“You’ll never know how much this kills me every single day. I miss you so much it hurts.”

——-

“Every time I read these, I want to help the people who are having trouble. I want to be a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen to. But the truth is, I’m too busy, too selfish, too lazy, too much of everything that I shouldn’t be. I have too many problems of my own to work out without worrying about what other people are going through. And I hate that in myself.”

——-

“When my roommate’s mother came to pick him up for Spring Break 12 she made a prejudice comment about me. They didn’t know I was in my room. It was my birthday.”

——-

“Hey roommate five feet away from me: You make THE NASTIEST SOUNDS WHEN YOU EAT!!!! God I can’t stand it!! hahaha it feels so good to “yell” at you, you’re actually a real bitch.”

September Secrets!

“All I think about is you. I don’t care about my classes, or the tests, or learning. I could throw my whole life away if I knew you loved me.”

——-

“You’re lying three feet from me, and if you asked me to crawl into your bed instead of mine I would in a heartbeat. One day I hope you see me as more than just one of the guys.”

——-

“Eating is for the weak.  Eating is for the weak.  Eating is for the weak.”

——-

“You screwed up. Goodbye.”

——-

“I know you’re not the one for me, but I can’t seem to let you go. I don’t understand this hold you have on me without even trying.”

——-

“So I just had sex for the first time this past saturday night… And it was a threesome … with two smoking hot chicks. There was a party at my place, I got back from teaching high school marching band rehearsal (ironically enough), took a shower, I’m in a towel in my room and these two lovely women walk in. Essentially the rest is history. But damn, I teach clarinet, the nerdiest instrument there is. Let alone all the scrutiny I get for being in ‘the band.’ My first time was a threesome. Bucketlist win.”

——-

“Today, my girlfriend called me a failure for not agreeing to move out with her as soon as possible.
I just transferred to a new school and got a lot of pressure riding on me in these next two years to finish on time and get a serious job. Yet, she wants to keep bringing me down, saying that I should just drop out, suck it up, and move out without thinking about how we are going to pay for everything.

Is it wrong for me to want to be the best for her and not want to move out until I’m prepared for the world? I’m 20 years old and loans and my parents pay for my education. Finish that first then get out is my thoughts about that.

But I guess that doesn’t make her happy. What do I got to do? Fuck I do enough in this relationship and all I’m asking is for support and not have you talking shit about every decision I make.

Are you my girlfriend or my mom?”

——-

“I’m going to be 21 soon, and I’ve never had sex. I’ve never actually done anything sexual except make out with one girl. What is wrong with me?”

——-

“9/12/2012 at 2:30pm, I found out I was pregnant. Around 4 to 6 weeks. I dont want to keep the baby – im only 19. But, it’s weird. I’ve had conversations with my boyfriend before about possible baby names. What if this is supposed to be that baby? But I wont let myself get attached. I can’t. The only connection I will allow myself is seeing how developed the baby is supposed to be in pictures online. But after the surgery, none of this will have ever happened. Nobody will ever know about my little Anastasia or Joseph. Nobody but my boyfriend and I.”

——-

“I’m becoming a lot more hostile, short tempered, and almost always resorting to violence now a days. I’m not sure if it’s all the stupid people I interact with on a day to day basis or if I’m just messed up in the head. Some guy I have class with with (acquaintances not friends) whipped my back with a shirt and I turned around and punched him. No confronting, no chance for an explanation, bam… Bruised shoulder.

There hasn’t been a real trigger event to make me react this way. Bunch of tiny stuff building up … Maybe MMA this summer was a bad idea?”

——-

“Back in February, this was me…

‘I cry when I’m sad, but that’s not why i’m going to do it. I know he may hurt me again, but that’s not why I’m going to do it. I hate myself for being lazy, fat, ugly, worthless, but that’s not why I’m going to do it. Talking to people I know doesn’t help because they only want to tell me what they think i should do. And I’ve tried paying someone and that doesn’t work either. Yes, I was abused more than once before I even turned eight, and yes it happened after that too. I’ve simply decided that we wake up, die, and then it’s over. If there is a god or higher power he obviously doesn’t give a rats ass about the pains we go through. I haven’t turned to alcohol or drugs, mostly because if i’m gonna be completely out of it, i might as well be dead. I’m going to die because I choose it, and well you really know you want to when the doctor says IT’S NOT CANCER and that provides you with no comfort, you actually cry because you’re upset… I may not go today or tomorrow but I know that when I do, it will be me who does it because death is the only thing in life that can’t be taken from me. Innocence, happiness, safety, love, trust… all these things can be taken or destroyed and they have time and time again… I’ll never tell my parents that I’ve tried to kill myself over and over, I’m just waiting to move out so they can’t possibly believe they could have stopped me. Whats messed up is I can’t even bring on a full blown cry right now because the love of my life is sleeping in the same room… oh well, I’ve shed enough tears for many lifetimes and they’re wasteful and painful for those around me…’”

——-

“I was eight weeks pregnant. We were so very excited, the father was so happy and supportive and even started helping me pick out names.. I know it was too early to be excited but from four days pregnant and on I felt the symptoms and my body changing and I loved her. In my heart it was a girl and she was amazing.

We went for the first picture… and… no heartbeat… they said they were sorry and it wasn’t my fault, we weren’t convinced she was really gone. So, we opted to wait… Well, really he said wait and i agreed… part of me knew she was dead and I thought that it would give him time to cope and say goodbye. I walked around for exactly two weeks with my baby dead inside me. Loving her all the same and not knowing what to do. I tried to bring her into the world and failed. I tried to help him cope and failed.

I had the d&c and he still seemed supportive and loving…

Exactly two weeks after my surgery I walked in on him in bed with another woman.

He put bruises on me to get me out of her way and said it was my fault.

That was a couple months ago…

I gave every piece of my sanity and heart to him and he threw me away. I’m okay with that… What I’m not okay with is my baby being stolen… and having my chance to try again taken…

It took two years to be intimate with someone and now I can’t even think of it without being terrified and sick. I even looked into in vitro but i’m too young and promising to be a candidate. I already let him go, D.C.R. I don’t want you I’d willingly sacrifice you to get my little peanut back. Just give her back to me… please.”

——-

“I am gradually discovering that I really don’t love anything at all.”

——-

“Seriously guys, life gets so much better when you quit trying to be what other people want you to be. This is particularly directed at the girl who stays in and reads on weekend nights. I’m with ya sister! Why? Because I’d rather read on a Friday night than force myself into a typical college social life that I don’t actually enjoy.”

——-

“There’s not enough wind in Oklahoma to rip the nails out of the past.”

——-

“I walked back on campus and felt like I had never left. Last semester was brutal… emotionally, physically, psychologically. I don’t know if I can continue to do this. Is it really worth it in the end? All the pain, stress, sleepless nights for what? A little piece of paper? Is that a joke?! We sacrifice friendships, interests and our health over projects, papers and assignments. It just doesn’t seem logical. I have no attachment to this school, to this degree, to any of this.”

——-

“It really annoys me how people wear all this “Terps” gear. It’s cool to like your school, but what’s with all the stupid shorts and hats and backpacks? Just wear your normal sh*t, you don’t have to look like a tool. You already payed all this money to come here, now you’re paying more to tell people you came here? Come on guys…”

——-

“The love of my life, who I’ve been with for the past 6 years just moved in with his other girlfriend. He didn’t break up with me, or leave a note, or call. He just never came home. Our best friend (his roommate) stayed and told me. Everyone thinks I’m so strong, and I’m taking it well….I’ve already relapsed, I’ve been drunk every night, and I want to die.”

——-

“Every night, planes fly low over my house en route to Andrews Air Force base.

And every night, I feel like it’s 9-11 again.

Maybe one of those planes IS heading on a collision course with the Pentagon, or the Capital, or the White House.

Or maybe I’m just paranoid ever since I learned that the hijackers lived five miles from me for months.”

——-

“I keep thinking about my past relationships and I miss them so much. Not the people, but the way they made me feel. I know I’m still young, but I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever have that feeling again. People say “there’s always someone out there”, but what if I never look and they never find me?”

Let the games begin!

Hey everyone!

As we’re all gearing up for a new semester, don’t forget to keep spreading the word about TerpSecret! Incoming freshman to graduating seniors–there are a lot of people who still don’t know about the TerpSecret community!

Keep the secrets coming and enjoy the last few days of summer!

<3 Sarah

August Secrets!

“I don’t believe that you or anyone else understand that now that school has started, I wont have any time for anyone. I’ll be working during breaks. Graduation in May. Then I go into the US armed forces with my degree. It looks like basic training is in Chicago and then i’ll be stationed in either Germany or California. At this rate it might even be in the Persian Gulf. My time is up. I tried to be with and see everyone, I tried.”

——-

“I’ve dated this girl for four years and fell completely in love with her, she is my best friend and someone I could live with the rest of my life. Only problem…she went away to college. Doesn’t sound like a big deal, but after two years of being in a relationship where you see the person only four times a month (days) that relationship starts to dissolve away just because of lack of physical contact with the person. Not intimate, of course that matters, but just being with the person. The relationship has turned into a relationship over the phone rather than with the person. I didn’t fall in love with a voice.
But anyways…now we took a break because I could not figure my shit out, and now I am scared more than anything that she will leave me and move on. We have a 1 1/2 years left and promise to stay in contact, but I feel like eventually it will fizzle away…I hope she doesn’t forget about all the good times we had because I really miss holding her and waking up next to my other half.”

——-

“Sometimes I can’t stand my friends.

I’m afraid I’m going to end up alone.”

——-

“My family does not invite  me to any family events. I get Christmas and Easter, but anything else, birthdays, dinners, and any get-together, it’s like I don’t exist. It’s not because I embarrass them, or I’m a bad person. They honestly just forget about me.”

——-

“I’m in love with a married man, and according to everyone who knows his wife (since I’ve never met her), she’s ‘just the sweetest girl you’d ever meet’.  Which he deserves because he’s compassionate and funny and just a nice guy all around.  I’m happy for him that he’s in a great marriage, but it doesn’t change the fact that I love him.
The terrible thing is that I have to come to terms with the fact that he’ll never just come up to me one day and kiss me during his coffee break like we’re in some cheesy romantic comedy.

And if he ever actually were to, he wouldn’t be the kind of man I’d want to love.

I suppose I’ll just look from afar, and wonder if I’ll ever find someone like him.”

——-

“Hey… I love you. It’s nice to hear it every now and again, even if you don’t believe me.”

——-

“I wish my mother would have died instead of my father. I know I would not in a  million years wish the opposite if my father were alive. Even though he would be working all the time, even though he’d be absent, I would have been able to have him sometimes instead of never ever again. He was just so much better and happier, and he would let me make my own decision, to do what makes me happy instead forcing my life every which way.

But I really don’t care about that, I just want him back so badly and I fucking hate that he’s not here any more.”

——-

“I’m terrified of becoming an alcoholic. Both of my parents are, and when I drink, I have to monitor everything I do extremely closely.

Even more, I hate that I thought trying vicodin when I busted my ankle would be a good idea. I feel like I’m addicted, and I don’t know what to do. I love the high and the nonchalant mood it gives me. Its beautiful; it makes everything around me beautiful.”

I took my last four pills the other week, and now I think I’m feeling withdrawal. What do I do? None of my friends know about it and when I say something about it they all shrug it off like its nothing to worry about and I’m just kidding around. I’m scared, but I don’t want people to hate me like I hated my dad when I found out about his addiction. I’m so lost.”

——-

“Sometimes I look through these and wonder if any are about me…”

——-

“You stole my best friend and I will never ever ever forgive you for that. I’ll never forgive my best friend for leaving me in a time when I needed it the absolute most, either. Now I’m lost and alone and all I want is a hug from that person I used to be so incredibly close with.”

——-

“I love you and have the hardest time expressing it. You constantly tell me I’m so negative and look at the glass half empty, but you neglect to attribute that to my depression. I wish you would just try to see the happier me I used to be, instead of picking away at this shell I’ve become. I don’t know how to get back to that.”

——-

“I know I tell everyone how much I hate you, but honestly I just want you to be my best friend again. This past year has totally sucked without someone to actually talk to that cares.”

——-

“I just started a relationship. He’s so good but I have a bad feeling. I know that when and if this relationship ends, it will be because of me, because I am scared and insecure. I fear this truth because I know it will break him, and hurting him is the last thing on Earth that I want to do.”

——-

“I’m pretty sure ill never see you again. My heart is shredding because of this. School < break = work < school < school trip < GONE.  I have one year of my current life left and then its on to accomplish goals. You’re my best friend. You’re the one who has touched my heart and my well-being unlike anyone else. Countless efforts to be with you one last time. I’m done trying to rekindle that old flame. BUT, I know it can still burn one last time. If you want to see, be with, hang, chill, lax, drink, relax, with me one more time, let me know. I made it a point to try to stay in contact with you from grade school till now almost on a day to day basis. I know you’re the bomb where you are and you have a new life. And I know I’m part of the old life.   You’re still a big part of my life, it seems like you don’t want to be, and if you do its not on my same level of enthusiasm.”

Don’t forget me, or us, or what we had. Please?

All I ask is one more try… one last time…

July Secrets!

“I have been depressed for at least 7 years. It started out as being bullied by my Boy Scout troop, my peers in schools, and my mom at my house. My mom controlled my life throughout middle school. In middle school I wanted to be a pop star who could sing and play the piano. The kind like Gavin Degraw, Bruno Mars, and Isaac Slade of the Fray. Those dreams were pushed a side because my mom forced me into Scouting and band (I hated every minute of it). She made me give up piano lesson in 2006 and did not necessarily approve of me doing theatrical plays.

In middle school my peers would call me “Feminine” and “gay” to the point I wanted to kill myself. The teachers and the Administration said I was “tattle tailing”.

My mom died in 2009. For about a year I felt an era of peace. I pretty much controlled the house. There was no more fighting and no more screaming. During that time I decorated the house to my taste. Later in 2010 my dad found a girlfriend and moved her in. The house was now her’s and I lost a lot of power. Oddly I got my Eagle, highest rank in Scouting, and did another year of band.

When I heard early 2011 I got into Maryland I was filled with joy and glee. I figured I could move down to College Park forever.
My first year at Maryland was great!!!! I made sooo many new friends and got into a fraternity, G-Phi.

The hardest part after the first year was the transition back to my hometown, since I live in the dorm and can only stay there for the school year. Businesses weren’t hiring, I was not qualified to be a canvasser for Environment Maryland, and I am pretty much broke. During the school year I was taking stuff, antiques and person belongings, from my house into my Grandmother’s. I thought it was safe until my sister moved into there. Since she has been there she has thrown stuff out and forced me to take a lot of it back to my house. Since I have been home. I have been cleaning the basement. Finding many articles of paper has re-exposed me to the past. It brings me back to a time of arguing, bullying, and hopelessness.

I have been going to psychotherapy. The doctor prescribed me Lexapro. I am nervous because the side effect is suicide.

I am in a bad position. I was promised of all kinds of opportunity if I got Eagle. I have no job. I feel like my past was a waste of time that contributed to absolute nothing.  My house is just a moment of pain and traumas. I fear of talking to my sister because she is very bi-polar and judgmental. I have a lot of angry over those who bullied me to the point of death. In the past 7 months I have had countless thoughts of committing suicide. I feel like just ending my life. I want to be at peace. I don’t know what to do?”

——-

“Sometimes you still show up in my dreams even though i don’t know you anymore… and you probably hate me.”

——-

“I’m scared to graduate.  Really scared.  What if I don’t become what everyone and I want to be?  School has always been an easy answer to give.”

——-

“I think I got raped, but I’m still a virgin.
This is what happened: 3 guys and 2 of my best friends and I decided to go to the beach. One guy is basically my bffs bf (but not official since he is leaving his college because his ex gf has a restraining order against him), and one guy is my other friends fuck buddy. And then the other one was my designated hookup buddy. The last night at the beach we drank jungle juice and a mixture of alc. I made myself shitfaced because I didn’t like my hookup except for when I was drunk. I couldn’t not hookup with him and ruin my girlfriends’ weekend.

That last night I was only in my underwear hooking up with my hookup. Then the other two guys came in in their boxers. I thought they were joking about having a foursome. I said only if two of them kissed because straight boys would never. Well two of the three straight boys in their boxers kissed. And suddenly I realized I was in trouble. They knew I thought it was a joke but THEY were serious the whole time. In one split second all three of their dicks were forced in my face. I was so fucked up I went down on them and stroked them but I remember feeling so freaked out.

“Finger her,” one said. “Fuck her,” the other said. “I want to fuck her so hard, I want to fuck her so hard,” voices shouted simultaneously.

“Don’t tell anyone this happened,” the bf said.

What saved me from being gang banged? I had my period.

I feel changed, I feel different. I don’t think I can be the bubbly girl I once was. I feel a little dead. I woke up this morning feel nauseous and crying. I don’t want to eat. Someone else looks back at me in the mirror. I feel like I’m zoning in and out of my life. Apparently these are all the symptoms of rape trauma. Apparently the FBI counts forced oral sex as rape. And oddly enough when I read that definition I felt a little at peace knowing there was a reason I was feeling traumatized. Knowing that it wasn’t my fault, because I was convinced it all was.

The only thing getting me through my depression is that there is still a little part of me left…technically, I haven’t had real sex yet. I can’t wait for the guy that will eventually be with me, and see me as a person, not as a piece of meat, and touch me in a way that matters.”

——-

“I graduated from maryland a year ago. I have no job, I’m living at home, I have no boyfriend and lost 3 best friends all in one year. I’m smart, fun and pretty. SO WHY CANT I CATCH A BREAK?”

——-

“I am in love with a married man. He tells me that he loves me too, and in a different way than he loves his wife. He said if he could do it all over again, he would have married me. I know that if he really wanted things to be different, he would make it happen. I’m tortured on a daily basis keeping this secret from everyone; I never thought I’d ever be “that girl.” I never wanted any of this to happen.. I am living in hell. I have never felt this way about anyone, but I know that we will never be together. Will I ever be able to move on, and feel this way about someone else? I’m scared, and I hurt.”

——-

“My bf lost his job, his car, and his apartment. Now he has to move 3 hours away, because neither of us can afford anything around here. I told him it was okay if he moved. I haven’t told him that I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant.”

——-

“We’ve only been friends for a little while and I’m already closer to you then I’ve ever been to anyone, and I’ve totally fallen for you.  As usual, you’re taken and I’m sitting here wondering if I will ever get a chance.”

——-

“I troll the w4m area in the casual encounters section of craigslist. I haven’t had sex in over a year and I desperately want the touch of a woman. Anyone who knows me would never imagine that I do this, but the truth is I feel lonely, horny and want some form of intimacy.”

——-

“I’m afraid that you’re going to let fear ruin what we might have.”

——-

“When I started dating you I didn’t care. You were twice my age plus one and already had a girlfriend anyway. But now you fell in love with me. And I can’t tell anybody, not even you, how much this is making me suffer.
Am I even still keeping myself from loving you? Or am I simply repressing it, and is that the reason I’m feeling so sad every time you leave. Or every time you bring her up.”

——-

“I fall asleep while texting him just so I have a text from him when I wake up.”

——-

“I am so scared. My girlfriend might be pregnant. We are so not ready for a baby… I’m not even certain if we’ll be together for that long. I want to be, but things happen. I have to wait 3 weeks to see if she misses her Period… Scary shit….”

——-

“Everyone makes fun of my friend because they’ve never seen him with a girl. This might be shallow, but I know he’s not gay, because I think he’s in love with me. I’ve been with someone else for years, but I think he’s been waiting for me … and I never did anything about it, I just left him waiting.”

——-

“I’m only 21 years old, but I want to be pregnant so bad. I want a baby to call mine. Am I an idiot? Probably.”

——-

“I’m in love with my best friend. I think it’s rare nowadays to date someone we’ve known for a long time; we tend to dive right into relationships.

I wish I was brave enough to tell him.”

——-

“I’m too picky with women, so I don’t have a girlfriend.”

——-

“I would give all of this up for you out of fear of never finding someone like you again. I can’t pass this opportunity up.”

——-

“I’ve known you for 15 years, we just began talking 2 weeks ago, and you completely stole my heart. You’re 14 hours away from me, but I’ve never felt so close to someone in my life. I hope you are willing to hold on as tight as I am.”

——-

“Apparently spilling my heart out to you to have you ignore me was what I really needed to get over you for the last year. Glad I finally figured that out.”

——-

“For so long I have been working on trying to fix how I look on the outside because I thought I didn’t look attractive enough … come to find out all along that it isn’t my looks that drives people away it is my terrible personality. Go figure.”

——-

“How do we know when something is real and fully understand that, when everything we’ve ever known about are based on guesses?”

——-

“I don’t have the heart or balls apparently to break up with my girlfriend. I feel like it would either devastate her, or she’d shrug it off like it was nothing. I leave for officer training school in a year, but until then i’ll be with her from mid august through May of next year. I don’t wanna divide everybody, I still wanna be her friend, and I hope she understands.

I’ve explained this situation to a lot of my close trusted friends and they say sounds like its time to dump her. My dad even said “sounds like shes a dead weight you need to drop.” So im coming to the Terpsecret network for advice.

We’re not physical, like ever really. But we’ve been together for like almost 8 months, and im not trying to slip into a physical relationship, but doing straight up nothing…its different, but i don’t like it. I’m not looking for sex, the way things are going, marriage will occur before sex. and i’m cool with that esp since I’ve got 21.5+ years without it. I don’t think she knows what passion is. I’m putting in 150% into this relationship and getting back 20%. In person its not as bad. But DAMN c’mon now. Why be with me if you don’t wanna be with me? Show me you want to be with me. Prove it to me! I’m almost at the point where I want to do something stupid to see if she’ll care or not.

But bottom line is, why am I with her if im not happy?”

——-

“I’m starving myself. Not because of my weight (I’m too skinny and it’s caused me major problems…) but because i’m too lazy to make food. This is sad…”

June Secrets!

“You don’t care. So I don’t eat.”

——-

“We’ve met twice, hooked up once, and I think you’re the type of person I’ve always wanted to be with. I hope you like me the same way.”

——-

“I have 2 jobs and I loathe both of them. I know I should be lucky to even have a job, but they both make me feel extremely unhappy. I want to quit both and then find something I love. I’m scared if I don’t make changes in my life now then I’ll be stuck for the rest of life doing things that make me unhappy.”

——-

“If you’re reading this, you aren’t alone! I care about you. No matter who you are, I’m cheering for you. I know you can do it! Have a great day! <3″

Thanks for the post! I LOVE seeing things like this. I go to the best school in the world, I’m convinced. <3

——-

“I like you. I don’t want to fuck this up.”

——-

“I’m sick of being everyones anchor. I’m sick of waking up appx 6-8 times a night answering a text message about someones problems.  I really don’t mind, but A) I need sleep too, B) can’t it wait till morning, C) SHUT UP YOU BROKEN RECORD. All I get is “my boyfriend did blahblahblah” or “that dumb bitch blahblahblah.” That kinda this is stuff that can wait until morning, hence why now I silence my phone at night. Last night, 18 text messages from 8 people. Problem with that is what if someone actually needs me. Its june, I’ve talked 2 people out of potential suicide attempts. I am happy to help, don’t get me wrong. But seriously, if you have that many problems, go seek professional help. I also wouldn’t mind continuing listening to their bitching, if they listened to the advice I gave them. “I told you so” is etched into my quick texts on my phone.

Ok so me helping is all fine and dandy. But what about if I’m having a shit day. EVERYONE is like “yeah. contact me whenever.”  Ok so when I do I get no response. Ever. Fair? I don’t think so. So where does the advice giver go to get help. Nowhere. I’m sick of helping and getting no support. I’m done.”

——-

“I’m going to be a sophomore, and I really like my girlfriend. Sometimes I envision spending the rest of my life with her and I’m OK with that. But then sometimes I think about all of the other opportunities I could missing out on. I’m pretty good looking and I know I could do much better physically, but she loves me to death and I would never purposely do anything to hurt her. Like what if there is a beautiful, smart girl out there that will love me just as much?”

——-

“So close every time, and we never happened. Missed you by a month, a week, a day. Story of my life…bad timing. Now I can only see you appx once a year (the way the trend is going). You know I adore you, you know i’d do anything for you, you know i’d be there for you in a heart beat. with my driving, distance is only a minor issue. Are we ever going to be together? My heart breaks when i say this : No. Why? Because I believe we both are too scared to risk losing what we have now if something somehow wet wrong. I would love for you to be my girlfriend. I’d marry you one day if I could. If my current girlfriend doesn’t work out, i’ll wait for you, forever, I promise. Our friendship and this feeling I have has been sometime in the making. You know my thoughts and feelings, I just wished you shared them =(.”

——-

“You don’t miss me, but I would do almost anything to have you back.”

——-

“I secretly miss being on UMD’s campus. There, said it!”

——-

“I once read there were “Nice” guys and honestly nice guys. He is the latter. I know he likes me, and I feel like I’m leading him on. It’s been a year since he told me, 18 months since he fell for me, and I can’t bring myself to stop letting him walk me home. Some days I just want to use him to fill some intimacy void in my life, and when I realize that I hate myself more than ever. I really am just a terribly selfish person. I wish he could move on and find someone who could make him happy, because I know I never could.”

——-

“I was finally comfortable with who I was. I was finally an ex drug addict who could drink a couple glasses of wine with the rest of the family. And then when it was over, you singled me out and made me out to be an alcoholic. I thought we were having fun together. Thank you, for destroying what faith I had in myself. Fuck sobriety, if people don’t believe in me why should I?”

——-

“So last night I was in the bathroom taking a piss when I realized I was in bed dreaming about taking a piss, but I was physically taking a piss.
I fucking wet the bed.
I’m 20 fucking years old.
Fuck that’s embarrassing.”

——-

“My boyfriend is such an ass sometimes. I want to punch him in the face.”

——-

“To the person who said they felt like everyone except them thought they we perfect. I think you’re my twin (haha). I know its hard, but people will still care about you if you don’t do everything right. If you can find someone to talk to it helps.”

——-

“I’m in love with one girl who’s not my girlfriend, and I don’t care! I can’t breakup with my dead-beat girlfriend (I know I sound terrible) because I’d feel like a jerk. So this other young woman is perfect, reality says we’d never make it. Challenge excepted! BRING IT ON!!!”

——-

“You can go F*** yourself ’cause I’ve stopped caring.”

——

“I love you more than I ever imagined being capable of. Yet I know, despite all the barrier’s I’ve broken down, there will be parts of your life I’ll never see, parts of who you are I’ll never know and there will always be a part of your heart I could never reach. You’ve know heartaches and you’ve known pain, you’ve learned to love with your heart shielded. I’ve been shut-out. All I can do is keep on loving you, and hope that someday you’ll realize that I’m worth loving with all your heart, that I would still love you despite all your mistakes and all your flaws, all your pains and all your hurt, that you would realize that I already love you for everything you are.”

——-

“I miss the past. I miss it so much sometimes I want to cry but i can’t because all this shit makes me numb. everything was easy, everything was normal, there were possibilities and opportunities for a normal life, for happiness. now everything is all fucked up, everything is hard, everything is a fight or a problem or a tragedy. I would kill for normal. Drama is entertaining when it’s someone else’s, problems are easier to solve when they’re someone else’s. these make for interesting, but they certainly don’t make for easier. I want boring, I want normal, I want something, anything that my life isn’t. I want something that is mine, that I’ve made for myself, something that fate hasn’t decided or ruined for me.”

——-

“We hooked up while we were dating other people. We told our significant others and we were forgiven. We hooked up again, we didn’t tell anyone. We slept together, we didn’t tell anyone. We spoke on the phone every night and secretly met up for over half a year. Now we’re both single and we rarely talk. Now you’re seeing someone else. I am immoral and I deserve the loneliness.”

May Secrets!

“I feel like everyone but me thinks I’m perfect, or that I should be perfect. Anyone else can get a B and it’s all good, but if I have a low A, let alone a B, that’s worrisome. I have to somehow get more leadership positions, never mind that my major activity leaves almost no time to sleep, let alone join other groups. I could keep going for hours…
Yet, at the same time I can’t really complain. There are people who do better in harder classes, there are other people with just as little time. But how do you tell your friends that you’re worried about your grades and expect sympathy when your bad grade might be their best grade? How do you tell people who think you’ve got it all together that you’ve felt like you were about to fall off a cliff this whole year? That you were so tense you couldn’t sleep because your back ached too much? And how do you tell them that and then explain how, at the same time you feel like you’re not doing enough? How do I finally feel like I’m good enough?”

——-

“I stole your boyfriend. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, I promise. I understand if you hate me. I would hate me too.”

——-

“You were my best friend. How could you just walk away like that and not tell me why? All I ever wanted was for you to see what your doing to yourself. It hurt me to see you hurting. I miss you everyday…”

——-

“I think I finally found you, and that makes me the happiest Ive ever been, but also scares me to death. I pretend I dont care, and that its not a big deal, but it is, so please dont hurt me…”

——-

“I gave up on you, I’ve never felt so defeated.”

——-

“I was just reading all these posts and am seeing so many posts about weight. Just thought I’d add my thoughts. I’m 5’3 & 3/4″ weigh 120lbs wear a size zero or 1, depending on the story. I’ve been called both fat and skinny in my life, and actually in the past month. I admit I have let weight drive my life at times, but that was a mistake. Your weight and size is just a number. What other people call you is their opinion, much more often though it is their way of trying to feel better about themselves, as if calling you a name automatically made them skinnier or something. Your personality is in no way related to your weight, so unless your really concerned about your weight ignore people. If you are concerned though, don’t try crash diets, talk to your doctor to see if you are a healthy weight or not. There are so many body types in this world, just like eye and skin color, you can’t change it, but uniqueness makes you all beautiful. If i looked exactly like everyone else I would honestly be a bit freaked out!”

——-

“So, I’m one of those girls that like masturbating a lot.  It feels weird to tell you this, but I just love it.  I have trouble getting off during intercourse because I do it so much, and there’s nothing that pleases me more.  This is starting to affect my sex life, and I don’t mind if this is posted on the board, but I need help.  Please!”

A little help here?

——-

“I simply do not understand why making friends on this campus is so difficult. Without any idea where to start I’ve flown by two years here at UMD and really have no one I could call upon for help. Its depressing to be honest, instead of wallowing in my own disappointment I take more classes and work more hours at work. Making myself feel useful and needed.”

——-

“We met one time by chance in NYC. You showed me the best night I have ever had in my entire life. We still talk from time to time, and for some reason we’re comfortable enough with one another to have this pretend grand scheme to run away to Australia and get married. I love this more than you’ll ever understand. The opportunity to escape from reality in a simple conversation means more to me than I will ever be able to explain. My real secret? I wish it weren’t all pretend.”

——-

“I’m 5’4″, I weigh 120 pounds, and I wear that “impossible” size zero. I have curves, and I have never once been told that I look too skinny. I don’t starve myself, this is just the body type I was born with. I guess I was “blessed” with a fast metabolism. Insulting a skinny person is just as hurtful as insulting a fat person. I didn’t do anything to be this size except live my life like everyone else does, so I’m tired of hearing how “disgusting it is that girls want to starve themselves to be a size 0.” I don’t starve myself, and I’m not disgusting.”

——-

“I love you. Your my first real boyfriend, whom I truly love as a person. However, I am not IN love with you. I don’t want to leave you because you might be what I really want, but I have so little experience in the relationship world, I’d like to experience more. I want to see what else is out there but I don’t want to lose you in the process. I don’t want to put you on standby but I don’t want to play with your feelings neither.”

——-

“I am 5’2 and I weigh all of 127 pounds and I love my weight. I see girls being sad and depressed about their weight when they weigh no more than 130 pounds and their bodies aren’t sloppy nor disgusting looking. I have an hourglass figure and I love the way my hips come out. It makes my waist look so tiny and cute. I love my C cup boobs and my larger than stick-figured thighs. I wish all girls would embrace the way they look instead of wanting to look skinny as fuck with no shape at all. I personally hate it. Girls that wear size 0, it looks disgusting. There is nothing wrong with being thin but I hate seeing girls feeling down when they are not even fat. Yea, they might be a size 2,4,6,or 8 but wtf! Why is a size 0, everyone’s dream size.”

——-

“I frequently read the posts on here and over and over I see people depressed about how their parents see them. I just wanted to say that we all need to realize that one of the biggest parts of college is finding or creating who you are and will be in life. Remember that it’s your life, not theirs, to live. The sooner you accept that and start living life as your own person, the sooner the healing process can begin. You are special no matter what your parents or siblings say! You matter, but the only way you can fulfill that is by loving yourself and caring about who you are. Live your life, that’s why its called your life, not your parent’s life, not your sibling’s life. And when life is getting you down, just remember there are people who care, even if you cant see or hear them. People like myself who think that you matter. If you need help, just ask. People are willing and waiting to help you.

My two cents. <3″

——-

“I’m falling for you.”

——-

“I love my boyfriend dearly. He is kind hearted and loves me with all of his heart. He treats me so good and will do almost anything for me. There is one thing that I’ve been noticing though, I think he is retarded. Some of my family members noticed it and I am now picking up on little things that I might have overlooked during the honeymoon stages of our relationship. It is now beginning to agitate and frustrate me to the point where I am calling him a fucking retard in my head. It is also beginning to become embarrassing whenever we hang out with friends of my family. He just tends to say things that makes everyone look at him like “Wtf”. I don’t know what to do. =\”

——-

“I think I have fleas, but I’m too embarrassed to do anything about it.”

——-

“This could be the worst plan ever, but I’m so fucking excited.”

——-

“I have found my forbidden fruit, and it’s you. I will never be able to touch you, or get that close. You’re my best friend, but you’re his best friend too, and I know you would never betray him like that. I wish I had met you first, then maybe things would be different. I think I love you, and I think you have feelings for me, but neither of us would dare so, it’s pointless.”

——-

“I feel like my friends have given up on me and are just waiting for the phone call that my body just couldn’t take it anymore.

I love the freedom of my life here, but it’s slowly killing me.”

——-

“So I thought I liked you, you’re in my english class certain mornings, and you seemed like a nice guy to hang out with.
But you’re not a nice guy, ever since the last few weeks of classes. You’re more than not just nice, you’re a complete asshole! When I fell asleep at Mckeldin during late night why didn’t you wake me and invite me to your house? You just left me on the couch asleep with my homework, and when I woke up your were gone. Thanks for making me feel homeless (again)! Do know how far Baltimore is? Do you know how far my pillow and blankets are? That’s all I was asking for, but you snuck out of Mckeldin before I could even ask to crash on your couch.
I just wanted a friend I could study with, but it doesn’t look like you want that. Thank you anyway, don’t worry about me though I’ll be here where you left me… “

——-

“It’s taken a long time, but I think I can finally be okay without you. You really hurt me, but I think you’re screwing yourself over in the long run. I know I told you that I got nothing good from what we had, but honestly, that’s not true. I realized that I have the greatest friends and family in the world. They help me to see how beautiful and special I am everyday while you used me and made me feel like shit. Do I miss you? Yeah, of course I do. I’m always going to. But the thing is, I’m moving on to bigger and better things in life. You can’t even move on from your exgirlfriend. So good luck with life; don’t use me as your booty call again.”

——-

“I’m 5’7 and 140 pounds. I’m a size 6, and I’m relatively thin in comparison to some girls.

But since I’m constantly surrounded by girls who are double zeros and 90 pounds, I feel fat. I cry at my thighs, and I refuse to wear a lot of my shorts anymore because they make me look heavier. It’s not fair. Why can’t I naturally be stick thin too?”

——-

“I wish religion wasn’t such a defining characteristic when it came to relationships. I want to be with you.”

——-

“My boyfriend is emotionally and physically abusive. I can’t tell anyone because all the adults I know wouldn’t believe me, and all my friends would yell at me for staying with him.
None of them understand. No matter how much I hate him, I like that he hates me just as much as I hate myself.”

——-

“We’re never going to be together. But it’s okay. You’re not my type anyway. You’re too serious for me, too straight-edged, too old…I want someone who’s young and fun and I can goof around with. We’re not right for each other. But it kinda hurts that SHE’S the one you want, just because she’s everything that I’m not. And when I see you guys being silly together, it hurts a little, because that’s what I wanted with you. But I’ve made my peace with it now. I have the entire summer to get over you. Things will be different next semester, and when I see you again, I will be able to say that you are just my friend now: no more, no less.”

——-

“When I got your IM yesterday, I tried to play it cool, like it was pleasant to hear from you after all this time, but no big deal. You couldn’t see that I was shaking like a leaf. I cannot be anything to you, not even your friend. I’m married, and way too old for you anyway. In another life… I imagine what might have been between us. But we’ll never know. I just am not free to be with you, in any way.

But there are things from our brief whatever-it-was that I will carry with me always. The way you ran your fingers through your hair. The tiny space between your front teeth that I could feel when we kissed. The night we stood on the porch of the Plant Sciences building and watched the thunderstorm. And yesterday, when I apologized to you for throwing myself at you last summer… and you said you were sorry for not catching me.

I’m sorry, too. You have no idea.”

——-

“My best friend watched my ex hurt me physically, she was fucked up she doesn’t remember, but she watched. Now I just found out she’s still talking to him. How can you say you’re my best friend and talk to the man who abused me in every fucking way? You know what he did, so why?”

——-

“We met almost two years ago. Ever since then we’ve been testing the waters but never fully diving in. I can’t help but think you keep coming back into my life for a reason. We’re both on the same page right now – simply confused – and that might be the first step to a beautiful friendship, relationship, call it what you will.”

——-

“I fell for you the day we met almost a year ago. I’m still not over you, and I’m beginning to wonder if I ever truly will be.”

——-

“I will NEVER forgive you for breaking my heart and making it so hard to be happy.”

——-

“I’m a girl. You’re a girl. I’m trying not to take any day I get to spend with you for granted. I know this won’t last forever.”

——-

“I am a completely straight girl who is falling for her best friend… also a girl. I feel so lucky that everything has progressed so naturally and I’m so happy but at the same time I don’t know if I should break it off because I can’t actually be with her…”

——-

“I found out tonight that my girlfriend knows our relationship sucks, and doesn’t care because she has the the title. Im wasting my life with this chick. -_- AND SHE FREAKING KNOWS AND DOESN’T WANNA FIX IT that’s the worst part. It hurts a lot.”

Not a secret, but a thank-you.

Whoever sent me this didn’t give me an e-mail address to reply to, so I just wanted to thank you for sending it to me! It’s so cute haha I really appreciated it!

http://i1146.photobucket.com/albums/o522/buddychange12/BIRTHDAY/happy-birthday-2.gif

Free Hugs!

I got my free hug today outside of McKeldin library from students at the Help Center!

They will be out there every Friday in April from 12:00-2:00 pm.

I also wanted to thank them for the support they gave me when I told them I was from TS. Thanks a lot, guys! I love what you’re doing! Keep sharing the hugs and smiles!

April Secrets!

“I think there is significant chemistry between my boyfriend’s best friend and I. I know that this might seem horrible to say, but I’m pretty sure he would treat me a lot better, and love me more. I love my boyfriend, just sometimes I wish he’d be as nice as him.”

——-

“I really like you, and you are my co-worker. I want you to like me back, and I think you might. Please make it easier for me to tell if you do, because I would be so happy to be able to date you.”

——-

“I hate that I can’t trust myself or my intentions. My feelings have turned to coal and my past is slowly yet dreadfully creeping up behind me. I always seem to find another temporary distraction to ease my pain, needs, and regret. I’ve gotten used to this deceitful lifestyle; when will it stop. Who will turn my life around. When will I stop using lust as a way to escape this so called thing “love” and be human again. When will I find the courage to change. The strength to fight temptation. I wish I could stop crushing hearts and drinking the juice. When will I start accepting the feelings and needs of others and putting them to use. When will I stop making myself a victim of abuse.”

——-

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”

So true. Thank you!

——-

“We only dated for, like, 3 months, and we broke up 6 months ago. But we’ve hooked up almost a dozen times since then. I still can’t let you go. Every time I try to go out with someone else, I cry. I hate that it isn’t you who wants to be holding my hand and taking me out anymore. I hate the smile only you knew how to put on my face. I miss everything about you. Now you’re about to graduate and all I want is to have you back in my life for good. We’ve both apologized to each other countless times about messing everything between us up, and we always talk about how we miss spending time together. Why can’t we just move on? Better yet, why can’t we just be together again?”

——-

“I like you a lot and from now on until the last day of school, I will talk to you every chance I get.”

——-

“You apparently broke up with him to be me but now all you’re doing is pushing me to the side treating me like I’m nothing to you. All I want is you, all I’ve ever wanted is you but you don’t seem to realize that. Do you?”

——-

“Family commenting on me “She looks as pretty as her sister, but her sisters skinnier.”

I have been struggling with this statement longer than anyone will ever know. I’ve been hearing it since I can remember, and I grew up with the nickname potbelly kid, and always teased the way I can pack away food. I’m not fat, I’m only 90 lbs actually, I’ve been 15 lbs lighter than my sister for the past 8 years, and anorexic. However, my family has never realized it, it’s always ‘look at how skinny your sister is,’  how much do I have to weigh to be acknowledged as beautiful. How much do I have to lose before you to notice me? I think I’ll disappear before you ever realize it.”

——-

“I almost lost my dad yesterday.  I have never felt so afraid in my life and everything I have been worried about for the past month (housing, my summer job, my papers) just doesn’t seem to matter anymore. All I need is to make sure he is okay and knows he is appreciated and loved.”

——-

“I don’t want to go out and party, or drink, or make out with random guys like all the other girls. I just want you.”

——-

“I would rather be disfigured or disabled in an accident than lose my sense of humor. It’s my favorite part about myself and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

——-

“There’s no way this is all just in my head. You always pick me over the other girls. I look over and you’re looking at me. You never miss an opportunity to help me out. We both know this isn’t just a platonic friendship. I know we don’t know each other that well, but I really want to get to know you. We’d be perfect together. And I don’t think I’ll be able to show interest in anyone else, not when I still believe that I might have a chance with you. I know you think the age difference is too much. I know it’s hard, but time’s running out, love. This sort of thing doesn’t happen to me every day, and I don’t think it happens to you, either. How are you ever going to know if you don’t make a move?”

——-

“I lost my virginity today. I think I could be in love with him but I know he doesn’t feel the same way. Sex doesn’t mean anything to him and it makes my heart hurt.”

——-

“To the person who thinks they will and should always be alone and never become intimate with anyone:

I know how you feel. I can’t believe someone has expressed the same feelings as me. I am also gay and feel like because of it, I should just never be with anyone. But then I realize that that is kind of silly. You shouldn’t let something like that stop you from having a relationship with someone who makes you happy. Be happy with who you are and cut yourself some slack.”

——–

“I’m not his girlfriend. I’m not even interested in him beyond friendship. We aren’t physical at all. But talking to him daily fills the void, and it helps my self esteem to feel wanted. I’m replacing someone else with him, and he doesn’t benefit at all. But I can’t let him go, I don’t want to be alone for good.”

——-

“Please just ask me out!

I know it’s hard for you, but believe me, it’s even harder for me. The whole world can see that we both want this, but I need to hear it from you.”

——-

“I really want to know what percentage of students on campus are virgins?
Do most students actually masturbate? Is it normal?
Between girls too?”

——-

“I seriously feel they are so many students on this enormous campus who feel they are lonely and surely deserve better.
But I still can’t figure out how to bring this to an end. There has to be some way, so that all these people at least get in touch with each other.
Some one has to step up! But how?
People can do wonders, once they know they can.

P.S. I am one of them!”

——-

“I haven’t posted in awhile. I once told you, the TerpSecret creator, that I admired your work. It was in cornerstone awhile ago.I honestly think you’re very attractive and I feel you are helping SOOO many people through their struggles. I’d really love to party with you or even hang out and get to know you, you’ve got a great amount of spirit I haven’t seen in a very long time.. btw the class we were in was HLTH 285 where I sat behind you if you remember “

Thank you! That class was a huge lecture–I really don’t remember anyone consistently sitting behind me.

——-

“I miss and ache for something that I never had with you.  I hate her but also feel so ashamed for such hateful behavior.  I feel like I am a joke and no one takes me seriously.  I feel overweight and constantly greasy.  I am often ashamed of my behavior.  I want to go to counseling on campus but just keep not showing up for my appointments, and I can’t figure out why.  I am annoyed that my best friend calls me her best friend yet 9 times out of 10 would rather hang out with her boyfriend, the 10th time being that she is annoyed with him for one reason or another and I have to listen to that.  Most of all though, I miss you, and what I thought we had the potential for.  I guess we don’t, but I don’t know how I am going to accept that.  If I didn’t have fear of not immediately being able to pay back student loans, I would run away, today.”

——-

“I’ve settled to being alone because of who I am. I have decided to never be in a relationship, never to be intimate with anyone, and to get as close to being a crazy cat person without actually owning cats (dog person for life). I’ve decided this because I can’t let everyone who I love in my life to know the real me, even though most already assume they know the real me. But at least I can tell someone, and this is why I love this website. I can tell everyone who ends up reading this who I really am. So to all looking at this, I am gay! I may lack any of the courage that I always tell my friends to have, but at least I can come out here. And while I’m still alone and still living a lie to everyone, it feels good. It really does.”

——-

“You wouldn’t notice that I’m disabled by looking at me, I can walk and talk, and do most things like a normal person. Until I have an episode, where my world goes black and people look at me like I’m the girl from the exorcist. I have epilepsy, grand mal, peti mal, I have them all. It controls my life, I can’t stop it, or time it. I will have this for the rest of my life, and no one is ever going to understand why or what I’m going through.”

——-

“For people who feel like there’s no one to turn to, the verse below helps me overcome many difficult situations in my life. We are all humans and we all have our struggles so please don’t give up because it gets better.
Matt 11:28-30:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.””

——-

“When I was in middle school I had a horrible reputation. I had apparently done everything by 13, sex to drugs, a to z. I was tortured, thought down upon, and eventually driven away from my school. In reality, I was a goth girl in a redneck town. I always thought that I moved to a new school and re invented myself. However, all I did was become those rumors. I don’t know how it happened, I had always promised myself I’d never become what people thought I was, now thats all I am. I let what people said 9 years ago completely transform my life. How pathetic is that?”

——-

“I’m known for my mad beats, and my sick flow. In the clubs, I always lay it down. Super hot fire, is what I spit. But there is a terrible truth I have hidden from the world. I am not what people think I am, I am not a rapper. I am a philosopher, I am a thinker. These hands weren’t made for mixing…they were made for loving.”

——-

“If you see me, I’m always with a girl. But my biggest secret is that I always doubt myself. Do women actually like me for who I am … or do they like me simply because I’m sittin’ on 28 inches of solid chrome rims? I feel like they see my money, before they see my character. They read my portfolio, before they read my mind. Who am I without the money? I don’t know anymore.”

——-

“I’m paranoid I’m going to screw up my relationship with my girlfriend. I’m also not happy with her. I haven’t broken up with her because she hasn’t cheated on me and hasn’t shown signs of going insane. Is that bad? Hell yeah. Am I ‘keeping’ her because I don’t want to be alone? Absolutely =/”

——-

“I pick my nose in my car “

——-

“I am terrified to admit it, but I use alcohol to cover my unhappiness. I am terrified to finally admit that I am not in control of my habit, and that it is ruining my life. For years I have thought it was harmless, but now I am realizing that I am not in control of my actions. My life revolves around, and is affected by, my problem. But I don’t know what to do about it.”

——-

“ I feel like I am chronically unhappy. It’s like I have failed at everything I have ever done. From the outside looking in, I may appear to be a happy person, but I have realized that money/possessions don’t buy real happiness. I don’t know what to do.”

——-

“Tonight I have cried and cried and cried and for no particular reason at all. I have no logical reason to be this upset/angry right now, but I physically can’t help myself. I feel as though I could drive my car straight into a tree and not flinch. They keep upping the dosage of my medication, and nothing is working. Maybe I just don’t need to be here anymore.

I just want this to end. I want to feel something again.”

——-

“I’m so obsessed with everyone around me thinking that my boyfriend and I are the perfect couple, so when we fight and I’m upset I don’t have anyone to talk to about it.”

——-

“We are best friends. You’ve told me that you love me and I’ve told you that I love you. We’re afraid of ruining our friendship but we don’t have forever. You’re leaving after this year. I’m going to miss you more than you can imagine.”

——-

“I hate that I have no self-control and no will-power when it comes to food. I used to have such control and now that I don’t, it scares me. It’s not just some shallow, girly ‘omg i’m so fat’ problem. I’m dealing with some messed-up shit in my life right now that I have no control over, and the stress from it causes me to lose control over what I eat, one of the very few things i had control over. My body is falling apart and it has sent me into a very deep depression. I don’t want therapy or drugs or anything i need to be dependent on. I feel like if i do this myself, I’ll be better off for it but i can’t seem to get it together. I don’t want to be this person anymore. I want to have control.”

——-

“I never realized how much my suicide attempts affected people until you succeeded in yours. I understand though. I was your age the first time I tried, did it the same way and everything, only difference is my rope broke, yours didn’t. I wish you could have gotten a second chance like I had, could have seen that it does get better, or bearable as the years go on. I’m sorry I lived and you didn’t, it really doesn’t seem fair. I will hold you in my heart and mind everyday from now on. I will never forget you, I will stay alive for the both of us.”

——-

“I like to tell myself that I’m a loner, but I’m not lonely. That I’m an introvert. That I actually prefer spending my weekends playing video games instead of hanging out with people. Then I look up and see people having a blast with their friends. I step into the movie theater…and realize i’m the only one watching the movie unaccompanied.
I’m a junior at the university and I still don’t have more than mere acquaintances I made from doing projects together in previous classes. I still don’t have any real friends here. No one to hang out with. No one to invite over. Never had a girlfriend…still waiting on a first kiss. And every time I try to tell myself I can make a friend I can’t even muster up the strength to approach someone.
I desperately believe I won’t be alone forever, but for the foreseeable future I’ll be home, by myself, alternating between doing schoolwork and turning on my playstation…”

——-

“You raped me again and it’s all my fault. But that’s just the icing on the top of the cake. The guy I really care about and thought felt the same has a new girl. I’m stuck going to mc because I don’t have the grades let alone the money to go anywhere else. I wanted to get away from my dad and now I’m stuck here. I’m mentally and physically sick and haven’t received any help. The worst part? My mom found all my old prescriptions that I no longer take but saved so that when I needed to die it would be easy. But that’s ok I know where my dad keeps his gun.”

——-

“I’ve posted here before about my loneliness and…nothing’s changed. Even though I’m proud of myself for going to the gym 5 days per week this semester (up from 0 during the rest of my life), I feel physically better than ever and I can finally run well I think. The thing is, there’s always that envy when you see other guys working out together and competing and pushing each other farther.
I wish I had that. Hell, I wish I didn’t study alone, eat meals alone, spend my weekends alone, etc. aside from working out alone. I wish I had any kind of real friend still. I can’t believe my freshman year has been completely devoid of any real, best friend. I’ve never had one and that’s what I was looking forward to most in college. I work 20+ hours per week at my job, my average is still a decent 3.0 and I added the gym this year and yet…I can’t feel happy or proud in my own skin when no one else is happy to be anywhere with me.

And if I may, I’d just like to take up a teeny space on this page to speak as a fellow submitter to the rest of you — you’re all very strong, courageous but hurting people. Being among you (virtually) warrants enormous respect for every single thing you share. Thank you TerpSecreters and Sarah.”

——-

“Out of the two of us, I’m the prettier sister, and my younger sister is the smarter one.  Not that I’m not smart – I get A’s for the most part, but I’m what most people refer to as ‘flighty’.

It’s annoying that everyone in the family wants her to go to school and get a good job, but everyone focuses more on how I should be a model or a housewife.  I mean, I want to be a wife, but I’m tired of everyone acting like that’s the only thing I can do.  I know I could be a doctor if I wanted to, but I chose not to go in that path, unlike my sister.

And it sucks for her, too.  I think she’s pretty, but I’m always the one getting the comments even when she looks just as nice.  She’s stopped wearing makeup and bothering with her hair, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s because no one remarks on how she looks.  And here I am, worried about whether or not my eyeliner is perfect because it’s the only thing anyone seems to care about.

I just wish they’d focus on the fact that I can get A’s in calculus and english and just about anything else too.  I mean, I feel like I’m working hard for nothing.  Everyone just wants to know why I haven’t considered modeling, or being a nice secretary.  I wish I could be considered smart just as much as I wish people would start commenting on how beautiful my sister is.”

——-

“I’m a senior and I like a freshman. I’m 18 and he is 15. I really wanna be with him and that makes me a horrible person.”

——-

“I still think about you all the time and how upset and hurt and angry and used you made me feel…so why do I still want you?”

——-

“After over a year of being together, I can finally say that I love you. The problem is, I can say that to everyone except you because I’m pretty sure you don’t feel the same way yet. You are my first love, and I can’t even share it with you. I guess it isn’t the same for you because you had a long- term relationship already and expressed love to someone who, looking back, you feel like you didn’t really love. I know that it takes time when you’ve had your heart broken and you want to make sure your feelings are real, but how long am I supposed to wait?”

——-

“Here’s something I read the other day:
‘Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about CREATING yourself’
I thought of something this morning. If the darkest part of the day is right before sunrise, then doesn’t it make sense that the darkest part of our lives come just before beautiful, bright, happy times?”

——-

“We broke up because your parents didn’t think that I was good enough for you. They hate me because we had sex but I was drunk the first time that we had sex and you were sober. It is your fault. I hate you. I wanted to wait until we got married. Now, your parents don’t even want us to communicate.”

——-

“It really hurts. I have known for a long time but my suspicions have finally been validated: nobody in my life appreciates me. I am graduating top of my class with two majors and a minor but instead of congratulating me, my parents want to know why I haven’t helped my sister succeed in the same way. You just can’t help some people…but of course they don’t understand that.

It has been this way since we were children! Even though she is older and should be giving ME advice, I have always been more mature and therefore held responsible if something went wrong. I tell her to grow up all the time and my parents think I am a bitch.

This isn’t even the worst of it! Because I have spent most of my life trying to make them proud, I have neglected the little friends I did have in order to participate in extra activities or study.

I need someone who can look at me and tell me what a good job I am doing with my life…I feel hollow inside.”

——-

“She told me that she couldn’t respect me when she found out I did drugs. It isn’t as though I ever hid it from her, I just didn’t think it was a big deal so I never said anything because it never came up.

It wouldn’t have been so bad if she told me she didn’t respect me when I told her about my drug use, but she waited 8 months. Until she was dating some random douche as a substitute. Until she’d ignored me reaching out to her for weeks on end. Until she made me feel worthless.

By the time she told me she couldn’t respect me, I didn’t even have enough respect left for myself to care.

I’m not a bad person. I’ve spent more time doing charity work in my 21 years than most people have spent even thinking about other people. But I have demons like most other people. The only difference is, I can’t deal with them. Without drugs, I attempted to kill myself 7 times before I went to college.

I want to earn her respect back, but I’m scared of what I’ll turn into if I step away from drugs.”

——-

“You were my best friend. You told me you liked me but I didn’t want to ruin such a good friendship, until I realized I liked you too. But here I am, 10 months after I told you, and I still regret telling you the truth and ruining our friendship…”

——-

“The older I get, the harder it is for me to retain the believe that there is someone out there for me. Everyone says that I won’t find love until I learn to love myself and enjoy life by myself, but I really just don’t see the point in life if I don’t have someone to share it with.  Now that I expect failure, I think it has become a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Just gotta keep putting one foot in front of the other…”

——-

“I don’t get along with my girlfriend or friends nearly as well as I used to, but even though I know they might not like me as much as before, no one dislikes me as much as I dislike myself.”

——-

“Fat people scare me and I feel terrible about it.”

——-

“Everyone tells me I’m super skinny whenever I say ‘Oh I’m so fat.’ I know I’m skinny, but I feel pressured by society to be even skinnier and to degrade myself because everyone does it.”

——-

“I’ve been hurt so bad by this girl! Im a lonely, shy, nice man who needs the touch of a good women! TOTALLY CRUSHED!”

——-

“I figured out why you won’t help me out. You help my sister, you help my brother, but I’m not your kid, Dad. Not by blood or by law. They are.  I thought I was still your kid in your eyes though, because you were always my dad. I need you to still be my dad.”

——-

“I’m over you.”

——-

“I am twenty years old and I pick my nose. The feeling is too satisfying to try and stop.”

——-

“I almost T-boned another car tonight. Luckily the other driver was able to swerve out of the way into the empty oncoming lane. No one was hurt, nothing got totaled, and we sped away into the night without even really seeing each others’ faces. But I feel like the slimiest, lowest life form on earth, because though he was going a little fast and it was hard to sight around that corner, it was almost entirely my fault. I could have horribly hurt someone tonight, I could have hurt myself, or at the very least cost us both a great deal of money. I just wanted to say sorry, to him and almost his family for my carelessness, to my parents for what might have been the most terrible phone call to make, and to the universe for being goddamn stupid.”

——-

“Dear ‘All I really want is to be able to trust someone enough and know that they won’t judge me,’

I know. I’m here for you <3.”

——-

“You were my high school sweetheart. We were in love, the kind that was the right mix of cheesy and realistic. We fought. We made up. But most of all, we kept the end goal in sight. We weren’t just in it for the fun. It was real love. We would have been able to be together for the rest of our lives (I know it, you know it, our parents knew it too), if it weren’t for just one thing. Something uncompromisable, something important that we really disagreed about.

So we broke up.

We stayed in touch with phone calls and texts and emails and letters. Yes, letters. The kind you send through snail mail. I couldn’t imagine life without you somehow in it.

See, the thing is, you were the milestone. The bar that raised my standards. You weren’t perfect by any means, but you were perfect for me. You were kind, romantic, thoughtful, funny, sincere among other things. I remember telling you after you did something randomly romantic, “I didn’t think guys like you existed. Are you from a fairy tale?” But this little description doesn’t do our years of love any sort of justice.

Now that we’re in college and we’re apart, I’m afraid that you might change into someone I would be ashamed to know. It’s already starting to happen. You hooked up with a random girl. You joined a fraternity and slowly changed your mannerisms, your ideals.

I never said anything because I’m not that girl in your life anymore so I don’t feel like it’s appropriate or relevant. I’m afraid I don’t know who you are anymore, even though we talk every day.

What I’m most afraid of is if this person you are now is really who you were all this time. I’m afraid you were pretending to be someone you thought I would want, instead of just being yourself.

I’m afraid that I fell in love with an illusion.”

——-

“Hey I just found this site and its really interesting to read all the stuff on here. I just wanted to share something that I’ve learned recently: What people think of you doesn’t matter as much as what you think of yourself. It hurts most to be disliked by the people you love the most. But if you want others to love or respect you you have to first love and respect yourself. We were all put here for a reason, and even though we don’t know what it is, the world will miss something if we don’t at least try to find out what that reason is.”

SO true. Thank you <3

——-

“All I really want is to be able to trust someone enough and know that they won’t judge me. And as soon as I find someone that I think can do just that, they don’t seem to realize that I really wanna be able to share it with them. So now I guess I’m back where I started. Hoping that they’ll get the message and actually realize that I wanna share this with them.”

——-

“I’ve never actually believed that I can change the world.”

——-

“I am bulimic. I am so ashamed of it. It makes me feel worthless and alone. It makes me isolate and avoid forming relationships with people. I know so much about other people, but no one knows anything about me. I spend so much time alone, and sometimes people ask me why. I say something witty or brush it off. People have caught me binging. They dont know that that’s what it is. I’ll go to 251 by myself and eat until my stomach feels like it will burst. I’ve had people invite me to sit with them. I always refuse. It’s embarrassing how much I eat, even though I throw it all up. I have even gone through trash cans. I’ve stolen food. This isnt me, and I dont want it to be me, but Im scared to let it go. No one at school knows. Or maybe they do. I always wonder. But if they know, why dont they say anything? Do people care? Does anyone notice how much I hate and hurt myself? I doubt it.”

——-

“It’s 3:30, and I’m wasted. Nobody notices, because I have being drunk down to an art. I don’t know why they thought I’d be cured after rehab. I’m an alcoholic, I’m the best liar in the world, why are you guys all so stupid to think I’m not anymore.”

——-

“I love you so, but I hate your mother for what she did to you. I know you don’t sleep because you’re afraid of what will come out of the dark, and I’ve seen your nightmares, and how you are terrified when you wake up. I try to act strong, like I can protect you from anything, and I don’t think you know how much it tears me up to see you like that.”

——-

“After almost five years of keeping my eating disorder a secret, I’m finally going to do something about it. My first group meeting is this week!”

Congratulations! I’m so proud of you.

——-

“I want nothing more then for someone to ask me to my senior prom. I said that last year people asked me and I said no because I rather just go with my friends…but the truth is no one asked me. I pretend to be strong and pretend that I don’t want or need a man to feel loved. I don’t know whats wrong with me. It kills me to know that even when I dress “sexy” or “slutty” guys don’t even want to use me. I’m not even good enough to be used.”

——-

“I don’t like who I am for the reason of what I do. I hate the fact that I cant just be with one person. I want to change for the better and be with that one special person but I cant and it makes me hurt. No one to help me but myself and myself cant help me. Why cant I change?”

——-

“I think I’m in love with you. You are so perfect for me, we have the exact same music on our ipods, we like and dislike the same things, we love music and art, we like piercings and tattoos. We’re such close friends, i can tell you everything, you told me about your bipolar when others didn’t know and i told you about my adhd…We do stuff together like hang out, just the two of us and it’s so nice, i always feel so happy with you but my stomach feels so funny like a thousand butterflies performing a complex routine inside me. A week ago we went to a party together, we spent the night looking at each other and talking and being really close. Everyone kept asking if we were together because we suited so well, later on we kissed. It was the most intense kiss i’ve ever had, the butterflies in my stomach practically exploded and i felt so light in that moment. We just kissed for ages. A lot later we decided to call it a night and head home, I was already meant to be staying at his, his mum picked us up at midnight and we sat in the back together. for the whole 40 minute drive we exchanged cute looks and smiles and held hands, i put my legs up on the seat and you stroked my legs up to my thighs, of course tingling sensations coursed through me. We got home and went straight to bed, as did his mum. We changed into our pyjamas together which was odd because we both prefer to sleep naked. we snuggled into his big black bed and watched tv together, we laughed at all the same bits. He kept catching my eye, i had my head on his chest and his chin rested on my head. I was really concious not to move or disturb him because i liked the feeling of closeness…we turned the tv off and were about to go to sleep, when he leaned over and kissed my neck. I felt flushed, i tilted so he had more room, then he leaned over me and kissed me softly on the lips. We just smiled at eachother and began to strip. He slid into me and we had sex for about half an hour. It was the best sex i’ve had, the only time i’ve had it with someone i’ve truly liked. I’m 15, you may think i’m a slut but i will be 16 in 3 months and this was my 4th time. I really think I love this guy. But now we aren’t as close, we’re still close but it’s not the same. I thought maybe he’d ask me out afterwards but he hasn’t. I’m staying round his tomorrow night, I don’t want him to think I will have sex with him and no strings attached…I want to BE WITH him. so badly…I love him.”

——-

“I don’t wanna make out with you in the car or my apartment, I definitely don’t wanna kiss you in my bed. I want to kiss you somewhere romantic, somewhere that you’ll always remember. Because I wanna be the one you think about while with that other guy if we are no more. I wanna be that milestone, to set the bar for future men in your life if we don’t last, but more importantly, I wanna be your everything the rest of my life and yours. That is my want, and my prayer, to be yours forever.”

——-

“When I was a kid and I would get sick, my mom would always say to me, ‘I wish it was me instead of you.’ At the time I didn’t understand. Why would you want to take my sickness for yourself? Now, I think I’ve fallen in love with my best friend, and when he got sick I felt the same way for him as my mom did for me as a child. I wish I could take it away, because I know I’ll be fine as long as I know he’s happy.”

——-

“Your irresponsibility and lack of motivation are truly unattractive. I’d like to think that we are perfect together, but unfortunately I am starting to see that you lack some of the qualities I value most.”

——-

“My biggest secret? I have been telling a lie for almost 3 years now. And now I am just in way too deep to get out of it now because I will loose everything if I ever come clean.”

——-

“I wish he would ask me out on a date. I would say yes in a heartbeat, but I don’t think he realizes that. I also wish I could just ask him myself, but I’m too scared. So I guess I’ll keep on waiting…”

——-

“I hate when I tell my friends I’m a lesbian and they don’t believe me. I get that I fit none of the lesbian stereotypes but that doesn’t mean anything. I’m mostly mad because when I tell them I’ve loved a girl before, I feel like they don’t fully believe me.  Not believing that I like girls means they have absolutely no respect for my feelings. If this is what telling my friends is like, what is it going to be like when if I tell my family…”

——-

“I am obsessed with long-boarding.”

——-

“At 14 I was raped for the first of three times. I was abused and become pregnant although I lost the baby by this guy. It changed me so much. Guys can no longer touch me. Im not 18 and still haven’t told my parents. Not because they wont care but because they will be angry and disappointed that I had sex before marriage. Like I had a choice.”

——-

“I broke someone’s heart. Instead of leaning on her during tough times, I threw away years for nothing. I miss her terribly, I think about her everyday. How would I ever be able to face her, her friends and family again? I am lonely and confused… all I know is that I ruined something special. It is the single greatest regret of my life to this day. I wish I could do it all over again.”

——-

“I am so happy that you got into the school of your dreams, believe me, I’m you’re number one supporter, but I’m scared shitless that I’ll no longer fit into your life… I feel like the distance is going to ruin it, and we’ll lose this and that’s devastating to think about because I’m so fucking in love with you. I literally dream about telling you I love you. I love everything about you. I think you’re the coolest person I’ve ever met, you make me feel beautiful, and loved, and give me confidence and strength, but I don’t know if we’re strong enough for this…”

——-

“I have been seeing this girl for five months. We talk on the phone every night. We’ve slept together numerous times. She accepts for all my numerous flaws. She has a boyfriend, and I think I’m really falling for her.”

——-

“I decided to transfer to UMD because it’s about 20 times the size of my last school. I was hoping that with so many people around, I would be able to meet people who I truly like and care about, but a lot of the time I’m more alone here than I was before. I’ve seen so many posts on this site from people who are lonely and it just feels like such a waste.”

——-

“I think it’s time for me to bow out.”

——-

“I miss doing drugs with you more than I actually miss being with you.”

——-

“I’m slowly losing my friends. I don’t have time to be there for them even though they are always there for me. I don’t deserve them. I’m pushing them away and I hate it. Some days I just want to quit all my extracurriculars so I can be normal and have friends but I can’t ever bring myself to because I don’t want to be a quitter.”

——-

“I grew up adhering to your religious views, even though I never shared them. Although it filled me with self loathing and pain, I sat through every bible study and church service. When I turned eighteen, it took all the courage in the world to come out as a pagan to you…and now, I can truly say that I am happy. For the first time in my life, I feel alive.

Three years later, I am still your little girl. I live every single day with kindness in my heart, and I have never let you down. Please, wipe that disgusted look off your face and treat me like your daughter once again.”

——-

“Watching your family fall apart and finally seeing your empty house the last time before it’s sold is one of the most devastating feelings in the world. I have kept strong throughout the whole thing because I don’t want my parents to know how much it really bothers me.”

——-

“Seriously guys, life gets so much better when you quit trying to be what other people want you to be. This is particularly directed at the girl who stays in and reads on weekend nights. I’m with ya sister! Why? Because I’d rather read on a Friday night than force myself into a typical college social life that I don’t actually enjoy.”

——-

“My boyfriend is almost 8 years older than me and has a little boy. I love him more than anything, but I hate knowing that part of him will always be with his ex, even though she’s already married and has another kid. I hate that she’ll always be in his life. I love his son, but it worries me that he’ll never love me like that much. I’m scared that if we get married or have kids of our own that he won’t love them the same. It bothers me so much sometimes I think about leaving him, but it upsets me to think that I’d never see him or his son again. I hate myself for being so back and forth about this and being so selfish. I just wish I could figure it out and be happy. I have to decide if I want to be an adult with a family or be 21 and enjoy my life some more before I settle down, and I don’t want to decide at all.”

——-

“I never realized what a pathetic waste of a drug addict I was until I watched my mother while I was sober. I hope I wasn’t like her. I hope I never become her.”

——-

“He just said no, AGAIN! I’m such an idiot! We’re still friends, but every time I invite him bowling, he apparently has a birthday party to go to! It might just be bowling thats the problem. But now I can’t go to the school dances because of my grades, and I never even see my friends, I only get to hang out with one ACTUAL QUALITY friend, and I just absolutely hate everyone else I could hang out with! I’m going off topic… But everyone wants me to forget about him and move on, IM FREAKING TRYING! But he’s just like the perfect one! I just want to hug him and never let go, but I can’t! If he said yes, I wouldn’t be writting this, if he said yes, that one freaking word, I wouldn’t be in so much pain! I wouldnt even be so crazy!… Why can’t you just pick the right answer, it’s a 50/50 chance! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!…”

——-

“I’d rather starve than eat in the Commons by myself.”

——-

“My roommate thinks it is acceptable to bring guys back to our dorm late at night. She locks me out through every door and does not respect what makes me comfortable. When I ask who the guy is or anything about him, she becomes instantly sketchy and tells me not to worry about it. If a guy is going to sleep 5 feet away from me I feel as if I deserve the right to know who he is. Two nights ago I walked in our room at about 3 am. A guy was in our room and I asked him to leave. She had the nerve to tell me to leave and I snapped (which is something I have never done). I told her that this was not just her room and I deserve the right to be sent a text or any type of warning that there was someone in our room. What makes this whole situation worse is the fact she is my teammate, and not just a roommate. I have to see her and respect her no matter what she does to me. Because of her, I have not been myself while on campus and find myself more stressed. Keeping this to myself for so long has been killing me inside. I don’t want to tell anyone about my situation because I don’t want her reputation to go down.”

——-

“The stars spell out your name
Like a science fiction number
And the romance growing
Like a flower in the summer
You always keep me guessing
And to know that I will always be
A bummer”

——-

“I hate my body and I hate myself.”

——-

“I’m in my sophomore year of college and I am doing great in school… and I act like I’m alright but nobody really knows how bad I really feel about myself.
Whenever I meet someone new I push them away. It’s not that I don’t want friends, I just don’t know how to talk to them. I don’t want them to find out how pathetic my life is, that instead of going out on a Friday or Saturday night I sit around at home doing work or reading. That I get extreme anxiety whenever I am around them. That I avoid the cafeteria because I’m always eating there alone. I don’t want them to know me because I don’t like myself. Because in the past, people pretend to like me but then move on to the next person who is more interesting.

I pretend that this doesn’t bother me, but it really does. And the loneliness is unbearable.”

——-

“I like a guy that recently broke up with his long term girlfriend. I think he only sees me as a friend though. He has “friend-zoned” me….this has never unwillingly happened to me before and I’m not sure what to do. I wanna just jump his bones but I know he’s not like that. Oh boy, what am I getting myself into? Another hopeless situation I suppose. I’m a sucker for the things I can’t have.”

——-

“I pretend I’m single when I’m on campus.”

——-

“I can see you every day.”

——-

“I realized that I had an eating disorder for the last 2 and a half years of high school. I still think I’m too small at only weighing 122lbs.”

——-

“I hate people telling me I’m stupid and can’t do it. I feel like a waste and a shame. I feel like there is no use in trying anymore. I’m tired of people saying that you should just do this it’s easy and an obtainable for you, lik I’m so much more stupid than everyone else. When I finally can let these thoughts go I have so much anxiety I can’t deal with it inside. I have to do other things to reveal the anxiety I sometimes pull my hair out but I don’t know why. I don’t like it but I can’t deal with the anxiety and my mother just makes fun of me for it and tells me how stupid I am. I just need some way to cope.”

——

“I wish my brother hadn’t married such a bitch. I hate her, and I’m jealous he focuses all of his attention on her. I liked it better when I was the only girl he kept tabs on. Not that I’m in love with my brother. I just hate that the attention is going to such a terrible woman.”

——-

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH why am I falling in love with you?!! WHY DO YOU HAVE A GF AND CHEAT ON HER WITH ME!!! I know it’s wrong … and I know I should stop myself because it takes 2! but damn … When I look into ur eyes and see your smile I don’t care about anything … about ur situation … we are by far the worst best friends on this planet … you are my most beatiful mistake … I wish I could just pull away … but the thought of not having you in my life, it makes me feel at odds with myself, I love you so much. You are everything that I want, and I know you love me as well … I can tell … but then I don’t know it just … I don’t know. I don’t understand why you are with her. Yeah you guys went out for years, I get it … but still. I feel awful that we are doing this to her, because she is super nice, and doesn’t deserve it … what we want is at odds with what is right … right?! UGH IF YOU BROKE UP WITH HER THAT WOULD BE THE PERFECT SOLUTION TO IT ALL. I REALLY WANT TO ASK YOU TO BREAK UP WITH HER BUT I DON’T HAVE THE BALLS TO DO IT. I deserve to be someone’s 1st choice … Ahhhh why is this so complicated?!”

——-

“So it’s probably been about three years now, and I still frequently think about you. It’s not that I’m alone, as you know I’ve been in a new relationship for quite sometime (and admittedly for a longer period than we consecutively stayed together), but I can’t seem to get you out of my mind. I’m not sulking alone, except for those few occasions where I still cry at night because I listening to a reminding album, or when someone mentions you and I pretend to cut it short. I’d say I’ve been happier than most points in my life, but the idea of our being together is still lingering. I’ve thought about trying to get a hold of you, but I think I’d be much too emotional, if not immediately then shortly there after. So, I’ve been slowly working at the “getting over” process. It’s weird because deep down I know everything isn’t as perfect as I’d like to remember it, we continually fought and the trust simply wasn’t there when it needed to be. Perhaps this isn’t for you then, but for me.”

——-

“My roommate’s singing is annoying.”

——-

“I’m in my sophomore year and I am doing better than ever. My grades are as high as they can be, I have a huge group of friends, and I look better than I ever have before. But at the same time I feel like I am dead inside. My anxiety rips me apart inside, but I hide it from everyone so nobody worries about me.”

——-

” I lost my virginity to a guy I barely know at the age of 22 last April at a party celebrating my/my school’s graduation. I was black-out drunk and don’t remember anything. I had been committed to saving myself for marriage for religious reasons, and now I feel like I will never be worthy of a good man’s love. I’m broken and damaged goods, and I have been doubting my religion ever since it happened.”

——-

“I hate trying not to fall back in love with you.

I hate how when I look at you, I can’t seem to remember any of your flaws, or anything you’ve done to me. I hate how when I can remember your flaws, they don’t seem that important.

I hate how you are probably not the best looking guy in the world, but I love looking at you more than anything or anyone else.

I hate how you are so sincere in everything and so earnest that I have to believe you, even when deep down I know you’re lying.

I hate how your massive amounts of charisma attract every girl you’ve ever met, how you can have your pick of anyone.

I hate how all your relationships seem platonic, but I know I can’t trust that, because that’s how ours started.

I hate how you broke up with me and then messed with my mind.

I hate how I can’t get over the idea that maybe some day, if I take the advice Hermione gave to Ginny about moving on, having a normal life and getting over obsession, you’ll come back to me, realizing that I was the one all along.

I hate that you don’t love me.”

——-

“Never in my life could I just go up to and start a conversation with a person I want to meet. After being around the same people for all of middle and high school, I’ve forgotten how to make new friends. I wish someone would just start talking to me because I’m getting lonely here by myself.”

——-

“I hate being alone. I hate seeing my friends being disgustingly cute with their boyfriends or being asked out by every other guy who talks with them. But what I hate most of all is knowing that there has to be some guy out there who I could love but being stuck at a school too full of drunken, immature idiots to find him.”

——-

My boyfriend broke up with me during college senior year, I was very distraught… he was my first and only we had dated for 2 years. I ended up hooking up with a friend’s roommate in a week. I told my ex b/f and we eventually got back together. But while we were in a limbo stage I slept with another guy that my b/f knows but hates. I never told him about the 2nd guy… and I never will, he still hasnt forgiven me for the one guy and we have been living together for 5 years now. Only 2 people know about the 2nd guy and I always worry they might let it slip when they are around.

Um. How cool is this…

So I just discovered the WordPress added the feature where I can see where in the world people are viewing TerpSecret from.

I never expected it to leave Maryland’s campus, let alone the United States!

Here’s some cropped screen shots from my computer. TS has reached 37 countries around the world! This is so awesome!

(Click on it, it’s a gallery. They’ll get bigger.)

Check this out!

Senior broadcast journalism major Andres Gonzales did a project about TerpSecret. He put a ton of work into it and did a wonderful job, so I hope you all will check it out!

Click the link below to watch the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhKuFs5QLY8

Day-maker. Big time.

Hey guys.

So, feedback like this seriously makes my day. I work so hard and put so much time into this, and little things like this make it all worth it:

“I check this site more than I check my facebook. It gives me hope that more people like me are out there. Thank you Terpsecret, I don’t feel alone anymore.”

No, I’m not cuing you to e-mail me right now, but I just wanted to thank whoever it was who sent me this since I didn’t get an e-mail with the comment. It made me smile; it almost made me cry. I can’t thank you enough for sending me your kind words.

And this is a bravo to everyone who has ever contributed to TS as well. We are ALL making a difference to the community, as a community; as a family.

I love you all to death. Thank you SO much for all of the love and support!!!

March Secrets!

“I fantasize constantly about having a threesome with 2 guys and I have no idea why.  I love my boyfriend with all my heart, but there I go fantasizing about it anyway! What is wrong with me??”

——-

“All right so here is the deal. Freshman year in college I met a girl and dated her for six months. She is a sophomore, so she has hooked up with this guy in the past, and I have caught her texting this guy once, sexual texting in fact… Heartbreaking, it hurt me so bad. I’m a nice guy, I bring her flowers, take her out, listen… I caught her again and she was going to. Now I’m told she wants to hook up with him, I don’t know what to do, I really love this girl I do… I do”

——-

“I am sleeping with a guy my friend was seeing and she still likes him but I don’t feel guilty because I deserve him more and I appreciate him more than she does. She only wants to use him for material things.  I want her to disappear because she is getting in the way of us being together.”

——-

“To the girl who has a boyfriend but may be attracted to girls: I feel the same way. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years but have recently been becoming more and more curious about trying things with a girl, to see how I really feel. I think my boyfriend secretly knows, and is okay with it, which I find strangely comforting.

——-

“To my girlfriend of 4+ years, I’m sorry. I love you Miss.”

——-

“ I have been severely depressed for about 8 years now. I’ve never told anyone and now looking back I should have. I was afraid to and now it has ruined my life. Anyone out there who is struggling shouldn’t be afraid to look for help because you will regret it when it becomes too late.”

——-

“We became the best of friends. You have been the only guy that has known every single thing that has happened to me in my life. You told ne you were in love with me. You wanted to be my bf so bad. You wished that one day it would happen. And then 2 weeks after your feelings went away I realized I loved you more than a bff. We only use each other for sex now. I still wish we could have tried. I miss boo… :’(“

——-

“Let’s see, I’m male and the first time I had sex was when I was 25. A few years later I got herpes. I’ve dated little in my life, I’ve not had much sex, and have never been in love where it was reciprocated back. And now I’m middle aged. In time I ended up using the services of escorts on several occasions, though I never wanted to, was always left unfulfilled and always ended up hating that I had done such a thing. I’ve looked at so much porn during the course of my life. I have anxiety, and possibly depression. I am a loner. I think I’m a loser and pathetic more often than I’d like. I’ve always wanted to find someone special and with my track record, it seems that will likely never happen. On top of that, I wonder who will ever accept me, my past, as well as some other things about myself. At times I can’t help but want to cry. What is the purpose of my life?”

——-

“I’ve been hooking up with a closeted football player for about a year now. I’m kinda starting to like him but I know he’s too scared to actually date a guy. So I’ll just keep hooking up and not say anything.”

——-

“I have to say…I’m so happy that you picked me over all the other girls”

——-

“We were the best of friends. Our relationship was so intimate. Never, ever in a physical way, but in an emotional way I miss so much. I miss having someone know and understand me so well. We were best friends since 5th Grade. She was my childhood. It’s been a year and it still kills me to think we’ve lost all that. I have only gotten this far because I remind myself of why we’re no longer friends. You changed so much. I changed so much. I still miss you and I’m still hurting. But it will get better.”

——-

“I married the girl I had sex with because we had sex. Not because I loved her.”

——-

“You took my virginity. I wasn’t into you. I broke up with you because your intellect is quite limited. You have no self esteem, no structure, no organization for your life. You call your life hectic so people will leave you alone. You call yourself dumb and because of it, you are. Go figure yourself out and please don’t get back to me. Oh, and we are definitely not friends. And tonight, I’m having sex with the hot girl next door, the one you hate.”

——-

“I’ve been trying to find love and happiness for a while now, and I think I may have found it. It’s one-sided right now, but he has made me realize that I should love myself and be happy regardless of what other people around me think. He is such a great person, and I hope that whoever I end up with will be the same way.”

——-

“I’m a virgin for religious reasons and even though obviously no one is pointing a gun to my head, I like that I’m waiting, and it’s part of who I am and who I chose to be. And all these people writing here like, I’m 19 and a virgin am I weird? I’m 21 and a virgin etc. You’re not “weird” and you shouldn’t do ANYTHING because your friends are and it makes you feel bad.
It’s OK to be different and to know what you want. This world is filled with billions of unique people and you don’t have to be like everyone else.
You have EVERY right to make your own damn decisions.”

——-

“At risk of sounding conceited… I’m an extremely knowledgeable, analytical, emotionally aware and caring person. I’m not petty or stingy, I’m always chivalrous, and I usually manage to make people laugh. I have one physical “flaw,” sure, but it’s not like its unnatural, grotesque, or even weird or unusual (and it’s not ‘down there’). I’m told I’m not unattractive despite it… so why does it seem like no girls are ever even remotely interested?
Granted, I’m no Adonis, but I’m a far call from out-and-out ugly. Why does it seem like everything is so much harder? I really just want someone to love.”

——-

“We weren’t really in love, even if we said we were. And now I know what love feels like with someone else. And everyone though I’m happier than I ever thought I could be, I still think about you. And I wonder if we could have had a real shot.”

——-

“This site saved my life. I learned that other people shared my problems. I learned that there was help out there for me. I just wanted to say thank you.”

This brought tears to my eyes. I never get tired of hearing feedback like this. <;3

——-

“I get too attached to people and then I don’t know how to get away, even when they begin hurting me. I convince myself that it will all be worth it and I stay through abuse for the small instances of positive. I’m scared to let go because then what will I have?”

——-

“‘I don’t want your body if I can’t also have your heart.’ It’s honestly a major turn off from one guy’s point of view to meet a woman who doesn’t respect her own body. If you won’t trust me with your heart, what are you doing throwing your body at me? I’m not bashing anyone’s lifestyle; you do what you have to do. Personally though, I want a strong woman who respects herself and knows what she wants.”

——-

“I hate myself, and what’s worse is that I’m so aware of how stupid my reasons for self-loathing are that I hate myself even more.”

——-

“I loved you from the moment I saw you in 4th grade. I finally got you in 12th. Then I had to do what was best for me and go to college. You no longer knew my friends or what my every action was. That wasn’t good enough for you. You promised nothing would change but you did. You didnt trust me. You lead me on and let me trust and believe you. I just want someone to love me and trust me like you did before college. Now we no longer even talk. There goes all friendship we ever had. You couldn’t even do it well. I wish I had never been with you because now I dont trust men and can’t move on. So thank you for screwing me up.”

——-

“I have ADHD without the hyperactivity. I didn’t have any accommodations throughout K-12, so I worked my butt off to get to where I am today as a freshman in college. My family is proud of me, and I’m proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished, because it was not at all easy. I was told by my university that the campus is very accepting and open to students with both learning and physical disabilities. I was able to get some accommodations this year, and so far it has helped tons.

When the year started I told my now ex roommate that I have ADD, as well as my suitemate, they were fine with it. Little later in the semester my roommate is talking to someone on skype, she says “college is just an excuse for people that have ADD” – referring to procrastinating/getting distracted. At that point I’m like WTH is wrong with you, I didn’t say anything. How could you say something like that, I’m sitting right here… Its one thing for me, as a person that has been diagnosed to have ADD to make a joke like “OH SQUIRREL!!!!” What she said is uncalled for. People that don’t have it will never know what its like, I hate that they pretend that they do. With comments like “Oh I’m so ADD today haha”. Well try feeling like that all the time… I take meds and I manage just fine, but it doesn’t mean it makes it all go away. What everyone that doesn’t have ADD doesn’t understand is that, we are trying to keep up to par with the rest of you, who don’t have ADD. That’s why we take what help we can get, that’s why we can get extended time on tests sometimes, or help with note-taking, or priority registration. We aren’t trying to take the easy way out, to get ahead or take advantage of the resources we’re offered. We are trying to stay up to par, to be up at your level. If you don’t have ADD you won’t know what its like, so stop pretending, maybe you do understand somewhat if you have a sibling that has it. But you will never truly understand. To those of you out there that have been diagnosed with ADD and are struggling, I understand, just know that you are not alone.

Thank you Sarah, for giving everyone a place to tell their story and for sharing your story with us. And thank you for inspiring people in the ADHD world like me, to tell the world that its okay to say “OH SQUIRREL!!!”"

——-

“I cheated on my Chem 202 report today.”

——-

“I get hit on by a lot of old men, it kind of comes with my job serving food. Most people get annoyed or creeped out, but I’m genuinely flattered. I never felt pretty before this job, but (not to sound stuck up) I have come to realize I’m really fucking attractive. Now I’m reminded everyday, and I don’t think I’ve smiled this much in a long time.”

——-

“Out of all of our friends, I am the only one who truly believes that your death wasn’t an accident. I heard you talk about overdosing before and did nothing. Every day of my life I will try to find a way to forgive myself for not stopping you.”

——-

“I have been with my boyfriend for two years. At the beginning of our relationship, I was getting high with some guy I knew and his friend. They raped me but I’m too afraid to tell my boyfriend (or anyone else for that matter) because it feels like I cheated on him, even though I know I didn’t ask for this to happen to me. I truly hate those two guys for doing this to me and making me feel like this was my fault.”

——-

“I don’t buy groceries anymore because I’m afraid I won’t have enough money for drugs. Without them, I have no confidence. Sometimes I wish you wouldn’t be so proud of me.”

——-

“I’ve been taking adavtange of the guise of mental health for awhile letting me do what I want. I purposely rushed last this semester to find out who not to fuck with, I was setting up my own greek life, but to a lot of people created obstacles and I’m currently taking a semester off by force. I might now even go back to UMD but if I do, I don’t know whether to start my own underground one or just be normal. My mind is a maze, a jungle free that NO ONE can tame.”

——-

“We dated for months, but now you’re dating a girl. I don’t care that you’re lesbian or bi now, but for some reason I miss you all the time. Maybe it’s because you were the only girlfriend who wasn’t obsessed with me, maybe it’s because I wanted you to like me so bad and I never thought you did. Oh well.”

——-

“I’m glad we’re friends again. I really am, but a part of me still misses you and how we used to be. I know we never dated, and I blame that partially on the fact that we knew we would have to part ways for college. I still miss you sometimes though. I haven’t been emotionally as close with any other guy as I was with you. We lost it you know, we lost time.”

——-

“I’ve never said this aloud and I don’t mean to sound conceited but I think I’ve gotten more attractive over the years. I used to be the nerdy looking girl in the back. I wasn’t the most attractive but I was always smart. Only thing is, now that I’ve become attractive, I feel like my intelligence somehow has dwindled.”

——-

“My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me. She is now smoking pot again and has just announced she is with the guy she lost her virginity to. She broke up with me 12 days ago and I have only eaten about 5 meals since because I have been so depressed. I know I can’t ever be with her again but I am so lonely and depressed without her. I was always good to her, probably too good and that’s why she left me.”

——-

“My eating disorder and self-injury have scared off all of my friends. I know they all talk about me behind my back.The more I try to hide my problems, the more they show. I’m working so hard to get better, but the stigma of my illnesses have completely isolated me and convinced me that I’m insane and going to be alone forever. Don’t give up on your friends suffering with mental illness. They need your love and your sunshine.”

——-

“I really hate the fact I introduced you guys. You were my closest friends, now you guys are best friends and never bother to think of me. The one, has been with me since 1st grade. She is my sister in all sense of the word but blood. The other since 6th grade. They didn’t start hanging out until 11th or 12th, and now they live together and neither one has time for me. Maybe I’m selfish, jealous, whatever. But I went from loving you to gradually disliking the both of you.”

——-

“Should I just have sex with him? It won’t make him stay, I know. I don’t really need him to either. But he’s a nice guy, we have fun together and I’m a virgin. I would only be doing it to get it out of the way. I always wanted to wait until I fall in love for my first time but at 18 when all my friends have been in love and had sex, I feel like I’m behind. Like there’s something wrong with me.”

——-

“I always thought I would be a doctor but recently, I’ve realized I’m not as smart as I thought I was. I graduated high school in the top 2% of my class. School used to be so easy yet here in college somehow I’ve become a C student. Before college I didn’t know what a C was! I feel lost. My parents tell me I can do it and they still brag about me to their friends. I just want them to stop! Stop putting so much hope and confidence in me. I don’t deserve it. I’ve become lazy. I get drunk too much. But even when I do study, it feels like nothing sticks anymore. I’ve peaked. I’ve peaked before I even entered the real world. The future looks so dark now.”

——-

“I had an abortion in February. I was 17. All I can think about is how I would be a mother in September.”

——-

“I was going back to my dorm from the Bio Psych building last semester when I was handed one of the first Terp Secret postcards. I held it as I trekked back, thinking of how I wanted to say what I felt, and what I needed to say to clear my head and start fresh as a new Maryland student. Just holding that card was powerful; I was able to eliminate the anger I carried from before I came to Maryland just thinking about clearing out my secrets. Just holding that card gave me a new start and the strength to be a better person.
I keep that card on my desk still. Maybe I’ll send it one day, or give it to someone else who needs to clear their mind, too.”

——-

“I didn’t just lie about being pregnant to get him to stay, I lied about the miscarriage, too.
I don’t know how I became that person. I’m sorry to all of the women out there who have lost pregnancies. I’m sorry for making it harder for women who aren’t lying.”

——-

“We made out a few times, then he told me he’s not interested. He lives hundreds of miles away but I’m still hopelessly in love. This fucking sucks.”

——-

“I was very much in love with you until you started hitting me. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and now you have driven me away. There’s someone new now, but I am too afraid to tell you. I’m afraid of what you will do to me if you knew.”

——-

“I am madly in love with my boyfriend who is currently serving the Peace Corps. So much so that I truly believe I have found the one I want to marry. I can’t believe how absolutely incredible it feels to just say that. I have found the one I want to marry. I have found the one I am going to marry. Yeah, that’s nice.”

——-

“I was so head over heels at 14. But you never noticed me. Now, 9 years later we somehow find each other and I couldn’t have been happier that you finally knew my name and wanted to be with me. Until you told me you just got divorced and have an STD. seriously, wtf..!”

——-

“I hate that everyone I meet now, I still compare to you. If they don’t make me feel how you made me feel, they aren’t worth dating in my opinion. And this comparison constantly makes me miserable but i just can’t help it. But why would I want someone like you… you broke my heart.”

——-

“I was in a year and half relationship then I was single for three months and then another year long relationship. I am currently single and I don’t have the confidence to approach girls or even know how to attempt to.”

——-

“Being gay on this campus is pretty close to a fucking nightmare. And it’s BECAUSE of the other gay guys. The cliques. I can’t try to date anyone without them thinking I’m a slut or a player (pretty contradictory) … all without knowing me”

——-

“I am terrified of the future. I just keep skipping class and gaining more and more weight and getting more and more depressed. Help.”

——-

“I get a high from cheating on my girlfriend.”

——-

“I am depressed. I am doing badly at school even though I work so hard. I have a 30 hours a week job to pay my bills. I am overwight, but not by choice. I want to just be successful so I can take care of my parents, but that reality is slowly fading away as I enter my final semesters here. I am secretly hoping 2012 is actually the last year on earth, since sometimes I see no point in moving on.”

——-

“I’m 24. I’ll be graduating in May with a Masters degree. I put myself through school, I’m graduating at the top of my class… I even volunteer once a week, working with disabled adults, which I love to do. I’m driven, I’m smart, I’m compassionate. I already have a job lined up for next September. I’m a bit more than chubby, but I know I’m pretty. And I’m a virgin. I’m not a prude, and I’m not waiting for marriage, I just haven’t found a guy yet.

Last Christmas, my Dad made a sex joke in front of me, and my Mom was so embarrassed – she said it was inappropriate because not everyone present was an adult. It hurt to think that my Mom considers me a child because I’m still a virgin. At 24, I support myself in every way with a stable job and great friends. I’ve earned the respect of my peers and colleagues. Why does being a virgin make me less worthy of the title “adult”?”

——-

“I loved you. I loved you so much I did horrible things to make you stay, but they were all useless. Three years later I love him, but he doesn’t know. I love him so much I’m now doing unecessary things like paying for his plane ticket home; but it’ll never work, will it? Love. That’s all I want.”

——-

“I was never the ‘pretty one,’ I was always the ‘smart one’ between my sister and me. This year, I’ve slowly taken both titles and it scares me to see how conceited I’m becoming.
I hate the way I act now that I know I’m attractive. It disgusts me and I hope to never turn into someone so self-absorbed.”

——-

“I’m tired of being the guy that falls too hard for girls. I am tired of falling too hard and too fast. I am tired of giving my everything in a relationship and having them walk away and replace me like I was nothing. Everyone asks where the nice guys are, well there is a reason that you can’t find us anymore. It’s not fun being the nice guy that always finishes last.”

——-

“I am a lesbian and my parents don’t know.”

——-

“I fight anorexia every day. I used to be full-fleged, but things have gotten better. I force myself to eat food because I’m scared that I’ll end up back in therapy, or God forbid in a hospital again.

But every day I struggle with the fact that I hate the way that I look. I wish I had a friend who knew what I was going through. I’m not scared I’ll start starving again, but I just wish I had someone other than a doctor to confide in.”

——-

“I hate summer. I hate it when people get nostalgic for the summer, breaking out pictures of bikinis, sunglasses, and their neighborhood pool. For me it is all loneliness. I work 9-5 5 days a week inside without vacation because I can’t afford it. My friends travel and work at the pool and my parents always complain if I’m not around our miserable house. I feel trapped and forgotten at a time when everyone around me is having so much fun. I spent last summer cutting, and started again over winter break. I am so afraid it’ll get worse this time.”

——-

“Two months ago I gave a guy head in the backseat of my car. Tonight I had sex with a competely different guy. I don’t have feelings for either of them. I just told my best friend, since we were being honest about this type of stuff, and well she told me I was a disappointment and a whore. Thanks to her I feel like total shit.”

——-

“I found out my dad is cheating and I’m the only one who knows. It is killing me. I have so much trouble trusting men now. I love my boyfriend, but even the tiniest white lie scares me so much. He gives me everything, I’ve never been treated this well in my life, but I can’t give it all back. I’m terrified I’ll never be able to love and trust him completely. I don’t deserve him at all.”

——-

“I think I’m the best boyfriend in the world.”

——-

“I’ve known one of my best friends for most of my life, and I love her. We’ve never really had an opportunity to be together, including now that we go to different schools and are so busy. I also don’t even know how she truly feels about me and I’ve never had the balls to be honest with her when it comes to my feelings. But recently I’ve really had the motivation to give it a shot, and at least let her know that I want to be with her.

I still see her at least once a month, and I sometimes go to parties with her.

Here’s my secret: I hooked up with her roommate.

I can’t imagine that she won’t find out and I’m worried that not only does this complicate things for me, but it might have utterly destroyed any chance I had at being with her. I kinda hate myself right now, and I just wish it had been with her and not her roommate.”

——-

“I can’t have orgasms when I’m in bed with a guy. I’ve been faking since I’ve started having sex because I don’t want the guy to feel bad. It’s not like I don’t enjoy having sex, I do – who doesn’t? – and it feels great, but I just can’t get all the way there.
I don’t know why this is because I can easily make myself come. :/”

——-

“He screwed me over in every possible way. He betrayed my trust over and over again, even after he ‘begged’ for my forgiveness. He lied to me. He cheated on me. He used me. He took my virginity saying he loves me and that we are something special, but three months later slept with another girl like it was nothing.

I’m too good for him, too loyal, too trusting, too honest. He deserves a slut that doesn’t care. Not me.”

——-

“To the girl who has never been on a date, call your best friend.”

——-

“I was never going to sleep with you, or date you. I let you believe what you wanted because you sold me the drugs I needed back then. I don’t need them anymore, I don’t need you anymore. Please stop calling my friends crying about how your life sucks and how I’m not your friend anymore. It’s called Rehab, you should try it, I did and my life (without you) is so much better.”

——-

“I think you are hypocritical asshole, who just does this crap to hurt me, or piss me off. In your eyes I do everything wrong, I’ll never be good enough for you. But if you do something, so incredibley fucked up I better not get upset, because any dissagreement you will twist until it’s all my fault again. I cry over you every night, everyone tells me to move on, even your own family. So why do I love you so much? Why do I tell you that I love you, that I’ll wait for you forever? I don’t think I’m going to make it that long. This love (or whatever we have now) is going to kill me, or make me kill myself. One or the other will happen before you decide I’m worthy, that much I know.”

——-

“I hate working with food, because it smells so good, and I get so hungry. We throw out so much and I just want to be like “No let me have it.” I’m starving, I just want to eat. People always comment that I don’t eat, or I’m so skinny, or am I anorexic. The truth: I can’t afford that luxury, but I’m way too proud to admit it.”

——-

“8 months ago you told me that we’d try to work things out, and when you thought we were ready you’d ask me back out. It’s too the point that I doubt we will ever be together again, I’m just your fuck buddy. I love you, I planned on marrying you, now you’ve made it clear that we have no future past whatever this is.”

——-

“To the brown-haired blue-eyed girl who liked my blonde haired blue eyed post, I don’t go to College Park, I go to Shepherd University, terp secret has stretched to me out here in lame ass West Virginia.”

——-

“Flakey people piss me off! “Let’s make plans!”… “Ok!”…Never happens. IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KEEP OUR FRIENDSHIP … just say it … don’t prolong/string me out dammit. I’d much rather be told straight up that you either A) you don’t like me or B) I don’t want to hang with you (even though we were great friends up until now). These fake bitches need head and shoulders for their flakey-ness.”

——-

“My best friend thinks I’m a virgin whose never had a date because I’m too shy. I’ve never had a date because a one-night stand proved that I’m in love with my best friend.”

——-

“My friends are all good looking, while I’m just plain. Sometimes I wish they were unlikable people so that I’d have an excuse to stop being around them.”

——-

“I am still madly in love with my ex. I’ve been trying to fill this void with other men… But I know they’re not for me. It’s been over a year, and I still miss him everyday. Last week, I took almost a week off classes and lay in bed depressed. should I go seek counseling?”

It couldn’t hurt, honestly.

——-

“Everyone’s really proud of me right now, but I think I’m going to disappoint everyone. It’s only a matter of time before I fuck up again.”

——-

“I tend to become obsessed with my crushes. They’re all I think about. I Google them, Facebook search them, you name it. Not that I’d show up at their house or anything, but I just like knowing everything I can about them. I mean, the information up for anyone to see, so is it really that bad if I track it down?”

——-

“I’m a 20 year old, brown-haired, blue-eyed girl who wants to let the 21 year old blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy that his secret made my day. Knowing that there is a boy on this campus not just looking for a drunken hook up makes me suddenly so much more hopeful. And don’t worry, there are girls out there who value someone’s personality over looks. I’m glad to know there is a guy out there who does too.”

——-

“I usually wonder how others see or perceive me because I want to people to like me. But I woke up today and thought, ‘Have you ever considered that no one really gives a fuck?’”

——-

“I’ve known you for almost two years now. I’ve been interested in you since the very beginning, but I was too busy chasing someone else to act on it. I’ve been hurt my so many guys since we met, and you were there for me every single time. You are the best friend I have ever had. Recently you expressed to me that you had feelings for me, and I really hope we can be together one day. I really think we’re perfect for each other, I’ve always just been too afraid to say something.”

——-

“You stood me up on the most important night of my life at the time. We haven’t talked in 3 years and haven’t been friends since before that. Because of you I still have trouble putting myself out there.”

——-

“So I’ve never had an orgasm and I’m too lazy to make myself come. I’m hoping that whoever I’m with can just give me one and then it’ll automatically happen after that…”

——-

“I see my ex-girlfriend more than I want to, and I always feel angry. But if I’m honest I miss her more than I should. I’ll never admit it, but being with her for those couple of months was the most loved I felt. She did everything right…except smother me. But that’s not the point. I miss her, I miss the attention, and I miss her goofiness. But, she claims she’s in love and she’s SO happy. Sometimes I dream about showing back up and making her prove it to me. I know she wouldn’t tell me no. But I’m not that kind of girl. Even though people would claim otherwise.”

——-

“I don’t know where I earned my party girl reputation. Honestly. I’m not saying I don’t deserve it, I just don’t know how it began.”

——-

“Sometimes I feel so close to you, so in love and involved … and other days I could just walk away from everything. I don’t know if you’re not doing enough, or I’m just emotionally screwed. I want to fall in love with you again.”

——-

“When I was in high school I had a girlfriend who was beautiful, smart, funny, and crazy about me. I eventually left her for the person I thought to be the girl of my dreams. After over a year of cheating, lying, and disappointment we broke up. Now both myself and my original girlfriend are single again, I’d do anything to have her back, and she rightfully wants nothing to do with me. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.”

——-

“I need to get a grip; what’s happening to me??
I’m so unfocused and 80% of it’s because of you.
I don’t know what you’re thinking, and it’s frustrating and even corrosive.
Sometimes I think, do you even care? But then you do something and I’m sure you do… only to turn around and think, ‘Who the hell am I kidding?’
If you’re mildly interested, please stop, because if we keep going like this and you decide to wrap it up and call it quits, recuperating is going to be so rough.
What do I mean to you? Do I even mean half of what you mean to me.”

——-

“You are the first person I’ve met that I feel a connection with. I’ve had best friends that I wouldn’t trade for the world, but somehow, I still felt empty, alone. Then I met you. You think just like me. It’s like we share a mind. It’s nice to finally be understood.”

——-

“I can’t believe we narrowly avoided a Virginia Tech-like nightmare. What if we hadn’t? What if you died? You would die never knowing that I love you.”

——-

“I remember you handing me pills to wash down with booze. I remember puking, I remember crawling to the bathroom, and lying on the floor to sleep. I don’t remember how my dress got ripped open, or how I managed to end up in your bed. I don’t remember how I got the bruises and scratches. I don’t remember us having sex, or me ‘liking it rough’ as you said. I think you raped me, but I can’t remember, so there’s nothing I can do about it, but I know I would have never slept with you willingly.”

——-

“I never pressed charges against you, and it was the biggest mistake of my life. The only reason I didn’t was because everyone swore that you being violent was a one time thing, completely out of the ordinary. Now there’s a warrant out for your arrest for two counts of assualt. I guess you being violent was pretty in character after all. Now I know there is karma, and you will get yours. If I find out where you live now, I will report you, I’m against narcs and snitches, but I should have had you arrested when I had the chance.”

——-

“The worst feeling in the world is being someone’s safety net, especially when you loved that person like no one ever before.”

——-

“This is to the man I loved with all my heart. You graduated last spring with your two degrees and your straight A’s. I wish you were here with me in College Park, just like the weekends when i would visit and we would talk about getting married at the Memorial Chapel; I wish you were here to hold my hand, walk me to class and eat with me at the dining hall so I’m not alone everyday.
You pushed me in community college so i could be a terrapin, and now where are you? Your at Harvard Law School. I miss you very much, I hope that when I walk by Wicomico Hall or your fraternity house that I might see you there stuying, but then i realize you moved away. I wanted to be happy for you when you received your acceptance letter, I knew you were going to move away, with or without me… but I wanted to be a Terrapin! Am I selfish in saying what about my dream? Would you blame me for holding you back? I did not want that, but when i was 20 how did you expect me to completely uproot myself and move to Cambridge?
I miss you soo much! I burned some bridges with you. When you were definitely going to move i knew right away it was over,and I did cheat on you. I am sorry I know you will never trust me completely again, and it pains me inside. It hurts me when I see how much you love your life now, and I could have been the one who kept you from that. I am sorry from the bottom of my heart, you have no idea how much you meant to me. Maybe one day we might find ourselves again, I hope that one day is sometime soon. I Will Always Love you! “

——-

“I love my boyfriend, but the thought of giving him head makes me nauseous. Am I secretly a lesbian? I’m terrified.”

——-

“I’ve only been dating my girlfriend for 2 1/2 months. We’ve seen each other every day, met each other’s families and we’re going on vacation together over spring break. Everything is going so fast, and I love it because she is perfect. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her. I want to tell her, but I’m afraid it will scare her away.”

——-

“Long distance sucks. I mean, we’ve been together three years, I should be used to this thing by now. The fact is that I’d rather see you a couple times a year than anyone else every day. But still, sometimes I feel like crying as I watch my friends go out to dinner every night with their boyfriends who live a street away; I haven’t been able to hold your hand in months. I just want to fall asleep next to you someday, the way normal couples can. But I worry that sooner than that day you’ll get tired of being like this, and I’ll never get the chance to.”

——-

“I’m too good for you.”

——-

“Sometimes when I’m walking down the mall I pretend I’m on a runway and I’m super fierce.”

——-

“So I’m a 21 year old, straight, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, red-blooded, American-male, and still a virgin. I try to work out. I’m not your jersey shore type muscle d-bag. I’ve been called fat. I can financially support you fully after college. I know how to treat a women correctly. I will cuddle till you fall asleep, call you beautiful and mean everyword I say to you. I have no reason to lie to you. Long walks on the beach etc etc. Find me a girl who actually appreciates qualities like that deep down and not just on the surface because I will marry her one day.”

——-

“There are men and women laying down their lives everyday, I’ve got no right to do any less than them. Im a lover not a fighter. However… Go ahead…make jokes about our troops from any branch in front of me again, next time ill break more than your nose. You do something meaningful with your life other than drink and drugs and maybe we’ll talk again. Watch your mouth, and show some respect. Especially since the guy who just hit you is joining as well.”

——-

“My roommate is my best friend in the whole world. And her boyfriend is the sweetest guy. But when they’re together, they’re so disgustingly cute and annoying it makes me want to poison them.”

——-

“I’m still crazy about my ex and I think about her all the time. Meanwhile, she’s moved on and I’m almost positive she doesn’t think or care about me at all anymore. I haven’t told anyone I still care about her and when people ask I act like I don’t give a shit about her because I’m embarrassed to still care while she doesn’t. It makes me feel weak and pathetic. I wish I could just get completely over her and move on. Why do I care so much? Why can’t I just move on like her?”

——-

“I am more fearful of turning into my mother than I am of dying.”

——-

“He changed single thing about me and I love him so much for that, then I went and screwed everything up. We got to a good place, he told me to come back to him but I couldn’t. When he found out I was with someone else he stopped talking to me. I tried and tried but he wouldn’t answer. Then, this summer, he died. Now I can’t tell him all the things I needed to, that I still loved him and I just needed time and I didn’t move on. I can’t be with anyone else completely, or love anyone else like I love him. I’m broken and I don’t know what to do. A part of me died with him that summer.”

——-

“We are supposed to have a four year old. I know you always say your glad you don’t have kids, when all our friends do, but everytime you say it, it kills me. I wanted that baby, and it died inside of me. You didn’t want to talk about it, you still wont to this day, and you wonder why I changed. I killed our child, it was a miscarriage but I still feel like a murderer. How can you be happy about that? I wish I had him, our son. He would have been the best baby ever, he would have been….god I’m crying as I write this, but you never let me cry to you about it. Now all my friends have one or two year olds, and they gush and say, wait til you have kids their such a blessing, you’ll understand when you get pregnant. I just want to scream “I know, I’ve been there, please stop rubbing it in my face”. I loved our baby, even if you didn’t. I was going to keep him. God, why did you not let me keep him? When will I get over this.”

——-

“You wondered why I thought the sex this time was so much better than anytime in our 4 year relationship….this was the first time I didn’t fake it. Sorry I don’t have the heart to tell you.”

——-

“This secret: ‘I want to marry the girl who plays Skyrim.’ made me feel worthy of love for the first time in a long time, thank you stranger, you just saved my life.”

——-

“I love you with my whole heart, but you’re so selfish and manipulative and I know I shouldn’t bother with you anymore, but I keep thinking that maybe you’ll change. But if the old adage about how a leopard can’t change his spots is true, then maybe I’m just fighting a hopeless battle. But still, all I want in the world is for you to love me like I love you and I’ll never stop hoping that you will.”

——-

“So I did it. I did what I said I’d never do because I didn’t want to put someone through what I have been through. I cheated. Here’s my problem… where’s the guilt? Shouldn’t I feel bad? Shouldn’t I not wanna do it again? If the offer to do things with this young lady again I’m probably going to do whatever I want again. I get zero emotion/ reaction/ interaction from my girlfriend on a regular basis. So if I hit the floor (or the wall) going full speed, bring it on. Why do I not feel wrong for saying that? Why am I cursed to like the attention from the females so much? Bonus points for being a completely horrible person =(.”

——-

“I want to marry the girl who plays Skyrim.”

——-

“I knew what kind of guy you were in my mind from the moment I met you. Too bad my heart doesn’t think logically. It only thinks about the way you smile and about the hours we spent sitting on the roof looking down at the campus lights. But today I realized how stupid I was to listen to my heart. It hurts to know that our feelings for one another are torn apart by your rule. Remember, rules are meant to be broken… If I could I would… that keeps me up at night.”

——-

“I can’t help but really feel like there’s something between us- this can’t all be in my head. I know that you’re five years older than me, but I really like you, and I really think that you like me too. Are you ever going to make a move?”

——-

“After 2 years of hell and depression at this University, I never envisioned I would make two life long friends. You both have my hearts and I never would have been able to find myself without your laughter and support. I love you both so much, thank you for saving my life.”

——-

“I’m a girl. I wear dresses and skirts, love cooking and sewing. I don’t feel right without make up and I always check myself in the mirror. My secret: I play Skyrim, and I love it.”

——-

“People ask me why I would never date a black person. Or why I’m ‘racist’. I have nothing against black people. I was molested by a black man when I was younger. I tried to move past it, and not blame the race but then I went on a date with another black man only to be sexually assualted and then gossiped about for months. The black girl I dated, dumped me over Myspace for someone else. Then another black guy I tried to date, showed up to our first date only to realize he had asked out the wrong girl and dumped me in a confrence call with my old bestfriend. Then my white boyfriend chose a black girlfriend over me. I’m not racist, the secret is I have a lot of bad history with a select few, and they’ve ruined my opinion.”

——-

“I’ve been to rehabs and psych wards. I’ve gone to tons of therapists and counsellors. The only thing I’ve learned so far in my years of psychological help is how to lie better. You guys have trained me well, now I can get away with anything, and most likely it will kill me.”

——-

“I’m still cutting. Everyone thinks I stopped almost 8 years ago, but I never did. How do you guys not notice the scars?”

——-

“So comparing this semester to last semester a week before spring break. Last – barely a C average, insane amounts of work, crappy health, terrible relationship(s), no fun, on the verge of giving everything up. This semester – almost an A average, solid future commitments, great relationships, working almost 30 hours a week = paycheck, more social, playing football, and a big ass smile on my face. You can turn life around, you don’t have to throw in the towel.”

——-

“I’m on a swinging rope hanging from the sky. Sometimes the wind pushes me right into a large rock. Other times it pushes me into a hard place. If I fall off the rope I’ll die. It’ll be a long climb up, but if I’m lucky enough to make it to the top then damn, I must be pretty strong.”

——-

“I want to fall in love with you and only you!! Every moment I’ve ever spent with you I’ve treasured and kept in my heart, for they’re memories that one can feel so close to heaven I would give it all even for just a second to be with you, for a second with you is a lifetime of love.”

——-

“I also feel lonely in this campus, a lot actually. So I think when is a nice day outside we all should just sit down near the library, on the grass, turn off iPods, computer, stop texting, and just talk to each other. We do not need to say if we posted a secret or not. We should just be there for each other. What do you think?”

——-

“I keep telling myself I’m not an alcoholic, but then it’s times like these, where I’m siting alone on a friday night drinking beer that I don’t even like insead of going out that I realize… maybe I am.”

——-

“When I was six, I was sexually harassed in class by a boy on my first day of school. I had recently transferred from another school.No punishment was meted out,and he continued to harass me till I took matters into my own hands. At age nine to eleven, I was sexually abused by my cousin, who was a girl. Now that I’m 21, I haven’t been able to feel any sort of emotion when someone kisses, hugs or express themselves about their love for me. I feel indifferent and cold towards them. Now I’m being forced to attend a seminar about dating by my mother who was absent through out my turmoil. I feel like screaming and crying, but I’m just so tired of everything.”

Believe.

Hey everyone,

My friend Krista Stucchio is participating in Terpthon 2012, and it would be SO great if you would give her your support.

What is Terpthon?

Terp Thon is a student organization at the University of Maryland that raises money and awareness for Children’s National Medical Center, in association with the Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals’s, Dance Marathon program. With more than 150 students actively involved, and more than 1,000 students serving as fundraisers for the organization, it is one of the largest student organizations at the University of Maryland. Our year of fundraising culminates into a 12 hour dance marathon in the spring semester where we celebrate the year with a big dance party! Kids that have been treated at the hospital attend the event.

The Cause:

Did you know…
Children’s National Medical Center is a member of Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals, an alliance of 170 hospitals with two simple goals:

• Help as many children as possible by raising funds for children’s hospital services
• Keep funds in the community in which they were raised to help local children

That means your gift to Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals will help make miracles happen for Maryland and Washington D.C. children who courageously face health challenges greater than most of us can imagine.

Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals helps by:

• Paying for expenses not covered by insurance – things like medicines, therapy, hearing aids, wheelchairs, travel to stay with hospitalized children, formula and diapers.
• Providing support services like scholarships to special summer camps for kids and help for parents grieving the loss of a child.
• Helping hospitals and other health care facilities purchase important equipment they could not otherwise afford, like emergency pediatric resuscitation carts, infant car seats for safety, specialized hearing equipment, or playroom toys.

Terpthon is a WONDERFUL cause. Click here to read up on Terpthon, to watch the promo video (which made my cry, by the way), and to donate to support Krista for this amazing event. Every penny of your donation will stay in the Washington, D.C. area, and will help kids at our local Children’s Miracle Network hospital; the Children’s National Medical Center. Any contribution will help, and all donations are tax deductible.

I made a contribution and I hope you all will too.

I believe in miracles <3.

http://www.helpmakemiracles.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&eventID=947&participantID=75624

More kind words! :)

Someone sent me this! How nice!

“I love you all.
Just thought you should know. You’re not alone.

When I was in high school I had very severe depression and considered suicide every day for years. I was lonely, ugly, hated my parents and my friends. Finally, I grew up – mentally. I had an attitude adjustment and decided I was responsible for how my life would flow. I became a bit more social and met some people more like me. I enjoy things more and do what I want. The turn-around was in choosing to stop sulking around in sorrow, and view things from another perspective.

I’m not saying you all should try this and feel better by next week, but I’m saying don’t give up. I can promise you, that things do get better over time. If you are patient and open-minded you can find piece. Looking back it’s hard to believe I ever considered hurting myself. If I had it would have been devastating to my family and friends – possibly ruining parts of their lives – and I would never have gotten to where I am now.

I’m so happy these days. It took years but I’m where I want to be and with who I want to be. You can be too. Just hold on. I know where you’ve been, and it kills me to know that some people let themselves go. I honestly care about each and every one of you, just as there were people who cared about me when I needed it most, and I didn’t even realize it. I wish you all the best in your long-lasting, fulfilling lives. I send you all my love, and all my hugs.”

Rules.

Okay. I’ve said this before, but maybe not loud enough.

If you use someone’s name in a secret, I am not going to post it. It’s not fair to publicize that person’s name without his/her consent.

Also, if you send me something dumb and/or offensive trying to be funny, I’m not going to post it. I take these things seriously because I’ve been given reason to.

Sorry, I do have rules, and I do have the right to use my own discretion when deciding whether or not to post something.

Perfecto.

I found this while I was scrolling through Tumblr.

I immediately thought of a lot of you and thought I would share it.

I couldn’t agree more.

<3

Iiiiit’s poll time!

Hey guys!

I’ve been thinking about making a change or two on the site, but I wanted some feedback before I went switching things around on you. Now that I know how to put polls in these posts, I’m going to use them to my advantage. So, here we go.

Poll #1:

Poll #2

If you have any other comments or suggestions, feel free to send them to me through the secret box, or e-mail me at Terpsecret@gmail.com.

Thanks! Your feedback is much appreciated!

I don’t normally do this…

…but, someone sent me this, and I have no advice.

“I’m studying abroad in spring 2013 and I’m a little worried about finding housing for the fall once I return. Any advice?”

If anyone has any suggestions, just comment on here because I wasn’t given any contact information.

Encouraging words from a stranger

Someone just sent me this:

“One day you’re going to wake up and realize that you have the freedom to make your own rules. That this is your LIFE and you are wasting it because you’re afraid of what others think. This is YOUR world, and as long as you were born on this planet you belong here. Stop waiting for permission and just do what YOU want because you’re the one who’s going to have to look back at your life at 99 years old and wonder what on earth you were so scared of.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself.

Thanks for this! <3

February Secrets!

“It’s not fair. I see these heavier girls that are so happy with themselves and the way that they look, and here I am, skinny and upset that I’m not skinnier. While I would be terrified to wake up with an extra fifty pounds on my frame, I would give anything to wake up and be satisfied with how I look.”

——-

“You’re so confusing. You say one thing and do another. Stop messing with my head and just be honest for once. That’s all I want.”

——-

“When I was at my lowest point in life, you were there for me. I never expected it to be you, but it was. I’ve known you for awhile, and we’ve grown so close. I will never be able to thank you enough for how much you helped me. Now you’re going through a rough spot, and all I want to do is be there for you. We’ve expressed that we have some feelings for each other, but I’m scared to death to ruin our friendship. I still have a lot of figuring out to do. Everything happens for a reason, so there was a reason I met you.”

——-

“I live to make my grandparents proud. They have been there for me my whole entire life and I owe it to them. I recently told my grandma that I’m transferring out of state for school and you could just see her heart break. Her eyes watered up, and all I wanted to do was take back what I said. I’m so afraid something is going to happen to them. If they died or became ill while I was in a different state, I would blame myself forever. All I want to do though is make a new name for myself. I just want to run and not stop, and never look back… I love you grandma, don’t hate me for leaving you..”

——-

“I was so sure that we have something, but your one line made me question it all…what did you mean? Please don’t let it be me. And if you meant what I dread, what was today?
I wonder if I mean to you what you mean to me..

I know there’s a possibility, and my heart feels seared, stifled, and wants to be liberated, set free.”

——-

“You broke up with me 3 days before Valentine’s Day. You said I wouldn’t understand why you were leaving, why you were ending it. But I do. I told you, the night we first kissed–you chose someone who understands. I know the reason you left me is because you’re terrified of relationships, terrified of letting someone care and of caring about someone else.

I just want you to come back. I miss you. I don’t feel like we’re done yet, you and me, and I wish you would face your fear instead of running from it. Please come back to me while there’s still time.

I won’t wait forever.”

——-

“To the gentleman who randomly approached me today as I was lying in the grass listening to my iPod:
Good for you! I never would have had the guts to just walk up to someone and randomly make friends. I was perfectly happy just being by myself, but talking with you for an hour made me realize how nice it feels to connect with people instead of always being caught up in my own world. I’m inspired by your bravery. I hope we randomly cross paths again!”

——-

“At first I thought he was a pretentious asshole who tried too hard to seem interesting and otherworldy. I never expected him to be one of the most attractive and laid back guy I’ve ever known. I just want to watch him all day.”

——-

“My boyfriend told me that he loves me about a month ago but I couldn’t bring myself to. I thought I was falling for him but I’ve recently realized that I never will love him. I’m not sure what to do yet.”

——-

“I recently told my best friend I like her, knowing at the time she would not want to date me. I felt that I needed to let her know how I feel. I know she needs time before she’ll date again after breaking up with her boyfriend last year, and I understand that. However, I did not tell her that I love her. I love her for the way she smiles, the way we talk everyday, how she is so determined in life, and for just being her. No matter what happens, I will continue to love her whether it just be as best friends or something more.
Hopefully one day she will read this and understand how I feel.
To her: I’m sorry if I sometimes get jealous when I see you talking to other guys, it is just my emotion, but please know I trust you more than anyone else. I’m sorry for whatever sorrow I may have brought you, I only want you to be happy. Never let yourself get down, you are one the most amazing and beautiful people I have ever met, and never let anyone tell you otherwise. And I know you are worried about after graduation growing apart from me and our other friends, but no matter how far you go away for school, I will always talk to you everyday, and even video chat everyday if you would allow me, just to make sure that you are happy, and to comfort you in hard times. You are the only person I have ever let get this close to me, and you are my best friend for life. I am willing to wait for you, no matter how long it takes, if you are willing, cause I feel that we have something more special than even most marriages have. Hopefully you will read this one day, or I will show it to you someday. Just know, no matter what I will be there for you. I love you”

——-

“It’s awhile since you broke my heart, and even longer since i’ve been myself. It’s 3:21 in the morning and i’m still up because I can’t stop thinking. It’s when there’s nothing else going on that you come to mind, and everything, good or bad, just overwhelms me. I shouldn’t feel anything with all the pills, but I always find myself lying in bed crying over some memory while everyone else is asleep. How quiet it is is the worst part, because all I can hear is your voice.”

——-

“This past Saturday night I made out with one of my friends. I’ve had such a crush on her but since she’s in a relationship and I’m gay I thought we’d never do anything. It was awesome to say the least. I told her I’d never tell anyone but I needed for someone to hear it otherwise I’d spill it to someone we both know. She’s such an awesome person that I wish I could be more sexually attracted to her, but what can I do? I can’t change who my body/mind are attracted to.”

——-

“I am sleeping with my ex-boyfriend’s roommate. Sometimes I wish my ex would catch us just so he would feel as hurt as I did when he broke my heart.”

——-

“Being a commuter absolutely sucks. I feel so deprived of the social closeness I could feel with others if I was on campus. I don’t feel like I’m in college, it just feels like high school. It makes me sick to the point I just want to kill myself. I just feel so alone in UMD. I don’t even think anyone even understands…”

——-

“I have had a girlfriend for 3 years now. Everything is great except for one thing. One night while we were in the bedroom she used a strap on on me. I liked it-a lot. Now I have start seeing guys and have done everything and really enjoy giving bjs in mckeldin. I dont know how to break up with her so I can just focus on guys.”

——-

“I have trouble opening up to people and talking about things that are important and affect my life. This becomes an issue when I have no way to release the pain and sadness. I have this incredible fear of the future. I am so afraid that things aren’t going to work out the way I want them to and sometimes I just don’t want to witness the failure. Sometimes I just feel so alone in the world and I just wish I could find my place. But I can’t bring myself to share this with anyone close to me.”

——-

“I can’t stand being around my parents. Any time I spend with them just hurts me and makes me cry. My dad is very outspoken with his conservative religious beliefs and my mom just follows his lead. He yells about how gay people are sexual deviants and that they need to be “cured,” but what they don’t know is that I’m gay. I wish my parents could love me regardless of who I’m sexually attracted to, but I know that once I move out and finally tell them, they’ll disown me. I’m so glad that all my friends are accepting of my sexual orientation because without them I would have no one.”

——-

“I am completely in love with my boyfriend, he loves and supports me in ways that I’ve always wanted to be loved and supported. But I’m afraid that being with him from now until forever will hold me back and keep me from becoming who I’m meant to be. Or that I won’t do everything that I want in life if I’m tied to someone from this young age long-term.”

——-

“I don’t love my mom, I pity her. I am grateful for all she does for me but I don’t love her. And I don’t care that I don’t love her. And I don’t care that I don’t care. If I did not pity her and stick around, I would have left home long ago and never looked back.”

——-

“I am not doing the major that I love. I have been harassed by students, unnoticed by other students, and I have no friends. I see people each and everyday doing what I love and I cried and cried because I cannot do it. I feel unhappy, alone, lonely, sad, and depressed. I cant tell anyone my pain. Not my family. They don’t really understand. They blamed me for my faults. I have roommates who do not want to get to know me at all and treat me differently. They never talk to me. I am hurting and crying on the inside. I want to die.”

——-

“I did it. I talked to a stranger today. Not for a very long time, just for a few minutes. And I didn’t even do it for myself. I did it for you guys, who wish this campus was a nicer place. It’s not a total upheaval of society. It was a tiny act. But it’s a start.”

——-

“My boyfriend keeps asking me why I never want to hook up. I have to make up excuses because I don’t want to tell him it’s because I’m attracted to girls.”

——-

“My biggest fear is that I’m not actually in love with you, because that would mean that I’m not in love with anyone, and that would mean that I’m alone.”

——-

“I am in love with my best friend and its killing me. We dated and I fucked up which resulted in us breaking up. We have gone through so much that we have become really close and we tell each other everything. Now she has another boyfriend and she asked for my opinion so I said that I liked him and that hes good for her. It hasnt bothered me too much before that she has dated other guys but havent visiting her this weekend its been a nightmare. Trying not to talk to her and give her space is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do because I don’t want her to forget me…”

——-

“I got a boyfriend back home (in NJ) this winter and hes amazing. However I am here now and I’ve twice cheated on him, but I dont feel guilty about it. I still have immense feelings for my boyfriend back home, but hooking up with this guy just feels so right.”

——-

“I am a honest, loving and simple 19 year old guy. Virgin. I had a girl friend, and we decided not to get physical due to our family backgrounds. Now, I am far away from home and we broke up a while back. I want to experience something real with someone. I am tired of watching porn and still behaving as if I don’t know anything. I don’t have much friends as I am new to this country. I also pray that I am able to hook up with at least some girl more easily and quickly. I feel very desperate sometimes.
Is it rare and weird to be virgin at age of 19?”

——-

“It’s my 21st birthday, and no one cared enough to share it with me at midnight besides my own brother, who had his friends celebrate with him at midnight. Shows what kind of person I am. The only people who bother enough? My parents, and everyone else I asked to help me celebrate cant make it. At least I have someone…. right?”

——-

“On the real, I’m so sick of being alone. I’m a friendly person, everybody always tells me that I’m a pretty good friend, but I miss having that special connection to share a life with someone. It kills me inside, I hate to see everyone else around me settling into relationships and me being stuck here at square one. Go out and meet new people, try this, try that, I’ve done it all. And the only thing I ask for is a chance. I can’t even get that. Shit sucks.”

——-

“So im not a UMD student let alone a college student
Just a 21yr old trying to figure wat to do wit my life. i came across this website awhile back through The washington Post n been stuck ever since. Ive related with so many you guys on here n helps to know im not the only one. Like the guy going to the military i myself am looking to join to just get me a step ahead n life. Guys dont giv up on life i myself am struggling wit so much but lifes greatest tragic mistake is giving up n not knowing how close u were to ur freedom. I thank the owner of these website for making it, for its a place where we can securly let out our secrets when we have no one else to go.”

——-

“Why do I always end up datings women who go crazy or cheat on me? I’m starting to think its me. Fuck relationships.”

——-

“I’ve come to the unfortunate conclusion that I’m stuck in friend zone…with my girlfriend. I’m her first boyfriend and she doesn’t wanna rush anything. Understandable and I agree. But I am no where closer now to the relationship I want with her (I said relationship not fuck buddies) compared to when we started dating almost 4 months ago. I would break up with her but I don’t wanna kill her spirit and/or break her heart. Also don’t want to make it super awkward between us. I’ve talked to her about it and she’s like ok, we’ll work it out. That was a month and a half ago. Ugh. What do I do?”

——-

“To the girl who looks like Amber Rose:

I don’t know what it is about you, but I want you. Everytime I see you around campus, I can’t help but imagine myself kissing you….
If anything, you look better than Amber Rose in my opinion. I wish I knew your name. The outfit you wore today (navy sweater, white collared shirt, plaid skirt, tights, flats) looked incredible on you.
I don’t want to sound creepy (I know I do), but there’s just something about you. I hope you see this.

-A Female Admirer”

——-

“I’ve been depressed for about 3 years and haven’t told anyone. I started cutting this year. I hid it from my mom because I don’t want her to take me out of school.”

——-

“I understand why you don’t want me to be your girlfriend again. I wouldn’t want to date me either. I’m sorry I’m so fucking crazy, but remember those meds you said I shouldn’t take since there’s nothing wrong with me… I think you were wrong. The sad thing is I love you so much, but I can see you liking me less and less every day.”

——-

“My best friend has, in my opinion, the worst life possible. One parent attempted suicide when she was young, neither of her parents is currently working, and her family is broke. She is bipolar, and starting to display signs of schizophrenia. I love her so much, but I don’t know what to do to help anymore.”

——-

“I only met you last month and you’re always on my mind. What sucks is I’m pretty sure you’re not into me. The only reason you talk to me is cause you’re too damn nice. I shouldn’t care but I do. Wish I knew what you were thinking.”

——-

“I’m glad you think I’m a bitch. It saves me the trouble of having to be fake every time I see you.”

——-

“To the one person that wants to talk to random people sitting alone…DO IT!
I posted a secret on here a couple of weeks ago about how desperately lonely I am and how much I’d kill to have someone that’s not my mom really give a shit about what I did on any given day. A real friend. Maybe a best friend? (Still haven’t had one, I want one more than anything).
Anyway, I try this all the time and…well…I fail every time, but it could be a whole movement of people bothering to take their headphones out of their ears in Stamp or Mckeldin for two freaking seconds and meet someone new! Come on…everyone at this school has to like the idea of being around so many people to stay here. Let’s take advantage of it and not seal ourselves in with our iPods and Facebooking in public.”

——-

“I actually think that we were meant for each other, and it breaks my heart that I think you know it too, but you’re too afraid to commit. Just take a chance on me.”

——-

“The most romantic thing you ever did had nothing to do with flowers, money, or I love yous. It was when we weren’t together and you took my face in your hands and looked me straight in the eye and said, “I know you’re dying inside, and it kills me.” You are the only person who ever knew that something was wrong, when I was in a bad headspace. You’re the only reason I haven’t killed myself already.”

——-

“How do you expect me to stay clean, when you make it so clear that you don’t think I can. It’s been 7 months, how much more proof do you need before you stop assuming I’m going to relapse the moment I go out.”

——-

“I wanted you while you were with someone else, and I hated how jealous I was of her. I just wanted you to be happy. When then that ended and you wanted me, but I was too much of a coward to say yes. I said no because I thought you weren’t good-looking. I love you and I think you are a wonderful person, and that should be all I care about, but it’s not. I don’t know why you would want someone as pathetically shallow as me. I’m sorry.”

——-

“I need to focus, but I haven’t been able to, for the past week and three days…
You’re constantly on my mind

I’ve never lacked so much focus before, or been so not in control

I wasn’t sure but I’ve been getting the vibe that maybe you feel the same way…But I don’t know how strongly you feel, and I’m scared of potential expectations. Sometimes I’m amazed that you would like me, but maybe you see the best in me that I’ve overlooked for a long time. Do you know that I’ve never actually been in a relationship? I don’t know.
I think I’ve fallen for you and you’re bringing out the me that’s been self-caged and making me want to stride forward instead of falling back on bummery.

I’ve never smiled as much as I have reflecting on the moments I get to steal with you.
I hope we will be together; I want you to be with me.”

——-

“I see so many secrets about people feeling alone, or not having friends, and I feel awful…because at the beginning of the year that was me. Now I have a group of three best friends, lots of friends on my floor and in my classes, and I know tons of people on campus…I’m so glad that college has made me a friendlier, more outgoing, knowledgeable and social person. I’m still not SUPER social or anything, but I’m happy. I realize now that I was trying to make friends with the wrong people. I didn’t fit in with them. They can drink and party and have random hookups as much as they want. That’s not me, and I don’t judge, but I couldn’t be happier about it.”

——-

“Today i almost ran into a mini van with 3 kids in a parking lot, not because i was under the influence of anything but because i was in a hurry. Then i just drove away like nothing happened. After i came out of the store, the mother in the mini van yelled at me and tore me a new one, telling me to be more careful. I deserved every word she threw at me and even threatened to call the police. I apologized profusely and begged her not to. I can tell you i have never felt like more like shit in my entire life, not when i got drunk, not even when i was at my father’s, cousin’s or grandfather’s funerals. To know that i put children’s lives in danger makes me feel like horrible person. To the mother who yelled at me, I am sorry, I deserve it, and I hope that if this ever happens to me as mom, I will protect my children like you protected yours.”

——-

“I wish my heart thought as logically as yours does.”

——-

“I fib a little just make people feel better. I hate seeing pain, and would rather live with my lie than their sadness.”

——-

” I wasted my entire high school life on devoting myself to you, and I still can’t understand why I did it. I think about it every day, and the more I think about it, the worse I feel about it. Over this past break, I was FINALLY able to get you out of my system. My body finally accepted that I just don’t need you.
But then soon afterwards, you came back around as if nothing were different…why do you do that?
I hate you for making me become who I am. You insulted me so much, and I hate you so much for it. JUST GO AWAY. Stop coming back when no one else will give you attention. It’s so upsetting.
And yet…I love you for making me hate you so much that now I’ve pushed myself into better opportunities just to get rid of you.”

——-

“I didn’t want to do it with you. I only did it to get it over with. Afterwards, I showered and cried so much. I don’t tell anyone at all that THAT’S why I stopped contacting you, but I’m sure you know the truth. All I can ever remember are your insults, and that one phrase: “This is an adult relationship.” If that’s what adults do, I don’t think I’ll like being an adult very much. Taking something that wasn’t really offered to you. Yeah, okay…we’ll see about that.
Just because you’re older, you think you’re smarter and cooler…I was actually into you, but then I realized you’re just ANOTHER ASSHOLE who takes advantage of people in disadvantaged positions. Hope you go far, far away one day.”

——-

“I know cutting is wrong. I know that eventually it will in fact kill me if I let it, but I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop. The pain is the only way that I feel human. Everyone else has taken everything from me but they can’t take this. The cold knife is the only thing I have control over, and they will have to pry it from my cold bloody dead hand.”

——-

“The only man I’ve ever fallen in love with just so happens to be my English professor.”

——-

“I can’t stand the fact that you are lying to me and yourself. I wish you would just let yourself feel how we both know you feel. I made one mistake before we were anything and you need to forgive me about it. There are things in your past that I am overlooking because I have such strong feelings for you already. I really think we could be something great if only you’d give us a chance.”

——-

“I say that I want to save the world and criticize people for not dreaming or yearning for something bigger and yet when it comes down to it I am just as afraid to do something big enough to matter. I cannot leave my comfort and security to do what needs to be done despite blaming others for being lazy. I feel like a hypocrite.”

——-

“These last couple of months have consisted of nothing but drugs, parties, raves and sex. In the heat of things, I’m having the time of my life. But once I’m by myself all I can do is cry. My parents have no idea and I refuse to crush them by telling them their daughter is destroying herself. But I’m so lost, I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

——-

“I was 15 years old, I was drunk and I should have known better. But I trusted you and you took advantadge of my naivety. You stole more than just my virginity just that day; you also stole my innocence.”

——-

“I have no idea what I want to do with my life, and for a while that terrified me. But that’s what college is about-discovering yourself and who you want to become 5, 10, even 20 years down the road. So when people ask me what I want to do with my two seemingly unrelated majors, I’m going to smile and say “I don’t know, but I’ll have fun doing it.”

——-

“I went out with a guy who asked me what my favorite thing to do was. I said bake because I couldn’t think of anything besides my real favorite activity: trying on all my clothes and checking myself out in the mirror.”

——-

“Sometimes I wonder if I’m at the right school… and I want to cry. A lot. But guys aren’t supposed to cry.”

——-

“My dad died when I was young. Each time I think about him, I remember less and less, and I feel like I’m losing a part of myself. Now, there isn’t a day that goes by that I wish he was alive instead of my mom because the truth is I would rather have the worst parts of him than the best parts of her.”

——-

“I just realized the other night that the only reason I still want to be with you is not because I’m in love with you…

You broke my heart, you ripped my insides out, spread them all around and laughed as you walked away. You came back.

No, the reason you’re still here in my life is not because I’m still deeply in love with you. It’s because I’m really hoping you’ll just finish me off.”

——-

“So, I spend every summer holiday at the same place, since I was born. This place is a part of me, I was raised there. And I also have very special friends there whom I´ve known from birth onwards, they are like brothers and sister and they dont jugde you by appearances and so on. We all live in different cities and we only see each other once a year in the summer hollidays. Which is okay ,because these few weeks give me so much love and energy and trust in myself for a whole year. its a magical thing^^ Its like a bubble, whitout reality.
Thats the prehistory…. Soo
There is one very special guy whom I can´t call my brother ,because im in love with him for maybe … always… He dosn´t know, I pretend, that we are just friends. I think of him every day, always, whatever happens. We have total different lives. Anyway i know every side of him. If you ask me about his favorite movie, i can´t answer, but I can tell you in detail what face and gesture he would make by talking about it and how he would react to everything. Well not to everything. I´m 22 now and im not pretty ,actually im fat ,im shy and kind of antisocial and i never had a boyfriend, i compare every guy with him ,im not his type of girl, and im so scared to tell him that i like him, because he would reject me anyway and not to mention that this keeps me from moving on. and sometimes crying myself to sleep. Oh yeah, He´s the opposide of me, very social ,outgoing ,had a few girlfriends and so on.
so any suggestions? Is there a way out of my miserey? why cant i break free?should i tell him
I don’t want to lose him, or bring bad/awkward memories to that special place.

And sorry about the bad english im not a native.”

——-

“So I’m pledging a fraternity at my school (not UM) along with 7 other ‘brothers’ from my department. We get these notebooks that hold the information we receive on a weekly basis to study and get quizzed on tho be part of this little “club.” Each book we have is identical right down to the punctuation. Which means if something happens to one book, it happens to all 8. So needless to say I would be pissed if I was the one who would be responsible for shit hitting the fan. I took the pledge book to work to study it. My asshole coworker thought it would be a good idea to attempt to write “I like men” on the front of my book with red sharpie. I walked in while he was writing “like.” Giant food now has an opening in seafood due to someone on medical leave due to a broken nose courtesy of yours truley =). Don’t get mad… get even.”

——-

“I would give absolutely anything to have you back in my life. I have never been happier than I was when I was with you. We weren’t together long, but long enough for me to still not want to let go. I so badly want to tell you I miss you and I want to be with you every time we speak, but I don’t want to ruin the close friendship that we have. I still cry over you, and I still think about you every single day. I miss you so much.”

——-

“We talked, fell for each other, and then you banged my best friend, in my house, on my bed, while I was out getting you a Valentine’s Day engagement ring. Thank you for wasting 4 years of my life.”

——-

“A boy sent me this today. It made my day. GUYS, THIS is how to properly approach a girl:

“You intrigue me- You strike me as a wonderful combination of beauty and intelligence. I would very much prize the opportunity to become more then just “facebook friends” with you.
Which is why I would love to take you out…”

Ok, so, this isn’t a secret, but I had to post it! I couldn’t agree more! Even if the circumstances are different, be a gentleman about it! Atta boy.

——-

I am a straight girl who happens to recently be curious about maybe hooking up with a girl just once. Weird? Not sure. I mean, not just any girl either… I am super picky and am actually sort of into someone. I feel like it is way to risky though, and could just make things super awkward if I were to ever say anything.

——-

I am a huge worrier. It drives me crazy when people close to me (sister, boyfriend) go out and don’t contact me. I think of it as common courtesy to stay in touch if someone’s worried about you and your safety. It makes me feel like they are being selfish because I am the one staying up worrying.

——-

“Every time I walk past an elderly gentleman on campus, I truly believe it’s my grandfather coming to check on me from Heaven.
I miss you everyday Pop and I hope that you’re proud of me.
I think that’s the reason why most of the time I think you’re checking up on me, I’m walking out of Mckeldin from a long study session.
I love you.”

——-

“You were my gymnastics coach. You meant the world to me… beyond that, I told you everything; About my past, the abuse I endured, all my secrets. Even things I couldn’t admit to myself at times. With all my abandoment issues, it was really hard for me to trust anyone… but I trusted you. Now you say that our relationship was nothing special?! My heart it breaking over you. I can’t stand it anymore. I miss you so much… and all you can do is ignore me… :’( Why me? Everyone has left me. You promised you’d never leave. Now I’m alone. All I have is anger… but yet I still feel sad. I just want you to hug me and tell me everything’s going to be okay again. You were my rock. I don’t know what to do without you. I’m only 15. “

——-

“It’s Valentine’s Day and I got drunk during the day by myself because I don’t want to be alone this year.”

——-

“My suicide attempt changed my life – for the better. I spent Christmas in a mental hospital. As horrible as that sounds, it was an experience that I wouldn’t give up for anything. While inside, I got to know some of the most amazing people, escaped from the outside world, and finally learned to just let go. It forever altered the way I experience life.
That was two years ago. I’m proud to say that I am now medication-free and happy. Depression is still a part of me, but I am now able to cope. THERE IS HOPE”

——-

“You told me you would be there for me, but you never were. A complete stranger has helped me more than you ever did. I trusted you. Now I know I shouldn’t have.”

——-

“You won’t admit it, but I know it’s my fault that you left. I let my anxiety take over and it drove you away. I would do anything to redo all of that time over again.”

——-

“You’re probably the weirdest person I’ve ever met, but I can’t help but feel attracted to you. I’m sorry for hooking up with your friend. And I’m sorry I’m too scared to tell you the truth.”

——-

“We met one time in NYC. You showed me the best night I have ever had in my entire life. What I would give to go back to that night and just press replay. I’ll probably never see you again, but I promise that I’ll never forget you. I think if we met one more time, I might just fall in love.”

——-

“I have a tendency to fall in love with almost every girl I get close to. I think it’s because I’ve never had a successful relationship, never had a girl who loves and appreciates me… That’s all I’ve ever wanted”

——-

“One of my best friends is a complete conservative and I am in love with him. I won’t ever tell him because I don’t want him to think like it is a common thing for gay people to fall in love with a straight guy, making him uncomfortable with gay people forever. The only reason why I get angry at him and don’t want to be his friend is because I want to stop being in love with him. He has all the qualities I look for in a guy, but the only problem is that he’s straight. I would rather not care for him than to love him and never get love in return.”

——-

“I hate you because I am still in love with you. I hate you because I can’t get over you. I hate you because I am never fully happy with any boyfriend I’ve had since you…because I gave you my whole heart and you never gave it back to me. I hate you because you stare at me from across the room and the only reason why I notice is because I am staring back. I hate you because I know you feel the same way about me and I hate you because we both know that we can never be together.

I want to break up with him to be with you.”

——-

“I’ve known you for more than 2 years and all along I knew you were gay. We were good friends. We’d joke that we’d marry if neither of us never found anyone. Well, recently you’ve gotten your first boyfriend – one twice your ago that also lives in the next state over. You tell me everything and I know you really care about him and vice versa.

Up until now I never gave it a thought, but I actually do have feelings for you. When you touch me I get chills down my spine. Sometimes I go to bed and hope that you’re in my dreams. I secretly do want to marry you.”

——-

“My mom made me sign up for a dating site and so far 9 people have rejected me and none have accepted. Cool thanks mom! Best birthday gift ever!”

——-

“I have been here for a year now and I still feel like I don’t fit in, like everything I do is wrong and now I have to live with the actual scars of my pain. I just for once want to be 5 years old again and be happy. I wouldn’t wish how fucked up my mind is on anyone.”

——-

“We both know you secretly want me. You’re just afraid to admit it.”

——-

“I don’t know why you are so afraid. I’m not scary. So why do you always run away and hide?

——-

“My best friend hates me. All I can remember is the ten years that she didn’t. Why can’t she?”

——-

“I got really drunk with my mother, my sister, and my friend, and I got alcohol poisoning. I started to die on her living room floor, and seize, and froth at the mouth. My mother wasn’t going to call the ambulance because she had cocaine in the house. She thinks I don’t remember or know. But my mother wanted to leave me there. My sister finally called 911, and they almost lost me in the ER, the doctor told me I should have been dead. If I had been alone with my mother she would have left me there and watched me die on her living room floor. My mother would have let me die, just to save herself. And my entire family does not get why I HATE her.”

——-

“At first I loved this site because reading about everyone’s MUCH worse problems than mine made me feel better about my stupid shallow problems. But after reading about how so many people feel alone in this school of 40,000 people, it really makes me want to finally walk up to strangers sitting alone and start to talking to them. I could possibly come off like a total freakshow, but if it even makes one person feel better… I wanna do it.”

——-

“This year I’m a senior and over the last four years I’m been so focused on preparing to graduate that I not sure what type of job I want once I do. I’m having lots of pressure from family about starting my career by honestly I’m hellishly nervous.”

——-

“I feel lonely. Like I have no friends at all. Like I’m alone. Why can’t I have friends? I’m not a bad person, or a bad friend. I don’t know, maybe I am.”

——-

“I cheated on you with three different guys. I nearly fell in love with one of them. You will never know what I did and how sorry I am, but I love you so much. I know if I told you that you would definitely leave me. If you ever left me, that would actually kill me. I’ve been wanting to tell you, but my fear of you leaving me outweighs the guilt of my actions. I’m so sorry.”

——-

“I’m scared for this boy I like to graduate, I’m scared to never see him again, and even more scared that I’ll NEVER get over him because I know he’s a terrible person. I just love him anyway, he just has no idea.

——-

“I’ve had a boyfriend for over a year now and my mom still thinks I’m a virgin because she gets so mad and hysterical that I can’t manage to tell her anything, not even that I’m planning on marrying him.”

——-

“We have been together for 6 years, we’ve loved each for a long time. Then you went away for a 4 months for a new job and came back a different person. I hate you for changing. I want the girl that I fell in love with back. Not the girl who talks to other guys constantly and thinks its alright. You’re take advantage of me always being here because I love you so much, sometimes I just want to leave to prove to you that I don’t need you but truth is I do. And I’ve let you walk all over me the past couple months and get away with it. I want you back and am afraid to tell you the truth.”

——-

“I wish I knew why my relationships don’t make it past three months. It sucks and I’m so tired of being the single one who is happy for her friends who are in relationships. Maybe I’ve been looking for the wrong guys and going for the ones that aren’t worth it but it hurts because every time I feel like I’m the problem. I can’t take it.”

——-

“Some days I wish I weren’t gay.

Otherwise I could have kept my girl by getting pregnant. I’ve seen girls do it. And even if everything ends in divorce, those girls are stuck with those guys one way or another.

Even if everything had been shitty, it would have been better than being alone. I just want you to come back. Answer my texts. Please.”

——-

“I feel like an idiot. I’m sitting alone on a Friday night listening to other people laugh and have a good time while I’m in the dark in my room crying because I’ve never felt so isolated in my life. I feel alone during class. I feel alone in the diner. I feel alone walking in a crowd.

But most of all, I feel alone when you’re screaming my name and I’m staring at the ceiling wondering how many times I’ll have to have sex with you until I can feel something again. Maybe companionship. Maybe love. Maybe just something other than this emptiness.”

——-

“I’m a straight girl but I am so turned on by lesbian porn its ridiculous.”

——-

“I am 20 years grown and I have never been in a relationship. I was always the drunk girl at parties who had random hookups. For all this time I’ve pretended not to care and pretended that it didn’t bother me one bit. Truth is its the worst feeling ever to know that not a single guy has ever seen me worthy enough to date not a single guy has seen anything more than just a drunk hookup. I just want to feel special. Maybe im not the typical classy lady but I still feel like I deserve love. But im starting to doubt that ill ever be good enough.”

——-

“I don’t know what it is about him. I tell him things I don’t tell anyone else when weve kissed its like this world of passion and emotion i have never known.. at least for me but I know he doesn’t feel the same. When im with him its like my worlds perfect for a while and whenever he texts me I can’t keep myself from smiling. Im in love with my best friend and I know he will never feel the same and it’s kills me. I’ll never be good enough.”

——-

“By the time I was 14 I was paying my own way, and taking care of myself. Before that I raised my little brother, because my mom was drugged out and my dad worked. However, they got my sister 2 cars, paid for her beauty school, and now help her pay her rent. My mother is given child support for a kid I raised, who doesn’t live with her, and her parents pay her rent. I’ve never asked for anything. I bought my own car, I went to community college here and there on my own dime, I took care of myself. Due to medical reasons, I can’t drive, I can’t get a job, I can’t pay my medical bills, I can’t afford to go to school, and I’m supposed to start paying rent because I moved back home. I NEED HELP. I’m 21 years old, and I’ve never asked for anything. Why won’t you help me?”

——-

“I don’t have any friends at college. Not a single one. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone in my life. At least before, I had fake friends. But now, no matter how hard I try, I’m always alone. For the most part, that’s okay, but the thing I hate most is sitting alone in the cafeteria every day listening to the laughter of everyone around me.”

——

“I secretly dated you in high school when your parents forbid you to see anyone. I was so happy with you, but near the end of the year we fell apart. The last time we spoke was when I gradated. You went on to be a total hypocrite of everything you believed in and I hate so much of what you’ve become, yet I still think constantly about the times we had. I miss them so much and I don’t think I’ll ever feel that again.”

——-

“Sometimes I rub my fingers through my butt and then smell them. Just for fun.”

——-

“I told everyone that I’ve stopped cutting. I haven’t. I still hate myself, still cope with stress the same way. I thought college would change that. It didn’t.”

——-

“When I first came to the UMD in ’05 I tried to commit suicide 5 times within the first 2 weeks, so I withdrew from school. I saw several doctors and went to hospitals for 2 years. I learned that besides that I had major depression and social anxiety. I enrolled in community college two years later because there were less people and I was embarrassed that people might find out about my suicide attempts. I re-enrolled at UMD in ’10 and will graduate this spring, but I still frequently get depressed and have trouble talking to people. I know might sound corny, but I just want to find some companionship and make friends.”

——-

“You made me care… you made me care a lot, and then you walked away. You told me you want to be with me, but you just don’t “feel the connection.” That’s fine. But now you’re talking to someone else. It’s only been a couple of weeks. That was fast. I’m getting sick and tired of this happening to me. I’m really beginning to think that there’s something wrong with me, and I hate that I can’t figure out what. This just kills me.”

——-

“I work so many jobs so that I can get ahead in my career. She just doesn’t seem to understand. I feel bad when I have to move plans, or cancel them but I just want her to understand and accept me for who I am and what I’m doing. I’m trying to be the best boyfriend I know how to be but it doesn’t seem to be working. After 8 months her interest in me seems to be going downhill quick. I hope it lasts. I really do love her and I hope she knows it. I tell her but I don’t know if she really listens.”

——-

“I’m hooking up with my best friend’s ex-girlfriend. It’s been going on for weeks now. I haven’t told him and I don’t know how to. I don’t think he would care but I’m scared to tell him. I’ve thought about cutting it off with her but I really enjoy hanging out with her and not to mention the sex is incredible. I wish I knew what to do in this situation because I feel like sooner or later it might just explode and I could lose both of them as friends.”

——-

“I have no friends. I thought transferring to CP would make things better, but it’s my senior year and I have no one. I thought I made friends with the people I’m living with but recently I’ve begun to doubt that. Besides them, the only people I’m friends with in CP are graduating. I’m afraid I won’t have anyone to live with next year. I’m terrified because I don’t want to admit to my parents that I have no friends. I have no one to tell how terrified I am. Even if I did have someone to tell, I wouldn’t tell them because it’s too painful. Fuck.”

——-

“I’m sorry I ruined everything just before things got serious, but we all have gotten drunk and done something stupid. Can I get a little understanding? Btw I did not sleep with anyone else, it was just punching your ex in the face.”

——-

“You never liked me. You used me and convinced me how much I meant to you. Bullshit. Now I dream about you every night. What it would be like to be your girl. Well sucks I was only the other woman. I wish I had the balls to message your girl and tell her everything because no one deserves to be treated like I was.”

——-

“I know you told all your friends I used you for money, I got you into drugs, and I’m the biggest slut ever. I’d like to point out that you were unemployed when we met and only had a job for the last week we were together. We emptied out my bank account of 3000 for drugs you wanted, which you knew was my tuition. I also would like to point out the you are a heroin addict, and I don’t know how I started you in that when I’ve never done it. You introduced me to pills and I got shipped off to rehab to kick it, but you’re still an addict, you never stopped. One thing you fail to tell people is that we broke up because you put me in the hospital. You broke my foot and then TOOK the painpills that were supposed to help. You also promised to help me pay for the hospital bill if I didn’t report you and you bailed leaving me with a debt of over a thousand dollars. Lastly, you had sex with my UNCONCIOUS body multiple times and I had only had sex with one other person before. I’m not a gold digging, drug weilding, whore. You’re an abusive manipulative rapist, and I hope you rot in hell.”

——-

“You passed out and left me stranded in a drug addicts house alone. He got me drunk, drugged me, raped me, told me that I was his now, and abused me after that. I’m clean now, he moved far away, and you and I are back to being best friends. I still blame you for all of it. How could you stand there and watch him do this to me. Even when he put me in the hospital, you still wanted me to hang out with him so you could get concert tickets. I know you’ve apologized, but part of me will never forgive you. Part of me will never forgive myself.”

——-

“I told you I only slept with one guy while we were broken up. I lied. I only told you about the one because it wasn’t consensual so you couldn’t get mad. I had sex willingly with two other men, both one night stands and one was a threesome. The fact is, the only reason I can’t tell you now is because you’ll leave me for being a liar and a whore. Even though, I lost my virginity to you and you don’t know the three other guys I’ve slept with. I know 5 of the girls(out of the 20 something girls you’ve been with), and you haven’t been a virgin in almost 10 years. Why am I the one that feels guilty, because I know you’ve been far from honest on the subject as well.”

——-

“I found this out a couple months ago, but I think I might be related to a European Duchess. People have been telling me that I look like I could be a princess or something, but I didn’t think it would be true. I saw this person who kind of looked like me in my family’s album so I asked my parents who it was. They told me that it was the Duchess. I don’t know what to do. It feels like I’m in a movie. I’m not sure if I can tell anyone about this, but what does this mean for me? Does this mean that I can inherit money from the royalty?”

——-

“I used to wish something horrible would happen to me, so YOU would save me and whisk me away. Then I met HIM, and he hurt me. He hurt me so bad and I told YOU. YOU KNEW! Why didn’t you try to save me?”

——-

“I ruin things that are good in my life on purpose, because I know it won’t stay that way. Murphy’s law: Everything that can go wrong will go wrong. It’s just easier for me to ruin it than wait for it to go wrong.”

——-

“I have a rare medical disorder called Trichotillomania. It causes me to obessively pull out my own hair and it absolutely destroys my confidence. I wear makeup every single day to hide what I do to myself, how I keep destroying myself. Every single day, for 7 years. Just fighting for control over my OCD behaviors and over my life. Please stop judging me and cut me some slack. Everyone has their shit, don’t ever just write people off as “weird.” I feel like I can’t truly live until I get this, but what if I never get that chance?”

——-

“I FB chat with people totally naked and I’m always paranoid that they’ll find out.”

——-

“I’m starting to fall for this friend who just got out of a long-term relationship. I’m in my own relationship, but I’m having all these mixed feelings. I wish I knew what to do.”

——-

“Every month when my girlfriend gets her period, I seriously wish I could go away. She throws fucking temper tantrums every time and just tells me to fuck myself, even if I didn’t do anything.
I know that as a guy, I should be delicate during this time of the month for her, but after a while, it wears on me and she doesn’t get it.
Now that I go to UMD part-time, sometimes, I just want to fuck another woman behind her back but I just don’t do it cause I care and love her.
Hopefully, she can change because if not, I don’t think I can last anymore longer in this relationship dealing with her shit.”

——-

“I am in love with three different people. One lives far away, one doesn’t really know who I am, and the third is my friend and will never have feelings for me. I need to get over them, but I can’t.”

——-

“This girl is after my boyfriend and I want her to just go away, get your own man you slut.”

——-

“I know my boyfriend has herpes but he won’t tell me. I try not to hook up with him, but the way I found out I can’t tell him I know, so I’m stuck hoping every time I don’t get infected.”

——-

“I am 24 and I am still an undergrad. THATS NOT THAT OLD ASSHOLES. To you pimply-faced little bitches I heard talking in the ERC about someone who was 24 and still in school-Blow Me! you dont know what circumstances cause some people to stay in school. No we havent failed all of classes, no were not stupid. Next time you run your mouth about things you know nothing about- think twice. Maybe Im still in school because I havent had the money to pay for consecutive semesters, maybe because my mom abandoned our family, maybe I have medical issues or maybe because my stepdad killed himself.

Next time….think before you say stupid things. At least were still in school getting our education. Oh and guess what??? Employers dont care that were a couple years older than other graduates.”

——-

“I think I’m pretty. Is that bad?”

——-

“When I’m bored in class I try to picture what my TA will look like with different haircuts. I really wanna tell him to cut it, but I feel like that would be a little weird.”

——-

“I know who I wanna be with,
The distance between us only strains.
Can’t there be a rational decision
that we can make for each other
Somehow either to make time fly
or our few times together longer
I am afraid of a break
because I don’t want to lose you.
I am afraid of losing you
because I don’t see anything in me
Anymore.

Forget the feelings
Time will pass
Soon the light will be reached
At the end of the tunnel
And Masking these confused feelings will be
No More
**Spark, Sip, Puff**
The blunt is inhaled with the intentions of high feelings chased with Vodka’s flavor of forgetfulness”

——-

“So I’ve been under the impression that my first love is my only true love, and if she breaks up with me (esp after I found out that cheated and screwed my best friend at the time), my heart will be smashed for a long time. Even after all the BS that I was put through with her, 6 years later I still wish I could go back and make things right. That is, until you fall for a friend you can never have because she may love me like she claims, she more than likely will never be mine. I feel like she’ll always be an inch or 2 out of reach, and all I can do is be there for her if her world falls apart.”

——-

“You broke my heart and it still hurts when I see you. And even though it’s been a year, you still keep me from finally loving a man who loves me back.”

——-

“I live with a guy that I’ve wanted to punch in the face for about 5 months now. Healthy living situation? Oh, he doesn’t like me either. But he’s the one who failed his classes over drama while I maintained my GPA and kept my cool with ease. You deserve it. Thanks for stealing the girl I liked, asshole. Especially talking to me face to face about my feelings. Oh, and she failed a class also because of you. I’m so glad I’m over her because she’d choose to be with someone as shady and gross as you. Oh, and thanks for telling her not to talk to me because you’re insecure. It made it easier to get over her, especially because she’d listen to you. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t rational and could get into fists fights with people like you. I wanted to so badly, but I was raised so much better than that. It is REALLY hard to become my enemy by the way. You’ve succeeded.”

——-

“So I’ve decided I’m joining the military in either May or June and I have like 5% of my friends support. I’m doing because it will set me up with retirement, insurance, healthcare, a job and other stuff that I’ll need for providing my family in the future (especially seeing how the economy is). I consider TerpSecret my friend depending on what category you put her in. Why I cant get support from the people closest to me? My girlfriend even hates the idea because she doesnt want to be a part of it. I’m like alone on this =(.”

——-

“My best relationship was a fling. It ended before it could start. I pity people who stay in relationships with one other person, yet know that they aren’t going to marry that person down the road. Why be pressured into a societal norm?”

——-

“I honestly believe that the reason I’m not in a relationship right now is because I’m so freaking awesome and I love myself too much to share myself with anyone. (Not the kind of thing my mother wants to hear when she asks if I’m dating anyone…)”

——-

“I only recently found out how much money my parents make… and I think I’m part of the 1%. Awkward.”

——-

“I’m gay but I’m afraid of telling some of my closest friends because of any possible awkward moments that might follow. And even though I want to be out and have a boyfriend, I like being single and pretending to be straight even though I realize how alone I am. And telling my parents who I am scares the shit out of me more than anything else.”

——-

Look, everyone! We have a true comedian among us!:

“You may think I steal cell phone to get money. But really I’m sexually attracted to them. I love them all shapes and sizes. mmm can’t get enough of them. I will not stop until I get every cell on campus. I will strike again.”

Good one, pal. Very original. You might be the next Aziz Ansari.

——-

“I’m close to no longer having an eating disorder. It’s not easy, but I’m doing it. I’m taking control of my life back.”

——-

“I love him, but I won’t watch my youth disappear while I wait for him to come back. I sleep around because I can. I don’t tell him because he wouldn’t understand. Sorry, I’m not sorry.”

——-

“Okay, I get that you really enjoy making a lot of yelping, screaming, shrieking sounds in your room next door while listening to extremely loud music with your friends, but really, can you cut it out already? I’m trying to sleep or relax or do homework in my room, and I’m afraid to go ask you to stop because I know you could beat me up really easily. But if for some reason you see this, just be quieter, okay? Thanks.”

——-

“We’re trying this relationship for the second time, and I know we’re not that far into it, but I can already feel how much better it is. And when you tell me you feel it too, you don’t know how happy that makes me. It’s like the first time I got butterflies. Thank you babe.”

——-

“I know how I’m going to die. I don’t know when, or what exactly will break me, but my death will come from my own hand. And I can’t wait.”

——-

“I’m so damn tired of letting things that might be crumble into debris and scatter; it hasn’t mattered so much yet, I wager, but if I continue to bet, I think I’m going to regret this. Worth the risk. Now, to get past timidity and disbelief, and not paint myself with facades.

I’m taking steps, but will I be able to leap? God, please.

How fucking hard can it be to take the jump and land in green?

I know, but I’m setting up for it.”

——-

“You were supposed to be my valentine. Now what?”

——-

“I’m the College Park cuddler. Some may not understand why I like to get in bed with girls, but I think it’s the sexiest thing ever. To be in a bed with a girl who has no idea I’m there turns me on more than anything. I will strike again.”

Don’t worry, this is a joke. I later received, “I was the one who made up the College Park cuddler secret. It was a joke. I’m a stupid college kid. Get over it.” What an ordeal that turned out to be.

——-

“I’m in love with my best friend, but he doesn’t know I’m gay.”

——-

“I cheated on you and hour after we had sex. I don’t love you. I am an awful girlfriend, and I don’t really feel that bad about it.”

——-

“I let you break my heart. I sat around waiting for your calls and messages for years like an idiot… and you have the nerve to tell me that I don’t deserve you and that you can do better? Get over yourself. It is time for me to move on.”

——-

“It doesn’t make sense how I still think about you. It’s been a year. No, well more than that. I know I fucked up. I’m the one who called shit off, and I’m the one who should’t be complaining, but I can’t stop thinking about what could have been. It just doesn’t make sense. I’ve seen other girls, but they’re not like you. Not even close. What was wrong with you that made you so special… or rather, what’s wrong with me? I fall for every girl now; making them seem as if they’re better, as if they just genuinely will care the same way I once did about you. I just don’t know what to think anymore. I feel like it’s gonna be a good couple of years here. I’m sure of it, but if I keep thinking, I’m going to have to get something else.”

——-

“I’ve been depressed a long time, and more recently have had problems with anxiety. Even though my mind blanks, I have chronic chest pain, worry about everything, and feel like I can’t function or breathe at least a few times a week, I’m afraid to get help. I don’t want to be on medication, or have people know that I’m not okay. It took me years to accept that I have a problem, but going to a doctor? that’s something you can’t take back.

This affects every part of my life, from my friends to my grades to my relationships, but I just want to drown it all out and sleep, forget about it. No matter how hard I try to move on from what’s bothering me, It stays in my head, squeezing my ability to function.

Grades are even worse, I know I’m smart, but I blank on exams. HW takes me hours and hours because I can’t focus on one thing. Studying? forget about it. I’m just barely scraping by, but it just makes it worse since I want to go to grad school, and can’t get in because of my grades.”

——-

“I still really like you. I don’t give a shit who the hell this other guy is, but he’s a waste of your time and you should know it. The thing is, you don’t have the balls to make a move, and you’re the only one who can’t see that… When it comes right down to it, you’re chasing after something that you’ll ruin for yourself, just like I did by chasing you.”

——-

“Sometimes I feel used because of my adderall prescription and how nice I am.”

——-

“We are all excited about getting older, and turning 21 or whatever the next age milestone is. But every night when I fall asleep I get afraid to think that this life is all I have, and that when it is over I will just be wiped from existence. It gives me chills and makes me close my eyes and hope that there is something more after this life.”

——-

“I wet the bed until I was 12.”

——-

“I’m thin and am not generally attracted to bigger people, but for some reason I’m most turned on by fat people porn.”

——-

“I wake up every morning with the debilitating knowledge that, if I weren’t gay, I would most likely be homophobic.”

——-

“My ex-gf through college was the biggest douche EVER. She literally destroyed all confidence I had (post-college) in talking to women. I became the most anti-social, social person ever! Everyone who knows me thinks of me as outgoing and fun, yet I am shy as can be around women.

It took me a while to recover and I am finally I am doing well for myself; however, there are times when I still think of her…

I wish she could see me with this cutie I am dating “

——-

“I sometimes forget what it’s like to be happy. And in those moments I just cry and cry. I can’t figure out where I’ll be happiest right now.”

——-

“There must be something wrong with me. I don’t feel any sort of attraction to men or women so it leaves me feeling empty and alone. I am very successful in school and I will be graduating and going to grad school soon. While so many people admire my goals and ambitions, they do not see the how truly lonely I am. I wish someone would like me and allow me to feel wanted. Is there really someone out there for a person like me?”

——-

“I cry when I’m sad, but that’s not why i’m going to do it. I know he may hurt me again, but that’s not why I’m going to do it. I hate myself for being lazy, fat, ugly, worthless, but that’s not why I’m going to do it. Talking to people I know doesn’t help because they only want to tell me what they think i should do. And I’ve tried paying someone and that doesn’t work either. Yes, I was abused more than once before i even turned eight, and yes it happened after that too. I’ve simply decided that we wake up, die, and then it’s over. If there is a god or higher power he obviously doesn’t give a rats ass about the pains we go through. I haven’t turned to alcohol or drugs, mostly because if i’m gonna be completely out of it, i might as well be dead. I’m going to die because I choose it, and well you really know you want to when the doctor says IT’S NOT CANCER and that provides you with no comfort, you actually cry because you’re upset… I may not go today or tomorrow but I know that when I do, it will be me who does it because death is the only thing in life that can’t be taken from me. Innocence, happiness, safety, love, trust… all these things can be taken or destroyed and they have time and time again… I’ll never tell my parents that i’ve tried to kill myself over and over, I’m just waiting to move out so they can’t possibly believe they could have stopped me. Whats messed up is i can’t even bring on a full blown cry right now because the love of my life is sleeping in the same room… oh well, i’ve shed enough tears for many lifetimes and they’re wasteful and painful for those around me….”

——-

“Finally I realized that it’s time to move on. So I’m gonna enjoy my senior year and graduation and realize that there’s more to happiness than you.

I know you weren’t ready to give up everything for me. And that’s okay. At the end of the day you have yourself and that’s it.

I want you to know that even though I don’t know where I’ll be in my life the next few months, if your life ever leads you back to my door, well, I’ll be around I’ve finally accepted that if you and I are meant to be, one day we will be. But if not, I hope you’re happy. And I sure as hell will be too. Thanks for everything you’ve given me…all the memories, the moments, my first everythings. You mean the world to me.”

——-

“You hurt me… twice. You weren’t that great of a boyfriend, but when we were spending time together, those were the happiest moments of my life. It’s only been a few months, and I know that on paper I should be happier now, but I still miss you. I miss you a lot.”

——-

“I pretend to love you because we were each other’s firsts and I am scared to lose you. You destroyed me though. You made me depressed. I am so confused. You have broken up with me more than 10 times and you have cheated on me. You accuse me of cheating all the time so I have just started going out to the bars so that I can cheat on you.”

——-

“I am not in love with my boyfriend but I don’t want to lose him either. I am so confused. I have cheated a few times.”

——-

“It’s been over a year and I’m still not over you most days I’m fine, but then others I would do anything to be with you. I need to just move on because I know its not going to happen.”

——-

“And I used ADHD meds to keep myself all here.
I tried them for the first time in September, and knew I needed more.
And so I got a psychiatrist. He prescribes me pills for anxiety, depression, and ADHD. I only take the ADHD pills.
Because really, who has the time to spend doing hours of homework? who can honestly say that they wake up ready to go every morning? who doesn’t like the side effect of weight loss?
I am getting up every morning and making time to look cute, my sleep schedule is more normal, and I have time to get everything done now.
I may have lied to get the drugs, and by no means am I an addict, but they make me be who I want to be. Its not just a facade anymore.”

——-

“So many people hate me right now it’s unbelievable, and honestly, deep down, I don’t mind… Because I just wanted them to go away to begin with.”

——-

“Four straight relationships, one going for one year and another going for over two years, have ended with the girl cheating on me. It is to the point that it is all I know in a relationship. But I still hold strong and maintain the gentleman “good guy” attitude because it is how I was raised. I know that there is nothing wrong with me, I was easily the jock high school and have modeled for small time companies for pocket change before. I was voted best dressed and one of the most likely to succeed in high school, yet my self confidence is struggling. I trade the market, do what I love, and run companies (among so much more), and I still have no one to talk to. My best friends from childhood have all but faded, leaving an empty shell of a relationship we once had. If it weren’t for my fraternity brothers I would be alone. Starting my path back out of depression and into my successful future because awesome people like you who don’t let it get you down, it inspires me. So I will keep dressing nicely every day, keeping my smile, working toward an iron man, and doing everything else that makes me happy because of the small group of people in this world, like you, who inspire me to run my fraternity and eventually my world.”

——-

“I’ve always started relationships in Aprils of even numbered years. I know it’s a silly coincidence but April 2012 is coming up and I really believe it’ll happen again. Hopefully for the last time.”

——-

“I had a friends with benefits type situation with this guy my freshman year of college and I really started to like him. I wanted to be exclusive and he wouldn’t. I really thought he cared about me at least a little bit, but he didn’t. He lied about a lot of things that I’ve never told anyone. It’s been 3 years, and everyday I think about him. Not in a loving or a spiteful kind of way. I just want him to tell me what’s wrong with me. I want someone in my life to tell me the truth. I hate him so much, because he reminds me of all the things I hate about myself. He reminds me of every insecurity I’ve ever had, and he makes me feel like I could never be good enough for him. I hate that guys never think or even care about the lasting effect that they have on women. I have tried to talk about these things with people, but I don’t think anybody could ever understand how truly tortured I am. It just seems a little ridiculous to care this much about some guy you were fucking with 3 years ago. But try as I might, I just can’t forget.”

——-

“That the closer I get to graduating, the more unhappy I feel. I used to be so happy. Now I’m only ever extremely happy or extremely sad. There is never an in-between. I drink so much when I go out, because I love how free I feel. None of my friends can understand that, and they tell me I should stop drinking so much. But I hate not being completely trashed. The last time I got drunk I had sex with this guy who I thought was my friend. This guy’s best friend has been in love with me for 3 years, and he never would have had sex with me while I was that drunk. I hate that I ruin things because I’m scared. Why can’t I just say I’m scared? He was just such a good person. And I can never be that good. I’m always going to get drunk and fuck someone at a party. I’m always going to cheat. I’m always going to be selfish, and get bored and hurt someone that’s so good. And you know what the worst part is? I’m never really sorry.”

——-

“I have been going out with this boy for over 2 years, since my freshman year. We have been through a lot together. He has cheated on me and lied to me but he has changed and has been good for over 6 months treating me so well. We are on and off because of so much going on. Last semester he fucked one of his friends ex girlfriends. We were not together but were supposedly “working on each other”. This girl was also a mutual friend who knew about us. I found out after winter break and i do not know what to do. I really love him and care so much about him but he has lied so much and has hurt me so much. I know i cannot trust him. He says he has changed and when i got back from break he has acted so much better than before. I don’t know what to do!”

——-

“I chased after a girl for 2+ years, waiting for my chance to finally be with her. I wanted nothing else. It consumed my life, tore my soul apart. I couldn’t stand it. She only saw me as a friend… her best friend in fact. Nevertheless she led me on. “Just keep waiting,” she would tell me. I knew that one day she would see me as more.

Then the other day I tricked her into fucking me. I don’t even fully understand how it happened. I fucked her, and now have no intention of ever talking to her again. Joke’s on you bitchhhhhh.

Am I a terrible person? Yes. That’s my secret.”

——-

“You’re really cute and I’d love to get to know you better. Too bad that the most we’ve done is sing together. But the way I think I can sense you stealing glances at me makes my heart skip a beat. The way you go out of your way to talk to me makes me get butterflies. And when you asked to sing with me before anyone else, it got my hopes up. Please don’t send them crashing down.”

——-

“I’ve never had a relationship with a girl last longer than 6 months.

I have never cheated on any of them. I never would. I just have lots of personal secrets and fears I don’t want people knowing about. I’m afraid to let them get to close and know the truth about me. And by about 6 months is usually the point where they want to know these kinds of things, or start to see the inconsistencies. This extends to anyone who is a ‘friend’ as well. I’m afraid to basically let anyone close enough to see my inner self.

My life is a juggle of keeping people close enough to talk to, but pushing them far enough away where they don’t ask questions.”

——-

“All my life, I’ve been a winner. Not because I always win, I don’t. But I keep my head up no matter what the situation is. I’ve lived in 6 different states and a bunch of different homes. My dad barely supports me and my mom is a single immigrant mother with no stable income. I’ve lived in poverty my entire life, and I’ll tell you: its hell. It makes you depressed, emotionally unstable and a bit pessimistic. But that’s only if you don’t keep your head up. Be happy that you’re alive and don’t take your assets for granted. I sure wish I lived in a stable home, but at least I’m happy. In the end, that’s all that really matters”

——-

“I’m from Maryland, but I went out of state for college…if it weren’t for our ridiculous football team, I’d regret going to school 700 miles away. Other than that, there’s not much here that I enjoy…”

——-

“While in college, I’ve been pressed by my family to get my “Mrs. Degree”. But school, was not a place for boys in my eyes. And to my surprise, I met the most prefect guy I ever could imagine. Then out of the blue we broke up because “I made him realize that he didn’t know who he was or what he wanted in life”, so I sighed up for a 26 month program to help villages in Africa to run away from everything. I only told my best friend and left a note behind for my family. I’ll never go back, but I think of him every day.”

——-

“I got my wife pregnant on purpose, so she wouldn’t going into Peace Corps and leave me back in college. I’ve never told anyone but I wouldn’t change my selfish act, for it brought me the loving family I have now.”

——-

“We’re in love, how could you not see that? I know you feel it the way I do. How could you have walked away from me to go back to her? Now we’ll never get the chance to find out how amazing we could be.

I tell you to never live your life with regrets. But I hope you regret giving me away.

And the worst part of it all… at the bottom of my heart, I still have that hope…that’d you come back and tell me you’d rather be alone than without me. Like you said, I do hope our paths cross again. One day, I want to love you again.”

——-

“I feel like the outcast among all of my friends. They can all relate to all kinds of things, like art and music and other things that I just can’t relate to at all. I just always feel like I’m on the outside, invisible. I never felt this way until I got to college. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me.”

——-

“I have been applying to graduate schools both near and far, and hope I get in most places. I’ve been seriously dating this guy for almost 3 years now. We’ve been talking about moving in together wherever I end up at school since he just plans on getting a job. But I’m terrified at that level of commitment. I love him so much, but he’s my first boyfriend and I worry that there’s more out there for me. I feel like moving in together would tie me down. I feel so lost and don’t know how to tell him.”

——-

“He only considers me a close friend. Nothing more. But then again, that’s nothing out of the ordinary; he’s friends with a lot of girls who all fall for him. He’s oblivious to the way they react to him; how could anyone in their right mind possibly fall for him, he says. But I see it all the time, and I understand it; there aren’t many out there like him, who will take the time to listen when you talk, sympathize, and be there with a shoulder to cry on. A true loyal friend. But I fell for him hard, and I still can’t get over him, even though there isn’t any way anything would ever work out between us. We’ve discussed it; we’re simply heading in directions in life that are too different. So I’ll let my eyes run rivers when he’s not looking, but put on a brave face for him.”

——-

“I am really embarrassed because I love poop. Every time I have to poop I get so excited! The feeling right after I push it out and it plops into the toilet is almost as good as sex. Sometimes I take pictures of my dumps so I could carry the memory with me forever. I love poop so much that I give blumpkins all the time. The combination of his joystick in my mouth and the smell of his feces turns me on so much. Please don’t laugh at me. This is so embarrassing. I just wish there were other people out there like me that I could talk to.”

——-

“It took someone asking me and me denying it to realize that I love you. You’re the one.”

——-

“My junior year of high school we were in an amazing relationship built to last. But I gave that all up to pursue an impossible relationship with a boy who lived 3,000 miles away and it was one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made in my life. I just want you to know that you changed my life that day when you told me you believed in me, that I was smart enough to be a STEM major. I am still amazed that you ever found it in your heart to forgive me. You gave me the courage to break off my music major and pursue something I never thought I could do. Today, I’m one semester into my Astrophysics major and in the honors program, and I never could have done it if you hadn’t believed in me. You never had to do that. You never had to forgive me, or even speak to me again.

I think about you a lot. You go to UMD, and perhaps you will browse through this site and read a story that sounds uncannily like yours. I know we make great friends and nothing would make me happier now. Maybe you won’t see this, or maybe you just want to forget about me… but either way, I’ll be waiting.”

——-

“I got involved with people who seemed normal with warm, loving, open arms. However normal and ALWAYS HAPPY they seemed, my mother and my life coach did their best to support me and get me out- because they were if not a cult, certainly as sick (mentally) as one can be. Sadly. What sucks is that I seem to miss one of them a lot whom I was really close to. We were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together, and I promised I couldn’t hurt him like his past girlfriends. But I wish I could just tell him- it’s okay, it will be okay. But I can’t, because he didn’t wish me well. I know this is true, but still I have a hard time believing it!! My conscious just doesn’t want to accept it! The people and some of their beliefs were always what I wanted: a family, devoted friends, support, etc. I wish things could be as perfect as they seemed… But don’t we all…?”

——-

“I think I’m in love with my boyfriend. But since he is terrible at talking about his feelings, I refuse to tell him. But I’m also afraid that he’ll never be able to say it. And I don’t want to scare him away.”

——-

“I regret every day the day I got married. I wish I were single. I wish I were free. Free to make my own choices without asking for his opinion. I say that I love him, but I know I don’t. We just got married because I need a safe place for a little while. I needed someone to take care of me. Now I feel suffocated, and I know there is nothing I can do. I do not want to hurt him, so I rather hurt myself.”

——-

“I really like this guy, but he has this girlfriend, yet I can’t stop myself from wanting to pursue him, or that he breaks it of for me. I don’t know why I’m being such a selfish bitch.”

——-

“When I was young about 10 or 11, I was sexually assaulted by a friend’s sibling. I was so young that I didn’t understand what happened and didn’t think much of it till I got older. I’ve never had the courage to tell anyone about it and especially not my parents because I never wanted them to worry. I never told my friend because I was afraid it was gonna ruin our friendship. I’m so ashamed of it that I just keep hoping that it was only my imagination. I’m hoping to carry this secret with me forever and that it will only make me stronger. Thank you for having this site for people like me who never had the courage to tell the truth.”

——-

“I’ve made horrible mistakes the past couple of months. I’ve been keeping the biggest secret from close friends and family, heroin. I use heroin about 2-3 time daily and idk what to do! Getting clean is not a problem, but how to tell friends and family I’ve been using is…”

——-

“I started college at 15 and that’s about the biggest mistake I have ever made, now a sophomore I’m about the most inexperience person I know in college. I can’t get a job, I don’t get awesome grades, I can’t even pay my school fees on my own.”

——-

“My whole life I’ve competed with people. Competed for my my grand parents love and to be better than everyone else. My whole reason I compete is to make my grand parents proud. I’m either the best or I’m nothing according to them. But there’s a problem.. everytime I fail, they make me feel terrible and it eats me alive. Well I’ve been hiding some things from pretty much everyone.. I’m gay. I know if I told my grand parents they would see me as a failure. And I’m afraid to tell my friends because I know I would be treated differently or they would stop being friends with me. So now I will swallow my pride and what I really want, and marry a successful man to please everyone else around me…. but me.”

——-

“I work long hours, and I voluntarily go into work on my days off. I eat my meals by myself go home, listen to some music, and get some sleep for the next day’s shift. I prefer it this way, because the lack of free time means I don’t get lonely knowing I have nobody to spend it with.”

——-

“I was in a fraternity in college, but I was never close with any of my “brothers”. I feel like they only gave me a bid because they knew I’d be loyal to them and do the grunt work to get the chapter to where it needed to be. Three years later I’ve graduated and almost all but one has turned his back on me. But I still go back to campus almost every weekend despite living two hours away to help them with their activities. I know it’s denial, but pretending that I actually have friends makes me feel better than facing the truth.”

——-

“You know what my secret is? It’s that I am a liar. And I know that I am in too deep to turn my life around. So now I am forced to live this fake life where everyone thinks I am someone that I am not. And there’s nothing I can do to change it.”

——-

“I go to one of the best universities in the nation. I have a 4.0. All I really want to do is get married and have babies.”

——-

“I hate the fact that one of my best friend’s is dating a loser. Her father hates him, and he’s afraid of the father. He doesn’t stand up for himself, and he does these disgusting thinks like he licks her. It’s gross and yet when she flirts with other guys he wants to get “upset” and put on an act. I hate the guy, she can do so much better than him.”

——-

“I think I’m not supposed to, but I am falling fast. I hope it doesn’t end up hurting anyone. Is everything as fragile as it is in my mind? I hope its okay with you.”

——-

“I know I messed up, but I thought we were friends? So why did you have to remind the whole world of what I did last summer? Even if you apologized each time you mentioned it, that didn’t make it all better. I don’t think I’ll be visiting or making any effort to hang out with you, again.”

——-

“I never really had parents there for me, and so I really hate it when girls say how their parents didn’t pay attention to them for a day. Because mine were never there to hear me.

I have also been sexually abused by two guys I trusted the most.

I cut myself by scraping my wrist with a dull knife.

I also lied that I’ve had a lot of experience with guys, when it was really all on the internet.”

——

“I masturbate. I’m not even 15.”

——-

“When I was four, I was sexually abused by two brothers that lived in my neighborhood. When I was seven, the same two brothers taught me to ride a bike.
When I was four, my own brother stood in the same room and watched. When I was seven, he walked away.”

——-

“Reading all of the things about how these girls decisions to get an abortion really makes me feel better about my choice not to get one. My fiancee’s mother would text me every day for 3 weeks about how i need an abortion and how having a baby would ruin both my life and her son’s life. Being a sophomore in college I can’t imagine having a child right now, but I can’t imagine the pain I would feel if I aborted it. I’m scared to death about what will happen in the future. It feels like I just found out and I’m already in my second trimester. Thank God everyone is being supportive here. I’m pretty sure my relationship would have fallen apart if I would have gotten an abortion.”

——-

“Sometimes I feel happiest when I’m staring at my dinner floating in the great white porcelain bowl. And then I just feel sick and ashamed.”

——-

“Sometimes when I get drunk and/or high, I feel guilty for doing this to my mom, and think of all the money and time she spent for me to have a proper education.

But then I remember all the times my dad hit me and she looked away. And I buy another beer, and I buy another pill. Cheers to that, mom.”

——-

“I thought I was getting over her, but I guess I’m not. I’ve been trying to find someone to replace her, but apparently it’s even harder to find someone to be in a relationship with when you’re actually looking. So my plan is to sign up for a free ‘dating’ website and let them ‘take me to town,’ so to speak.
I think I just found the perfect girl. And I’m scared. Shows what kind of woman I am.”

——-

“I am gay, and most of the time I hate it. When I came out I thought there was going to be a nice and supportive community for me. Truth is it wasn’t true at all, it is just a bunch of shallow and superficial people. I don’t have many… Well almost no gay friends. It frustrates me. But the fact that frustrates me the most is that I can’t find someone I could love. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t gay… life would be easier.”

——-

“Well, I’m not exactly a college student anymore. I finished it in 2010 after almost 8 years of graduating high school. I’ve never been a very “social” guy, I have more things in common with computers than with people apparently and I didn’t mind much about it until I started feeling very, and I mean VERY lonely. I met a lot of people in my school years but never really made good friends with anyone until very recently. I have two best friends, one guy and one girl, and I think I get along with them pretty good. Even though I live with the girl’s family (long story short, they own a huge house and I wanted out of mine because my mom was driving me insane, so they rent me a room), I’m closer to this dude. We play videogames and talk about movies all the time and we even like almost the same music (I honestly don’t like my other friend’s taste, lol). I really enjoy spending time with him and I wish it would last forever, not in a sexual way (I’m not gay) but I really appreciate this guy. I appreciate him so much that I think I’m starting to drown him and sometimes I can tell he’s just tired. I even get mad (inside, I might add) when he has to do other things or can’t come over to play or do something else. I know he has a life (and other friends) and I shouldn’t be so selfish, but I just can’t help it. He’s the best dude I’ve ever met in my life and a breath of fresh air from all the “phonies” I’ve known through the years. I don’t intend to push him or be so clingy but I don’t know how to handle this situation, I just haven’t been here before. I think I should just let him go and go back to my computers and general anti-social attitude so I can stop feeling this way, but I really don’t want to and also don’t know what to do.”

——-

“Things ended between us in September. whether it was mutual or not I still can’t figure out, but at the time it needed to be done. You’ve hurt me more than any amount of words can say. You don’t deserve me. …I still think about you more than any normal, sane, person should think about someone. My heart still stops when I hear your name come up in conversation. I try and learn how you’re doing…WHAT you’re doing.
I pretend not to care around my friends. I sleep with other people to prove to everyone I have no connection to you. I feel like shit the morning after those random hook ups and bathe in self loathing for days to come.

But after all you’ve put me through, I know that if you ever came back to me, I would not have the strength to say no. My heart has been duct taped together, and I still cry to myself some nights.

Is this love? Or just stupidity?”

——-

“Our little girl should have been born any day now. She isn’t here, and now you aren’t either. My heart breaks every day. I should have been stronger. I don’t blame you for being scared, I was scared too. I blame myself. I didn’t have to do this.

You were supposed to protect me. You were supposed to protect US. How could you not love our baby? How could you tell me having her was going to ruin everyone’s life? I didn’t want her to hurt, the way you hurt me. And now, I get to carry everyone’s hurt. Even yours, because you refuse to feel it for yourself.

I would give anything to hear her say “Mommy”. People think I’m upset because of you. I can’t tell them that it’s really because I’m mourning someone I love so much, that I never got to meet. A part of me died with her.”

——-

“I just fell in love with my best friend’s older brother but it fucking sucks because he’s 4 years older than me and thinks of me as his baby sister.”

——-

“Sometimes when I close at my job, and i’m by myself…. I walk around naked. There I said it.”

——-

“I’ve known for 3 years that my dad has been cheating on my mom. I’ve only told two people in my life and neither has helped me at all. Now, I just keep pretending I never found out because I’m scared of what will happen. I thought going to college would get me to stop thinking about it, but it only makes things worse”

——-

“You never think it’d happen to you, but just recently when we came back to school I was raped. I still sometimes think about it and whenever I start to tell my friends about it they get so angry just that someone practically kidnapped me away from my friends I leave out what happened.”

——-

“I often wonder why I stopped shooting heroin and got clean… even though I have a million reason right in front of me.”

——-

“So I have never been attracted to males like me and have never thought of myself as a homosexual. My best friend and I met in 2009 when I was an incoming freshman at CP. We were both roommates and we became really close. We were very different, but I guess that was a factor in why we clicked so much. Now it’s 2012 and I have a gf and so does he. But for the past 7 months, I have developed feelings for him. Like romantic feelings and occasionally sexual feelings. At first I was in utter denial and didn’t want to even consider myself being a physically attracted to guys. But now, I am finding myself falling in love with him and I want nothing more than to be able to kiss him and call it a day. But on the other hand, I feel like crap. I am caught in a dilemma, and I just have no clue what I should do.”

——-

“‘You don’t call me back
But you kiss me when you’re drunk
I don’t know your friends
Don’t know where you’ve been’
I know you’re not my boyfriend. I know I should be content that you even like me a little, that someone as perfect as you would even want to just sleep wth me. I know I have no right to be jealous. You probably have a different girl every night.
But I can’t help it, I’m in love with you.
‘Why are you the one I want’”

——-

“The last time I tried to kill myself was because I felt stuck in a relationship that I hated and didn’t agree with. Now that we’ve been apart for a few months, I feel like a complete idiot for thinking you were worth ending my life over. Thanks for leaving me because you couldn’t handle my outbursts. That’s what I was going for.”

——-

“I sleep with guys and create friends with benefits situations because I’m convinced one day one of them will love me back.”

——-

“We started dating Freshman year, and we were each other’s true love. But then we broke up after sophomore year, a decision I know we both regret. I told you if we never got back together again you weren’t the man I thought you were. You weren’t ready for that, so I left. That scared you and made you want me back. We both started dating others, but you told me that you would give up everything for me. I came back for you… it’s been almost a year now and you’re still with her. We’re seniors now and I know my time to win you back is running out. I think about what we both messed up, the best love of our lives, every day. So much so that I even dream about it.
We both know the connection is still there. That’s why you kissed me given the chance. I just don’t know how to get you to realize she is not the person you are supposed to be with, I am, and you know it.”

——-

“I’m a single mom. I work my butt of everyday to get through college full time and work and take care of my son. But, when I think about the life I gave up, all the things I had going for me, and all the people who left me because I had him. I resent him.
I hate myself for it. I lay him down for a nap and I go stare into the mirror and remind myself what a horrible mother I am. I feel so guilty.”

——-

“I know you’re using me for a place to live, I know you have no intention on dating me again, but I’m never going to say anything to your face because I love you so much”

——-

“I doubt myself because of you. You sit next to me in class, and the small interactions are wonderful. I want to ask you out, but I don’t even know if you’re single or not. Then I ask myself, “Do I really like you, or do you just satisfy my crippling need for companionship?” Your beautiful, smart funny, and overall awesome, but I’m just a coward.”

——-

“The only reason I pretend not to mind that you still talk to him is because your mom’s dying. If she wasn’t, I’d punch you in the face. He’s mine, get over it.”

——–

“My obsession and insecurity with my looks consumes my life. I hate when people stare at me or call me beautiful because I don’t get what is so spectacular about my face. To me, there’s always someone who is so much better looking than me, and the people I want to say I’m beautiful never do. The fact that I’m 21 and never had a real boyfriend fucks with me. Like I’m not worth the commitment, it makes me feel so worthless. It makes me eternally sad, and depressed and I wonder if I’ll ever be happy again. I always act happy, and like everything’s okay. But there are so many times I just want to die. I just want to wake up one day and be able to say it doesn’t matter how I look. But I can’t it always matters.”

——–

“I’m from Maryland and I got into UMD, but I didn’t go because I wanted to go out of state and get as far away from home as possible. Now though, I look back and think I made the wrong decision. I’m not exactly in love with the school I picked and I think I would’ve been happier, not to mention in less debt, if I hadn’t followed someone I could never have to a school I have ended up hating. I could transfer, of course, but then I would have to admit that I’ve been lying about how much I love school.”

——-

“I just got into the honors college for the class of 2016 last Tuesday. I always told myself I’d be the only person in my family who DIDN’T go to UMD. But watching every single one of my friends get so excited about getting into maryland and knowing the guy I’ve grown to love will probably end up there as well makes me seriously reconsider.”

——-

“I spent years being physically and verbally abused by my ex. When I finally had the courage to kick him out, I was the happiest I’ve ever been.

Now, I miss him every day.

I hurt myself since he’s not there to do it anymore.”

——-

“I get plenty of black girls just not so many white girls. I wonder if it’s because I’m just not white girl material.”

——-

“I hate eveything. Everything is just a perfectly driven machine wired to make me go insane. I want to end it. This world has nothing for me.”

——-

“I always thought I was the more rational one in our relationship and that if ever that test read (+) there would be no question as to what I would do about it. But when the time came and that actually happened, I found myself saying and doing what needed to be said and done but not fully committed having an abortion. I did what needed to be done, but every day I wake up, I am reminded of how I felt as though a weight had lifted from my chest after canceling the appointment and then making it again with a heavy heart. I ended a life that had yet been given the chance to live and I couldn’t even bring myself to tell you how I truly felt. I constantly ask myself, what if? What if I had told you how I didn’t think I could go through with it? If I was honest and told you the real reason I was scared? Would things have been different? It didn’t have to be this way. Now, I neither have you nor our child and, as cliched as this sounds, I feel that a small part of me withered away that day and I’ll never be the same. I hope you know that I’ve always loved you, not because you’re all I’ve ever known, but because as long as I had you, the rest of the world didn’t matter and I’m sorry that that wasn’t enough for you. I know that you would have done right by me, but I would have ruined your life and I didn’t want that for you–I’ve always wanted the best for you. I just want you to know that our child would have come into this world next month, and I shall mourn, and remind myself that rushing into things is what caused me to rob my child the chance to live and experience the world.”

——-

“I honestly dont know what to do about my relationship. We’ve been together for 2 years now and it’s starting to scare me when the question “should I leave him?” pops into my head every day. I’m so confused because I love him so much an I don’t want to leave, I don’t want to end what we have, bu I’m scared, lonely, depressed and confused because I know if I leave I’ll never find anyone like him. I really don’t know what to do.”

——-

“I’m so in love with you that I do extreme things for you because I don’t want you to find someone else who will do them for you. I’m scared you’re going to leave.”

——-

“I will always wonder what I would have become if I had chosen UMD instead of Penn State…”

——-

“I accidentally made eye contact with you at barking dog. At first I looked away quickly, but I decided to look at you again. You were still looking at me, and I wish I had had the guts to walk over and somehow introduce myself. But I think it would have been really awkward, at least for you. Still, why didn’t you have the balls to come over and say hi?”

——-

“Seriously, you really piss me off… but for some reason, it really attracts me. It’s sickening.”

——-

“I recently graduated from umd in May. I’ve come to the realization that I wasn’t a good friend in college. I wasn’t there for them when they needed it. I didn’t treat them right and made bs excuses for not visiting them(“I’m tired”). I don’t see them too often anymore and when I do, I feel they have still have some lingering coldness towards me. And I deserve it. I’m having a massive guilt feeling right now.”

——-

“I am a former fat-girl. I’ve lost 80 pounds over the last two years. I’ve used sarcasm and bitterness my entire life to keep people away. Finally at 22, I’m healthy and happy. But I hate the fact that my crippling self confidence issues have prevented me from getting close to anyone.”

——-

“I’m a sophomore in college, and I’m about to change my major for a second time. I think I know what I want to do with my life, but then something keeps me away. I’m scared of growing up….”

——-

“I played two varsity sports in High School, play football now, graduated in the top 5% of my class, and I slept with a security blanket till I was 19. Hope you guys get a laugh out of this one “

——-

“I tried killing myself over a guy I liked for one month. I got up the nerve to ask the teacher if I could sit next to him and then he got a schedule change. Even though it had nothing to do with me I was still devastated.”

——-

“I cry at least once a day, but I never let anyone see it. I cry because my family makes me feel worthless (but I don’t hate them, I love them). I cry because I don’t have friends in the dorm (I feel like people like me enough to put up with me). I cry because I feel alone and unloved. I cry because when people call me useless,stupid,irresponsible, overdramatic etc. I believe it. Funny thing is all I want most of the time when I cry, is a hug. hug without questions, a hug without judgement, just a tight hug that makes me believe “I will be okay”. Instead, I make myself stop crying, put on some make up and a smile and continue with my day.”

——-

“I was in love with my best friend. He knew. And he kept the friendship going and going. Finally, I told him I couldn’t do it anymore. He said he would be brutally honest: He wasn’t attracted to me at all. Ouch. Still hurts every time I see him.”

——

“Being told, ‘you’re smart, beautiful, confident, and any guy would be lucky to have you,’ and then watching him walk away from me was the worst I have ever felt about myself. I would have much preferred to hear that there was something wrong with me that made him walk away. This has happened to me more than once, and I’m going insane trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong.”

——-

“I’m leading you on. I don’t love you, but I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t know what to do.”

——-

“I’m gay. And I’ve put myself down time and time again because of it. I never played sports in High School because I was afraid of making guys uncomfortable. I don’t have any guy friends because I don’t want any of them to freak out either. I can’t even have any gay friends because I’m afraid they’ll just think I’m trying to get in their pants. When all I really want is to just get close and relate to somebody on a platonic friendship.”

——-

“I hate my “best friend” but I don’t say anything and pretend she great because shes the only friend I have.”

——-

“All my friends wonder where I found you and how we even get along, but the past 5 months of sharing our very different lives have been the best of my life. Thank you so much, I love you.”

——-

“I spent all summer imagining us here together. Now, when I pass you on campus, I’m so glad you ended it before that happened.”

——-

“I was so happy to see that negative sign, even though I know i would have aborted. At least now I’m not a selfish hypocrite.”

——-

“I’ve been in love with you since 11th grade and I always tried to hide it. Senior year, I knew you were the love of my life but I was too scared to say it. At graduation, the hug you gave me made me feel amazing, but I knew it was goodbye for ever. I still think about you everyday. You’re the reason I can’t take any other guys seriously because they don’t amount to you.

I love you… I wish you knew. Now I’ll never see you again.”

——-

“I hate being judged and judging people but then I realize that I can’t help but judge either. It’s hard to open yourself to all types of people but I’m going to try. It’s my new years resolution.”

——-

“My biggest fear is that my friends have become bored with me, but that they just keep hanging out with me because they feel sorry for me. I am not close to my biological family, so my friends are my everything. I just want to make them happy. I’d do anything to make them happy. I just hope they don’t find me annoying — I’m sorry if I’m ever clingy, but you all have saved me and I just love you.”

——-

“I think about this guy everyday. He is the guy I have always dreamed of being with. But I am afraid that if I told him how I feel it would change our friendship. But I badly want to tell you I LOVE YOU!”

——-

“I’ve been dating this guy that I have liked for years and things are going great. But sometimes he just acts like too much of a little kid and it drives me crazy, but when I picture my self without him I can’t. Do I stick around and see if he grows out of it, or do I leave and be sad. I feel like every time I talk to him he just doesn’t listen.”

——-

“I wish I could “eternal sunshine” (for lack of a better word) our entire relationship from my mind.”

——-

“I moved to D.C. after college for a job and left my entire family behind. The trouble is, I hate what I do. My boss may actually be the Devil. My hours are terrible. What I am doing is nothing like I studied for and nothing like the job description when I interviewed. People say I’m still young so it’s ok to work in a job I hate for a while to gain experience, even if I’m not actually making any money once rent and bills are paid (and the people in charge do not respect me). Others say it’s my own fault for seeking a career in a dying industry, and now I have to do what I have to do.

The truth is, I just want to go home, back to my family and my old friends and my old life. But if I did that, I would go back with no job prospects. I can’t help but think it would be better to be miserable in D.C. than to be “the one who couldn’t cut it” or “the one who chickened out” back home.”

——-

“My friends all know I have an eating disorder. They have NO idea how bad it is. I told them I’m trying to recover, but I’m not. I wish I could tell them, but I’m scared they’ll make me stop. I don’t want to heal. I just want to be perfect.”

——-

“Even after everything… if I had the choice of hanging out with anyone in the entire world or sitting at home eating pizza and watching a crappy tv show with you, I’d choose you every time…”

——-

“It’s beginning to seem like no matter how successful I am or what I do to better myself, no one will want to be with me, and I can’t figure out why.”

——-

“When I worked at the ERC with you, I thought you were awesome, I looked forward to coming to work every day just to see you and have a 5-10 minute conversation with you after you ended your shift. When I talked to you, we got along so well, and time would fly when we talked cause we just had “it.” But I had a girlfriend. A serious girlfriend that I thought I would marry, so I never followed my impulses to pursue you. 6 years later, my gf broke up with me, and I recently found out that you have a boyfriend now too. This is the one time I feel as if I should have followed my impulses…. to ask you a simple question during one of our 5-10 minute conversations: “Wanna grab a bite to eat?” Your boyfriend is a lucky man. I just wish I was him.”

——-

“I drink so much I vomit on purpose. People wont see it as bulimia… just 1 too many shots. When I found out I was pregnant, all I could think was ‘thank god I’ll lose some weight.’

I think about what could have been my child every single day. And everyday I feel worse and worse about my decision. It’s easy to think “oh if I was pregnant, I’d totally have an abortion.” That’s what I always thought. But sitting in the waiting room with my boyfriend, all I wanted when the doctors took me back was for him to tell me “you dont have to go through with this.” It’s a silly fantasy. But that day haunts me every single day.”

——-

“I am paralyzingly in love with my best friend and he has no idea. And I’m pretty sure that he never will because I am too cowardly to tell him. It is my biggest regret and biggest fear.”

——-

“I’m 20 years old, considered to be decently good looking, and I’m still a virgin. The fact that I haven’t found a girl eats at me, totally makes me loose a ton of self confidence in my looks or personality. I want so bad to have a deep relationship with someone, but it just hasn’t happened. It’s not that I just want a hook up, but at this point I don’t feel like I’m attractive enough to have one either.”

——-

“I texted my ex last night while I was drunk. We broke up two months ago, and I was doing a very good job of not contacting him.

After several attempts to plead with him to talk to me, he told me he was shutting off his phone.

I feel like a total idiot. I need to let go.”

——-

“I visited UMD to see a friend a few years back. During what was a rowdy night at the bars I lied to girls about my name the entire time. One took me home, we had great sex, and I left in the middle of the night. I’ve never felt so guilty at 5AM. Hopefully she doesn’t care at all.”

——-

“A girl told me she got an abortion of what would have been my child. I feel as though I should be sad or upset over it but I’m not. My personal goals and the life of said child would both be less fulfilling then what I’m willing to accept.”

——-

“Since being home from my deployment three years ago I still find it difficult to socialize with people, and I am very timid when I go to my classes or when I go out. I just want things to be like they were before my deployment I want my confidence back but every time I think I have it it slips away very quickly.”

——-

“In class there’s a girl I want to approach but I’m afraid of being rejected which will kill my confidence and self esteem because rejection is demoralizing to socialize with the opposite sex.”

——-

“Sometimes I feel really depressed. I dont say anything because I dont feel like I have the right to complain about anything in my life. So many people are worse off. So i just keep quiet.”

——-

“I have a really poor GPA and I know that I should be doing better in school. I try and I try to get my grades up, but I can never do it. The worst part is that I try hard. I don’t go out on weekends and I study all the time. It makes me feel like I am not good enough for this school, myself, and worst of all my parents. I’ve lied to my family about my grades hoping that I can improve. I always feel like this is my semester, but the outcome never works out for me. Sometimes I have bad thoughts cause of it.”

——-

“I have dated my girlfriend for 2 years now and everything is going perfect. I really want to go out and have sex with random girls but I can’t. Should I leave the best thing that ever happened to me just to have so awesome drunken nights with hot sluts?”

——-

“I went out with this guy a couple times, and we had fun together. I’m so confused as to whether he just sees me as a friend or a potential relationship. He’s not out to his friends and family which makes it difficult. And on top of all of that, he goes to school 2 hours away. I just wish he was as interested in me as I am in him.”

——-

“I’ve been out of school a few years now. You and I were in an astronomy class together a few years ago and our first names start with the same letter. If you ever read this, I thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world and I’ll always regret that I was too scared to talk to you.”

——-

“I’m so deeply and crazily in love with my boyfriend, and none of my friends understand. I feel like no one understands. You don’t understand this feeling until it happens to you.”

——-

“Everyday I’m here I can’t stand being around annoying ass loud materialistic girls. I hate girls who lie, who have no respect for others, and who cheat. I hate girls who think having sex with random dudes is okay. I hate girls who can’t talk about anything else other than Facebook. And they surround me 24/7. Seriously, there’s more to life.”

——-

“In college, I had a few late night rendezvous with my roommate’s ex… while she was sleeping across the unit in her bedroom. Such guilt!

——-

“I’m in love with my best friend. His girlfriend has no idea. I feel guilty all the time.”

——-

“If you were hit by a loaf of wheat bread on north campus on February 2nd, I apologize.”

——-

“My depression makes me so tired sometimes I don’t move or do schoolwork for hours, I know it is the reason I am a 21 year old virgin, have 0 friends; but I also know it is the only thing I have left.”

——-

“I am number 1 in my class, and I have been for the past three years of school. Everyone says I have a high IQ, and that labels me as an idiot on the social level, according to many of them. They don’t know that the only reason I studied hard is that I am truly, deeply, madly, in love with a Professor, who thinks I am the best student she has ever had. I have been in love with her for three years, and I still remember the day, date, time and clothes that she wore when I first saw her. I love her so much that I am thankful she’s in a happy marriage, and it makes my day when I know she’s home, warm, comfortable and safe with a man I cannot help but admire.”

——-

“I gave up everything for my husband. And I secretly hate him for it.”

——-

“I’m not just on medication for my anxiety. It’s also because suicide seemed so beautiful and exhilarating.”

——-

“I pissed on the turtle outside McKeldin Library, and I am not talking about a spritz. It was a full bladder void.”

——-

“I felt like cutting when that turd from Miami hit that 35 foot 3 in OT. I couldn’t find a sharp enough razor blade, though.”

——-

“I’m 26, Catholic, still a virgin, and don’t know how long I will last. However, I secretly wish I’d find someone who shares my same values, and who will wait for me too.”

——-

“I just wanted to say that you seem so great that if I had a choice between you and Ryan Gosling, I’d choose you in a heartbeat.Too bad the only thing you’ve ever said to me is “excuse me” when you accidentally bumped my chair in government. It was the most beautiful excuse me I’ve ever heard.”

——-

“I pretty sure I will never have a serious relationship because my dad told me I talk to much and it would drive someone insane. I really hope he is wrong (but deep down, I know he is right).”

——-

“I know I broke your heart, but trust me when I say I broke my own heart too. But I had to do it. It was only fair. Believe me, I’m more miserable than you.”

——-

“I have never told anyone this so here goes. I’m 22 and I have never been kissed, or asked out on a date. People that I hang around think I am this confident, sarcastic, funny girl, but this part of me hurts… I am told by guys that I have an amazing personality and I have been asked “You’re beautiful, why are you single?” several times. When I am asked that it hurts more because I start to think even more, “What the hell is wrong with me??!”

My friends come to me for all of their relationship advice the use it and it works. I still have no clue why I have not been able to have one on my own and its hard for me to accept that.
I like a guy now, and how we look at each other its instant sparks every time. But will those sparks still be there when (hopefully) he finds out that the “amazing, witty” girl I am is inexperienced in everything?!”

——-

“It’s only been two short months but I’m pretty sure I love you. You’re so amazing and sweet and have been the most supportive man I’ve ever had in my life. I want you to be the one but I’m afraid, in the long run, we don’t want the same things in life. Hoping you tell me you love me soon.”

——-

“I like myself a lot. I just wish other people could respect that. I don’t want to be alone, I want to be left alone.”

——-

“We aren’t allowed to have turtles in our rooms. I have a live turtle living in my dorm room.”

——-

“Since I became legal I would have anonymous sex with men online. I have had it more than 20 times easily. All different people. I haven’t gotten myself checked out because I am scared to learn the truth.” -WVU Student

——-

“My secret is that I set up a “secrets” site that allows fake names & email addresses, but I know the IP address of everyone who fills out the form.”

For the record, this isn’t mine, guys. Haha

——-

“We had sex. It wasn’t good. For some reason-desperation, fear of being alone, fuckedupness-I still want you. Now were friends and I pretend really really well. But I constantly think of you, wanting almost anything you’re willing to give me. And, for that, I hate myself.”

——-

“All I’ve ever wanted was to get married and have children. It’s all I want now and it’s all I think I will ever want.”

——-

“I attempted suicide and spent a week in a mental hospital last fall. My parents, sister, roommate and best friend are the only ones who know about it and none of us ever bring it up and if that time period is brought up we pretend nothing happened.

I’ve grown up learning to push serious desires and feelings to the side, to essentially hide and suppress the person I really am in favor who I should be to appease the world.

All I want is someone to hold my hand. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. My parents love me with everything they have, but the day I realized they couldn’t hold my hand in my lowest hour pushed me to swallow a handful of pills. I’ve been doing better since then, but I still fear the day I’ll be in desperate need of a hand to hold and reach out to empty space.”

——-

“You’re a big reason for my anxiety, so I don’t miss you, but I do miss our sex. You’re so attractive, but such an asshole.”

——-

“While at Maryland, I fell in love with a friend’s girlfriend. She knew it, we talked about it, and after some time ended up together for my last few months of school. It was the only time in my life I felt truly happy. We ended up parting ways after a job she was supposed to have in DC did not come through, saying maybe if it was meant to be it would happen. I was miserable after she moved home, and made a point to basically go tell her I love her and needed her in my life. We went out, she got drunk, and kissed another guy while I was across the room. I woke up the next day and drove the 4 hours home. She called me about an hour into my drive bawling her eyes out begging me to come back and talk to her. It told her I had nothing to say and never wanted to talk to her again. It was the biggest mistake of my life, because I think about her everyday.”

——-

“Walking out of my life was the biggest mistake you have ever made. I just hope you realize that.”

——-

“It’s not fair. This should have been one of the best days of my life, but the fact that I don’t have you around anymore to share it with absolutely kills me.”

——-

“I’m terrified of ending up alone. It’s pretty much all I think about. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’m starting to wonder if there’s something wrong with me. I just have to keep reminding myself that God will take care of everything.”

——-

“To the boy I met in class during summer session: sometimes I still close my eyes and remember standing on the porch of the Plant Sciences building with you during that thunderstorm. I can remember the electricity in the air. You think that I’ve moved on and forgotten about you, but I haven’t. I still ache for what I cannot have.”

——-

“I fucking hate Webassign AND ITS FUCKING CREATORS. FUCK YOU NC STATE.”

——-

“Every time I got involved with a guy, he always ends up not wanting what I want in the relationship. Then we end things, and we stop talking. Eventually, I always find out that he starts dating someone literally right after ending things with me. This has happened to me multiple times, and it makes me feel like I’m nothing and just an “inbetween” waste of time. It makes me feel like I am worth nothing, and I hate that more than anything.”

——-

“Keeping emotions to yourself is the safest approach to hide the pain and yet the fastest way to die insane.

It’s so logical. It makes so much sense. But, I don’t know. I just can’t. I’m scared. I need your help. I need you to tell me I can do this.

I am not ‘fine’. I am stuck. Too scared to shoot the basketball with my left hand. Just tell me I can do this. Tell me that you will be there for me when I cry. Remind me that I am not alone. I will let you in. Don’t be afraid to push back. It shows me that you care. Please, I need your help. You are the only person that can help me.”

——-

“A lot of the time I feel like my friends throw me under the bus in order to strengthen their relationship. I’ve always thought of myself as a pretty good friend to those around me but I’m beginning to think… What’s the point if when I turn my back my closest best friends can’t even manage to say something nice?”

——-

“I go to class and work. I walk all around campus every day for some reason or another. Even at a school of 35,000 I feel entirely alone. I have no friends. I interact with dozens of students per day at my job and every single time I just wish they’d care to hang out with me or at least add me on Facebook because I try to be generous with how I help them. Envy builds and builds all day seeing people talking to one another…I’d give anything for a real friend.

People in my classes won’t bother to reach out because they assume that since I’m never around anyone else before or after class that I have friends elsewhere — but I don’t. It kills me inside when I’m cool and collected eating lunch alone but my inner voice screams for someone to sit next to me or get the courage to start a conversation randomly. I’ve tried doing that and failed miserably more times than I can remember. I’ve never had a real friend and I want one more than anything else in the world.”

——-

“Sometimes I feel like the choices I’ve made ruined the life I was supposed to have. I know my path has led me here, but I wish I could change it all.”

——-

“It’s been three years since I broke up with my only boyfriend of five years. I’m still madly in love with him while he moved on, but I tell him that I moved on as well because he wouldn’t want to be friends with me if I hadn’t.”

——-

“I’m so selfish and desperate for attention that I make myself seem sadder than I am just so I can get sympathy from my girlfriend.”

——-

“I was a grad student at Maryland from 1998-2000, and was going through sort of a low point in life, when I met an absolutely incredible woman in a class. She was funny, well-liked, smart and beautiful – all the things I felt like I was not. We had an instant attraction and spent every day and night together. Like quickly turned to love on my part, but when she didn’t love me back, my love turned to obsession. I ended up basically stalking her, scaring her and her friends, and I think ruining her life for a couple of years. I could not believe the awful person I had become, but I did not know how to stop. My behavior was unforgivable and haunts me to this day….

Flash forward 11 years. She has a great life now, is married with kids, and I would like to hope never thinks about her shitty ex-boyfriend, but she probably does. After getting scared straight by a court restraining order, getting some much needed counseling, and just getting my shit together in the rest of my life, I was finally able to move on, and things have turned out pretty great for me. too, with a successful career and a happy marriage. I can’t change or fix the way I treated “D”, but I just wish I could tell her I am sorry. Sorry for humiliating her, frightening her, disappointing her, and spoiling her memories of Maryland. She deserved a lot better.”

——-

“I wish I was 12 years old again. My best friend always wanted to play “sex games” with me but I was always too scared. But now, seven years later, I am really sorry I didn’t do it. Back then it would have just been two boys experimenting which is normal. Now I want to try sex with another guy which means I’m gay, and that scares me even more.”

——-

“When I was a UM student, one night while walking through the Chem building, I got so sick of all those SGA candidate flyers, so I tore them all down. The Diamondback had a story a few days later accusing a rival party of tearing them down, but it was me!! Then they changed the policy: no flyers except on the kiosks. You’re welcome.”

——-

“Even though I should have taken the hint to come get you, I sure as hell didn’t want to put a damper on the smile by putting you through what I was going through. But now that everything straight and I’m ready, distance kind of erased any possibility. But some day, somewhere, I hope we meet again. (No, not Facebook.)”

——-

“I want to be beautiful. I hate myself.”

——-

“I hope my boyfriend knows how much I really do love him.”

——-

“My friends don’t really care about me, so I turn to sex to make me feel close to people, but even that isn’t helping. I put up a guard and a front by smiling all day, but I’ve never felt this alone or lonely. I don’t want to give up.”

——-

“You thought my lies were over, but they never were. It felt better knowing you were going to walk away from someone that wasn’t actually me.”

——-

“I think we were soul mates. We were perfect for each other, if perfection meant knowing every single button to push. If perfection meant staying together just for the sake of winning the next argument.

The funny thing is, when we were together, I hated it most of the time. I was angry at you, and sex almost felt like another way we could push each other around. And yet, I found comfort in knowing that you gave me reality. I liked that you weren’t Prince Charming by any stretch of the imagination.

But now that you’re gone, things have been great. I’ve been on dates with all kinds of guys that will actually treat me right, I’ve got a 4.0, and everything is perfect. Almost too perfect. Which is why I’m desperate to get you back. I need to be knocked down a few pegs and back into reality.”

——-

“I cheated on you. It wasn’t sex, but it was still cheating. I try to forget that it ever happened, like that will make it have never happened. I feel so horribly dirty about it. I want to tell you, but I also never want you to find out.”

——-

“I took a job as a leader of young men, but the young men don’t like me at all. I just want the young men to work hard, get good grades, and learn punctuality. But the young men resent me for it.”

——-

“I slept with my ex-boyfriend last weekend. He cheated on his new girlfriend with me. I felt so guilty for hurting the girl I wish I still was.”

——-

“I am in love with my plants! I love them more than my wife and two children.”

——-

“I took an on-campus job about a year and a half ago. But I’m afraid to tell anyone that I am completely unqualified. Part of my job involves hiring people, and one of the guys I hired is just as incompetent as me! A lot of people told me not to hire him, because there was a MUCH more qualified candidate who was interested, but the guy I chose talked a good game, and seemed like a safe, “don’t make any waves” hire.

Boy, was I wrong. He just keeps running his mouth, acting like a slave driver, but still doing his job HORRIBLY! Because of my dumb decisions, though, if we fire him we have to pay $10,000,000.

I’m in way over my head, but I can’t admit it to anyone. Same thing for the guy I hired. I’m lost. I have no idea what to do. I guess I’ll just keep smiling and tell everybody that we’re moving towards greatness, when I realize I just keep shooting holes into the sinking ship I’m standing on”

——-

“I know I was supposed to keep this fun and light and simple. It didn’t work. I love you. And I don’t know how to tell you because I’m afraid it will scare you away, and I don’t want you to leave.”

——-

“To the guy I met at the South Campus dining hall yesterday afternoon, we were both ordering quesadilias and you were were wearing a fraternity hoodie and talking about greek life …Well you had the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen!! You can invite me to your frat house anytime!”

——-

“My boyfriend has a low libido due to long time use of antidepressants. Nonetheless, I obsessively think that he is gay. It’s ruining our relationship.”

——-

“I want to live in Courtyards next year. It’s the best apartment that I can afford. But I need 3 female roommates, and no one has approached me about rooming together. Everyone else seems to have their own plans. I’m doing my best but it isn’t working. It seems like it doesn’t matter but it does to me… I haven’t felt this alone and friendless in years.”

——-

“I’m so involved with someone that I can’t even enjoy a semester abroad for more than a few hours. I can’t even bring myself to tell him that I love him either, because I’m terrified it’ll drive him away and I’ll be even worse off.”

Looky at what I made!

I’m just being a child right now, to be honest.

I’m obsessed with the “Keep Calm and…” generator. So I made this!

 

Wee I hope you guys enjoy it.

That is all.

Oh wait, no it isn’t. If you live in Ellicott Hall, I will be speaking in your dorm tonight thanks to RA Eric Feldman! Hope to see you there!

That’s what I like to hear

Someone just sent me this, and I figured there would be a greater chance of the right person seeing this if I gave it it’s own post.

“To the person who posted about having trichotillomania- thank you. I thought I was alone. The only person with my problem. It’s a relief to know I’m not the only one constantly trying to cope with it.”

I love hearing that this is helping people cope with problems. I know from experience that knowing that you aren’t alone can make a world of difference when you are trying to handle personal problems such as the ones the come up on this site.

This has been an amazing month for the site, guys. Thank you so much!

Love you!

-Sarah

Posting Secrets

So, someone just sent me this:

“I sent you a few secrets, but the only one you didn’t post was the one I needed to get out the most. Now I wish I had never typed it.”

I have put up every secret I’ve received with the exception of one, and I contacted that person about the one that I didn’t post.

I post every actual secret I receive, so if you don’t see one you sent me, send it again; I mostly likely just missed it.

I will only not post a secret if it either contains someone’s name or is not a real secret.

Thanks

There I go beating that dead horse again…

I know that I’ve already asked you this more than once, but we still haven’t gotten any replies, so I’m going to bring it up again. But, instead of me asking, this is Andres’ message to everyone who has contributed to TS:

“Hi there guys!

This is Andres Gonzalez. I’m a senior broadcast journalism student, and currently I am working on a TV package about this blog. I think that TerpSecret is really important for our campus community, and I admire the courage of those who have submitted their secrets to this blog. I will really like to interview someone who has submitted his/her secret to this blog. I promise you that YOUR IDENTITY WILL NOT BE REVEALED. I can hide your identity and change your voice so that no one knows who you are.

I think that this is a really good opportunity to show how much you believe in this blog, and how much it has helped you, like it has helped many others.

If you are interested please contact me at gonzalez.andres.d@gmail.com or you can call me at 240-483-8426.

Thanks, Andres.”

It would be really great if we could get someone to answer. This is going to be a really cool project, and it would be great if someone could help him out.

Thanks a lot.

“CP Cuddler” still causing a scene

Nope, it’s not over yet. Yet again, TerpSecret made the news.

See what News Editor Yasmeen Abutaleb dug up about the situation, including the police investigation, in The Diamondback.

See my perspective on the whole ordeal in The Diamondback as well.

COLLEGE PARK CUDDLER UPDATE

ALERT THE PRESS: False alarm.

Have no fear, the College Park Cuddler is a phony. (I mean, not the real one. Just the one who sent me a secret.)

I JUST received a message from the same name and e-mail saying, “I was the one who made up the College Park cuddler secret. It was a joke. I’m a stupid college kid. Get over it.”

Phew, glad that’s over. I had no idea that was going to cause such a scene.

I was pretty certain that it was not a serious threat to begin with, however over 68% of people who voted in the poll wanted me to report it to authorities. Initially, I took it as a joke and was planning to take it lightly, but I was almost immediately contacted by someone saying that it was something that needed to be reported.

I was getting really mixed responses on what people thought that I should do, which is why I added the poll. If a majority of people were honestly that concerned about it, I really would not have been left with much of a choice but to report it to officials.

Let this be a lesson: DON’T BE STUPID, GUYS. Things like this can really frighten people and cause a lot of controversy.

Thanks for coming forward and not wasting more of my and everyone else’s time.

CP Cuddler Secret: To report, to not to report? POLL

So, the CP Cuddler secret I just received is stirring up a lot of attention already.

(The Diamondback’s blog has already caught wind of it.)

If you didn’t see the secret, it said, “I’m the College Park cuddler. Some may not understand why I like to get in bed with girls, but I think it’s the sexiest thing ever. To be in a bed with a girl who has no idea I’m there turns me on more than anything. I will strike again.”

**NOTE: If you sent me this secret or know who did, I suggest coming forward right now; particularly if you weren’t serious. It will save you, me, and everyone else A LOT of trouble in the long-run. 

I have a tough call to make as far as whether or not I need to report it to officials. Some are saying that I need to report it, while others are saying that it’s probably just a joke. Either way, should this person be reprimanded?

KEEP ALL OF THIS IN MIND BEFORE YOU VOTE: 

There was no valid name or e-mail address attached, and I don’t know that they would be able to do anything about it as far as figuring out who it was. And beyond that, would they be able to prove anything just from the post? Would the UMCP police even do anything about it?

From a “secret keeper” perspective, I feel as though I need to keep this under wraps. I want to keep my promise of not releasing names of secret-senders to the public.

From a journalistic perspective, I feel as though I need to get the word out there. I can’t help it, I think like a journalist. I always have, and I always will.

From a moral perspective, I feel as though I need to respect the safety of the students and the public interest. If you all really feel threatened by this, I might need to make the moral decision to protect everyone.

From a student’s perspective, I feel as though this is likely a joke, and this will cause me a lot of hassle, possibly for no reason. I know both how stupid students can be and how difficult dealing with the police can be.

I, of course, have the final say, but just out of curiosity, I want to hear what you think as UMD students.

Do you feel threatened? Is it worth the trouble? Could we actually catch the CP Cuddler?

Vote now and tell me what you think!

Three cheers for publicity

So, I’m sure a lot of you know that I was featured on the front page of The Diamondback, being referred to as “the secret keeper.” I was later featured again in the Diamondback in an editorial.

Less of you probably know that I was also featured in The Washington Post, which I think is pretty awesome.

Today, I was also featured in College Mag, in an article written by UMD’s own Josh Axelrod. Josh is a sophomore journalism major, just like myself. He wrote a great article, and I really hope you all get a chance to check it out!

I’m so glad that the word is getting out about the site! I wouldn’t have been able to do this without everyone’s support. Thank you all so much!

Have a great day!

How Nice :)

Found at South Campus Dining Hall

Love finding things like this!

Kind words from a stranger

Hey guys,

Someone sent me this in as a secret. It’s not a secret though, and I wanted to make sure everyone saw it. Kind words like these can make a world of difference, even if they come from someone you don’t even know:

“My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who is going through a rough spot. You are not alone I wish I could meet some of you on campus, give you a hug, and tell you what a wonderful beautiful person you are.”

Thank you so much for sending this in. God bless you.

I couldn’t agree more. I love you all and I always have each of you on my mind. I’m always hoping that those of you who send me such sad secrets are doing all right. I always pray for you. I hope this has made a difference to some of you, that’s all I want to do. I want to know you are all doing well. Some of the secrets I receive are absolutely heart-wrenching, and it kills me when I don’t have a way of contacting you directly. For any of you who need someone to speak to about your issues, I am more than willing to be that person. PLEASE do not hesitate to talk to me.

Best,

Sarah

Totally unrelated. (Super Bowl business.)

This has nothing to do with anything, just to warn you.

But, I am a Giants fan, and I am therefore THE HAPPIEST PERSON ALIVE RIGHT NOW. (Aside from other Giants fans… and the players of course. But whatever. Details.)

Last night was the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. I was legitimately crying. …what a loser. But for real, it would take A LOT to kill my mood today.

I just wanted to share my happiness with you all. I’m the happiest of campers, and hopefully some of you are as well.

If you’re a Patriots fan… Well… That’s unfortunate. As a Giants fan I want to be obscene about this, but as the owner of this site I feel as though I should keep that to myself. So, good game. Better luck next time.

All right, I’m done. Have a nice day.

ATTN: (again) TERPSECRET CONTRIBUTORS

Hey guys, you’ve seen this movie before… the other day.

Andres Gonzales, senior broadcast journalism major, wants to do a  broadcast package about the blog. He wanted me to ask you guys if anyone would be willing to talk to him about the blog so he can better his report. You will remain anonymous.

If you are interested, please contact Andres at: gonzalez.andres.d@gmail.com.

Oh goody, fun news!

Hey everyone!

So guess what? Both the Diamondback and a senior broadcast (TV) journalism major want to interview me about TerpSecret! How cool is that? I’ve had interviews from WMUC, the Diamondback, and the Eclipse in the past, but these are both bigger stories, and we have definitely grown since then.

I’m all kinds of excited that the name is getting out there and that you all are enjoying what I’m doing. It really means the world to me that this has helped so many of you. All of this has been a ton of work, but I wouldn’t trade the feeling I get when I see that this makes you all happy for the world.

I would have not be able to do this without your support! I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, but THANK YOU SO MUCH for helping me do this! I can’t even express how amazing it feels to see an idea you have grow into something that helps people the way you guys have told me it has. I appreciate your help and support more than I could ever express in words.

Keep it up guys, I’m looking to just keep movin’ on up.

Have a great semester, and I can’t wait to hear from you soon!

Love you!

January Secrets! (and 2012 resolutions!)

“Maybe it wasn’t rape, but it was sexual assault. You are acting like nothing happened, and I’m sitting here with that memory with me for the rest of my life. I don’t know who to go to, and I don’t want to report it because I was high, so I was in the wrong as well. I can’t even describe how much I hate you.”

——-

“I almost drowned when I was 7-years-old. I’m 19, and I still haven’t told my parents because I don’t want them to freak out or worry. I never tell them bad things that happen to me.”

——-

“I really wish ‘secret’ admirers would be more upfront, and that those people who clearly want to speak, but don’t know what to say, would just say anything. Ask for my number, find me on Facebook, whatever. Nothing is more attractive than confidence. Stop being so worried about being ‘creepy.’ Just go for it.”

——-

“I’ve never cut. I’m too scared of the pain.”

——-

“I hate my father because he’s never acted like one. I wish he would love me though, so I could stop being jealous of all the girls who have daddies who care.”

——-

“Sometimes I want to burn out. Secretly. Joining the 27 club seems so glamorous. I’m afraid of addiction and all the horrible things I’d have to do to get there though. But still, sometimes I think dying young would leave me with no regrets.”

——-

“I lied about being pregnant. I thought it would make him stay.”

——-

“I secretly am afraid I’m bipolar, or have some kind of mental illness. Maybe manic depression. I can’t stop self diagnosing myself, and what’s worse my lows are really low…sometimes I’m afraid I’ll never smile again.”

——-

“The best thing to happen to me so far this year is losing my phone on New Years and all of my contacts with it.  All the texts I’d kept to refer back to should I ever fall for your tricks again are gone.  I guess every cloud really does have a silver lining.”

——-

“I talk about my goals in life. But deep down, I know I am not going to be alive that long. Even as I type this, I feel something wrong.”

——-

“I always fall for players because I think they see something in me that they don’t see in their other random whores. But in the end, I am always hurt. I guess their tactics work.”

——

“You don’t know what I would give to be the reason for the smile on your face again.”

——-

“Secretly, I’m a little naive.”

——-

“I’ve recently realized timing is everything. I had a boyfriend at the time, but now you’re away for training. I miss you so much. My heart will break the minute you’re deployed.”

——-

“It took 3 years, but I’m finally over you. Time does heal all wounds. Some just take longer than others…”

——-

“The psychiatrist says she thinks I’m in denial. I call it choosing to be happy for the first time in years.”

——-

“It’s a shame the creator of TerpSecret doesn’t know who I am. She started a group for our class nobody else had the balls to do, and did it with grace. If only I had to the nerve to ask her out for a drink. Too bad I don’t know what I would say to her when I saw her…”

——-

“I’m still in love with him and I don’t understand why. After all the tears and pain he caused I am still in love with him. It’s not that he broke my heart that makes me so upset. It’s that he lied to me just so he could use me and now I have to see him everyday flirting with his next victims.”

——-

“I wish I could explain to you everything that I am so you would understand and stop getting so mad that I don’t make sense. I’m truly sorry I have so many problems, and I’m sorry I don’t know how to fix them. You’ll never understand how much it hurts when you tell me that you’re so sure I know how to fix them. I wish I could tell you this too, and that it would mean something to you.”

——-

“I’m in love with you, but I’ll never be able to tell you. You’ll probably never read this, and I’m sure you’ll never know. But I know, I always will, and I guess it’ll always be my secret to keep.”

——-

“If it weren’t for knowing how it would hurt my parents, I likely would have already committed suicide.”

——-

“I’ve got a crush on the creator of TerpSecret because she sat in front of me all last semester.”

——-

“I don’t miss you anymore. I never did. I thought I missed you, I was wrong. You walked into my life and walked back out to teach me that I don’t need you; that I don’t need anyone.”

——-

“I love my neighbor. She’s amazing.”

——-

“What hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say, and watching you walk away… and never knowing what could have been. — Lyrics or not, that’s exactly how I feel.”

——-

“I enjoy feeling superior to other people and it disgusts me.”

——-

“I miss nothing more than being told ‘I love you.’ I would give anything to find the right someone to say those words to me again.”

——-

“I always saw you staring at me from across the room. I always looked back. I was too afraid to talk to you because I didn’t know what you would think of me. Sometimes I turned away because I was too amazed by your eyes. I was going to talk to you but when I saw your smile when you entered the room to take the finals, I froze because it was so amazing. In the end, I did nothing. I wasn’t able to talk to you. Now I just have to let you go because I don’t know anything about you. Maybe we will meet again. Hopefully…”

——-
Resolution: “Save money”

——–

Resolution: “STOP letting fear ruin everything for you”

——–

Resolution: “STOP overanalyzing”

——–

Resolution: “Try harder in school”

——-

Resolution: “Try at least five new things”

——-

Resolution: “BE BRAVE! Live a little!”

——-

Resolution: “Mend broken friendships.”

——–

Resolution: “BEAT depression and anxiety; don’t feed it anymore.”

——-

Resolution: “Be confident. Be true. Be yourself.”

——-

Resolution: “Help someone change his/herself.”

——-

Resolution: “Learn how to accept change.”

——-

Resolution: “Love hard when there is love to be had because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guys that is perfect for you.”

——-

Ah, good. I love maturity.

Whoa I’ve been slacking…

Hey everyone!

I’m so sorry. I’ve been all kinds of busy with classes and finals at the end of the year, but no worries, I haven’t given up!

I haven’t gotten any secrets in awhile either . What gives?

I have an idea. How about for January we include some New Years resolutions? Some of those are secrets… and they’re usually pretty interesting. I’ll share mine if you share yours .

Have a safe and happy  New Year everyone!

Love you! <3

Sharing is Caring

Hey everyone. I know we’ve all been stressed out with finals coming up and all that, but hopefully once all that is over everyone will get some time to share some secrets with me.

In the meantime, I found something to share with you.

I am pretty much obsessed with Ke$ha, and I found this video (because I was stalking her on YouTube), and I want to share it with you.

It isn’t a catchy song or full of glitter and all that nonsense; rather for once she put out a message about abuse.

It has a a great message, and I’m so glad she did this. I knew there was a real person behind the glitter and make up.

December Secrets!

“All I want is to feel loved again. I suppose that’s too much to ask these days.”

——-

“I’m addicted to my own prescription medication, but I don’t think I’ll ever have the courage to tell anyone, because in reality I don’t want to stop. Why should I? I still do everything I’m supposed to do and I’m still me, but sometimes I need something to make me feel… different than the usual. Sometimes I’m bored with myself, and I need a change. That’s where the meds come in. But it’s our little secret, because I’ll never tell.”

——-

“I’m starting to develop feelings for a friend of mine but I don’t think she feels the same way about me.”

——-

“I’m so attracted to you but I have no idea how to make the move.”

No Division

Thought this was funny… And random, so I figured I’d share it. Found it on a bench outside of the PLSC building.

Housekeeping Issues

If you message me with a question through the comment box, I need you to enter a valid e-mail address in order for me to reply to you.

This seems like common sense, but I brought it up because someone asked me a question with an invalid e-mail and I can’t respond, so I guess it isn’t as much of common sense as I thought.

Thanks.